Forever and Always

by Beverley Hollowed

  “Alex what is it” Sarah cried as panic washed over her.

  “They have rushed her to surgery” Alex explained and then he stopped and looked at Sarah and she knew there was more. “Sarah her heart stopped in the ambulance. They had to use those paddle things on her to get it started again”. Sarah didn’t reply she just began to sob and Alex wrapped his arms around her and Grace who was also in complete shock.

  A few minutes later a nurse came out and led them to a family room to wait and told them she would be back as soon as she had some news.

  Hours passed before finally a doctor appeared at the door of the room.

  “Are you Melanie O’Leary’s family” he asked before he sat down

  “Yes” Alex replied.

  “Ok so we have some good news and some bad news” he said as he sat down in front of them. “Melanie had what we call an Ectopic pregnancy, which can be quite serious, but is not uncommon and usually can be treated very quickly and without major surgery. However Melanie suffered a slight rupture of one of her Fallopian tubes, possibly a couple of days ago. If Melanie had been treated straight away then it would have been a simple procedure and she would have been fine. But she wasn’t and what was a slight rupture turned into a major abruption. It was touch and go for a while in there but she is stable and should be just fine”.

  “Oh thank God” Sarah said as relief spread through her but Alex knew the doctor wasn’t quite finished.

  “There is more isn’t there” he said not taking his eyes off the doctor. “You said there was bad news”.

  “Melanie lost a large amount of blood and her heart wasn’t coping” the doctor continued. “The abruption was quite extensive and we were fighting against the clock and against the bleeding we couldn’t control”.

  “What are you saying” Sarah asked as her head spun with all the information.

  “We were left with no choice” his voice sounding graver than before. “If we didn’t stop the bleeding and her heart had stopped again we would not have been able to restart it. So the only choice we had was to perform a complete hysterectomy”.

  Sarah felt her legs buckle from beneath her as she cried out. Alex grabbed her and held her too him. They held on to each other and sobbed for their daughter and the future she had just been robbed of.

  Chapter 12Melanie lay in the hospital bed and stared blankly out the window. She had been in hospital for ten days and today she was due to go home.

  When she came around two days after her operation she had found her Mom and Dad on either side of her bed. Her Mom was curled in an armchair asleep, Melanie thought she looked awful. Her Dad was sitting holding her hand and staring into space. He too looked awful.

  “Melanie” he whispered with relief when he saw her eyes open. “How do you feel sweetheart? Are you in pain?”

  “I am thirsty” she croaked.

  Alex pressed the call button for the nurse and when the nurse arrived into Melanie’s room he asked was it ok for her to have a drink. The nurse’s arrival woke Sarah and the nurse asked them both to wait outside while she checked Melanie over.

  When they returned Melanie had been propped up in her bed and had her hair brushed and pulled up into a ponytail. She looked at her parents expectantly as they each took their seats next to her.

  After they broke the news of what had happened to her she became so upset that she had to be sedated and she spent the next couple of days in and out of consciousness.

  And now she was going home but in all honesty all she wanted to do was runaway, far away, away from the sympathetic glances and sympathetic voices, and away from the silent glances between her Mom and Dad.

  Katie and Lucy had been regular visitors but even they couldn’t lift her spirit. She just had no fight left inside her.

  “Hey sweetheart” Alex said as he entered her room but she didn’t respond. She just continued to stare blankly out the window. “I was just talking to the doctor and he said you are good to go”. Again he got no reply.

  He sat down on the edge of her bed and stared at her.

  “Melanie I know I can’t begin to know how you’re feeling” he said softly as he took her hand. “But I wish you would talk to me. Tell me how I can help you”. She turned and looked at him for a moment and he could see the tears dancing in her eyes.

  “Give me back my womb” she finally replied her voice sounding so cold and bitter that it broke Alex’s heart.

  “Melanie I wish I could” he said trying to fight back the grief that was trying to choke him.

  “But you can’t” she bit back at him and pulled her hands from him abruptly. “So then there is really nothing you can do then is there?”

  “Melanie please don’t shut me out again” he begged. “Let me call Sam, tell him what happened. He has a right to know”.

  “No” she exclaimed, her voice filled with a sudden panic. “I don’t want him here”.

  “Melanie he was all you called for two whole days while you were in and out of consciousness” Alex pushed. “Your Mom said we should wait to call him but I should have never listened, he has a right to know”.

  “He has no right” Melanie screamed as the tears broke free and trickled down her face. “Besides he is never going to want me now, no one will. I am not a proper woman anymore. I will never be a mother I can never give any man a child. You should have just let me die with the baby”.

  “Oh Melanie No” Alex sobbed as he pulled his daughter to him and held her tight as the grief she had been holding inside for the past few days finally poured out of her. He knew she needed to let everything that was bottled up free or she would never be able to move on.

  He held her for over an hour until finally she fell into a deep restful sleep. While she slept he rang both Grace and Sarah to tell them what had happened and that the doctor said they would leave her a couple more hours before they discharged her to make sure she was ok. Sarah wanted to go straight up to the hospital but Alex said it would be better to let her sleep that if she arrived just might upset her all over again.

  It was almost eight when Melanie and Alex got to Sarah’s apartment. Grace and Jamie were there waiting on them too. At Melanie’s request Sarah, who had been waiting on pins and needles, led her straight to her room and helped her into her bed and tucked her in before kissing her forehead and switching off the side light and left her to sleep.

  “What the hell happened” Sarah asked Alex when they all moved into the kitchen out of earshot of Melanie.

  “She just lashed out” Alex explained. “Everything she had built up over the past ten days, probably even before that. I had asked her if she wanted me to call Sam. She just freaked out”.

  “Jesus Alex” Sarah snapped. “I told you to drop it about him”.

  “Sarah, he was the baby’s father” Alex replied angrily. “He has a right to know. Not to mention he was all she wanted while she was out of it”.

  “Alex that boy did this to our daughter” Sarah exclaimed angrily. “Since when are you such a big fan of his anyway?”

  “Don’t you think I am pissed at that kid too” Alex shouted back. “If you remember I was the one who said leaving her alone at the beach was a monumental mistake but I had both you and Grace telling me she would be fine she had a good head on her shoulders. But look how that decision turned out”

  “So it’s my fault this happened” Sarah snapped back in disgust. She was shocked at Alex’s reaction and if she was honest, at hers too. They never fought with each other yet here they were, both filled will so much anger.

  She looked at Grace who watched them both with horror.

  “Sarah I know you are angry” Alex sighed. “But it took two of them to make this baby, what happened after that was no one’s fault”.

  “Well, tell that to your daughter who can never have a child of her own” Sarah shouted in frustration.

  “STOP” Melanie’s voice came from behind them making all three of them turn around in unison. “It�
�s no one’s fault except mine. I ruined everything. Gran was right. I am nothing but trouble. I ruined your lives. I messed things up with Sam. I couldn’t even carry a baby without messing that up too. Now I am useless to anyone. I am sorry I disappointed you and let you all down but I can’t bear to hear you two fighting over me. Please…please just stop”. She sank to the ground and sobbed.

  Sarah fell to the floor next to Melanie and pulled her daughter into her arms, holding her like she was just a baby. Melanie buried her face into her mother’s chest and let her go of all her grief.

  Grace wrapped her arms around Alex who was sobbing as he watched his daughter fall to pieces and could do nothing to help her. Jamie sat happily on the living room floor playing with his toys seemingly unaware that anything was wrong.

  “Melanie you are not useless” Sarah said softly as she rocked Melanie in her arms. “You are the most important thing in the world to me and to your Dad, Grace and Jamie. We love you so much and you have never disappointed us. What has happened is a terrible, terrible thing but it doesn’t make us love you any less”.

  “Mom I can’t do this” Melanie sobbed. “It hurts too much”.

  “I know it does sweetie” Sarah replied. “But you aren’t alone, Your Dad, Grace and I will be with you every step of the way”.

  “Mom I miss him so much” Melanie whispered.

  “Let me call him Mel” Alex said finally finding his voice.

  “I can’t” Melanie replied wiping the tears from her face. “I know him and he will blame himself for what happened. And he will want to stand by me but I will never know if it’s because he loves me or because he feels responsible for me. I have to let him go because I love him too much”.

  An hour later, Melanie was tucked back in bed. She could hear low murmurs coming from the hallway. She knew her Dad and Grace were about to leave and they were talking with her Mom about how they were going to handle the situation with her.

  She was a “situation”. She buried her face in shame. How had this happened to her? How had her life become such a bloody soap opera?

  She hugged her pillow tightly to her but it offered little comfort. She wished Sam was there. She missed him so much. She always felt better in his arms. But that was something she would never experience again.

  As she wrapped her arms tighter around her pillow she could feel something hard inside it. She reached into her pillow case and pulled out her phone. She vaguely remembered shoving it in there the night of her birthday deciding the best way to avoid the temptation of ringing Sam until she got home was not to bring the phone with her.

  She looked at the phone. Of course it was flat. She reached over carefully and switched on her bedside lamp. Then peered down at the floor next to her bed and spotted the cable from the charger sticking out from under her night stand where it was plugged into the socket behind. She reached down to pick it up but winced with the pain in her abdomen from where she had her surgery. She sat back up for a moment , then taking a deep breath she reached down again and this time she caught hold of the cable and pulled it up and connected it to her phone.

  She had to wait about twenty minute before there was enough power in her phone before she could switch the phone on. She quickly switched it to silent mode. Then she watched as text after text silently arrived on her screen along with three missed calls. They were all from Sam. She took a deep breath and opened them all starting with the earliest one. It had arrived late on the night of her birthday.

  “Hi, it’s getting late, maybe you are still out with your folks, call me when you get back x”

  She opened the next one

  “So it about 3 am in Dublin so I guess you are probably asleep. Call me when you wake up doesn’t matter what time x”

  The next one was delivered the following afternoon

  “Melanie please call me. We need to talk x”

  And the next day another one.

  “Melanie I love you please talk to me x”

  And the following day yet another one.

  “I tried calling you but it just went straight to voice mail. I am starting to worry. Please just a text to say you are ok x”

  As Melanie continued to read his texts it became harder and harder through the hot tears that were burning her eyes. She quickly brushed the tears from her eyes and continued to read.

  “Melanie I miss you so much it’s killing me. Please ring me. I need to hear your voice”

  Melanie couldn’t hold back a sobbed that escaped from her. She loved him so much but she was no longer the girl he loved. She had changed forever and he couldn’t possibly love the woman she had become.

  “The half woman” she thought bitterly. She finally opened the last message he sent her. It was from two days ago. She held her breath as she read his words and what was left of her heart broke completely,

  “My dearest Melanie, my heart is broken that you have walked away from me completely. The lose I feel is indescribable. But I will respect your choice and will allow you to move on with your life and leave you alone. However I want to you to know. I will always love you. You are my other half and no one could ever replace you. If time changes your mind about us, know I am only ever a phone call away. Forever yours, Sam xx”

  Melanie dropped the phone and sobbed freely into her hands as she curled up into her bed. Her heart was broken. She wanted to call him right then and there and tell him she loved him too. But she couldn’t. She was too broken for anyone to love anymore. And she loved him too much to expect him to settle with what was left of her. She needed to let him go.

  As the days passed and she read the text over and over again and each time she read it she felt her determination grow weaker and weaker. She missed him and it was becoming too hard to let go.

  One afternoon, about a week or so after she had come home from the hospital she was sitting in the living room making her way through some work she had asked her teachers to send home. As this was an important school year she needed to keep her studies up.

  She stopped to make herself some tea. As she stood in the kitchen waiting for the kettle to boil, she slid her phone out on her tracksuit bottoms. Once again she opened his last text and read it again. She needed to talk to him. She checked her watch. It was just after one so that made it was morning time on the east coast of America. She figured Sam would probably be back in New York and back at College but hopefully he hadn’t already left for the day. She scrolled down through her phone book for his number and was about to press dial when the buzzer to her apartment sounded. Quickly she closed her phone and put it back into her pocket.

  She walked to the intercom beside the door and picked up the receiver. Melanie was surprised to hear Katie and Lucy on the other end of the intercom. She buzzed them in and left the door on the latch for them and returned to the kitchen and took out two extra cups for tea.

  A couple of minutes later she heard them coming through the front door.

  “I am in the kitchen” she called out to them and moments later they appeared at the door way of the galley Kitchen. Melanie looked up and smiled at her friends. “You want some tea?”

  “Yeah, that would be great” Lucy replied nervously and shot Katie a quick glance. But not quick enough because Melanie caught it too.

  “What’s wrong” she asked her friends. “Why aren’t you at school? What couldn’t wait that you skipped your afternoon classes for?”

  “Let’s forget about the tea” Katie said taking Melanie’s hand. And pulled her back to the sofas in the lounge.

  “Just tell me what’s wrong” Melanie said, anxiously looking from one to the other. “You are kind of freaking me out”.

  “Ok Mel but you not going to like this” Lucy said. Katie and Lucy sat side by side on the sofa opposite Melanie and both took a deep breath.

  “Ok” Katie began. “We were in IT this morning. And Ms Kenny was called out of class for something”.

  “Ok” Melanie said cautiously not really knowin
g where there were going with this story. She looked nervously from Katie to Lucy expectantly.

  “Well you know Katie loves those celebrity and society gossip pages on the internet” Lucy explained rolling her eyes at Melanie because Katie’s obsession was an on-going joke between the girls. Melanie nodded. But something told her she really wasn’t going to like where this was going.

  “Have you got your laptop handy” Katie asked. Melanie nodded and pointed to the pile of books on the table. Her laptop was buried beneath it. Katie quickly pulled it out and switched it on and handed it to Melanie for her to enter her pass word.

  Once Melanie had done that, she handed the laptop back to Katie and watched as Katie began to rapidly type on the keyboard. Lucy looked from what Katie was doing to Melanie and then back to Katie. Melanie felt her heart begin to race.

  Finally Katie sat up straight and looked over at Melanie and took a deep breath.

  “Mel I am really sorry” she said as she slowly turned the laptop around to Melanie and held her breath.

  Melanie’s eye moved from Katie’s face to the image that was on the screen. Immediately she could feel the blood drain from her body and her hands began to sweat.

  There on the screen was a picture of Sam and on his arm was none other the life sized bleached blonde Barbie herself, they were at some black tie event. Melanie thought she was going to be sick but she tried with all her strength to seem as casual as she possible could.

  “He is a free agent” she said nonchalantly. “If he wants to date some air head bimbo, well that’s his business”.

  “You sure you are alright with this” Lucy asked astounded by her friend’s reaction.

  “I am fine” she lied and forced a smile on her face. “He is history anyways. Good riddance”.

  “Wow” Katie replied. “I really thought you would go postal when you saw this”.

  “What’s the point” Melanie said brightly and very convincingly. “It was just a summer fling, yeah I know it went drastically wrong, but hey I can’t change any of that. Time to move forward.”