Forever and Always

by Beverley Hollowed

  “Have to say I am impressed” Lucy said standing up. “I mean I think I would have freaked a little if it were me. But I am so proud of you”. Melanie smiled at her friends and stood up.

  “So how about that tea?” She asked moving towards the kitchen.

  “Actually we should be getting back” Katie replied as they both stood up. “We have a test in last class; English so we need to sneak back in”.

  Melanie laughed and showed her two friends to the door.

  “Thanks for coming around girls” she said as she hugged them both. “I am grateful but I am fine”.

  “We’ll call by later” Lucy said before they disappeared out the door and closed it behind them.

  Melanie couldn’t hold back no longer. She slumped against the door and sobbed. How could he run back to her after everything he had said? He told her he would love her forever but obviously forever only lasts a few days in his world.

  But how could she blame him. He had tried and tried but she gave him nothing in return. She had shut him out and pushed him away. She had done this to herself.

  She got up slowly from the floor and made her way back to the sofa. She picked up the laptop and stared at the photo.

  He looked somehow different. He seemed thinner and looked tired. She stared at his eyes and she barely recognized them. He had lost his spark and if she was honest all she could see looking out of his eyes was sadness.

  She had done this to him. She had broken his heart and left him to pick up the pieces alone. And that’s what he was doing. And she had no right to judge him or be angry with him for being with Carolyn because she had pushed him back to her.

  She realized at that moment it was over and she had to move on and forget about the past. Finally she would let him go.

  2012

  Chapter 13The first thing Melanie heard was Calum’s loud scream then all she could see was blood.

  “Oh fuck” she cried as she quickly swept him up in her arms and held him close to her. Lucy was going to murder her. “It’s ok little man, Aunty Mel has you”.

  Suddenly there was a crowd around them and Melanie felt very self-conscious. She wasn’t sure what she should do. Her car was back at her apartment and it would take her at least fifteen minutes to get back there. Maybe she should get a cab to the A&E.

  “My car is over there” one of the mothers she recognized from her rare visits to the playground said. “I will drop you to the hospital if you’d like. My friend can take my daughter home with her”.

  “Oh my God” Melanie exclaimed grateful to this friendly stranger for the offer of help. “That would be brilliant. Thanks you so much”.

  They rushed to the nearby car and Melanie climb in the back with a screaming Calum, and fastened them both into the one seat belt. Not ideal she knew, but she was already aware that his blood was all over her, the last thing she wanted was to ruin this good Samaritans car too.

  By the time she reached the hospital, Calum had thankfully calmed down enough so she could hear the lady who was behind a glass screen taking Calum’s details. She gave as much of his details as she could and told her that she had already rung his Mom and she was on her way to the hospital.

  She was directed to a triage room down the corridor. When she reached it a friendly middle aged nurse lead them into the room and began to examine Calum’s forehead and once again he was wailing at the top of his lungs.

  Melanie felt panic wash over her. She had no problem dealing with thirty 5 and 6 year olds. But a screaming two year old was just way out of her comfort zone. When they were finished they were lead to a bed in the treatment area. The nurse told Melanie there would be a different nurse with her shortly before the doctor would come to see Calum.

  About five later minute a pretty young nurse who introduced herself as Abby arrived in the cubicle and pulled the curtain closed behind her.

  Abby was a natural with Calum. He was completely taken with her and soon his tears and the cut on his forehead was completely forgotten about. He let her check his temperature and pulse. He thought it was hilarious when she shone a light into his eyes to check them. Melanie could feel herself relax.

  “I think it looks worse than it actually is” Abby said and smiled at Melanie reassuringly. “But we will just have the doctor check it out to be sure”.

  “Oh thank God” exclaimed Melanie. “I don’t know how I would face his Mom if it were serious. I think she would have definitely killed me”.

  “If I had a euro for every time someone said that to me” Abby laughed. “I would be a rich woman”.

  Suddenly there were voices coming from outside the curtain and Melanie felt her heart jump in her chest. It had been a few years now but she was sure she recognized one of the voices immediately. She could feel the blood drain from her face and it felt like her heart and stomach had both hit the floor.

  “Are you ok?” Abby asked Melanie, looking at her with concern. “You have gone as white as a ghost”. Melanie nodded but she said nothing just tried to concentrate on controlling her breathing.

  “Oh God, oh God, oh God” she thought to herself. “Please don’t be him. Not today. Not here”. This was the reason she avoided hospitals at all costs. Well one of them anyway. Ever since the night of her eighteenth birthday the thoughts of stepping into a hospital made her blood run cold. She knew how easily a life could be pulled apart as soon as someone stepped through the doors of a hospital. Whenever she walked through a hospital door her heart would race and an inner sense of panic would sweep through her body.

  But there was another part of her that was also afraid she might bump into him. After all she knew he was going to become a doctor and he had mentioned coming to Ireland. And even thought the rational part of her brain told her he was only coming to Ireland because of her and in truth she didn’t really know if he had even meant it, but still there was always a nagging fear in the pit of her stomach.

  And now here she was holding her breath hoping her worst fear wasn’t about to be realised.

  But suddenly the curtain was pulled back and there he was. Same black soft wavy hair, same piercing blue eyes, same beautiful smile. He looked a little older but he was still as gorgeous as she remembered, probably even more. He was wearing blue hospital scrubs and a white coat and he looked perfect.

  For a moment he didn’t look directly at Melanie, firstly reading the chart and then turning his attention to Calum directly. He smiled warmly at Calum and ruffled his hair before he bent down and had a close look at the cut on his forehead.

  “It looks worse than it actually is Mom” he said returning his gaze to the chart and writing something down. Finally he looked up and his eyes met hers. And he just stopped dead in his tracks.

  “Melanie” was all he could say. She looked beautiful. She was no longer the shy young girl he once knew. She was sophisticated and confident and if possible even more beautiful than he had remembered.

  “Sam” she breathed out finally letting go of her breath she had been holding inside. “How have you been?” Abby stood awkwardly next to Calum’s bed looking from one to another and back.

  “Eh…Good…good” he replied unable to take his eye from hers. “How are you, you look amazing”.

  “I am good” she blushed. God how he missed her face when she blushed and finally he caught a glimpse of the girl who stole his heart and it took every ounce of his will not to pull her up into his arms and kiss her and hold her close to him. He remembered how good she felt when he touched her. How she arched her back in pleasure as his lips brushed against her beautiful skin.

  Then suddenly he remembered where they were and he remembered the little boy on the bed, her little boy. She had a child. He wasn’t sure how he felt about that but he had no doubt she was a wonderful Mom, why wouldn’t she be. But his heart ached as he realised this meant she had moved on.

  “Yeah so” he turned his attention back to Calum. “He won’t need stitches. We will be able to use a little bit of gl
ue and that means there will barely be any scar left”.

  “That great news” Melanie said relieved by what he had said.

  “Have you given your Mom a big fright little man” Sam said as he gently tossed Calum’s hair.

  “I am not his Mom” Melanie blurted out.

  “Oh I’m sorry” Sam said surprised by the relief he felt. “I just assumed”.

  “He is my godson” Melanie explained feeling she owed him an explanation. “I was on babysitting duty, guess I didn’t do such a great job”. She giggled and she felt herself relax for the first time since he stepped though the curtain.

  Suddenly the curtain was pulled back abruptly and Lucy was standing there with a look of panic on her face but she visibly relaxed when she saw Calum sitting happily playing with Abby’s stethoscope.

  “Ok thank God” she exclaimed as she dropped her bag on the end of the bed and swept her little boy up into her arms. “I was worried sick, but he looks ok. He is going to be ok isn’t he?”

  “He will be just fine” Sam laughed.

  “Lucy I am so sorry” Melanie told her friend. “It happened so fast…”

  “Mel relax” Lucy said and smiled warmly at her friend. “He is a kid, and shit like this happens to kids all the time. If anyone should know that it’s you. You spend most days with thirty screaming brats”.

  “You did it” Sam exclaimed turning his attention to Melanie. “I told you that you would. And I bet you make a great teacher”.

  Melanie blushed as Lucy and Abby glared at Sam, surprised by what he had said. Melanie looked at Lucy as suddenly recognition filtered across her face.

  “Holy fuck” she exclaimed when she realized who he was. Melanie wished the ground could open up and swallow her whole. She glared at Lucy hoping she would not go any further but Lucy was staring at Sam and didn’t see her pleading looks. “It’s you”.

  Sam blushed and shifted nervously.

  “What the hell is he doing here?” she turned to Melanie and asked.

  “Lucy” Melanie said her voice a warning. She quickly looked at Sam and gave him an apologetic smile. “He can go where ever he wants to go. It’s his own business”.

  “Well I think I should leave you to it” Sam said looking like he wished the ground would instantly open up and swallow him whole “Abby here will fix up Calum’s head. Keep it dry for a few days and bring him back if you have any concerns. We will give you a sheet with things to watch out for in children who suffered from any kind of head injury”. He scribbled something on to the chart and then looked up at Melanie.

  “It was great to see you again” he said his eye holding hers.

  “You too” Melanie replied lamely. Sam excused himself and left.

  Melanie stood there in shock. Abby said she would be back in a moment she just needed to go and get the glue and some dressings.

  “Did that really just happen?” she asked Lucy when they were finally alone.

  “Are you ok” Lucy asked, her concern very clear in her voice.

  “Yeah I am fine” Melanie lied. Her head was spinning. “I just wasn’t expecting him here of all places”.

  “I don’t suppose you were” Lucy replied watching her friend closely. “He is fucking hot though”.

  “Lucy Malone” Melanie laughed. “You are a married woman”.

  “I still have eyes Melanie” she laughed. “And I saw the way you looked at him too. Are you sure you are ok?”

  “Lucy it’s been seven years” Melanie replied grateful for her friends concern. “It’s ancient history. I was just surprised but that’s all”.

  “Well if you are sure” Lucy replied sounding a little unconvinced but thankfully she turned her attention to her son and smiled down at Calum who was happily babbling away. “James will be here soon to collect us”.

  “Actually Lucy I should be heading off if that’s ok” Melanie said standing up and grabbing her jacked and her handbag. She needed to get out of there as soon as possible.

  “If you are sure you don’t want to wait for a lift” Lucy replied. “Thanks for bringing him in”.

  “I am sorry he got hurt” Melanie replied and kissed both Calum and Lucy before she left. “I will call you later”.

  She paused at the curtain and turned to Lucy. “Can you do me a favour? Please don’t mention that he is here to anyone. I can’t bear to have everyone watching me all the time like I might top myself. I think I have had enough of that in the past to last a lifetime. I can’t go back to the egg shell treatment. I am fine I swear”.

  “Ok Mel” Lucy replied and smiled at her friend. “It can be our secret”.

  “Thanks Lucy” she said before she waved goodbye and headed towards the exit.

  As she stood at the front door she examined her jacked, which was covered in Calum’s blood. She sighed and rolled it into a ball and stuffed it into her bag. She was grateful that it wasn’t a cold day.

  She contemplated calling a taxi but she knew she would be waiting at least ten minute and she really needed to put some distance between her and this hospital. She decided she would walk to the main road and stop a taxi on the street there.

  As she stepped out through the door a familiar hand caught her elbow and pulled her in through a door that was to her right.

  “I couldn’t let you leave without talking to you” Sam said as he closed the door behind them. They were in a kind of store room. He stood in front of her. He was so close she could feel his breath on her face and an old familiar pull that she thought was long gone swept over her like a steam roller.

  “Sam what is there left to say” Melanie sighed. He slowly reached up and gentle traced down her face with the tip on his fingers. It sent a shock through her.

  “I have missed you so much” he whispered softly his lips barely inches from hers. “I thought I would never see you again”.

  Slowly his lips met hers and when they did she closed her eyes and allowed him to pull her into his arms. His lips felt familiar and safe. They felt like home. She missed him too. She had never stopped thinking of him. Not a single day has passed over the past seven years that he wasn’t the first thing she thought about when she opened her eyes and was the last thing in her head when she drifted off to sleep.

  But she had moved on. She had glued the tiny shards of her broken heart back together and now she was fixed and she couldn’t let herself be broken again. She had moved on.

  “No” she said pushing him away. “I can’t do this again. I can’t be that girl anymore. I am not her anymore”.

  “Melanie I never stopped loving you” he said he eyes pleading with her.

  “Sam we were just kids and things changed” Melanie said. “I can’t go back there”.

  Sam sighed and let her go, running his two hand through his hair. Melanie realized she needed to go. She needed to put some space between them and she wasn’t going to get that in that tiny closet.

  “I have to go” she said quickly as she reached for the handle of the door. And immediately panic ran through Sam’s body. He couldn’t let her walk out the door and out of his life again.

  “No please” he said putting his hand against the door and stopping her from opening it. “I’m sorry; I have come on too strong. It’s just I have imagined this moment in my head so many times I just can’t let it end like this.”.

  “Sam what is it you want from me?” Melanie cried as she reluctantly turned back to him.

  “Just give me half an hour” he pleaded. “Let me buy you coffee or something and we can talk. We used to talk for hours. Can’t we at least still be friends”. He stared into Melanie’s eyes. Everything inside her told her this was a really bad idea, that she should run fast but something deep inside just couldn’t.

  “One coffee, half an hour” she sighed. Sam smiled at her and relief filtered across his face.

  They walked in silence to the coffee shop that was in the basement of the hospital. It was small and cramped but thankfully as it was the
middle of the afternoon, they had missed the lunch rush so it wasn’t too busy.

  Sam led her to a small table in the corner. He was surprised when she asked for a coffee and not a glass of milk. He stared at her for a moment unable to believe she was actually sitting in front of him. Then he turned went back to the counter to order two coffees and brought them back to the table and sat down across from her.

  “I thought you didn’t like coffee” Sam said pointing to the cup in front of Melanie. And he was right. But she wasn’t going to admit that.

  “Things change” she retorted a little colder then she had meant it to. Sam winced at her hard tone.

  “Melanie I know I fucked up” Sam said. “That day at the beach I should have never let you walk away. I should have made you talk to me and explained what happened. Or rather what didn’t happen between me and Carolyn”.

  “None of that matters now Sam” Melanie replied but the unwanted image of the two of them standing in the house pushes its way into her head and she squeezed her eyes shut trying to push it back out. Then she remembered the picture of them on the internet and that had been when she knew she had to say goodbye.

  “It matters to me” he replied. “Everything about you matters to me. You said you loved me and that we could talk and then nothing. You shut me out and I have no idea why”.

  Melanie’s heart raced. She remembered the night she promised to ring him. It was the same night she lost her baby, their baby, his baby.

  “Sam I can’t go through all this again” she said dropping her face into her hands. “You have no idea what I went through back then”.

  “Then tell me. Tell me what I did that was so bad that you shut me out” he begs as he reached out and took her hand.

  “I can’t” she replied as she quickly pulled her hand free. She thought she was going to cry and she was not going to do it in front of him. She stood up abruptly and grabbed her bag. Quickly he grabbed her hand again.

  “Please don’t run” he pleaded. “The past doesn’t matter, I swear. I just want to talk to you. I have missed you”. Melanie slowly sat back down. They both sat in awkward silence for a few minutes.