WITH THIS LIE: A NOVEL

by Savage, Kat

  “Oh,” I say.

  “What?’ she asks.

  “Nothing, it’s nothing. It’s just, you deserved more from them, Dani. That’s all,” I say.

  We make our way into her apartment and I sit the bags I have in my arms down on the counter. She sits her stuff down and turns to me.

  “Thank you for saying that,” she says.

  And in the way she is thanking me, I realize no one’s probably ever told her that either. I nod and smile. “Of course,” I say.

  She shifts on her feet a bit.

  “Why don’t you go get comfortable? You seem like you’ve had a long day,” I say.

  “That sounds like a good idea, but shouldn’t I help you?” she asks.

  “Absolutely not,” I say. “I’m a big boy. I’m sure I can find what I need, and I brought everything else with me.”

  “Well, if you’re not going to let me help, do you mind if I soak myself in a bath for a few minutes?” she asks.

  “I think that’s a great idea,” I say. “I’ll bring you a glass of wine.”

  She tilts her head at me and blinks a few times, seemingly surprised by my willingness to let her soothe herself. She turns toward the hall and I do what I love to do: watch her walk away. I start taking items out of the bags and organizing my little cooking space. Even though I don’t cook for myself all that often, I actually do love cooking. I haven’t cooked for anyone else in a long time, but I’m feeling confident. I hear her turn on the water and I search for a wine glass. After I find one in the cupboard, I poor a generous amount and make my way to the bathroom door and knock.

  “Who is it?” she asks, teasing.

  “A ruggedly handsome man looking to get you a little tipsy,” I say.

  I hear her laugh on the other side and I push the door open. I nearly drop the glass I’m holding at the sight of her. Her wavy tendrils are pulled up loosely on top of her head and she’s leaning back against the tub, eyes closed, a relaxed smile on her face. She is beautiful, and she doesn’t know it. Granted, the woman knows she’s sexy. But she isn’t aware of her raw and natural beauty. I walk over to the side of the tub and soap bubbles are wispy across the top of the water, concealing most of her body. This mystery excites me. She opens her eyes.

  “This is for you, my dear,” I say, leaning down to hand her the glass.

  She takes it from me, our hands touching for a moment. “Thank you. I really need this,” she says.

  I wonder what today’s been like for her, why she needs this soak. “Want to talk about it?” I ask.

  She twists uncomfortably for a split second. “Not really. Why dwell on it when you can move on from it, you know?”

  “I guess. I mean sometimes talking it out helps. Or just venting,” I say. My smile widens.

  “It’s okay, really. I would rather just enjoy the evening with you,” she says, sighing, swirling her fingers in the water, moving some of the bubbles around.

  “Careful there, you’re uncovering yourself,” I say, not attempting to hide the fact that I am definitely checking her out now. I trace the lines of her body with my eyes. I trace the ink on her skin, suddenly filled with the urge to ask about them, why she has them, their significance.

  “I meant to,” she says, eyes narrowing on me.

  I watch her hand make larger swirls. I watch more of her body appear. Suddenly, I find it very warm in here. I gulp, realizing my mouth is watering. I watch her trail her fingers down her thigh and my entire body reacts.

  “If you want to eat, you should stop. I’ll never be able to leave if you keep this up,” I say, running my fingers through my hair.

  “You should go cook then. We’re both going to need our strength,” she says.

  I audibly choke and she giggles. The grin that spreads across her lips is what makes strong men weak in the knees. I turn away before it’s too late and reluctantly walk back to the kitchen to chop and cut and cook and think. She’s unraveled me and she knows it. I turn my focus to the food. Yes, the food.

  After a little while, I hear movement in her direction and the timing is just about perfect. I’ve put the finishing touches on our meal and now I just need to get it to the table. I’m sitting plates down in their spots and pouring more wine and positioning napkins when I hear her behind me. I can feel her watching me, but I don’t turn around.

  “Like what you see?” I ask.

  “You do have a nice ass,” she says. She’s feisty tonight. She’s open.

  “Well, thank you. I don’t believe that’s a compliment I get often,” I say. I turn around after I finish with the table and audibly choke again. My eyes start at her bare feet and travel up her legs. She’s wearing the most delicate black panties I’ve ever seen. Her naked breasts are barely covered by a nearly sheer robe. She’s taken her hair down; wild and messy locks brush back and forth on her shoulders. I am in awe of her again.

  “Hi,” she says.

  “Hi,” I manage.

  “So, what did you make?” she asks.

  “Are you going to sit across the table from me like that while I try to eat? Because that’s cruel,” I say.

  “I thought you wanted me to be comfortable?” she asks, a hint of forced innocence in her voice.

  I shake my head. “You’re right, that’s more important. Never mind my comfort,” I reply, laughing nervously.

  She walks the distance between us in just a few long strides and presses her body against mine. Her hands travel down my sides and I quiver. I lean down to breathe in the scent clinging to her neck. Heaven.

  “Kiss me,” she says, and I do exactly that.

  I take her face into my hands and kiss her hard on her mouth. She rolls onto her toes and I lean in deeper. I pull back and kiss both her cheeks, then her eyelids, then her forehead.

  “Still hungry?” I whisper.

  “Definitely,” she says.

  I don’t know if she’s talking about the food or me but I lean back to pull her chair out so she can sit down. I walk around to the other side of the table and sit down in front of my plate. I stare across the table at her with an excitement, both about the food and what will happen after the food.

  I watch her look down at her plate and see the surprise in her eyes. I made my favorite thing. It’s not difficult or time consuming or even that fancy. But it’s delicious.

  “Well, I hope you like breakfast?” I ask.

  “Are you kidding me? It’s like my favorite thing,” she says.

  Her words echo my thoughts and I smile. “Me too,” I say.

  She looks up at me shocked. “Can you believe some people only eat breakfast in the morning? They’re missing out,” she says.

  “I totally agree,” I say. I watch her pick up her fork and start. I mirror her actions. “So, did your bath help you feel better at all?”

  “Definitely. A good bath can help take the stress away,” she says.

  “I honestly don’t remember the last time I took a bath,” I say.

  She looks up at me in shock. “Really? You’re totally missing out,” she says, putting a bite of eggs in her mouth.

  “You know what I think it is?” I ask.

  “What?”

  “Well, I’m just so lonely in there all by myself. Maybe if I had someone to take one with me that would make me feel better about the whole experience,” I say, shooting her my best sexy look.

  She laughs and nods. “You know, maybe you’re right. Maybe I can help with that sometime.”

  “Oh, I wish you would,” I say.

  She smiles at me and takes another bite. Our sexy banter goes on between bites and bits of conversation until we are sitting there in front of empty plates.

  “That was delicious,” she says.

  “I’m glad you liked it,” I reply, leaning back in my chair. It grows silent for a few moments and I watch a curiosity form behind her eyes.

  “Come with me,” she says, pushing back from her chair and holding out her hand.

  I s
tand and fold my hand into hers.

  She walks me to the bathroom and starts running more bath water.

  “Didn’t you just do this?” I ask.

  “It’s not for me,” she says.

  I tilt my head and watch her let the water run over the back of her hand for a moment. She plugs the drain and adds some salt stuff from a bottle, then some liquid stuff from another bottle. She turns to me and begins unbuttoning my shirt. She pushes it off my shoulders and it falls behind me. I try to reach for her, but she puts my hands back down beside me. I smile. I like this game.

  She unbuttons my pants next, pulling them down at the same time as my briefs. Her eyes take me in, and I watch her breathing pick up. She turns from me and sticks her hand into the water to double check it.

  “Okay,” she says. “In you go.”

  I step over to the tub and put my foot in. The warmth from the water travels up my legs. I sit down into it completely and my body instantly slumps with relief.

  “Lean back,” she says, and I do as she tells me.

  I’m in uncharted territory with bath time here. She takes a loofa and adds some liquid soap to it. She lathers it in until it begins to foam and then she crouches over me to rub it over my chest and arms and neck.

  “This is better than I expected,” I say. I close my eyes and let her pamper me.

  “Okay, lean up now so I can get your back,” she says. She repeats the soft, swirling motions over my back and up my neck and then rinses it away and pushes me back down into place. She rinses off the front of me and puts the loofa back on the side of the tub. She grabs a stool from behind her and sits beside me. “I’m glad you like it,” she says, watching me fall into complete relaxation. “Hopefully it’s helping melt away any stresses from your day.”

  “Oh, it is. Definitely,” I say.

  “You know what? I don’t even know what you do for work. How has that not come up?” she asks.

  I search my few memories and realize we never talked about it. “Well, it’s nothing fancy, really. I’m a buyer for a construction company. I source raw materials and get deals and arrange shipments. It’s all very boring but it pays the bills,” I say.

  “That doesn’t seem boring,” she says.

  “You don’t have to be nice,” I say.

  “Oh, I’m not,” she says, shooting me that look she does. Brooding, heavy eyes. Lips parted.

  This is the look that drives me wild. “You know, this bath is missing one thing,” I say.

  She looks around the tub, confused. “What?”

  “You,” I say.

  She smiles at me. “You’re smooth.” She folds her arms over her chest.

  I make a pouty face and push my bottom lip out. “Please?”

  Without a word, she stands up and drops her robe. She steps in, one foot on each side of me and sits down, straddling me. “Like this?” she asks.

  “I think you forgot to take something off,” I say, looping my thumb into her panty line and tugging a bit.

  “Oh no, those stay. I don’t want you getting any ideas,” she says, grinning at me.

  “So, I’m just supposed to sit here and have a conversation with you with your breasts right in my face, and not want you?” I ask.

  “Basically,” she says.

  I wrap my hand into her hair and pull her face down to mine. “Well, that’s just evil,” I say. I press my lips to hers, tasting the sweetness of her mouth. I press my tongue to hers and it sends a wave of adrenaline over me.

  She pushes her fingers through my hair and pulls me into her. My hands travel down her back and cup her ass. I’m hard against her and she grinds down into me, letting me know she feels it too. She pulls her lips from mine.

  “I want you, Lucas,” she whispers into my ear.

  And it’s all I need to come completely unhinged. I hold her in place and sit up, letting her get up from my lap. I stand in the bathtub and pull her against me for another kiss. I step out and turn to grab her. I wrap her legs around me and take her into her bedroom.

  “Your bed is going to get wet,” I say, just before I throw her down on it. I climb on top of her gently, leaning down to kiss the small soft space between her tits. I kiss her collarbone and hear her moan. I kiss her neck and chin and make my way to her mouth. I part her lips with my tongue. I reach down with my hand and trail my fingers over her belly button and into her panties. I touch her and feel her body arch in response. She kisses me deeper and I tease her more. Her fingers grip the sheets and I can see she’s close. I pull away and she moans again.

  “Tease,” she says.

  I kiss the tip of her nose. “I don’t want you to go like that,” I say.

  “How do you want me to go?” she asks.

  “Like this,” I say, pushing myself into her. She arches again, moaning softly. I push into her over and over again and watch her face twist with pleasure. She digs her fingers into my back, and we are gone, both climbing, both focused on one thing.

  “Oh my god,” she says.

  I feel her release and instantly react. I shudder and gasp and let myself go. I collapse into her. We wrap our arms around each other and I fall to the side, bringing her with me. Now we are lying side by side facing each other, a tangled mess.

  “That was brilliant,” she says. “Just brilliant.”

  “Agreed,” I say, still catching my breath. We lie like this for a little while, my fingers stroking her neck and face. I don’t know how much time goes by before she breaks the peaceful silence.

  “Do you have to go?” she asks, careful not to point out why.

  We both know. But I don’t want to go. Not this time. I don’t want to leave this place. “Actually, I can stay. If you want,” I say.

  She looks up at me and waits for more explanation.

  I don’t want to be too specific or too vague. “Her job has her away sometimes,” I say, keeping it simple.

  “Oh,” she says, considering this information.

  “I don’t have to stay if you don’t want,” I say.

  “No, it’s not that. I want you to stay,” she says. Her voice is unsteady.

  “Are you sure? You seem hesitant.”

  “I just don’t usually want people to stay,” she admits.

  Her words fill my chest up, as if in some way it had been hollow before. “Oh,” I say, not sure what else to add. I pull her in closer to me and we fall back into silence for a little while longer.

  “Can we get under the blanket?” she asks.

  “Of course,” I say, releasing my grip of her for the first time since we got into bed.

  We shift around and wiggle our way under the blankets.

  “I’m not going to make a big deal out of this, but I just want you to know you’re on my side of the bed,” she says, giving me a stern look.

  “Well, I like it over here,” I say, wiggling my body back and forth.

  “Oh, I bet you do, it’s obviously better,” she says.

  “Can I ask you a serious question?” I say.

  “Sure,” she says.

  “Do you want to be the little spoon or the big spoon?” I say, staring into her eyes, pretending this is a very serious moment.

  She pouts her lips, thinking about the question. “That’s a very serious question indeed,” she says. “I think tonight I’d like to be the little spoon if that’s all right with you? I might want to be the big spoon another time.”

  “Deal,” I say, positioning my body and wrapping my arm around her waist.

  She wiggles her ass back into me and snuggles up. I can already feel myself getting distracted again. I shift.

  “What’s wrong?” she asks.

  “You know on second thought, this may be a bad idea. I’m not sure I can sleep with your ass pushing back into my junk all night. It’s very distracting. I’ll end up being a very bad boy sometime in the middle of the night,” I admit.

  “Did you just call it your junk?” she asks, laughing.

  “Well
what do you want me to call it?” I ask.

  “I don’t know, I just never understood calling it junk. Isn’t it more of a prized possession?”

  “Oh, you bet it is,” I say.

  “As for the middle of the night bad behavior, I’m counting on it,” she says and settles back down, giving her butt one last wiggle.

  “Can I have a goodnight kiss?” I ask.

  She turns toward me and plants her lips on mine squarely, deeply. It’s not sexual, it’s intimate. It’s wonderful. She turns back and wiggles again. I inhale the scent lingering in her hair again and shut my eyes.

  I lie there holding her and thinking. She seems to like me, and I wonder if I could tell her the truth. I wonder if a girl like her could find relief in my truth. I wonder if I’ve created a false sense of security with this lie. I wonder why I care so much. This is what I do right? Have some fun, call it quits later. The thought of doing that to Dani makes me feel sick. It makes me hurt. Why is this bothering me so much? What is so different about this time? Her. It’s her. She’s worth more than throwing away. Maybe this whole thing was a bad idea. In my head, it made perfect sense. She only dates married men. I am fake married. She’s not stepping out of line, not wanting more. It’s still early. Maybe she could want more. Maybe if I wait until then to tell her, she could be relieved. My thoughts begin to circle around, and I realize I’m getting nowhere. I know a few things to be true at this point.

  Dani is different. I am afraid for the first time in a very long time. Afraid to hold on. Afraid to let go. Afraid of what the truth will do. Afraid of what my lie has already done.

  17

  Mark

  Whoever she has over didn’t leave this time. The lights went off in the living room and there’s been no movement since. That fucker is sleeping there. That bitch said she never has dudes over and now one is spending the night? What the hell? Who the hell is this guy? I still haven’t managed to get a good look at him. It’s always dark out, and it’s not like they linger.

  I keep my eyes on her apartment for just a few minutes longer and realize nothing can be done tonight, yet again. Come hell or high water, she will pay. I take a swig from my flask and put it back into my pocket. I step out onto the sidewalk without fear of being seen. I turn to walk down the street toward my place and wipe the liquor from my lips on my sleeve. I walk just a few steps and see the bar where she works. I turn and stare at it while I smoke a cigarette. I can’t believe this is where we met. So close to her place and yet I never knew. Sneaky bitch.