Guarded Passion

by Bonnie Dee

  I took a deep breath of the cool air in the shed with its permanent stink of weed. Though I’d postponed this conversation far too long, I had prepared for it. “I’ve already put a good word in for you with Pace. He’ll need a good right hand, and you know all the ins and outs. He said he’ll definitely consider keeping you on.”

  Bud threw up his arms. “Oh great. That’s exactly what I want, to be at Pace’s beck and call. Jesus, Jonah, I have history with the guy. He was a year older than me back in school, and he rode my ass like Secretariat. Made my life miserable. Don’t you remember that?”

  I didn’t. I’d skipped a lot of school, and all my attention back then had been on my own problems. I’d worked with Bud and considered him a friend, but we hadn’t talked about things like bullying or fucked-up families. It was all about the growing.

  “Okay. So you don’t want to work with him.” A new thought occurred to me, something simple and obvious if Bud was willing to make a change along with me. “Do you think you might be interested in learning about distilling bourbon? I could make a place for you, but you’d have to move up to Lexington.”

  For that matter, I’d probably have to do the same at some point. Couldn’t continually make a two-hour drive every day. I’d been avoiding the thought. I hated the idea of giving up my house, the first home I’d known, which was exactly how I liked it. And now I had a new reason to postpone moving to Lexington—Rianna.

  We’d only been on one date. Our friendship was in a very early stage. I’d never even been this involved with a woman before, yet already I could foresee complications. If we grew closer, she might be hurt when I moved. Or I wouldn’t be able to tear myself away. This was exactly the type of thing that had made me avoid relationships all these years. Who needed the trouble that emotions brought?

  “Move?” Bud scowled. “I wouldn’t know anybody there. I’ve lived here my whole life. I got no desire to live in the city. I’m a country boy.”

  “Well, you wouldn’t have to be in the city. There are nice suburbs. You could buy yourself a place.” I didn’t know exactly what Bud had been doing with the money we made all these years, but he clearly didn’t spend it. He still lived with his mom, and his clothes were threadbare. He didn’t like change. I should’ve guessed he wouldn’t leap at the chance for a new start.

  He was already shaking his head. “No way. It ain’t for me. I’ll just hafta find something to do around here. Maybe work at my cousin’s garage.”

  “If you change your mind, I can always find a place for you. I’d like having a guy I can trust to help me with this start-up.” It wasn’t exactly true. Though the man was loyal as a hound dog, Bud might be more of a liability than a help. What I really needed were experienced workers.

  I didn’t know what else I could say. “I’m sorry about shaking things up for you, and I’m really sorry it took me so long to tell you. You shouldn’t have had to find out about the land sale from somebody else. I just couldn’t find a good way to say it.”

  He shrugged and kicked at something on the floor. “We had a good run. Guess I can’t complain.”

  We spent some time tidying up the place, putting odds and ends away, and making sure it was locked down. The drying shed was on different property, away from where the crops were grown. Though if the DEA ever actually raided, they’d be all over every parcel of land I owned, and no distance would keep everything from being seized.

  It suddenly hit me that there was no longer anything they could arrest me for. No more weed. No more evidence. I was free and clear of the business that had supported me and my family for years. A new page. A blank slate. It felt kind of weird. I wasn’t sure if I was any more ready for the change than Bud. I was a hill man too. What would it be like living in the flatlands with all those big green stretches of horse farms? I’d miss my place, my home. Micah and J.D. had picked up and started over in a strange city a lot farther from here than Lexington, but maybe their connections to the land weren’t as deep or maybe they were better built for rolling with changes. Whatever the difference between me and my brothers, I had no choice now but to get with the program and follow the new course I’d charted for myself.

  Chapter Fourteen

  Jonah

  A couple of days later, I had my second date with Rianna, and with Travis this time. I’d bought a sled for the occasion and pulled him over a fresh layer of snow up the hill toward the spot I had in mind for coasting. Travis tumbled off the sled into the snow. He thought it was so hilarious being picked up and dusted off that he did it again. And again. And once more before I told him to cut it out and sit still, which he did, sitting straight and holding on to the sled while Rianna crunched along beside him.

  I’d forgotten how annoying kids could be. I’d looked after Micah and J.D. a lot when they were small. One day our mother would be Supermom and another she might refuse to stir from her bed. This went on a long time before she finally checked out completely. So, yeah, I knew how to deal with very little kids. But when I glanced at Rianna, I noticed a little frown and realized I might have overstepped by reprimanding Travis. It had worked, but she didn’t seem happy I’d taken a tone with him. I’d have to remember to cool it. Her kid, her parenting style.

  We finally reached a clearing in the woods with a slope that was just steep enough to be exciting but mild enough for a small child. There were no trees in the way, no chance of an accident. If anyone fell off, it would be into a soft drift of snow.

  I positioned the sled at the top. “Go ahead. Sit,” I told Rianna. She looked like a kid herself in her cute hooded coat as she sat behind Travis and clasped him in her arms.

  “Ready?”

  She nodded. I gave them a push and watched their gentle glide to the bottom of the hill, a white mist of snow kicking up around them. Travis squealed all the way, and Rianna let out a whoop. Damn, she was adorable. I wanted to roll her around in the snow in that Red Riding Hood coat of hers and do all sorts of Big Bad Wolf things to her.

  I plunged after them, gravity helping me slide down in a few bounds. “You like it?” I asked Travis.

  He clapped his mittened hands together. “Again!”

  I played carthorse, pulling him back up the hill with Rianna climbing beside me.

  “You don’t have to do all the work,” she said. “I’ll take a turn pulling the sled.”

  “It’s okay. I don’t mind.” In fact, I liked it. This reminded me of the occasional fun times when I’d actually played with my brothers when we were young. I’d never minded being the one to haul the sled uphill, and the boys hadn’t exactly fought me for the opportunity, so it became my job.

  “You go down this time,” Rianna said when we reached the top. “Travis and I can’t have all the fun.”

  I sat in back with Travis snug between my legs and felt Rianna’s hands on my back giving a strong push. We flew down the slope, my weight and the slick path adding to our speed.

  Travis yelled and pumped his fists. When he turned to look at me, his face was coated with snow and his cheeks were bright red underneath. I wiped away the snow.

  “Cold enough for you?” I asked.

  He scrambled off the sled and fell over in the snow. “Again. We gotta go again.”

  The boy insisted on taking hold of the rope and helping me pull the sled this time—for a few paces; then he was glad to take a ride to the top.

  “Now you, Mommy,” he ordered when we reached Rianna.

  “Okay.” She climbed onto the sled and held out her arms to Travis.

  “No. You and Mista Wire. I can push.”

  “Oh, I don’t know, son. You don’t want to be up here all by yourself,” Rianna protested.

  I looked at the little man’s eager face. In his mind, he was being really generous, giving up a turn to slide. I could see how important it was to let him do this.

  “He’ll be okay for two minutes,” I said. “Scoot up.”

  Rianna wore a doubtful expression but did as I bid, and
I wedged myself behind her on the sled. I glanced over my shoulder. “Ready to push, bud?”

  Travis pressed small hands against my back, and I used my heels to propel us forward. One quick swoop, and we reached the bottom. Rianna was laughing in my arms, and I couldn’t stop from dragging her around to face me. She blinked snowflakes from her lashes and smiled. I pressed a kiss to her cold lips and slicked my tongue into her warm mouth. She tasted like an icicle, and I wanted to suck her until she melted.

  She kissed me back for a moment, then pulled away and looked to the top of the hill, where the green snow suit hopped excitedly up and down. “I don’t like leaving him alone. What if he fell?”

  “He’d roll to the bottom and turn into a snowman.” I got up and helped her to her feet. “Come on.”

  We hurried back to Travis, who was eager to take another plunge.

  Fresh snow was coming down, and the wind had picked up. A few more times up and down the hill, and the little boy started to complain about his cold feet. He peeled off one soggy mitten, and his fingers were bright red and ice cold. Rianna warmed his hands between hers. “Ready for a break?” she asked.

  He shook his head and said through chattering teeth, “One more time.”

  “Who wants hot chocolate?” I asked. “With marshmallows.”

  That got his attention, and after one last slide, we headed back through the lacy woods to the warmth of my house. We left our winter gear melting in the front hall and headed into the kitchen in stocking feet.

  I’d remembered to buy marshmallows and cookies, all the sugar a kid could want on a cold winter day. We sat at the kitchen table, and Rianna and I sipped coffee with considerably less sugar while Travis poked his spoon at the marshmallows floating on his cocoa.

  Rianna blew across her steaming cup, puckering her lips and making me want to kiss them again. “This was really fun. Thanks for asking us.”

  “Thank you for coming.”

  I wrapped my hands around my mug to warm them and watched while mother and son played together with the animal cookies, growling and fighting them before biting off their heads. Their laughter added to the warmth of the room, a domestic scene I’d never have imagined taking place in my quiet, sterile house. I didn’t mind the splashes of sticky chocolate on the countertops or the crumbs falling to the floor. The mess was life blowing in through a window and filling the place.

  When Travis had finished destroying and devouring the cookie animals, his mother cleaned him up while I wiped down the table. In the living room, I turned on a cartoon for him to watch, and Rianna laid him on the couch and tucked a blanket around him. He jammed his fingers in his mouth and zoned out, staring at the TV.

  Like the other day, we left him to rest and went into my den for some privacy. Rianna asked if I had a deck of cards. We sat on the floor, and she taught me how to play Gin.

  “My Gran pretty much despised everything in the world that could remotely be labeled as fun, but she would occasionally play Gin with me,” Rianna explained. “Not often, but it’s the one pleasant memory I have of the woman. Mostly her entertainment seemed to be criticizing everything about me and dragging me to church with her. For a religious woman, she was as evil-tempered as hell.”

  She dealt another hand. “But I suppose she didn’t ask to get stuck with me, so I can hardly blame her.”

  “Sounds like she took out her anger at your mom on you.”

  “That’s about right. Anyway…” She shrugged. “What doesn’t kill us makes a stronger. All I can do is try to be a better parent to my own kid.”

  I looked at my hand and wondered if I’d done okay by J.D. and Micah. There were things I regretted, times I could’ve been more patient instead of smacking them for making dumb decisions. I supposed I could cut myself some slack, since I’d been little more than a kid myself, but what about now? J.D. had reached out to me the other day, letting me know he’d like to work on being a real family. And I’d been evasive and aloof. What was wrong with me that I kept my distance even from my own brothers?

  I refocused on the card game, making runs and matches until I was ready to lay everything down. But Rianna blew me away hand after hand until I had to admit defeat. But by that time, I was hardly paying attention anyway. I couldn’t stop watching her deft hands when she dealt, or the way she ran her tongue over her lips before choosing a card, or the way she crossed her legs and leaned forward on them. There wasn’t one thing about Rianna I didn’t want to watch…or touch…or kiss.

  I tossed my losing hand down and reached across the scattered cards to cradle her cheek. I leaned to kiss her. No icy coldness this time. Her lips were warm and pliant and molded to mine.

  We knelt to wrap our arms around each other and press our bodies close. Her hair cascaded in a soft waterfall over my hands on her back. I tasted bitter coffee and sugary cookies on her tongue, and after I’d kissed her until my lips felt bruised, I nuzzled under her jaw. Her hum of pleasure tickled my mouth as it skated lightly down the column of her throat.

  I cupped her ass and pulled her even tighter against me, the heat of her body baking into me. But there were too many layers between us. I pulled at her sweater, and she lifted her arms so I could draw it over her head. Underneath she wore a tank top that revealed much more bare skin for me to touch. Her nipples beaded against the fabric, and my cock stiffened at the sexy sight of her braless breasts.

  I took off my flannel shirt. Rianna’s hands grazed the length of my arms, then slid beneath my undershirt to caress my stomach. My body was on fire, demanding more of her touch. I wanted to touch her too and see all of her naked. I forgot I nearly had when she danced on stage. But that woman and the Rianna I had in my arms right now were like two different people to me. Watching sexy dance moves from a distance wasn’t the same as sharing this intimacy with her.

  Her eyes were glazed dark with desire as her hands roamed over my abdomen. “I should check on—” Rianna began, but Travis’s whistling snore cut her off.

  We both smiled. God bless the little tyke for sleeping hard when he crashed. He’d given us a little time to explore each other without fear of interruption.

  I pulled Rianna down onto the carpet with me. It was thick and covered a large portion of the wood floor. I’d have preferred to take her up to my bedroom, but it would do for this afternoon.

  She stretched on her back, and I lay beside her, combing my fingers through the spill of hair haloing her head. She looked like an angel lying there, smiling up at me. I bent to kiss her sweet mouth again. Couldn’t get enough of those kisses.

  Her hands stroked up my back, pushing my undershirt along with them. I broke away long enough to peel it off, then returned to trying out every sort of kiss I could think of. Since I’d avoided relationships with women, I didn’t have a lot of experience with kissing, but I was learning fast. Little nibbles made her open and reach for more. Deep thrusts of my tongue had her moaning and twisting, especially when I slipped my hand under her tank top to fondle her breasts.

  I peeled up her shirt and lowered my head to take one pointed little nipple into my mouth. Rianna gasped and her body tensed, but she continued rubbing her hands all over my back and gripped my hair, so I didn’t think she minded.

  Her quiet whimper ratcheted up my desire another notch. I loved the sounds of her enjoyment. I needed to see her face when she came. Quickly unfastening her jeans, I snaked my hand inside, found her soft wetness, and began to play.

  I’d taken pleasure from women before—my pleasure. When sex is a business transaction, there’s no need to worry about whether your partner gets off. Now I was all about bringing Rianna every bit of sensual delight I could. I delved deep inside her and drew the moisture up to her clit, teasing lightly, rubbing harder, then backing off again so she lifted her hips to find my finger again.

  I reveled in her sighs and moans and the way she arched into my touch. I raised my face from her breasts so I could see her damp parted lips and the fluttering of her eyel
ashes. God, she was beautiful as she slowly came undone. When it happened, it was fast. She cried out, then clamped her lips tight to muffle the sound lest she wake Travis. Her body convulsed, and the wetness between her legs slicked my fingers.

  “Good,” I murmured, as satisfied as if I’d achieved my own climax. My cock was aching for relief, but I hardly cared. Bringing Rianna to release had been my goal. It was reward enough. Anything more was secondary—although I admit I was pretty excited when Rianna exhaled a long breath, then whispered, “Your turn.”

  She pulled her panties into place and pressed me onto my back. When she unfastened my fly and pushed down my underwear, my erection bobbed up, ready and eager for her touch. God, just the sight of her fingers wrapped around me was arousing. I grew even harder as she studied my cock like it was an intriguing specimen she’d discovered. And when she prowled down to position herself between my legs and started to lean toward me with her lips parted, it took all my willpower to suppress the surge that nearly burst through me.

  Not yet. Control yourself. I gritted my teeth and corralled my galloping libido. I would not erupt like some randy teenager the moment her mouth touched me. I held my breath and waited, the moment dragging out unbearably, my gaze riveted on her luscious damp lips and open mouth and the red head of my cock mere inches away…and then…

  A loud snort ended the sound of Travis’s quiet whistling snore floating from the other room. It was followed by an equally loud yawn and a whimper of “Mommeeee.”

  Rianna’s head snapped up as she dropped me like a hot potato. I grabbed my cock and jammed it undercover, then sat and searched for my discarded undershirt.

  Rianna was back in her sweater with her jeans zipped faster than a fireman suiting up. She leaped to her feet and trotted into the other room. “Right here, honey.”

  So close. Just a few minutes, and I would’ve come. I knew I couldn’t have lasted much longer than that as desperately needy as I felt. My balls ached like I’d been kicked. I winced at the pressure of denim against my tender dick that poked stiffly against my fly.