Do Not Forsake Me

by Rosanne Bittner

  She kissed him over and over, his unwashed hair, his stubble of a beard, his eyes closed in exhausted sleep, his familiar lips. She nuzzled her face into his neck, realizing that no matter how clean or dirty he was, he always smelled good there, a specific, familiar smell that never seemed to change, that distinctive little area that held an identifying scent. And Jake’s was simply man. Just man.

  Thirty-eight

  Randy awoke to a tapping near her mouth. She turned into Jake’s arms to see him with one end of a peppermint stick in his mouth.

  “Oh, no you don’t,” she told him.

  “Why not?”

  “Because we’re going to church today, remember?”

  He rolled the peppermint stick into the corner of his mouth. “So?”

  “So we can’t make love and then go to church.”

  Jake frowned. “Well, if that’s the case, then I’m not going. I don’t like that rule.”

  “Jake Harkner, you’ve been fighting that promise for a month now. Your excuse has been that you won’t go until Evie is ready to go, and she is. Our lovely, healing daughter is finally ready to get out and see people again, and the main reason she agreed to do so was because you promised her you would go to church with all of us today. It’s time to keep your promise. You are out of excuses.”

  He bit off a piece of the peppermint and ran the other end of it over her lips. “What’s that got to do with making love before we go?”

  “It just doesn’t seem right, that’s all. We’ve waited this long so I’d be completely healed and we were both stronger. What are a few more hours going to matter?”

  “Randy, do you realize who you’re talking to? This is a record for me. We haven’t gone this long without sex unless I was gone and we couldn’t be together.”

  “Jake—”

  “What if I promise to keep it respectful?”

  Randy smiled. “You don’t know how to make love respectfully.”

  “And you enjoy it.”

  “Jake, I am absolutely not going to have sex before I go to church.”

  She started to get up but he pulled her back down. “We’re married, so it’s not sinful, if that’s what you’re saying. And, hell, the Bible is full of stories about lust and whores and men tasting the fruits of women’s breasts and murder and mayhem and all the damn things I’ve already done, so maybe I’ll fit right in when I walk into that church.”

  “Jake Harkner, you just used the words hell, lust, whores, breasts, and damn all in the same sentence as the word Bible. You are the most hopeless child of God I have ever known.”

  He moved a hand over her breasts, caressing them through the soft flannel gown. “All I know is that God made man and woman to fit together just right, and for a reason. They’re supposed to mate, and you’re my mate.” He moved his hand down to the hem of her nightgown and up underneath it, along her thigh. “And I’ve waited because I wanted you to be completely healed. I can’t take this torture any longer.”

  “So you pick a Sunday morning before church to stop and make love after all this time?”

  “Seems like a great way to start a Sunday morning. You’re the one who says God saved both of us. I think he saved us for this.”

  “Not many people would think God saved someone so they could have sex again.”

  Jake grinned, the old familiar, handsome grin that always undid her. “Come on, woman, take off the underwear and bite on this peppermint stick.”

  “Why do you have a way of always making this seem sinful?”

  “Because it’s more fun that way.”

  “What if Ben wakes up?”

  “That kid sleeps like a bear in hibernation.”

  “I’m only going to let you do this if you promise not to use one cuss word today when everyone comes for dinner. Evie is right. Your grandsons are starting to talk like barroom brawlers, and Ben will be doing the same thing if you don’t stop. And be careful in church if the preacher talks to you afterward. I know how easily those words fall out of your mouth without you even being aware of it.”

  “Take off the underwear and I promise not to cuss.”

  Randy smiled, her eyes full of doubt. She bit the other end of the peppermint stick, and they ate it down until their lips met. Once they did, she had no argument left in her. The underwear came off. Not only that, so did the gown, and Randy found herself allowing the man to ravish her in what she considered was surely the most sinful way of all.

  But it had been so long. So long. Her weak protest was whispered and not very firm as his kisses trailed from her breasts, over her belly, where he licked and kissed at her scars. He moved down to her thighs. She sucked in her breath when he found her sweetness and groaned with the pleasure of tasting her in the most intimate way she once never dreamed she’d let a man do to her. But this was Jake, and she doubted there was anything he didn’t know about how to please a woman. She grasped his hair and offered herself to him, taking wicked pleasure in the way he had of making love to that secret place that belonged only to him. She cried out with an intense climax, almost painful from that deep, reawakened need for this man. He moved his tongue back up over her belly and savored her breasts as he grasped her bottom with both hands and filled her with manly passion. She tasted her own sweetness on his lips as he devoured her mouth in that way he had of bringing out not just desire but pure lust—lust that made her arch up to his thrusts, all of it made so keenly perfect because she was well and there was no more fear of what might have been. This was sweet, soft, warm morning sex—their favorite time to make love.

  As always, he commanded her every response, making the oh-so-familiar act seem like the first time, as only Jake Harkner could do. And after so long without this, it did almost feel like the first time…like that wild night of lovemaking when he really did do this to her in the back of a wagon…somewhere. They moved in perfect rhythm as he filled her over and over again with all that was Jake, until she felt his pulsating release. Saying nothing, he nuzzled her neck and leaned down then to taste each breast yet again with relish, and she knew he wanted to do it all over again. And she wanted him to take her again. She felt his swelling desire for her, and again he moved inside her, hard and deep, as though he couldn’t get enough of her…and she wanted as much of him as she could get. He deliberately moved in all the right ways, rubbing against that special spot with such expertise that she found herself gasping with a second climax. It felt so good to be physically able to make love again in all the best ways.

  “Jake—”

  “You okay?”

  “It feels wonderful.”

  He smiled as he spoke between kisses. “Then enjoy it,” he whispered in her ear. “You’re well now, mi amor. I feel you pulling me into you.”

  He kept burying himself deep to fulfill the need she had, and to satisfy his own need to claim his woman again, to prove to himself she was still his and only his.

  “Who do you belong to?”

  “Jake Harkner.”

  “You bet your ass. I own every beautiful inch of you.”

  “And I own you, Jake Harkner. You remember that when other women tempt you.”

  He kissed her harder, pushed himself harder. “You’re the only woman I can’t resist.”

  “It’s the same for me.”

  The words were spoken amid hungry kisses and sweet, rhythmic thrusts that made Randy wonder if it was even possible for him to go any deeper. When Jake Harkner claimed her, she was branded for life. And she didn’t mind at all.

  His life spilled into her then, and finally he relaxed, lying there on top of her for a while, both of them listening to birds outside the window. He kissed her again, more kisses, over and over. He raised to his knees then, running his hands over her breasts, her belly, her private places. With a mischievous glint in his eyes and a teasing grin he took a deep sigh of satisfac
tion and said the words that made her burst into laughter.

  “Now we can go to church,” he told her.

  Thirty-nine

  Jeff watched the procession, much like the one he’d watched that first Sunday when he’d sat on the church steps with a Jake Harkner who’d refused to go inside. He’d left the whole family alone this last month, knowing they all needed some healing time—time he’d used to work on all his notes and get them in order for the book about Jake Harkner. It wouldn’t be easy. Jake was the most complicated man he’d ever met. How did one describe a man who could be so incredibly ruthless and seemingly unfeeling, yet such a loving family man? The one walking toward the church now couldn’t possibly be the same man who’d blown another man’s guts out from under a card table.

  He watched Evie walking with Brian’s arm around her and Little Jake holding her hand, and he felt like crying at how lovely she looked. Lloyd and Katie walked with them, arm in arm, Stephen holding his father’s other hand. They all greeted Jeff warmly.

  “Are you coming to Mother’s for dinner after church?” Evie asked Jeff. “I made peach pie. It’s Daddy’s favorite.”

  “Oh, I’ll be there, all right,” Jeff answered. “Jake and I have a lot to talk about. And thank you for the invite.” He studied her with deep admiration. “You look really beautiful today, Evie.”

  Brian pulled her closer. “A woman who is expecting always looks extra beautiful,” he told Jeff.

  Evie smiled, moving her arms around Brian. “This man is spoiling me something awful,” she told Jeff.

  Little Jake ran off then, right toward Jake and Randy, who approached them with young Ben in tow. Jeff curiously studied the guns Jake wore, visible under a black suit coat. He wore a white shirt and a string tie and black cotton pants. It was the first time Jeff had seen him wearing a suit, and he looked strikingly handsome. Still, he wore those guns. Jeff knew Randy would never allow him to wear them into church. Had he changed his mind?

  Evie leaned up and kissed Brian’s cheek, then left him to greet her father, who wrapped her into his arms and kissed her hair. “Daddy, you look wonderful!”

  Jake looked her over. “So do you, baby girl. You getting along all right with that worthless husband of yours?”

  “It’s terrible! He’s so good to me it makes me feel guilty. You’ve got to tell him to let me do things on my own, Daddy. He’s wearing himself out trying to do everything. Will you talk to him?”

  “Hell, no! Why would I ask a man to stop treating my daughter like she’s some kind of princess?”

  Evie pushed at him. “You know what I mean, and Daddy, you just said a cuss word right before walking into church. I am praying Little Jake doesn’t blurt out some kind of horrible swearword during the service.” She looked him over. “Why are you wearing those guns? Don’t you dare walk into church with those on.”

  Jake kept an arm around her as he led her back to Brian. “You get more like your mother every day. I hear enough preaching from her.”

  “You are coming inside, aren’t you?”

  Others walked past them, some stopping to greet Jake and the rest of his family. Jeff figured most of them probably did not realize Jake intended to actually step inside church today.

  “I’ll be there,” Jake told Evie.

  “Without the guns?”

  “Without the guns.”

  Brian moved his arm around Evie and nodded to Jake. “Jake, you have never looked more dapper.”

  “Dapper? I’m not sure I like that word. I’m not the ‘dapper’ type.”

  Brian smiled, a hint of sadness in his eyes.

  “She doing okay?” Jake asked, sobering.

  “She’s doing fine.” Brian pulled Evie closer and kissed her cheek. “This is one strong woman.”

  “Forgiving people can be healing, Daddy,” Evie told him.

  Jake didn’t answer. He turned away and noticed Peter approaching with a rolled-up piece of paper in his hand. He walked closer to greet Jake and Randy, eyeing Randy with an obvious appreciation for how beautiful and well she looked today—wearing, of course, a yellow dress. He nodded to Jake, then handed out the rolled-up paper.

  “In six months you will have served a full three years, Jake. Then you can head for Colorado if you still want to go,” he told him.

  Randy gasped as Jake unrolled the document and read it. “My God,” he muttered, sobering. He looked at Randy. “In six months I’ll be a truly free man.”

  “I think that petition everyone signed helped,” Peter told him.

  Randy’s eyes instantly teared. She threw her arms around Peter. “Oh, thank you! Thank you, Peter!”

  Peter glanced at Jake as he embraced her in return, giving him a look of helplessness. “You’re very welcome,” he told Randy before gently pushing her away. “And don’t just thank me. Thank the whole town, because all those signatures made an impression on the judge, or so I’m told.” He looked at Jake. “A lot of the people in that church signed it, Jake. I hope you understand how welcome you will be in there.”

  Jake put out his hand and Peter shook it. “Thanks for everything,” Jake told him, true sincerity in his eyes.

  “You are very welcome. I’ll be heading back to Chicago soon. I was just waiting for this order to come through.”

  Jake nodded. “I hope you find someone again, maybe in Chicago.”

  “Yes, well, maybe so. But you, my friend, have the best of them all.”

  They squeezed hands. “I am well aware of that,” Jake told him.

  Peter let go of his hand and tipped his hat to Randy, then glanced at Jake again. “Come and see my gun collection sometime before I leave.”

  “I’ll do that.”

  Peter turned and walked up the church steps.

  Randy could barely see for the tears in her eyes. “Oh, Jake, we can go to Colorado!”

  Jake held up the rolled-up order. “Lloyd and Evie, get over here,” he called. The whole family gathered around him, and Jake held out the paper. “My reprieve. We’re all going to Colorado next spring.”

  “Oh, Daddy!” Evie burst into tears and hugged her father. The rest of them took turns reading the reprieve, hugging Jake one at a time.

  “We’ll find the prettiest spot in the foothills and run the biggest ranch in the state,” Lloyd told his father. “No more violence, Pa. You and Mom and the rest of us can finally have some peace.”

  Jake hugged Randy close. A little part of him worried that peace was impossible. He kissed Randy’s hair. “And no more being apart,” he told her.

  A very joyful but tearful Harkner clan all headed for the church. Stephen and Ben, already friends, shoved each other back and forth playfully, and Lloyd warned Stephen not to get his clothes dirty. He watched Ben take Katie’s hand and head for the church steps. Lloyd hesitated, then turned and walked back to Jake. “You sure you can handle this?” he asked.

  “Handle what?”

  “Church.” Lloyd grinned.

  Jake gave him a shove. “Get in there with Katie. She doing okay?”

  Lloyd nodded. “Her belly is already getting bigger. And don’t you go teasing her about it. She embarrasses so easy.”

  “And I’m sure you have your own ways of embarrassing her. Maybe I’ll ask her about that. I’d like to see if her face gets as red as that hair.”

  “Don’t you dare do that to her, you mean sonofabitch.”

  “I promise to try to hold my tongue.”

  Lloyd pointed a finger at him, then walked back to Katie and gave her a quick kiss before walking into church with her.

  Randy took Jake’s arm. “The time has come,” she told him teasingly.

  “You make it sound like a hanging,” Jake quipped.

  “To you it probably does feel like a hanging. Now take those guns off and come inside, Jake.”

&
nbsp; Jake went up the steps, where Jeff stood leaning against the railing—grinning. “Want me to hold those guns for you?”

  Jake looked at Randy. “Go on inside. I promise on my honor that I’m coming.”

  Randy put her hands on her hips. “Your honor?”

  “Hell, I can be honorable sometimes.”

  Randy closed her eyes and shook her head. “Don’t you dare disappoint Evie. She’s here because of you, Jake.”

  Jake looked her over lovingly. “I’d rather shoot myself than break a promise to Evie. I’ll come inside in a few minutes.”

  Randy glanced at Jeff. “Make sure he does.”

  “Sure. Jake does anything I tell him to do,” he joked.

  Before Randy turned to go inside, she and Jake shared one more look, one Jeff thought burst with absolute, sublime love. She finally went inside, and Jake turned to Jeff.

  “That woman has been trying to change me for twenty-six years. You’d think she’d give up by now.”

  Jeff grinned. “You both look very handsome and very happy. I take it Randy is completely well now.”

  Jake grinned as he lit a cigarette. “Jeff, you don’t know the half.”

  “I have a feeling I do.”

  Jake drew on the cigarette. “Yeah, well, she’s one hell of a woman.” He began untying the holsters from around his thighs, then unbuckled his gun belt, handing out to Jeff. “Watch these for me.”

  Jeff took the gun belt, shaking his head. “You’re really going to do it?”

  Jake took another drag on the cigarette. “Got no choice. Between Randy and Evie, I’m hopelessly hog-tied.” He frowned. “By the way, you can hang those guns over the railing if you want. I doubt anyone is crazy enough to try to steal my guns. Come on into church with us.”

  Jeff grinned. “Jake, I’m Jewish, remember?”

  “Well, Jeff, I highly doubt anyone is going to attack you in there and force you to convert.”

  Jeff shook his head, laughing. “Only you would put it that way. Just go on in. I’ll keep an eye on these guns. For all you know, Little Jake will come running out looking for them.”