For the Love of Logan

by Chase Connor

  Watching Cooper walk away, I couldn’t help but smile as I thought about how happy he had been for me. About how happy I was for myself. A.J. and I had had a perfect couple of nights together—and I was fairly certain there’d be many more to come. Where things would end up, who knew? But in the meantime, I was just going to enjoy it. I was perfectly happy—and that was good enough.

  “Stop looking at my boyfriend, asshole.” I heard someone hiss, then my shoulder was bumped roughly.

  I made an “ooph” sound as I was nudged and turned to see Alex walking away, his head turned to glare at me. He had actually slammed his shoulder into mine hard enough to cause me pain. I reached up to rub my arm as he walked away, glaring at me until he had to turn the corner. Even that didn’t ruin my mood…much. Alex could think whatever he wanted. Cooper would eventually pry his boyfriend’s head out of his ass. And…I wasn’t looking at Cooper in that way. For the first time in a long time, when I had gazed at Cooper as he walked away, I only thought of him as my best friend. Fuck Alex, I smiled to myself and dashed off towards first period.

  During AP Chemistry in second period, Cooper did his best to annoy me with his knowing, haughty smiles. I ignored all attempts he made at getting more information out of me. Even when we were discussing notes after the lecture, and he kept whispering questions, I changed the subject each time. During comparative lit with Mr. Weissman, I guess I was still smiling as I thought of my weekend with A.J., because Mr. Weissman kept looking at me and smiling at my expressions. Even when I insisted that I still didn’t enjoy Hemingway as much as he wanted us to, he didn’t make jokes about Cooper poisoning my mind.

  The best part to the first half of my day was when I got to political science. Right as I slid into my seat, A.J. came sauntering through the door with Caden and his eyes immediately found mine. Caden had been talking to him as they entered the classroom, but I could see him immediately tune his friend out when he saw me. He smiled widely and looked down adorably, slightly blushing, as he made his way into the room. As soon as the bell rang, Professor Abrams asked if people had paired up for their projects yet or if he was going to have to assign partners. Several people, including A.J., raised their hands and took turns announcing to Professor Abrams who they had chosen to partner up with.

  “A.J.?” Professor Abrams looked up from jotting down partners to call on him.

  “I’m partnering up with Logan, sir.” A.J. announced.

  “Whaaaaat?” Caden groaned comically. “Fuck you.”

  Caden turned in his seat to flip me off, making everyone laugh. He wasn’t really upset—well not really—but he was obviously surprised that A.J. had made a new alliance in poli-sci. He hadn’t even asked anybody if they would be his partner, assuming that A.J. would choose him. Professor Abrams nonchalantly got onto Caden for acting out. A.J. and Caden acted out so much that none of the teachers—save Mr. Fresslay—were ever that surprised.

  A.J. turned and gave me a wink as Caden mumbled from his seat about how A.J. was a traitor. I smiled back at my…friend?...glad that he had really chosen me as his project partner. The last few stragglers who hadn’t chosen someone to work with got partnered up by Professor Abrams—mostly to groans and boos since most of the guys acted like they didn’t like each other—then we were instructed to go sit with our partners and start to brainstorm on what we were going to do for our project.

  When A.J. got up from his seat with his bag to come to the back of the class with me, Caden hissed at him that he was an asshole, getting another mild chastisement from Professor Abrams. A.J. took the desk just vacated by another student who had gone to sit with his partner, and scooted it up against my desk until we were practically shoulder to shoulder. The touch made my body warm and my cheeks flush. A.J. looked at me with a discreet waggle of his eyebrows and pulled his textbook out of his bag, along with a spiral notebook and a pen.

  “So?” A.J. asked, feigning seriousness, his pen at the ready. “Thoughts?”

  I laughed.

  “Um, I was thinking that we could do our project over the effect of the media on politics.” I suggested.

  A.J.’s face lit up and he smiled evilly. He leaned in and whispered to me.

  “Only if we can bash the Republican Party.” He was giddy. “That will piss Abrams off.”

  “I don’t want a bad grade, though.” I was amused, but worried.

  “He wouldn’t dare.” A.J. shot a glance to the front of the room. “If anyone thought he was being biased, the other teachers would have his ass. So, it’s almost a guarantee that we’ll get an A.”

  “You sure?” I chewed at my lip as I pulled my notebook out to take notes.

  “Fuck yeah.” A.J. muttered lowly. “Abrams gave Will a bad grade one time for writing a scathing report on how Fox News plays to the idiocy of the red states—I don’t even think Will really cared or fully believed it—but Abrams gave him a C. When Will complained to Alex’s dad, it got changed to an A really quick. I mean, it was a well-researched, well thought out paper…so what the fuck, ya’ know?”

  I nodded.

  “Abrams wouldn’t try that shit again.” A.J. shrugged.

  “Okay, then we have our topic.” I said, flipping my notebook open and began writing furiously. “I was thinking that maybe we could do the PowerPoint option because it’s more dynamic and Abrams is going to get really sick of grading essay after essay, and—”

  “Did you miss not seeing me yesterday?” A.J. whisper-hissed.

  I turned my head to see him grinning from ear to ear.

  “Of course, I did.” I blushed.

  “Did you think about me a lot?”

  I glanced around to make sure that no one was paying attention.

  “More than was healthy.” I smiled.

  “I missed not seeing you, too.” His face blushed to match mine.

  “I guess we’ll have to see each other more, huh? Thank God we’re project partners.”

  “We didn’t really need an excuse.” A.J. grinned. “At least, I didn’t.”

  “I didn’t either.” I nudged him with my shoulder defensively, then remembered something. “Cooper said he noticed that we were eating lunch together Friday.”

  I thought that this would cause A.J. concern, or even make him reconsider how close we were getting so quickly. I was wrong.

  “He’s going to notice us eating lunch together today, too.” A.J. grinned sweetly. “And tomorrow. And the next day…I think you get the point. Until you’re sitting with everyone, I won’t be over there either.”

  “Don’t act like you’re being noble.” I teased. ”You’re just trying to get in my pants.”

  A.J. blushed deeply. “Stop trying to keep me from being a good boy. It’s already difficult as shit.”

  We both chuckled nervously, both of us in agreement that being “good” was going to prove difficult as things progressed. But…when is it appropriate to take things further in a relationship and not lose “good boy” status? What milestone or event can happen that will make having a physical relationship okay? Especially as a teenager? No one really sits down with teenagers and says, “look, you’ll probably have premarital sex, but you want to wait until such-and-such happens first”. When can you have sex with someone you’re dating as an eighteen-year-old high school senior but still feel like you haven’t done something shameful?

  Is it ever shameful to have sex with someone once you’re in an established relationship? Is that the milestone you have to reach first? Once you’re “exclusive” with each other?

  “Okay.” I nodded, my voice hoarse. “So…how do we want to divide the work here?”

  “I’m better with the writing.” A.J. cleared his throat. “You good with visuals? We can split the research down the middle.”

  “I’m pretty confident in my slide making skills.” I chuckled. “Moreso than my speaker’s notes skills.”

  “Excellent.” A.J. was writing in his notebook. “You busy after school? We can get a
lot of the research done together, too.”

  “Doing some of the research together would be cool.” I looked over at him conspiratorially. “Don’t you have practice?”

  “All over for me.” He shrugged. “No point in me practicing now that the season’s over and I’m a senior.”

  “Ah.” I nodded. “Library? Four o’clock?”

  “Or…you could come to my house.” He smiled. “The internet is just as good as the books the library has. My parents are out of town until Sunday.”

  He leaned in to whisper the last part. I looked over at him with a cocked eyebrow.

  “We won’t be bad…but no better than we have been.” He grinned evilly.

  “Okay.” I breathed out.

  A.J. and I spent the remainder of class making a basic outline of what our project would entail, trading notes and ideas, and sporadically whispering. Mostly whispering actually. A.J. was flirty throughout class—which would have irritated me with most people. But…and I don’t know how this happened…A.J. flirting with me at an inappropriate time made me feel…special. He wasn’t obnoxious A.J. or crude A.J. or center-of-attention A.J. He was kind and warm and attentive and focused solely on us. It wasn’t just about him and it wasn’t just about me—the way he flirted made me feel like special because it seemed like he felt like we were special together.

  When the bell rang for lunch and Caden dashed over to try and drag A.J. off to lunch, A.J. told him to “get lost” because the two of us were going to talk more about our project at lunch. Together, we walked to our lockers, which were just a few yards away from each other and put our bags up, then walked to lunch together. I got tacos for the first time in awhile because that’s where A.J. went to get food and I didn’t want to miss out on even a second of being with him. Then we went and sat behind the dividing wall together, our lunches in our laps. Just as we sat down and started to open our containers of food, Cooper came sauntering around the corner of the building, smiling haughtily at us on his way to the courtyard.

  “Enjoying lunch?” He smiled widely, his teeth showing prominently.

  “Fuck outta here, Weissman.” A.J. rolled his eyes.

  Cooper cackled loudly.

  I just smiled and shrugged at my friend.

  My best friend discreetly flipped me off with a smile and carried on towards the courtyard.

  “He’s a prick.” A.J. chuckled.

  “No.” I smiled. “Cooper’s a great guy.”

  A.J. nodded and dug into his container for a taco.

  “So…what is going on with you and Alex?” A.J. asked suddenly, before taking a bite of his taco. “You never did tell me exactly what’s going on.”

  I sighed, ignoring my food.

  “Honest answer?”

  “If you ever want to kiss these sweet, sweet lips ever again.” A.J. waggled his eyebrows.

  “That definitely forces my hand.” I grinned. “Look, Cooper and I went out on one date, had a few kisses—and he told me he wasn’t into me. He told me I should date Alex. Alex and I talked about it—but then I realized him and Cooper were in love, but stupid—so I told Alex to ask out Cooper. And, well, now they’re together. But for a while after that, I was still hung up on Cooper. Well, I thought I was, but I wasn’t actually hung up on Cooper. I mean, yeah, he’s my best friend, but I don’t love him like that. But I was confused and…my mom told me to write down my feelings to help process them. So, I did. Alex happened to see what I wrote, and he took it the wrong way—we had a big fight…well, that’s where we are now.”

  A.J. stared at me wide-eyed.

  “That was a lot of information.” He stared at me, the hand holding his taco halfway to his mouth.

  “Well…I want everything out on the table.” I shrugged. “I don’t want any misunderstandings or for anyone to say anything to you and you think that I’m the type of guy that would do underhanded, deceitful things or lie about what happened. And I don’t want you to think there’s anything going on with me and Cooper. He’s just my best friend. That’s all.”

  “I believe you.” A.J. smiled.

  “I feel really bad that Alex saw what I wrote—well, embarrassed and humiliated, too.” I blushed. “But, I feel really guilty that I did anything to cause any problems for them.”

  “Alex will get over it.” A.J. snorted. “He thinks the sun shines outta Coop’s ass. Or, I guess, his dick now.”

  I laughed as I opened my food container.

  “And, just so you know, I wasn’t worried about you and Coop.” A.J. bit into his taco. “I know I’m a better kisser than him. I know the effect I have on you.”

  “Oh, yeah?” I chuckled.

  “I may be a good boy, but I still notice when things are poking against me.” He waggled his eyebrows.

  I blushed deeply and immediately bit into my taco.

  “You are a shithead.” I couldn’t help but smile.

  A.J. shrugged.

  “I am what I am.” He laughed and set his container in the grass and scooped up his drink in one motion. “Thank you for being honest with me, Logan. Thanks for just being real.”

  I smiled at him and set my container aside, too.

  “You’re welcome.”

  “It’s kind of my fault, but a lot of people won’t have real conversations with me.” He sighed and sat back. “No one takes me seriously.”

  “Maybe it’s all of the streaking?” I teased.

  “Most likely.” He nodded. “I just…this place is so fucking stupid. I gotta do something to feel like I fit in, ya’ know? Because, between you and me, I don’t fit in here at all.”

  I nodded.

  “I usually feel like I’m going crazy around here because the only two people that have ever been kind of good friends to me are Caden and Martin—and they’re pretty much a pair of jackasses. And, maybe I am, too…but I don’t think they have a serious side at all.”

  I just listened intently and sipped my soda.

  “If I wasn’t on the lacrosse team, I’d probably just be the dumpy, short kid with decent grades who doesn’t really stand out. Well, not for any good reason.” He frowned. “No one really takes the time to get to know me. Not like you have. And…you’re not exactly the type of guy that people expect to be so kind.”

  “I really wish you’d stop putting yourself down.”

  “I’m chubby and short, these are facts.” He chuckled.

  “Well, okay, so you’re a little chubby.” I shrugged. “I guess I’m aware of that. But…I don’t care. And if we weren’t good boys, I would show you how much I really don’t care.”

  A.J. blushed but didn’t take his eyes away from mine as he smiled.

  “I think you’re extraordinary, A.J.” I smiled back. “I just wish you’d show everyone this side of you more.”

  “I like you a lot, Logan.” He said.

  “I like you a lot, too.”

  “Wanna skip the rest of our classes and go dry hump somewhere?” He waggled his eyebrows.

  I laughed loudly.

  “Yes.” I nodded, then shook my head. “But no.”

  “Fine.” He rolled his eyes comically. “Let’s be responsible.”

  “But definitely at a later time.” I winked.

  A.J. grinned widely and we went back to eating our food in between talking and bursts of inappropriateness. By the time lunch was over, I was precariously close to taking A.J. up on his offer to skip classes and go do inappropriate things with each other. I fought those urges, though, and we walked to AP Psychology together. When we got to class, of course Cooper gave us both a shit-eating grin as we took our seats. Luckily for me, I sit on the opposite side of the room as Cooper in that class. A.J. sits right in front of him. Every now and then I’d look over and notice Cooper playfully jabbing A.J. in the back with a pen. A.J. blushed deeper and deeper as the class went on.

  I felt for A.J., but at the same time, it was funny. Besides, A.J. had brought it on himself over the years of teasing people in the
same way. Maybe not about the same type of thing, but he was known for being the class clown and an instigator. So, it was only fair that Cooper gave him back a little bit of what he’d doled out over the years. Halfway through class, I looked over and saw Cooper poised to jab A.J. again, so I looked at my best friend and mouthed the words, “cut it out”. Cooper rolled his eyes with a grin, but stopped antagonizing A.J.

  Sixth and seventh periods, we all had different classes from each other, so no one had to worry about being teased. When the final bell rang, Cooper and I met in the hall and walked out to the parking lot together. I was taking a moment to chastise him for irritating people in class while I shot a text off to my mom about going to work on my project with A.J. She texted back quickly just reminding me to “make good decisions” as Cooper chattered on about how he was just giving A.J. a taste of his own medicine.

  “I’m just saying, I don’t know why you feel the need to harass him.” I shrugged as I shoved my phone back into my pocket as we exited the building into the courtyard.

  “Really?” Cooper asked. “We’re still going to play that game?”

  “Until I win, sure.” I nodded.

  “You are insufferable.” He groaned. “We both know what’s going on here, so why not just talk to your very best friend, bromo?!?”

  “Because, it’s driving you crazy and that’s fun for me.” I teased. “And I have no idea what you’re talking about anyway.”

  “Fine.” Cooper snapped playfully. “Be that way. I’ll get you to admit it one way or another ya’ jerk. I have my ways.”

  “You’re not that smart.” I teased back.

  “At least it will be a way to test people’s theories about that matter.” Cooper cracked, making us both laugh.

  Once we reached the edge of the parking lot, Cooper had changed the subject, talking about how maybe I had been right in calling him stupid for giving up on pursuing a degree in education. When we stepped off of the curb into the parking lot, he looked up and stopped talking in mid-sentence. Turning to him, I smiled, about to tease him about losing his train of thought, but when I saw the confused look on his face, I stopped. I turned back towards the parking lot to search out what he was looking at and my eyes landed on A.J. and Alex talking heatedly by A.J.’s car.