Throwaway

by Heather Huffman

  “Guess that didn’t seem too important once you were gone,” she shrugged. “But I’m happy to know you thought I wasn’t in danger. Vance was so pissed at you… said you let me do the dirty work and left me to pay the price.”

  “Where was Vance when the Bosnians showed up?” Gabe retorted.

  “He was with us. But Aleksander wasn’t sure what to do with him. He saw potential in Vance. You know they shot him, Gabe. Spence. They lined us up and shot him. He’d just apologized and then he was gone. They tried to shoot me, too, but I jumped in the water.”

  “The Mississippi?”

  “It seemed better than a bullet in the brain. Turns out it was.”

  His arms tightened around her and she couldn’t be sure, but he seemed to be crying.

  “I’m so sorry baby. I’m so, so sorry.”

  “I missed you,” she reached up to sink her fingers in his hair. She wanted to tell him it was all okay, but it wasn’t yet. She still hadn’t entirely processed that trauma. “So what about you? Why were you dead?”

  “Clerical error.”

  “What really happened?”

  “I’m telling you—a clerical error. I was injured. I have a few souvenirs to show for it,” he ran a finger down the side of his face. “I didn’t know what had happened at first or I would have called Dad sooner.”

  “You’re not getting off that easy.”

  “Yeah, well, my story wasn’t nearly as harrowing yours—and we have something more important to discuss at the moment.”

  “Really? What’s that?”

  “My dad will be back any time now and he will have one question burning on his brain—when’s the wedding?”

  “Who’s wedding?”

  “Ours.”

  “Tell me you’re joking.”

  “Ouch.”

  “Seriously,” Jessie sat up and folded her arms, glaring at him. “We barely know each other.”

  “We know each other at least a little,” he gestured at her stomach.

  “But that’s not enough.”

  “Enough for what?” he snapped in exasperation.

  “Enough to keep you from getting bored with me. You know who my best customers were? Other women’s husbands,” she felt cheap and embarrassed at the admission, but she’d always been thankful that no matter what she was, she wasn’t the woman on the other end.

  “Your faith in us is astounding.”

  “Two hours ago you were certain this was another man’s baby. Your faith in us is astounding.”

  “Okay, look at this a different way. How are you going to pay for having a baby?”

  “Cash.”

  “And you’ll be completely penniless when it’s all said and done.”

  “Are you suggesting I give birth someplace other than a hospital?” Jessie retorted.

  “I’m suggesting you marry me and let me add you to my insurance plan.”

  “So in essence, you’d be paying me…”

  “Good Lord you can be stubborn woman,” he ran his fingers through his hair in exasperation. “Isn’t there anything else you’d rather do with that money? Is it so horrible to give us a chance?”

  Jessie couldn’t help but think of her halfway house for foster kids. The money sitting in her bank account would go a long way towards making that a reality.

  “You’re thinking about it,” he grinned. “I can almost see the wheels turning.”

  “You are such a jerk.”

  “I love you, too. Marry me and maybe someday I can convince you to love me back.”

  “You stupid man. Have you even looked around this apartment?”

  “What’s that supposed to mean?”

  She walked into the living room to retrieve the hat she’d clung to in his absence and held it up for him to see. “I’ve slept with this more nights than not. I actually wore a spot on the brim rubbing my thumb along it. I talk to your car like it’s you. I get some pretty incredulous looks over that one. Let’s see… your clothes are everywhere because if I’m not wearing them, I’m smelling them. Hell, the fact that I’m in Ava, Missouri should count for something.”

  “What are you trying to say, sugar?”

  Jessie knew he was toying with her, trying to coax the words from her. She narrowed her eyes and considered calling him a jerk. Instead she reached out to set the hat on his head and smiled. “You scare me.”

  “Because…”

  “I love you,” she conceded.

  “Ah… she said it!” he rejoiced, coming off the bed to playfully twirl her around before pulling her into a bear hug. “Come on. You can totally divorce me and take everything I own if you get sick of me.”

  “I’ll think about it.”

  “Better think fast,” Gabe informed her when there was a knock at the door.

  Jessie rolled her eyes and shoved him away so she could let Milo in.

  “Hello Jessie-girl,” Milo gave her a peck on the cheek as he passed by. “I brought roast beef and mashed potatoes. Hope that’s okay.”

  “It’s perfect. Can we get anything for you?”

  “Maybe Gabe could grab the drinks out of the car. I made you a shake.”

  “Thank you,” Jessie blinked back tears, cursing the hormones for her lack of control. “You didn’t have to do that.”

  “Nonsense. It’s a celebration. I brought beverages of a different kind for me and Gabe.”

  “Ah. Well, then I accept the milkshake with much thanks.”

  It was obvious that Gabe was enjoying this newfound truce with his father. The two men chatted about town gossip and Jessie found that more often than not, she had something to contribute. She had truly become a part of this place.

  “So, have you two talked at all about marriage? You know Elizabeth will be fit to be tied,” Milo leaned back in his chair, resting his folded hands on his full belly.

  “Jessie here has some concerns about getting married just because of the baby… she thinks I’ll get bored with her,” Gabe tattled.

  “The girl knows her mind. Don’t go trying to get me to force her into a shotgun wedding,” Milo reprimanded his son, whose face fell. “You’ll have to win her over all on your own. And you’re telling your sister. I’m already in trouble with her.”

  Jessie gave him a smug look before clearing away the dinner dishes. The party moved from the kitchen to the living room and was still going strong when Jessie fell asleep on Gabe’s shoulder.

  Chapter Sixteen

  The next few days were surreal. With Christmas so close, Jessie suddenly found herself in the odd predicament of having many gifts she felt compelled to buy and little time to do it. Even more frustrating was her complete lack of experience in picking out presents for people.

  She and Gabe made a day of driving into Springfield to shop together for many of their friends and family, which took much of the burden off of her. But it did nothing to help her where he was concerned. And the fact that she couldn’t think of one thing to buy him for Christmas only served to solidify her certainty that marriage was out of the question. She tried watching him closely as they shopped, hoping to gain some insight into what a man like him might enjoy. Unfortunately, he seemed to be the least materialistic person on the planet.

  As if making up for lost time, they were together every waking moment. Gabe worked her shifts at the diner with her, although he was still on a disability leave from the STLPD, so it was unofficial assistance.

  They talked constantly at first, filling each other in on every detail the other had missed. Jessie was glad when he finally shared what had truly happened to him in Afghanistan. Despite the pain he’d been through, even with the scars he would always carry and the bones that still protested the damage done, he was lucky to be alive and they both knew it. Not everyone in his unit had been so fortunate. Jessie felt both guilty for having wished that pain on another woman and grateful for the miracle of having Gabe home.

  The more they talked, the more they began to piece together wh
at had really happened in those few dark days. The more they pieced together, the more questions they had.

  According to Dan, no one had seen Vance in over a month. Harmony had disappeared as well, though most people assumed she’d moved back in with her parents. Jessie toyed with the idea of checking; she felt like she owed Harmony at least that much.

  Gabe called Carter for an update on the arrests made during the raid. There was some concern Coleman would walk away from the whole mess. His attorney seemed to be doing a good job of fast-talking his way out of the girls found captive. The Feds had gotten involved and were now trying to put together a money trail connecting Coleman to illegal activity.

  Gabe tried to feel out the details of the raid, but didn’t have much luck. All he really found out was that the Bosnians who hadn’t been arrested had gone underground—Aleksander included. And he got confirmation that both Spence and Jessie were presumed dead.

  “Well, that’s one piece of good news,” he sighed when he hung up the phone, rubbing his forehead as if it would stimulate thought.

  “What’s that?”

  “You’re free to move on with life.”

  “I can’t just walk away,” she shook her head.

  “Why not? It’s been months since the raid. What can you even do at this point? What if they arrested you—what would happen to the baby?”

  “Arrest me for what? Not dying when they wanted me to?”

  “I don’t know—but I wouldn’t put it past them. Brunner hates you.”

  “He’s probably the one that made the decision to move ahead with the raid.”

  “Yeah. And Carter’s not telling me because word’s gotten around that I pulled him off you the last time he tried to shut your mouth.”

  “I was pretty glad you did, by the way.”

  “You’re welcome,” he grinned at the memory. “I didn’t know a person could get that red in the face and not have a coronary.”

  “You don’t think there’s anything else going on there, do you?”

  “Like what?”

  “I don’t know. What if Brunner rushed things to protect Aleksander? Wouldn’t be the first time an officer was bought.”

  “Just because you don’t like the guy,” Gabe scowled but stopped short at the look Jessie gave him. “Sorry. You’re right—it’s a possibility. I’ll keep nosing around.”

  “Are you planning on staying with the department?”

  “I’m not sure, really.”

  “Oh.” It hadn’t occurred to Jessie that he could be going back to St. Louis once his leave was up. As much as she loved her old home, she wasn’t ready to leave this place.

  “What do you think I should do?” Gabe asked, thoroughly surprising Jessie.

  “I like it here. I want to raise my baby in a place like this. Her roots are here.”

  “Her?”

  “Either it’s a girl or I apologize now for any gender confusion I might cause,” she held her hands up.

  “Okay,” he nodded, considering. “I’ll talk to Bobby after the holidays. Maybe they have room at the sheriff’s department down here.”

  “What? You don’t want to help run the diner?”

  “I have no desire to be Ma Jr.,” he smiled and kissed her forehead. “And I think he’s grooming you for that honor.”

  “Hardly,” she regarded him skeptically. “I bus tables and wash dishes.”

  “I know my dad. He’s training you.”

  “You’d really stay here because I want to?”

  “It would be much harder to convince you to marry me if I lived four hours away.”

  “Stubborn man,” she teased, but something inside warmed at his words. His persistence was endearing, but more than that, it was the first time in her life she’d been able to choose something as basic as where to live. The apartment didn’t count; she’d stumbled into that. This was a conscious choice and it felt good.

  It was hard finding time without Gabe around to seek advice on his Christmas present. He was staying with his father—a measure of decorum insisted on by his sister. Jessie was certain he gave in so easily as a way of toying with her. She missed him when he was gone, but he was always there bright and early the next morning. Sometimes he’d slide into bed with her before she was even awake.

  Those were the mornings it was especially difficult to get out from under the covers. But this morning, Gabe was running late and Jessie seized the opportunity to seek help from one of Gabe’s friends. The drive to Tumbleweed Ranch was a short one, made slightly longer by the u-turn Jessie had to make after zipping right past it.

  Having never been there before, she was completely blown away by the rugged beauty of the place. She’d never been much into animals, more from lack of exposure than anything, but even she had to admit there was something magical about this ranch. She parked the Plymouth next to Ethan’s old red truck and climbed out. A pack of dogs came barreling towards her and she quickly hopped back in.

  They surrounded the car, howling merrily as their tails wagged greeting. Jessie eyed them suspiciously, wondering if they were trying to lure her into the open with a friendly demeanor. A big black and red speckled hound stood on his back legs, his paws on her window as nose sniffed around, leaving streaks she didn’t want to identify on the glass. His ears were each twice the size of his big, slobbery face. A whistle sliced through the air and those ears came forward, his face wrinkling in concentration. Another whistle and his head whipped around; he clambered down from the car and merrily lumbered over to Ethan, the rest of his band of merry misfits following.

  “Sorry about the welcoming committee,” Ethan grinned, opening the door for her. “They love visitors.”

  “Ah,” Jessie eyed them warily. The speckled dog meandered back over to say hello and she tentatively held a hand out for him to sniff; that seemed like the right way to greet a dog. She’d seen it once on television anyway.

  “Don’t worry, Blue is a big-ole baby,” Ethan assured her. “Rover there is a bit shyer. We think he was being used for dog fights before he came our way. But he’s friendly once he gets to know you. The rest of this pack came with the place. We let them stay when we bought it—didn’t seem right to turn them out just because their owner got out of farming.”

  “Ah,” Jessie said again. “They’re very cute.”

  “Not a dog person?” he grinned. He had a very easy and contagious smile.

  “Just not much experience.”

  “They’ll grow on you. Hailey’d have a hundred if she could.”

  Jessie wasn’t sure how to respond to that. She couldn’t fathom the drool and fur that would come along with one hundred dogs.

  “Hailey’s not here right now,” he told her apologetically. “She… had to run into town for a bit.”

  “That’s okay; I came to see you, actually. I hope it’s not a bad time.”

  “Not at all, I was just heading to the stables to turn the horses out. Walk with me?”

  “Sure,” Jessie was curious to see the horses she’d heard so much about. One thing she’d learned early on was that Ava prided itself in being the home of the Missouri Fox Trotter. And here, a stone’s throw from the Missouri Fox Trotter Association and arena, Tumbleweed Ranch was home to more than a hundred Mustangs. It would have been considered sacrilege if anyone else had tried it. But being mad at Ethan and Hailey would have been like kicking a kitten; no sane person could do it.

  “Most of the horses are free range. They’re in the southwest pasture this week. The ones in here are either our riding horses, or the ones being trained,” Ethan was explaining as he threw open the stable doors to let sunlight stream in.

  “The government pays you to house wild Mustangs—isn’t that what I heard?”

  “Yep. And then we train them when they’re adopted. We also contract with the BLM—Bureau of Land Management—to purchase twenty or so every year that we train and sell. Although, we try to do groundwork on as many of them as possible… it just makes th
ings easier.”

  “Groundwork?”

  “We teach them their manners.”

  “Oh. He’s pretty.”

  “That’s Tumbleweed. He’s a special boy—aren’t you?” Ethan ran his hand along the horse’s face while the animal mouthed at his coat in a friendly greeting. It was an unusually colored animal.

  Jessie wasn’t sure what color to call him. Tan seemed the closest, but he was almost gray in a certain light. A brown horse nickered impatiently from the stall next to him.

  “Alright, Mac, I’m coming…”

  “Can I do something to help?” Jessie offered, not sure what she could possibly do.

  “Sure,” Ethan deftly slid a halter over the brown horse’s head before opening the stall. He led the horse out and handed the end of the lead rope to Jessie. “Walk him that way. I’ll be right there with Tumbleweed.”

  Jessie deeply regretted offering to help, but took the rope handed to her and walked in the direction told. The animal followed her docilely, for which she was eternally grateful. Before this moment, she had only seen horses on television or from a distance. Neither had given her a true feel for the power they contained. She couldn’t imagine purposely crawling on the back of one of these beasts.

  “I didn’t know horses got this furry,” she admitted, tentatively reaching out to touch Mac’s neck as they stood waiting for Ethan and Tumbleweed.

  “Some don’t because their owners keep them blanketed or in heated stalls. Some people shave them. We let ours get their winter coats. We try to let them just be horses, you know?”

  “I like it.”

  “Hailey says they look like teddy bears.”

  Jessie smiled, sinking her fingers into the thick fur. The horse was solid muscle underneath. “I like him.”

  “Mac and I go way back. He’s my boy.”

  Jessie watched with interest as he released the two horses into a nearby paddock. They made a beeline for the hay. Ethan closed the gate and hung the halters on a nearby hook before going to retrieve more horses. Jessie followed, this time leading a gray mare while he led a black mare to a separate paddock. She felt like quite the pro by the time he closed the second gate.