Throwaway

by Heather Huffman

  “So, I’m sure you didn’t come all the way out here this time of day to help me turn out horses,” Ethan leaned against the gate he’d closed, turning his attention fully to Jessie.

  “I need help. I have no idea what to get Gabe for Christmas.”

  “Cutting it a little close, aren’t you?”

  “I thought he was dead a week ago and haven’t been able to shake him since. I’m surprised I got away this morning, to be honest.”

  “He’s with Hailey picking out your gift,” Ethan admitted with a chuckle.

  “That explains it.”

  “He is a tough one to buy for,” Ethan considered carefully. “How much do you want to spend?”

  “How much should I spend?”

  “I can’t answer that one for you, but I need to know what ballpark I’m shooting for, Jess.”

  “Given the situation, if it’s the right gift, I’ll spend what I need to. I really want it to be something special.”

  “This is going to sound incredibly self serving, but you could always get him a horse,” Ethan shrugged.

  “A horse?”

  “He used to be my partner, before he got it in his head to move to the city. I’ve got a big bay out back that I know he’d love. If you guys are serious about staying here, I think he’d enjoy having a horse again.”

  “A horse,” Jessie considered it. It was certainly a big gift. It wouldn’t go unnoticed or be easily forgotten. “How much and what’s your return policy?”

  “The adoption fee is $125 because I haven’t even started training him yet…and if he hates the gift, I’ll buy him back.”

  “Aren’t horses supposed to be expensive?”

  “They are—to feed. You can board him here as long as you need, though.”

  “You really think he’d like it?”

  “Like I said, maybe it’s self-serving… but I really think training this horse would be good for him right now. He’s got a lot bumping around in his brain.”

  “He wouldn’t do something like this for himself,” Jessie agreed. “He never stops to think about himself.”

  “Do you want to see the horse? Maybe that’ll help.”

  “Yeah,” Jessie straightened. “I would like to see him.”

  “Come on, then,” Ethan motioned for her to follow him. She was surprised when he opened the door to his truck, but climbed in.

  “I don’t want you to go to too much trouble.”

  “No trouble. It’s just a bit of a long hike and I don’t think I should put you on the back of a horse at the moment.”

  Jessie nodded, taking in the surroundings as they drove further into the property, stopping occasionally for Ethan to open and close gates. A few minutes later, they stopped in a clearing near a meandering, half-frozen creek. A herd of horses stood packed together near a mountain of hay. Their heads popped up at the sound of the truck, watching the intruders with wary curiosity.

  Ethan sat in the window of his truck and let out a sharp whistle. The horses started and a large reddish animal came to the front of the group. His legs, mane and tail were black, and it looked like he had little white socks just over his hooves on three out of four legs. His long mane and tail were caught up in the wind, making him look like something straight out of the old west.

  Jessie knew absolutely nothing about horses, but he was the most beautiful animal she’d ever seen. He matched Gabe—somehow elegant and rugged at once.

  “I’ll do it,” she decided in an instant.

  “Don’t worry; if I’m wrong, Hailey’ll have my hide.”

  “I’m not worried. He’s so pretty—Gabe has to love him,” Jessie couldn’t help but laugh at Ethan’s reassurance.

  “I’ll bring him up to one of the paddocks before you guys come over for dinner tomorrow night.”

  “Perfect. Thank you!” Jessie impulsively hugged Ethan’s neck.

  When they got back to the house, Ethan made Jessie a cup of hot apple cider while she filled out the adoption paperwork for the horse.

  The dog known as Blue started making a noise that was a mix between a bark and a howl and Ethan scrambled to gather the paperwork.

  “Hailey’s home. Blue always bawls like that when she’s back. We’d better hide this in case she brought Gabe with her.”

  A moment later, Gabe was walking through the front door with Hailey. Jessie couldn’t help grinning at the secret she shared with Ethan. Gabe was sporting a similar smile, and Jessie took that to mean he was happy with his own outing.

  “Funny meeting you here,” he teased, leaning over to kiss Jessie good morning before greeting Ethan with a clap on the back.

  Ethan insisted on making breakfast for everyone. The others sat around the kitchen table, sipping their hot drinks and debating whether or not Mary Atchison was secretly dating Bobby the Sheriff.

  Hailey’s teenage son wandered down the stairs at the smell of bacon. Rumpled and half-awake, he gave a small wave before pouring himself a glass of orange juice and stumbling to the living room to turn on the television.

  He seemed like a good kid, which was a credit to Hailey. She’d raised him alone after her first husband had decided marriage might include work. Jessie wondered how difficult it had been for Hailey to trust Ethan after that.

  After breakfast, Gabe stuck around to help Ethan with his chores. Just as he’d transformed on their first trip together, Gabe seemed to relax as he performed the physical labor. It made Jessie all the more sure of their decision to stay. Not that going back to St. Louis had ever been a choice for Jessie. She was pretty sure if she ever showed her face their again, she’d be dead shortly after.

  Chapter Seventeen

  Christmas morning was a beautiful thing. The day dawned crisp and cold, a fine layer of white dust covering a gray-toned world. It might not be the fort-building snows of childhood, but any white on Christmas morning was better than none at all.

  Her tree twinkled merrily with red and white lights, casting a happy glow on the presents wrapped in silver. Jessie put some water on the stove to make some apple cider before hurrying to freshen up before Gabe arrived.

  By the time he let himself in the front door, she was sitting serenely by the tree in flannel pajamas, watching the lights and drinking her cider.

  “Merry Christmas!” her face lit up at the site of him. He was ridiculously handsome. Jessie wondered how a flannel shirt and jeans could make anyone look so completely edible. She sat the mug of cider on the coffee table and held her arms out expectantly.

  “I’ve never seen anything so beautiful in my life,” he accepted the offering and scooped her into his arms. “Merry Christmas, baby… and baby.”

  “The second baby says hi back.”

  “I wish I could feel her kick,” he placed his hands on Jessie’s stomach with wonder.

  “You will soon enough, I’m sure.”

  “Are you certain everything is okay? You don’t look nearly as pregnant as my sister did.”

  “Everything’s fine. We’re just built differently. And I wouldn’t tell your sister that if I were you,” she advised.

  “Do you want to exchange gifts?” he switched gears, suddenly as excited as a small child.

  “I hadn’t planned on doing that until tonight.”

  “Please?”

  “But yours isn’t here,” she started to panic.

  “Did you forget to get me a present? It’s okay, I still love you.”

  “Very funny. It wouldn’t fit here so Ethan’s keeping it for me.”

  “It wouldn’t fit?”

  “I guess technically it would have, but that just seemed awkward,” she toyed with him.

  “Now I’m curious. Give me a hint?”

  “Nope. But you can give me my present if you want.”

  “No fair. Maybe I should make you wait, too.”

  “If you want.”

  “Aren’t you the slightest bit curious?”

  “Whenever is fine,” she assured him nonchalantl
y. In truth, she was dying of curiosity.

  “Well if you’re going to beg, I guess you can open it now,” he grabbed a small box from under the Christmas tree and handed it to her, sitting lightly on the edge of the coffee table to watch her open it.

  Jessie eyed him warily, unnerved by the size of the box. Surely he wouldn’t ruin the day by pushing marriage again. She carefully unwrapped the package to reveal a small velvet box. Her heart hammered in her throat. She cracked the box open and tears sprang to her eyes.

  “Do you like it?” he asked anxiously when she didn’t comment.

  “It’s beautiful,” she kissed him lightly on the edge of the mouth. It was beautiful, and incredibly sweet.

  Yet for some reason she couldn’t define, she was disappointed it wasn’t a ring.

  “It’s your birthstone,” he offered, reaching for the box.

  “I know,” she smiled. “It’s amazing… and too much.”

  “The color reminded me of your eyes,” he held the necklace up, the icy blue topaz and diamonds sparkled merrily as they reflected the twinkling Christmas lights.

  “I love white gold,” she reached up to touch the delicate chain. “Can you put it on me?”

  She lifted her hair for him to fasten the pendant around her neck, smiling when he used the opportunity to kiss the back of her neck.

  “Thank you so much, I love it,” she promised, sinking her fingers in his hair to pull him in for a kiss.

  “I’m not sure I believe you,” he frowned. “There’s something you aren’t telling me.”

  Jessie questioned the sanity of falling in love with a man trained to know when he was being lied to.

  “What do you want for breakfast?” she redirected the conversation.

  “Not yet. You have one more present.”

  “No, I already can’t compete.”

  “Good thing it’s not a competition. I think you’ll like this one,” his face lit up again and he retrieved another box from under the tree. This was one was larger but flat. Curiosity piqued, Jessie accepted the box from him and quickly unwrapped it.

  She had to read the paper three times before she processed what it was telling her, and even then she looked up at him incredulously, not sure she believed it.

  “I don’t understand.”

  “It’s not as big of a deal as you might think.”

  “Is this for real?”

  Gabe nodded, immensely pleased at her reaction.

  “But how? Why?”

  “None of us ever really had any use for it. It seemed too much for any one person. I talked to Dad and Elizabeth; they both thought it was a great idea. So we had the paperwork drawn up. Although, you owe us each a dollar. For some reason, it’s better to put it down as a sale than a gift.”

  “Honeybranch is mine?”

  “We thought it seemed like the perfect place to start your halfway house for foster children. With a little work, we can turn it back into a working ranch. The kids can live and work there while they figure out their next steps.”

  Jessie couldn’t begin to process it all. She took a deep breath to say something and instead burst into tears. Gabe’s expression was one of shock and he did the only thing he could think to do; he wrapped her in his arms.

  The flood of emotion embarrassed her, which made her cry even harder. She didn’t know how to begin telling him what was wrong—or rather, what was right.

  “I guess you’ve figured it out by now, but my family is the product of Jesse James’s second life. The bitter old goat probably rolled over in his grave when the legitimate line of his family died out and the family estate passed to the hands of the bastard branch.”

  Jessie laughed at that, wiping her eyes as she did. “But why would you give it to me?”

  “I’d give you my whole life if you’d let me. This way, it’s no strings attached. If you give me the boot, the land is still yours.”

  “I get that you’re nuts, but why would your sister and father do that?”

  “Neither of them have any real use for the land but none of us can bring ourselves to sell the place. They like the idea of using it to help kids in need.”

  “Wait a second… if you own the place, why haven’t you been staying there?”

  Gabe shrugged, standing up to grab her mug off the coffee table. “Do you need a refill?”

  “I’d love an answer to my question.”

  “When you opened the necklace a look flickered across your face… what was it?”

  “More apple cider would be lovely.”

  “That’s what I thought,” he snickered. “Do you want an omelet while I’m at it?”

  “Sure,” Jessie leaned back on the couch, toying absentmindedly with the pendant while she flipped through the deed papers for her new property. “I don’t think I’ve ever even seen 285 acres, let alone thought about owning that much. Actually, I’ve never really owned anything before.”

  “If you want to go explore later, let me know. I can give you the grand tour. There’s a main house there, too. I know your rent is paid up here, but you could move to the house if you wanted. Of course, I’d feel better if you had a dog or something.”

  “A dog?” Jessie couldn’t help the small shudder as she thought of Blue.

  “Yeah, you know… walks on four legs, wags its tail at you when you come home, barks at intruders… a dog.”

  “I’ll have to think about that one.”

  “You don’t like dogs?” he stopped mid-motion to stare incredulously at her. “Who doesn’t like dogs?”

  “Rethinking our relationship now?”

  “You really don’t like dogs?”

  “They’re very cute… from a distance.”

  “You’ve just not been properly acclimated, that’s all. First chance we get, let’s get you a dog.”

  “I’d prefer not.”

  “Maybe we’ll just look at some; then you can decide.”

  “Sure. I’ll look,” she promised, if only to move the conversation along. She didn’t want to spend Christmas morning arguing over the merits of having a dog. Maybe getting a horse would satisfy his sudden need for a four-legged creature.

  The rest of the morning was a cozy one, though Jessie occasionally had to consciously set aside stray thoughts that would creep into her brain and threaten her contentment. Memories of Vance and Harmony haunted her. Was Harmony having a good Christmas with her family? Was she safe and warm and happy?

  Then there were the doubts that would break through—was a whore with no college education really the best and most competent person to run a charity? Why was Gabe so certain she would leave him? Did she look that crazy? And Jessie didn’t even want to think about becoming a mother. Sure, she talked to her stomach and might occasionally stop to look at the baby things that were accumulating in the spare room, but she didn’t dwell on what came after pregnancy.

  Whenever doubts or memories would creep in, Gabe inevitably chased them away with a mischievous grin. His timing was so flawless, Jessie began to suspect that he’d learned her tells.

  Still, there was a part of her that recognized the fact that she was living in a fairy tale. If she didn’t tie up the loose ends of her reality, they would eventually shatter her illusions.

  She didn’t have too much time to deliberate on it, though, because their tranquil morning turned into rushing around in preparation for the afternoon rounds. They had promised Gabe’s family they would eat lunch with them, and the closer it got, the less Jessie felt like eating. She found his sister utterly terrifying.

  “How on earth did you ever convince her to help you set up the cabin for our stay?” Jessie asked Gabe as they drove to the four-bedroom ranch house sitting on three acres at the edge of town.

  “Could you say no to this face?” he gave her his most pleading expression.

  Jessie laughed. Even if he was teasing, it was the truth. The man was incredibly difficult to deny. Knowing that Elizabeth was susceptible to his charm gave Jessi
e hope that they had more in common than appeared on the surface.

  Elizabeth’s husband, Jay, was an affable guy with a receding hairline and expanding belly. The hairline he kept covered by a baseball cap. The belly occasionally peeked out from beneath the t-shirt he wore under his flannel. Elizabeth never failed to tug the shirt down if she noticed this grievance.

  Jessie liked Jay instantly and it seemed the feeling was mutual. Elizabeth still terrified her. Her cold disapproval hung in the air between them, though both women tried to be polite.

  Jessie had to hide a grin when she overheard Elizabeth reading her two teenagers the riot act because they hadn’t warmly greeted their grandfather and uncle. Milo’s assessment had been correct—those kids could care less about being around their family. After stiff hugs, they plopped down on the couch, earbuds in and noses buried in handheld games.

  “I can’t thank you both enough for what you did,” Jessie started when she had Milo and Elizabeth in the same room.

  “I like your idea for helping kids; glad I could help,” Milo beamed at her.

  “I’m glad to be rid of that hunk of land. I was sick of paying taxes on the stupid thing,” Elizabeth frowned.

  Jessie gave up after that. She made herself as unobtrusive as possible, half watching It’s a Wonderful Life, half listening to Gabe talk sports with Jay and Milo.

  Opening presents was a subdued affair. Milo liked the personalized apron Jessie picked out for him. Elizabeth seemed pleased with the religious plaque Gabe picked out for her from the both of them. Jay seemed appreciative of the new flannel shirt that looked remarkably like the one he was wearing.

  After eating as little as possible of a dried out turkey, she followed Gabe and Jay out to the kennels behind the house so Jay could show off the latest litter of Bloodhound puppies. Jessie could tell by the look on Gabe’s face that it was only a matter of time before he was foisting one of those slobbering, muddy beasts off on her.

  She tried not to show any interest in any particular dog, lest he get any bright ideas. One puppy seemed to have a different inclination, and was determined to clamber after her no matter how often she discreetly dodged it.