Throwaway

by Heather Huffman

  The gesture was not lost on either Vance or Harmony. Silence prevailed for a moment while each collected their thoughts.

  “Are you planning on coming back?” Vance asked Gabe.

  “I’ll stay with Jessie. I gave Carter my resignation last week. ”

  Vance nodded as if he approved of that decision. Jessie scowled at Gabe; he hadn’t told her that either. She’d known it was coming, but it rankled her that he’d left out something that important.

  Jessie’s stomach growled, commanding Gabe’s instant attention. “We should get some lunch.”

  “It can wait,” she flushed with embarrassment.

  “I don’t want you getting sick because we didn’t feed you,” Gabe argued. “Vance can take me to pick up the Jeep and we’ll grab food on the way back.”

  “Do you have somewhere else to be?” Jessie looked from Harmony to Vance.

  “Nowhere that can’t wait,” Harmony assured her.

  “Why are you so concerned about Jessie’s eating habits?” Vance answered with a question of his own to Gabe.

  Gabe gave Vance a look that bordered on threatening. Vance responded with a sigh.

  “Come on. Let’s go get your car.”

  “I would appreciate it if neither of you made any major life decisions for me while you’re gone,” Jessie frowned at them both.

  “When are you due?” Harmony asked when they were alone.

  “May.”

  “Gabe’s?”

  “Yeah.”

  “You really fell hard for him, didn’t you?”

  “Guess you were right about my love story and all that,” Jessie shrugged.

  “I was devastated when Vance showed up on my doorstep, telling me that you were gone and urging me to leave the life.”

  “I’m sorry I didn’t call you. It was all so strange—and scary,” Jessie filled her in on the events of the past months. It seemed distant and unreal now, so very different from her new world.

  When Jessie had shared her story, she listened as Harmony told her of starting a new life in a four-flat building in South City where Vance could keep an eye on her from a distance. They met in secret and pretended not to know each other in public. For the most part, Vance had become invisible.

  “At first, I didn’t know for sure what he was doing,” Harmony admitted.

  “You probably shouldn’t say any more than that,” Jessie held her hand up. “I’m so sorry for whatever harm I caused you.”

  “It was easy to blame this on you and Gabe at first,” Harmony told her. “But this thing is way bigger than either of you. It would have exploded even if you hadn’t fallen in love with a cop.”

  “I don’t want you to hate me.”

  “I don’t. I miss you. I wish things could be like they used to be sometimes, but I don’t hate you.”

  “What are you and Vance going to do?” Jessie asked after another silence.

  “Finish this.”

  “I think you should both leave,” Jessie shook her head. “They need geniuses in other countries, too. This isn’t your mess to clean up.”

  “It’s not really yours, either. Vance saw it coming long before you got sucked in. It’s more his mess than yours.”

  “And you?”

  “Vance is my mess,” she smiled.

  “Then let us help you.”

  “You have a baby to take care of.”

  “Now you sound like Gabe.”

  “Well, the man has a point. Aleksander will kill you if he sees you. He really hates you.”

  “Nice.”

  “He doesn’t know me. He trusts Vance. Gabe’s a known cop. No telling who in the department is trustworthy and who isn’t so he can’t help us. The way I see it, Vance and I are as good as anyone to finish this.”

  “Harmony, Gabe and I followed you from the campus. If we did, someone else could. I think I’ve handled the trauma of this all pretty well, but I couldn’t handle it if something happened to you. Not you.”

  Chapter Twenty-One

  “No. Absolutely not,” Jessie stood toe to toe with Gabe, her jaw line hard with determination.

  “Who’s the bossy one now?” he tried to lighten the mood.

  “Don’t you get cute with me,” she narrowed her eyes. “If you get to boss me around because I’m carrying extra cargo, then I get a say in your life as the father of this child.”

  “It’s not exactly the same, but I see your point,” he conceded. “It doesn’t change the fact that I can’t just walk away from my job knowing there’s a bad cop in the department. I owe it to Carter to find out who it is.”

  “You owe it to Carter? No. The last time we were separated I nearly lost you. No. I’m not okay with this.”

  “I wasn’t okay with coming to St. Louis in the first place, but I’m here aren’t I?”

  “Only because I snuck away from you—don’t try to rewrite history.”

  “I’m not rewriting history,” he rolled his eyes. “I’m just saying that sometimes relationships require compromise.”

  “You sanctimonious…”

  “Jessie…” he cut her off. “Please don’t finish that sentence.”

  “Fine. You want to compromise? We’ll both stay in St. Louis.”

  “No. Absolutely not.”

  “But we’re compromising, darling.”

  “You are such a brat,” he accused.

  “Am not,” she crossed her arms and glared up at him.

  “I really want to kiss you right now.”

  “Don’t change the subject.”

  “But you’re really sexy when you’re mad at me.”

  “Stop it,” she shoved at his chest.

  With the devil’s grin, he grabbed her by the waist and started tracing a line of fire along her collarbone.

  “This doesn’t change anything,” her head rolled back and she melted in his arms. “My answer is still no.”

  “Mm-hmm…”

  Two hours later, Jessie lay staring at the ceiling wondering how exactly he’d managed to so completely befuddle her.

  After Vance and Harmony had left, he’d broached the subject of him staying in St. Louis until things were settled. They’d fought and now here she was—a mockery to decades of the struggle for women’s rights.

  “One month,” he promised. “Give me one month and then I’ll come home, whether it’s done or not.”

  “Assuming you don’t get yourself shot in that month.”

  “Ever the optimist.”

  “I thought you were dead once. I can’t do that again. I won’t.”

  “You won’t have to. I’ll call every day. I’ll come home every chance I get.”

  “And what about the hours in between?”

  “I guess that’s where faith comes in.”

  Jessie wanted to tell him her world consisted of what was. Things like faith didn’t hold much stock. But the words died in her throat. Instead she nodded and blinked back the tears that threatened. She rolled over, tucking herself against his side. The baby kicked soundly, unhappy with the newly cramped quarters.

  “I felt that,” excitement permeated his voice. He moved his hand to the side of her stomach, eager to feel a repeat performance. The baby obliged, obviously irritated to have its space cut down even further.

  His grin could have lit the blackest of nights. Jessie smiled at the look of wonder in his eyes, stroking his hair and watching him with no small amount of adoration in her own eyes.

  There, in that moment, she felt a spark of what could only be faith—faith that their little family would stand together in the end. If Gabe were the kind of man who could walk away from a responsibility, then he wouldn’t be the man she loved. And she wanted their child to have the kind of parents that stood up for truth no matter what. And for those two reasons, he was right. He had to stay.

  “Come back to us,” Jessie seared the look on his face to her memory. “Swear to me.”

  “I do as I say,” he stilled, meeting her eye
s. “One month.”

  “Hailey and I will plan the wedding while you’re gone,” she decided as the words tumbled out of her mouth. “Don’t leave me standing there without a groom.”

  “You don’t have to entice me to come back,” he shook his head.

  “Gabe, please.”

  “I’ll be there. We’ll make it a Valentine’s Day wedding.”

  “Oh that’s so cheesy,” Jessie wrinkled her nose.

  “Humor me.”

  “Fine. Valentine’s Day.”

  “Hopeless romantic,” he teased before kissing her long and slow.

  The next morning Jessie took her time getting ready. She knew it was time for her to go home, but she wasn’t ready to leave Gabe behind. She wished she could see Vance and Harmony once more, but each meeting increased the risk they would be caught. So she contented herself with the knowledge that as of the moment, they were alive and well.

  She cried the first half of the drive home. The baby kicked like crazy, making her cry all the harder. She stopped at the Pizza Inn at Rolla to have their buffet for lunch. Then spent the next half of the trip practicing what she’d tell Milo.

  Turns out Gabe had already paved the way for her there. Milo welcomed her back without a word and they picked up right where they left off. The first week of Gabe’s absence passed quietly enough.

  Hailey gladly dove into helping Jessie plan an impromptu wedding, which would be held at Honeybranch. It seemed the most appropriate venue. Ethan graciously stepped in to oversee the process of making the property livable again after years of sitting dormant. Before she knew it, Gabe was back for his first two-day visit. They spent both days turning the main house at Honeybranch into their new home.

  He was gone again before she was ready, but not before they moved her meager possessions into the main house.

  “I don’t like you being here alone,” he’d frowned when she’d first announced her intention to move in right away.

  “I’ll get a pet.”

  “A dog. A big dog.”

  “Drive carefully,” she’d kissed him and watched him drive away.

  The next day she’d stuck to her promise to get a pet and adopted a cat. It was a fluffy gray ragdoll with white paws who spent her time lounging in the sunlight streaming through the big bay windows in the living room.

  He wasn’t amused. He walked through the door and stopped short at the site of the gray cat in the window.

  “That is not a guard dog.”

  “But she doesn’t drool on me,” Jessie informed him pertly. “Oh, but I can’t change the litter. It’s bad for the baby. Could you do that before you head back?”

  He’d grumbled, but he did change the litter. The next day, he’d left bright and early only to return with a large white German Shepherd.

  “No,” she refused to let the pair into her house.

  “He’s cleaner than that creature,” Gabe gestured at the cat. “And he has a function… besides filling the litter box.”

  “His paws are muddy.”

  “I’ll dry them,” he promised, pushing his way through the door. “His name is Lobo.”

  “Perfect,” Jessie eyed the animal warily as he sniffed his new surroundings. “Just perfect.”

  Gabe spent the rest of his time off with Ethan walking the property and drawing up plans. Lumber contractors were hired to clear a pasture. The sale of the lumber was supposed to pay for fencing and a pole barn.

  Jessie just smiled and nodded when they talked farm plans with her. It just wasn’t her thing. She was much happier working with Hailey to contact children’s homes so they could introduce themselves.

  With the work to be done, learning how to be a grill cook, settling into a new home and planning a wedding, the second week without Gabe passed even more quickly than the first.

  Gabe was starting to look drawn. He was no closer to uncovering the dirty cop and there had been another murder.

  “We hired Hailey’s son Aaron to do dishes at the diner. Unofficially, because he’s not technically old enough,” Jessie filled him in on local news. “But he’s trying to save for a new saddle and Milo wants me free to do more cooking.”

  “He’s a good kid,” Gabe commented halfheartedly.

  “You are a million miles from here.”

  “I just can’t stop thinking about this thing at work. I know Brunner is an idiot, but is he capable of being a bad cop?”

  “Maybe,” Jessie wasn’t sure how to help him. “Maybe not. Stop thinking about it, though. That’s when the answer will come to you.”

  All she could do was watch helplessly as he drove away, the strain of the situation bearing heavily on his shoulders. Being so far removed made her feel impotent, but she couldn’t fathom how to help. So she threw herself even harder into the things she did have control over.

  Having Aaron work part-time at the diner gave her an idea, which she ran past Milo one day over a late lunch.

  “What do you think about hiring some of the kids we take in?”

  “Here?”

  “Yeah. You’re always short-staffed. Maybe we could start a training program for kids that are interested in learning a skill… give them something to put on a job application when they are ready to move on.”

  “We could take on one or two at a time, I suppose,” he mulled it over. “How many kids you planning on having at that halfway house of yours?”

  “We can handle ten at first. The plan is to expand to twenty within five years.”

  “Looks like maybe you need to start asking around. Maybe some of these other local businesses would be willing to take on an apprentice.”

  “That’s a good idea,” Jessie nodded slowly. “I don’t suppose you could help me come up with a list of people to talk to?”

  “I’ll think about it a bit… maybe ask around some,” he promised. “Now you’d better get going. You have too much to do to sit around keeping an old man company.”

  “Never,” she grinned, nonetheless getting up to kiss him on the cheek before washing her plate and gathering her things. Thanks to a steady drizzle and dropping temperatures, a fine sheen of ice was gathering on the ground and she had no desire to test her driving skills on it.

  When she was safely home she got a fire going, changed into her pajamas and snuggled up on the couch to watch TV. She tried petting the cat, but it gave her a disdainful look, stretched and returned to its spot in the window.

  She sighed; the sound seemed to bounce around the big, empty house. Lobo cocked his head and watched her expectantly.

  “What do you want?” she scowled at him.

  He wagged his tail and inched closer to her.

  “I’m not a dog person.”

  He inched a little closer.

  “Seriously. Go away.”

  He rested his massive head on her lap.

  “You listen about as well as your master.”

  The dog’s tail thumped in response.

  “Do you know any tricks?”

  The dog sighed.

  “Okay, I won’t bring it up anymore.”

  The dog’s tail thumped again and she scratched his ears. He licked her arm and gave her a look of pure adoration.

  “Fine. We can be friends… but don’t tell Gabe. I’ll never live it down.”

  Turns out Lobo was a great listener. Over the course of the afternoon, Jessie managed to fill him in on every major event of her life. He seemed quite interested in her current predicament. Either that or the food she was dishing into his bowl as she wound down her current tale of woe.

  He scarfed down his kibble while she picked absentmindedly at a microwaved meal for one. Her brain hurt from all of the planning and worrying so she decided to spend an evening doing nothing. She curled up on the couch with a bowl of popcorn and a mug of hot chocolate to watch The Notebook. Somewhere between Noah securing the first date with Allie and the final, tear-wrenching scene, Lobo had worked his way onto the couch. She wrapped her arms around him as
she cried; he licked her face with concern.

  The shrill ring of the home phone sliced through the air, startling them both.

  “Are you okay?” Worry permeated Gabe’s voice when he realized Jessie had been crying.

  “Fine. It’s nothing, really,” she promised him. “Are you okay? You sound stressed.”

  “It’s probably nothing,” what was meant to be reassuring had the opposite effect. “Do you remember Kevin? The uniform standing out front at Nick’s? He asked about my girlfriend today… He was just making conversation, but a bunch of guys heard. I don’t know. Maybe I’m just making myself crazy… just be extra careful, okay?”

  “Sure,” she promised. They talked for a little while longer. From the tone of Gabe’s voice, Jessie half-expected him to drive home overnight just to check on her. She did her best to comfort him, but the truth was his call scared her. She was glad for the white dog that shadowed her every move.

  After thirty minutes of restless pacing, she called Vance.

  “Hey. I just got a call that made me a little nervous and thought maybe you could tell me if there’s anything new going on,” she told his voicemail. She hung up, not sure what else to say.

  Her nerves were a wreck and she wished having a big glass of wine was an option. As it was, she dozed off on the couch in front of a documentary with two phones, a cast iron skillet, and a butcher knife on the coffee table in front of her. Lobo was stretched out at her side, his head resting on her chest.

  The vibration of a growl rumbling low in his throat is what woke her up. His entire body was tense as he honed in on an unseen threat in the woods surrounding the house.

  Jessie was afraid to move, afraid to distract his attention. She reached for the phone as discreetly as possible. Her hands shook as she dialed Gabe’s cell.

  “I think there’s someone outside,” she tried to sound calm, but desperately wanted to weep at the sound of his tired voice.

  “Okay. It’s okay. I’m going to call Bobby and ask him to swing by. I’m not far away myself. I couldn’t sleep. Call me back in a few minutes so I know you’re okay.”