by welcome
Chandra said that he found Prema interesting, though a little bit intriguing. Likewise,
though friendly by nature, he thought, she was reserved by disposition. She had a warm
heart and a cool head as he saw it. That she had ideas of her own became apparent to him
from her articulation. His reading of her was that, she had a practical outlook about human
frailties. However, she seemed unforgiving when it came to meanness in man. Her only
fault, he felt, lay in her fatalistic approach to life.
“The poor thing, what a devil she married,” said Nithya with empathy. “Ironically her
pop"s riches have undone her. If not for her, perhaps, condemned by fate, I would"ve been
his wife. If only we can make life easier for her!”
The interaction of the couples, over the next six months, was on the expected lines with
a welcome exception. Insensibly drawn by their mutual empathy, the women came to love
and admire each other and that irked Vasu, who was getting despaired by Nithya"s
obduracy. Adding to his discomfiture and to the delight of Nithya, Chandra and Prema
were into a platonic friendship. Though completely foxed by the developments, Vasu
sensed the evolving equation would bring in diminishing returns for him. Besides, having a
strong suit in hand, it made no sense to him to prolong the game any longer. So he decided
to call Nithya to account.
“How long would you have to make me wait?” Vasu confronted Nithya, one evening.
“What"s the point rushing in prematurely?” said Nithya calmly. “Don"t you see we"re
laying the ground?”
“I think the time is ripe now for seeding it,” he said impatiently. “Hasn"t Chandra got
used to our closeness?”
“That"s true, but…”
“You"ve got to take the plunge some time or the other.” he said cajolingly. “And I can"t
let you dilly-dally forever. You know I"m at the end of my tether already.”
“You should be a woman to know what it all boils down to,” she said persuasively. “We
should wait for an opportune moment for that.”
“I'll create one,” he said determinedly. “Look, I would make it seem as if I"m on tour for
ten days but would be back after five. I"ll call you up from the Ritz then and I don"t think it
would be difficult for you to spend some daytime with me on those days.”
“In a hotel?” she feigned apprehension, “mad or what!”
“Where else then,” he said in irritation, “in my dreams?”
“Well that"s the hitch,” she sighed, “though I"m inclined.”
“Why not I remove the hitch,” he said meaningfully. “What if I let Chandra know about
your past? Knowing our present closeness, can"t he put two and two together? Well, that
might lead to a few hiccups, but won"t that help remove the hitch forever?”
“Are you blackmailing me?”
“You can take it whatever way,” he said menacingly. “If you don"t come, I may
conclude you"re only flirting with me.”
“What do you mean?”
“It"s time to act,” he said to smother her further, “for both of us, one way or the other.”
“You"re making me helpless,” said Nithya thoughtfully.
“I will sound you about my program,” said Vasu, as he left.
When Vasu informed Nithya about his itinerary shortly thereafter, she decided it was
time for the final act.
Stooping to Conquer
When an excited Vasu left on tour, a vengeful Nithya opened the closet to seal his fate.
Retrieving his letter from its recess, she gave it the kiss of death and stooping to conquer,
she gave it to Chandra for Prema"s perusal. Being on her errand though, Chandra was
bogged down with a troubled mind, yet he placed the fatal letter before Prema after
briefing her about the problem posed by her husband to his wife.
“So you"re privy to my proclivities in bed,” said Prema finally in disgust. “What"s left of
me to bare more?”
“I"m sorry. It wasn"t my intention to hurt you,” he said embarrassedly. “But I don"t
want him to mess up with my life either. I love my wife and don"t want her to get involved
again. And there was no way for me than to alert you of his designs.”
“I appreciate that,” said Prema shamefacedly.
“I know all that was cooked up to curry Nithya"s favor,” he said feeling hurt for having
caused her hurt.
“See what life could come to!” she said nonplussed at the development.
“Oh, how I've hurt you!” he said in hurt. “Now, I realize it"s a mistake showing that to
you.”
“Why do you think,” she said, “when you"ve opened my eyes.”
“How to close his eyes to my wife"s charms?” said Chandra. “That"s still a problem.”
“I wish I could turn him blind,” she smiled impishly, “with some sort of a magic wand.”
“Jokes apart,” he said sounding serious, “won"t you speak to him?”
“That might avert your threat,” she said contemplatively, “but would it remove my
hurt?”
“I think it"s time we soften life"s blows.”
“I too thin so,” she said contemplatively. “You know I"ve come to admire you. I know
Nithya had a great escape thanks to you, while I remain entrapped with him. I've to admit
that what all he wrote about me is true. I"m really cold to him. How can it be otherwise
when I"m not even warm to myself?”
“But why,” he said surprised, “if I may ask you?”
“Honestly, I myself was thinking of telling you my story,” she said turning nostalgic.
“But I held myself out of delicacy. It"s all so different now and I feel like poring out to you.
What an irony it is that Vasu should"ve put me at the cross-roads of life for the second time.
I tell you that you"ve many things in common with the man I loved and lost, having been
spurred on to err by this man.”
“I think your tone betrays the magnitude of your loss.”
“So your face shows your concern,” she said animatedly. “I wouldn"t have found a
better man to tell my tale and ironically not a more appropriate occasion for the narration.
Don"t ask for his name and all, after all, the world is small, and one day, for all I know, you
may even come across him. Who knows, he may even become a celebrity some day and
why compromise him, should either happen.”
“Oh what sensitivity!” he said moved. “I love you for that.”
“Know it gives me hope,” she said. “I"m the only child of my parents who happen to be
rich. As my father doted upon me, he gave me every plaything I fancied. That made all the
children hang around in our house and how we used to turn it into a playground! My mom
didn"t mind that but Vasu, who was one among them, used to be fussy whenever he was at
the receiving end. I knew he was a bad loser from the beginning. Come Diwali, and my
father used to spend a fortune on fire-crackers and everything else but while goading the
boys to light them for me, I always used to close my ears. I grew up enjoying the attentions
I received from the neighbors and it was much to do with my father"s exalted status that
made everyone fete me.”
“When we first met he was twelve, you know who, and I was ten,” she said after a
pause. “His family rented our neighborhood house and that"s how we happened to meet.
All of us were eager to befriend him as he
was handsome and agreeable and he too readily
mixed with all of us, the young and the old alike, my father included. My father, a learned
man with varied interests, and who had the talent to spot talent, lost no time in taking him
under his wings to help him widen his horizons. Soon, he began to treat him as if he were
his own son and opened his study for him, and drawn by his looks whenever he was with
my father I used to hang around there. Oh, I became fond of him, though he took no note of
my liking for him.”
“As we entered adolescence,” she continued as her face glowed, “my underlying
fondness for him came to the fore and I began to notice his persona in all its youthful
charm. Well, I cherished his face and admired his gait, why, every inch of his frame excited
me even as every nuance of his persona enamored me! Why, I just couldn"t take my eyes off
him whenever he was around, near or far and aware as they were of my obsession for him,
my devoted eyes developed and printed his fascinating pictures on my mental screen. Oh,
what a romantic face he had and to help me relive his presence in his absence, my
dedicated memory animated them to cater to my craving. What was it if not being in love
but still I didn"t dare dream to own him as he had given me no hope by way of reciprocity.”
“Do you know how the fillip for my hope came from an unexpected quarter?” she said
turning excited. “An uncle of his on a visit to our house sugared my love by opining that I
made a hit pair with him and my father said he too felt the same way. That casual remark
of his uncle and my father"s reaction to it made me envision him, in school final then, as my
man-in-the-waiting and so I began to dream, the dream of my life. And that Diwali it was
the bareness of our knees that provided the first substance to my adolescent dreams. While
helping him prepare flowerpots at his place, as I bent over him to pick up an empty pot,
our bare knees came in touch and the pulsations of that reached the core of my heart. Well,
he was in his knickers and I wore skirts and as I was back in my posture, he moved closer
to me making our knee-contact. Oh, what a pleasure it was experiencing the pressure of his
knee on mine, well the sensuality of that touch etched in my flesh sustained my dreams for
long.”
She paused as if she was reliving her dreams and seeing her thus, Chandra felt she
looked like an angel.
“Believe me,” she resumed with a newfound vigor, “even the subsequent sex life with
Vasu failed to erase that sensual feeling from my consciousness. Why, as I talk to you, hard
though to believe, I feel that touch that's so fresh in my memory even now. If only I were an
artist, I would"ve painted that on the widest of canvases, the entire spectrum of it, in its
myriad colors and varied shades.”
“Oh, you make me envious of the unknown him!”
“And as he joined college,” she continued in the same vein, “he became scarce what
with his focus on studies, sports taking his spare time. Knowing that his performance in
PUC would decide his future, I kept my love on hold, confining myself to the fringes of his
life all the while dreaming about our future together. Oh, how I could avoid his company
and lullaby my love for nearly a year I would never know!
But, as he was through with his exams, feasting my eyes he resumed his visits to our
place. It was when my love craved for expression, and as he failed to see its manifestations,
I decided to be forthright. But, as hard as I tried, I couldn"t bring myself to voice my love to
him though it rang in my ears all the while. At last, as though he understood my
predicament, he himself provided the opportunity.”
She paused in the manner of an orator before a dramatic disclosure.
“That summer afternoon,” she began as her face lighted up, “as I lay lost in his
thoughts, he came to my room and before my eyes could take possession of him from my
mind"s eye, he took his position on the edge of my bed. What followed was the scripture of
my love that I remember verbatim.”
Overwhelmed by her recollection of the momentous event of her life, so it seemed to
Chandra, she lost herself before resuming.
“Are you in love with someone?” I asked him tentatively, after inviting him to make
himself comfortable.
“Not really,” he replied.
“But I love you,” I told him, taking his hand.
“You know,” he said warmly, “I like you.”
“I know that,” I said fondling his hand, “and that"s what made me express my love to
you.”
As he reached for my lips, I went with my heart.
“You don"t know for how long I"ve been scanning your eyes to see your love for me,” I
began to pour out what I brewed in my heart. “But I found none and how disappointed I
was. But still I didn't stop conveying my love through body language. But as you"ve failed
to grasp it, I didn"t know what more I could do to let you know about my love for you
without being forthright about it--I was worried of rejection and feared ridicule even. But
then, I thought that I owed it to my love to convey it to you, even if you make light of it.
That"s the least I can do to my love, that"s what I thought.”
“I value you even more now,” he said, reaching for my lips even as I was eager for that
uttered those words.
“I live by my love,” I told him, feeling one with him, “and die for that.”
She paused again in the manner of an orator to let his remark sink in the audience.
“As he took me,” she continued in her dream mode, “I pressed him closer fondling his
hair that I loved so much. We necked and petted for long but he didn"t seek sex, though I
was prepared to give. When, I lay in bed, lost in heaven after he left, my mother came
looking for me and feeling shy, I folded my palm over my eyes. I can't tell you how the
fragrance of Keo-Karpin that he uses made me recall him making me coyer in her presence.
Oh, how romantic it feels whenever I recall it and I do recall it more than I can recall now.”
“Well at the cost of repetition,” said Chandra, “you are making me envious of him.”
“Hope he doesn't burn in your envy,” she said managing a smile. “Well that summer
became a lyrical stanza in the exotic verse of our euphoric romance! What a joy it was
stealing kisses behind everyone"s back at every turn and in every nook and corner.
Dreaming about the future while being in his arms was like being in heaven for me. Oh,
how my love made my life all that precious! What hopes I nursed for my love and what
picture I made of it in a wedding frame?”
“Won"t all love pale before your love!” said Chandra in admiration.
“And as if to prove that all good things would come to an end,” she said
melancholically, “fate had willed that he would leave me for his higher studies, which was
untimely for me, as in spite of our romance, he hadn"t formulated his love for me by then.
Oh, how destiny had put me back into square one, where I remained pining for him unsure
about my future as I had no heart to suggest that he write to me to put me at ease fearing
our correspondence could compromise him. So, but for his memories for a company, I was
leading a lonely life all along then.”
Fouling
the Soul
As Prema broke down in the midst of her narrative, Chandra was compelled to caress her
hand to solace her and as the warmth his gesture reached her heart, wiping her tears of
dejection, she looked at him with affection. Thanking him for his concern, she resumed the
saga of her disaffection.
“It was then that Vasu got closer to me. While my father warned me not to entertain
him, I made light of his caution saying that I knew which side of my bread was buttered
and believing that I was judicious, he took my word though he had a poor opinion about
Vasu. What a silly idea it was that I could keep my boredom at bay in Vasu"s company
though he did all he could to keep me in good humor. Whatever, I found it amusing trying
to distract myself in his company though my man"s thought never left me even for a
moment. Sadly for me, and as it seems with hindsight, naturally with him, Vasu having
mistook my interest in his company for my love began pestering me. But still, I couldn"t
reveal my mind to him for fear of compromising my lover. Putting Vasu at bay, I waited for
my darling to come home for the holidays.
When he came during Christmas holidays, I told him about Vasu"s pestering, and
suggested that he too up the matter with him. But he felt that, as it would be a delicate
subject for a man-to-man talk, it was better that I broke the news to Vasu and be done with
him. That gave me hope as I thought it revealed the pulse of his heart. After giving me a
lovely time, he left after the vacation.
Left to fend for myself against Vasu"s advances, when I tried to shun him, he stunned
me in turn. Do you know how? Oh, by shaming my lover! He said that I was being double-
crossed by the man I loved, as his real affections lay elsewhere. When I protested, he
maintained it was an open secret at college and it was stupid of me to shun the true lover
and run after a deceiver. When I asked for the proof, he brought in a witness to vouchsafe
for his statement.
As I recalled the vacillations of my lover in shock, they seemed proof enough of his
perfidy. And that convinced me that something was amiss after all. I felt as if all my dreams
fell apart as a derivative of the domino theory. I didn"t know how to handle the situation,