Memory Girl

by Singleton, Linda Joy

  Applause echoes so loudly that I long to cover my ears.

  “I hold fifteen tiles in this bag, each representing a Family who will welcome a youth,” Grand Sarwald declares. “The first Family to Choose is ….”

  Tensing, I hold my head high and struggle to hide the fear from my face. I am torn between wanting it over and wishing time would stop.

  If aging can stop, why not time?

  When Grand Sarwald pulls out a tile bearing his own Family name, I am not surprised (nor, I suspect, is anyone in the audience). I’m glad for Marcus, who proudly steps forward to announce his new Name: Neil Sarwald.

  Once Marcus, it’s hard to think of him as Neil, leaves the stage with a tall dark-skinned woman who wears her hair in a tight knot on her head, the room goes silent.

  I’m holding my breath. Waiting …

  Another tile drawn. The Candras Family.

  Agnes Candras, I think with a rise of hope. One of the Names from Marcus’s list. If I’m called, I’ll have a Name ready for this Family.

  Leader Candras, a rounded woman with wispy sun-streaked hair, steps up to the podium. She glances at the booklets with our information then moves toward us. I remind myself, You’re going to be last.

  With a lift of her arm, Leader Candras points to Jane, a shy, freckled girl who is a skilled swimmer. “I Choose you,” Leader Candras says, not using the youth name because “Jane” no longer exists.

  Formerly Jane jumps excitedly. This is the Family she hoped for.

  “Have you Chosen a Name?” Leader Candras asks the traditional question.

  I hold my breath, waiting for Jane’s answer. Watching the Celebraze unfold is stunning—not a lesson anymore but real life.

  Jane shows no hesitation as she declares herself. “Hillari Candras.” I know of Agnes Candras but all I recall of Hillari Candras is her death from falling from a high window.

  Another tile is drawn.

  I cross my fingers, hoping it’s not Sanchez or Treveno, so my top choices are last. Like I will be.

  But Leader Sanchez is next, and he Chooses Merry. Never one to wait until the last minute for studying, Merry is quick with her Choice: Vesper Sanchez.

  The Sanchez Family sits in the front, so I’m able to watch Merry (oops, Vesper) being welcomed. A woman hugs her, tears streaming down her face as she ties a scarf around Vesper’s head. A man offers Vesper a lily bouquet and another woman gifts Vesper with a wrapped box. Many arms reach to embrace Vesper. So much love and acceptance …. My heart tightens.

  Only one Name remaining from Marcus’ list.

  I clench my hands into fists at my sides, relieved each time a name is called that isn’t Treveno. Our line grows smaller as several more youths are led down the aisle to join their new Families.

  When the Hu Family is called, I’m sure they’ll select a boy since most of their Lost Ones had strenuous roles tending livestock. No surprise when Leader Hu points to Bob, who becomes Benjamin Hu. His welcome is boisterous, back-slapping with whoops of joy. A sparrow-like dark-haired woman embraces him so passionately I suspect she’s his wife.

  Next Charles becomes Kirk Dallows, and I’m sorry for him because I know he hoped to join the Hu Family. Polly becomes January Salazar. Asha is Noelle Burrecia. Simon is Tyler Jones. And Barbara is Chosen by the Hale Family, but she’s too nervous to remember a Name, so her new Family Chooses for her: Alexandria Hale. I remember Alexandria’s gruesome death—while practicing fencing, a sword pierced her heart.

  Lorelei shines brighter than night stars when she’s Chosen by the Ying Family. Her top choice! Graces good!

  Only three youths remain.

  I’ve dreaded this moment—standing at the end, knowing that the tiles are randomly drawn so I have no idea who will Choose me. But I am hopeful, because the Treveno Family hasn’t Chosen yet. They may have preferred Hillari (Jane) or Charles (Kirk), but there are only Clark, Homer, and me. Clark, who is muscular and strong, hopes for the Cross Family, since many of their Lost Ones had roles in construction, and jokester Homer is suited for the dramatical Starr Family.

  Homer is Chosen by the Starr Family. After Choosing his name, he twirls to the audience and gives a dramatical bow.

  Two Families remaining …

  Longingly, I watch Leader Treveno, who waits her turn on the stage, a wide-boned woman with laughing eyes. I could easily bond with her and become Hildy Treveno, lost to drowning seventy-three years ago. Leader Treveno holds a pink box, a gift for her Chosen youth. I imagine opening the pink box, finding jewelry or a hair frivel, and oohing with delight. “Although a gift isn’t necessary,” I’ll say with appropriate humbleness. “Being Chosen by your Family is gift enough.”

  Please Choose me, I think. Please!

  The next tile drawn is for the Cross Family. So I will be last, I think with a resigned sigh as I wait for Leader Cross to Choose muscular Clark.

  Leader Cross, a tall, grim-faced, tawny-skinned man, steps forward, his hand raised with decision.

  “I Choose her.”

  He points to me.

  SEVEN

  No, no, NO!

  There has to be a mistake!

  But Leader Cross clearly said “her,” not “him,” and he stands before me, tying the red scarf with the Cross Family insignia around my neck.

  I have been claimed.

  Shock-stunned, I’m unable to move. I want to run to Leader Treveno and beg her to Choose me. I’ll work hard and follow rules. I’ll do whatever you ask with no arguments. I’ll be a great fit into your Family.

  But Leader Cross looms before me like an impassable mountain.

  “Have you Chosen a Name?” He asks the traditional question.

  What can I say? I never even looked at the Cross Family Name Book. Everyone knows they only select boys to replace Lost Ones who had labor roles, like digging ditches or hefting crates. Me? A laborer? Crazy!

  “Your Name?” Leader Cross prompts.

  “Jennza,” I say before realizing my error.

  “Your Chosen Name,” Leader Cross says sternly.

  I can only shake my head.

  Fifteen years led to this moment. Why didn’t I spend fifteen extra minutes reading the Cross Name Book? I blink back tears. A Name is more than what I’ll be called—it’s my forever role in ShareHaven.

  Grand Sarwald comes over beside Leader Cross, his expression less than kind as he regards me. “You don’t have a Name prepared?”

  “N-no.” I suck in a breath of shame.

  “Then as is customary, Leader Cross may Choose your Name.”

  I know, I think miserably. Oh, I know ….

  So I become Milly Cross.

  Mind-fogged, I follow Leader Cross off the stage. He’s unsmiling. As we reach the rows assigned to the Cross Family, a woman with thickly coiled black braids at each side of her head opens her arms to me. She offers me a wrapped gift, then embraces me, smelling sweetly of fresh bread and flowers.

  “Milly, oh my dear sister,” she says, tears shining in her black eyes as if I’m a living miracle. “I can hardly wait till you remember everything. I’ve missed our talks so much … for so long.”

  Her affection should ease my disappointment, but I don’t know this woman or any of the Cross Family. I’m not Milly. Not yet anyway.

  The microphone booms loudly around the room. I look up to the stage where smiling, sweet-faced Leader Treveno joyfully declares, “I Choose you!”

  Clark is Chosen last.

  Once I take a seat in the audience with the Cross Family, the braided woman—Rosemarie one of the men calls her—urges me to open her gift. I unwrap a silver utility knife. It unfolds into useful tools: pliers, a nail file, and tiny scissors. I almost smile because while Lorelei would have hated this, a tool suits me more than jewelry.

  I speak the expected respectful phrases. My new Family has seven members present: five men and two women. The men acknowledge me with disinterested nods. Only Rosemarie hugs and offers words of welcome. Her over
whelming emotion, though, makes me uncomfortable, as if in that quick moment of Naming, I have become her Milly. I prefer the more honest hostility of the other woman who ignores me, her emotions hidden behind a curtain of black hair sweeping across one side of her face.

  As white scarves burn in a ceremonial pot at the center of the stage and Grand Sarwald declares closing words, I stop worrying about my new life because this is the moment for good-byes and I have a bigger problem.

  Petal.

  I must return her to the sea. But will I get a chance? Once I enter the Cross compound, I’ll be bound by their rules. I may never visit the sea again.

  Rosemarie is reluctant to part with me, but I convince her to wait with the others outside the dorm building while I gather my belongings. I hurry ahead of the dense crowd, breaking into a run. I can only think of sweet Petal. Her skin will be dry and withery without seawater.

  I take the path to the communal building where dorms are split, boys on the left and girls on the right. A familiar voice calls behind me and I glance over my shoulder. I groan—it’s Lorelei, coming this way with her new Family. She gestures for me to wait. But I pretend not to see her and race to my dorm room.

  A dark curl snags in my red noose-scarf, and I untangle it, then yank off the scarf. As I reach for a comb, I bump the dish of my sea treasures but catch it before it topples to the floor. Agates, sand-coins, coral spirals, and shining shells. My favorite star-shaped shell, tiny as my thumb, glimmers blue.

  Blue like Nate’s eyes.

  Sighing, I tuck the sea-star shell into my tunic pocket.

  After retying my scarf, I see myself in the hanging wall mirror where I’ve grown taller over the years. How different will it be to share a Family dwelling instead of a room with seven girls? I gaze around at identical wood-framed beds, cabinets, and dressers topped with personal items like brushes and hair decors. I’ve been happy here. But the Edu-Center is closing until the next group of youths, and I must bond with the Cross Family.

  Or I could run away, right now, grab my belongings and hide in my cave with Petal. She’s taught me to forage for edible sea scrubs, shell-slugs, and flowers. I could survive better in her world than she could in mine.

  But I am fooling myself.

  No one ever leaves ShareHaven.

  I sneak out of the dorm through a back door, then keep to the shadows until I reach the storage room. Petal scurries over to me. Her tinkling greeting rumbles a purr as I gently stroke her leathery back. Her skin is flaky, and when she opens her mouth to lick my hand, her tongue is dry. The water bowl I left for her hasn’t been touched.

  “I’ll take you to seawater,” I promise, offering her my arm. Petal scrawls up to my neck, then burrows inside my thick hair, beneath the Cross Family scarf.

  “Hold tight,” I tell her, although it’s not necessary because even weak, she’s skilled at hiding.

  I move carefully to the door, turning the handle until I hear the click. I peer out, then gasp. Two purple-and-gold-clad figures stand a few meters from the door—blocking my escape.

  Two scientists! The brother and sister, Daniel and Lila Farrow, both tall with proud faces lined with wisdom; Lila’s silver hair contrasts against her brother’s shining black head, yet their straight noses, strong chins, and slim lips are alike.

  I draw back into hiding, my hand gripping the door so it stays open a sliver. They are so deep in conversation they don’t notice me.

  “—can’t fool me,” Daniel says in a smooth and pleasant voice which doesn’t match the anger in his expression. “Give up this ridiculous interest in youths.”

  “Is it ridiculous to want to save lives?” she argues.

  “My research proves there is no cause for alarm,” he says calmly.

  “And my research proves otherwise. Matters will only worsen unless we can find new resources.” She gestures with her hands as she talks, and I’m awed by her shimmering fingernails, gold with purple tips, like flowers blooming.

  “No!” His eyes narrow at her. “I agreed to attend today at your insistence, but I won’t interfere in community affairs.”

  She shakes her head. “The community relies on us. We can’t wait another twenty-five years to find what we need.”

  “Is this another attempt to prove your superiority over me? One miracle discovery wasn’t enough for you?” His voice rolls low and smooth, as if he’s complimenting instead of criticizing. Only his glare hints at his anger.

  “I know we’ve had differences in the past, but this is about our future—all of our futures. I need your support.”

  “You need nothing from me. Everyone knows how much more clever you are,” he says coolly. “But I warn you, stay away from the youths—unless you’re in the need of another droll.”

  Droll? I’ve never heard this word but it sends fear quivering through me.

  “End this nonsense now, Lila,” Scientist Daniel adds, turning from his sister. “I’ll be in the solar-cart with the others, and if you don’t join us soon, I’m sure you’ll cleverly find a way back on your own.” His footsteps smack sharply on the pavement as he strides down the corridor.

  Scientist Lila stays so still I can’t tell if she’s breathing. She stares after her brother, then sighs, her expression so sorrowful my heart aches for her. Slowly, she walks in the opposite direction toward the dorms.

  Making sure Petal is securely hidden, I hurry from the storage room to the path. Can I reach the Fence and return without being missed? Doubtful. But I try.

  I run, pushing aside branches, breathing hard. I’m far enough now to see the glinting steel of the Fence. I run faster, muscles in my legs screaming for relief. A dip in the ground takes me by surprise, and I stumble. Grabbing hold of a boulder, I steady myself, then stop at the sound of a snapping branch. My pulse jumps. I dive behind a gnarled tree trunk. Peering through shadows, I see nothing, but I sense a living creature nearby, stalking. I shiver at the thought of claws, snakes, and primitive-human Nocturnes. I peer through thick bushes, all senses alert. A sweet roseberry blossom scent swirls in the air, and a flash of gold rustles in the bushes. Is someone—something—out there?

  When a bird bursts from the bushes, I laugh at my fears and resume my hurried pace. I can clearly see the Fence now, glistening silver-gold in the setting sun. I slow to a stop, although my heart continues to pound fiercely like the waves crashing below the cliff.

  “We’re here,” I tell Petal as I reach up so she can climb on my hand. “You’ll be safe once you reach the sea.”

  She blinks up at me, making no move to jump off my hand.

  “Go on, Petal.”

  She clings tighter. I sense her reluctance to leave me.

  I shake her off my arm and she falls onto the soft dirt, landing gracefully on her four webbed feet. I point to the Fence. “There isn’t time to take you to the cave. Squeeze under the wire and go down to the sea.”

  Petal curls her tail around herself, the way I sometimes wrap my arms around my shoulders. But she doesn’t move.

  “Don’t be stubborn. I want to go with you, but I can’t. Everything has changed. I’m going to change too, and I can’t be with you anymore.” My voice chokes. “Please, don’t make this even harder.”

  I carry her to the Fence, the sound of lapping waves a bittersweet song.

  “Go and don’t come back.” I speak harsher so she knows I’m serious.

  She crawls closer to me, away from the Fence.

  “No. You must crawl through the wire.”

  She shakes her leathery head. How can I convince her to leave? If the Instructors or my new Family realize I’m missing, an alarm will bring a search team and Uniforms with sniffer hounds. There is no hiding from the sniffers.

  “Go away!” I shout at her in my fiercest tone. “Now!”

  Her silky pink tongue curls from her mouth, like when she lick-kisses me. She paws my leg, poised to jump into my arms. But if I hold her again, I won’t have the courage to let her go. l must be str
ong for both of us.

  “Petal, go to the cave! I don’t want you here! Get away from me!”

  Her eyes shine liquid hurt, but she doesn’t move.

  I gulp in sea-tasting air then do something I’ll never forget or forgive. Reaching down to the ground, I pick up a rock. It’s heavy in my palm. Sharp-edges stab my skin. I pull back my arm and—

  “Don’t!” someone shouts.

  The rock drops from my fingers. I whip around, not seeing anyone until I peer beyond the Fence. A figure steps out from behind a boulder.

  My gasp startles Petal, who winds her leathery body around my ankle. I hardly notice her, staring at Nate, stunned by how goodly he looks without the bulky tube costume. I thought he’d left hours ago. Why is he here?

  His hair, shining black like wet sea pebbles, is pulled back into a long rope that trails over his shoulder. But his skin is a sharp contrast, pale as winter clouds, as if he is from a world of water and rarely touched by the sun. There are scars—jagged slashes near his mouth and above his left brow, and deeper, redder marks on his hands. His eyes—oh, those amazing eyes—pull me into a gaze bluer than the sea behind him.

  He frowns at me. “Were you going to throw that rock?”

  “I—I wasn’t …. I would never ….” I hang my head, ashamed at what I almost did. “I didn’t plan to hit Petal, only scare her away.”

  “I believe you,” he says softly. “You were very gentle with her in the cave. Yet you want her to leave you. Why?”

  “I love her.” My voice breaks, and I hate how close I am to tears. When I caress Petal’s bristly skin, dry flakes fall away. “She’s withering.”

  “Sea creatures belong in the sea,” he says with a nod of understanding.