Memory Girl

by Singleton, Linda Joy

“Right. But I don’t have time to take her to the cave, and she refuses to leave me. She … she knows I won’t be coming back.”

  He tilts his head, his black rope hair swaying. “You’re going away?”

  “To my Family. Today was the Celebraze.”

  “What’s a Celebraze?”

  “You don’t know?” I stare at his odd clothing—black pantons of rough fabric, stained and worn at the knees. His snug shirt misses top buttons, revealing a curl of chest hair.

  “There are many things I don’t know,” he admits. “But I’m eager to learn and to help. I’ll take your Petal back to the cave.”

  “You will?” I almost sink to the ground, relieved.

  “I’m already on this side of the Fence—unlike you. Also, I know the way into the cave.” His scar creases into the curve of his smile. “Hand her to me.”

  We kneel at our separate sides of the Fence, worlds of wire apart.

  Nate holds out his arms. “She’s small enough to squeeze under the wire.”

  “Go with him,” I whisper to Petal.

  She tries to escape my grasp. “Petal, don’t fight. Please, you need the sea.” I kiss her whiskery face. “Go now.”

  Petal lick-kisses my cheek, then looks curiously at Nate. He reaches beneath the fence. I see chipped nails, his upturned palms callused and strong. Our fingertips brush as I pass Petal to him, heat shooting through me. My heart rushes like strong winds, blowing me somewhere I’ve never been.

  Petal curls into Nate’s arms, and I wonder if they’ve met before. How long has Nate been coming to my cave? I want to know so much more, like where he lives and what his people are like. I thought he came from a sea society, but without his bulky tubes, he looks so … well … normal.

  The sinking sun reminds me I’m running out of time, so I speak quickly. “I won’t be able to come back to the cave. Will you visit her?”

  “I promise,” he says, clasping a hand over his heart. “I wish you weren’t leaving. You’re the most interesting girl I’ve ever met.”

  “You must not have met many girls.” My cheeks heat like a sunburn.

  “Oh, I know many—but no one like you. If things were different I’d take you to my ….” He stops abruptly, frowning.

  “Your what?”

  “Nowhere. You have your side of the Fence and I … I can’t ever be like you.” His eyes shine blue sadness. “I hate good-byes.”

  “I hate them too,” I say softly.

  Abruptly, he turns from the Fence with Petal. With agile moves, he climbs down the trail to the sea. I watch until the tangled brush swallows him.

  For the second time today, Nate is gone.

  And I still know nothing about him.

  EIGHT

  It’s not cold outside, but I’m shaking. Wrapping my arms around my shoulders, I leave the Fence.

  My heart is heavy stone, yet I must hide my emotions. I slow at the sound of voices. Families gather in groups outside the dorms, talking.

  Ducking into the bathroom, I splash water on my face and pluck off orange-red leaves from my tunic. These sticky leaves only grow on the trees near the sea—which could lead to dangerous questions.

  In my dorm room, I hurriedly finish packing, since the Cross Family will expect me to join them with my belongings. I yank open drawers and toss clothes, shoes, and everything else into a leather bag. I wrap my sea treasures in clothing, careful with each precious shell, coral, and polished rock. Grabbing the bags, I hurry to find my Family.

  My Family. I still can’t wrap my thoughts around my new role. Milly Cross. Once I have Milly’s memories, the name will seem familiar. If I had more time, I’d go to the learning room and read the Cross Name Book. I know the braided woman is Milly’s sister, Rosemarie, but I don’t know if Milly has a spouse or children. I don’t even know how she died.

  “Where have you been?” When I turn, there’s Marcus. He’s carrying two bulging bags, heavy with all his notebooks and nature collections. There’s a dirty smudge on his chin that makes me think of our mud battles and frog races. This is the last we’ll be together as Jennza and Marcus.

  “I was in the girls’ dorm,” I tell him.

  “Not twenty minutes ago.”

  “You know better than to go into the girls’ room.” I muster up outrage to stop his questions. “That’s completely forbidden.”

  He snorts. “As if you never do anything forbidden? You went back there, didn’t you?”

  “I don’t know what you mean.” I press my lips tightly. “I wasn’t feeling well and have been in the privacy room vomiting.”

  “Oh, Jennza.” He hangs his head. “I never thought the Cross Family would Choose you. I was sure they’d want a boy. I am so sorry. If I’d researched them, at least you would have been ready for a better Name.”

  “It’s not your fault,” I touch his hand reassuringly. “Besides, I will do well with the Cross Family. I have a sister, Rosemarie, who is very sweet. She even gave me a gift. Don’t worry about me. Enjoy your joy at becoming a Sarwald.”

  “I am,” he says with a sudden smile. “I expected work with gardens and orchards, but I just found out my memdenity will bring knowledge of pollination techniques. The first Neil was an apiarist—a honey keeper.”

  “That’s great.” I try not to sound envious.

  “I’m sorry you didn’t get the Family you expected, but the Cross Family dwells near the Sarwalds, so we should be able to meet often.”

  “Still, why did they Choose me instead of a boy? I don’t understand it.”

  “You’re not large or muscled, but you’re tough. When you tackle a project, you never give up.”

  “Never,” I say, forcing a grin.

  “Remember when we raced and you stumbled in a hole and sprained your ankle? You were in last place but even when the winner was announced, you didn’t quit until you crossed the finish line.” He gazes at me with something like admiration. He’s different tonight—more confident and full of purpose, as if his new identity has matured him, while I’d rather stay a youth and play games with my best mates.

  But I know Marcus cares about me, which means a lot. “I’ll be okay,” I tell him again, perhaps more to reassure myself. “Thank you for everything, Marcus.”

  “Neil,” he corrects.

  But to me he’ll always be Marcus.

  We don’t talk any more as we leave the dorms of our youth to join our Families. The Sarwalds, a large group of ruddy, tanned men and women, surround Marcus with back-slapping and rowdy voices. His bags are snatched by Grand Sarwald, who pats Marcus on the shoulder. “I’ll carry them for you, Neil.”

  Beyond them, I see the Cross Family—the men standing with arms folded as if bored and Rosemarie peering around anxiously, clearly looking for me. I don’t see the unfriendly woman.

  “There you are,” a soft, lyrical voice calls behind me.

  I stop, stunned, recognizing that voice. When I turn, I’m facing Scientist Lila, dazzling in purple and gold, her silver hair shining too bright for an ordinary human. But then a scientist is far from ordinary.

  “Me?” I gasp, dizzy to be so close to a real scientist.

  “I’m so glad to meet you, Jennza,” Scientist Lila says warmly. “No one knew where you were, and we nearly called the Uniforms to search for you.”

  “I was packing,” I say quickly.

  “Of course you were.” Her gaze captures mine with humor I don’t understand. “This is an exciting day for you, and I’m sure you’re eager to join your new Family. But I’ve spoken to them and gained permission to talk with you privately.”

  Graces good! Am I hearing right? Why would a scientist want to talk to me? I have never heard of anything so awe-making ever happening to a youth.

  My hands tremble, so I clasp them together. “Have I done something wrong?”

  “My stars, no.” Her laugh is music, and I’m drawn closer, wanting to touch the silky fabric of her tunic. “Will you walk with me?”

&
nbsp; I nod, even more confused when I remember her brother warning her to stay away from youths. Yet here she is with me.

  “Jennza,” the scientist says once we have turned a corner of the dorm building where no one else in near. “We don’t have much time, and there’s something of importance I need to ask you.”

  My head spins. What does a scientist—a scientist!—want from me? The only thing I am sure of is that it can’t be good.

  She’s staring at me with an intense gaze, one hand lightly on my shoulder. “I need you to be honest with me,” she says solemnly.

  “I never lie,” I say automatically.

  “Never?” she challenges.

  I glance away. “Well … not without a good reason.”

  “Now that’s an honest answer I can respect.” She chuckles. “Some lies are necessary, but knowing when to be truthful is necessary too.”

  “Has someone been talking … about me?” What has she heard? That I have poor study habits and lose my temper? (Homer deserved a bloody nose for releasing Marcus’ earwigs collection into the girls’ dorm).

  “It’s nothing like that.” Lila flicks her purple-gold fingernails, flashing a sapphire ring that dazzles as brilliant as stars. “I’m concerned about your future.”

  “You are?” My mouth drops open.

  “The reasons you were Chosen trouble me.”

  I bite my lip. “I don’t understand.”

  “You weren’t Chosen because of your skills but because of your lack of them. They have always selected boys, so usually only the boys are prepared with a Cross name. Not the girls,” she says angrily. “You had no real Choice. Leader Cross was swayed by his cousin Rosemarie who still grieves for her sister. They want to replace Milly.”

  “Rosemarie is kind,” I say, well aware I’m talking to one of the most powerful people in ShareHaven. “I’ll do my best to be a good sister.”

  Lila touches my cheek softly. “You don’t belong with the Cross Family.”

  I stare at her, relief rushing through my veins. It’s a mistake! I won’t have to go with the Cross Family. I was tricked, and a powerful scientist is on my side …. But why is she interested in me? She seems sincere, but her brother’s words push down my hope. Stay away from the youths. What was he warning her about? Could speaking to her be dangerous?

  I twist the edge of my red scarf. “The Crosses are my Family now.”

  “Is this really what you want? To perform mundane duties rather than stretch your mind and discover your true potential?” She draws closer to me, and I’m drowning in perfume and uncertainty. “Do you want to bond with the Cross Family?”

  “If I answer truthfully, I’ll dishonor my Family.”

  “I will tell no one how you answer,” she assures.

  “Why are you interested in me?” I finally ask what’s troubling me most. “You’re a scientist.”

  “Scientists care deeply about youths. Did you know there were only two youths born in the first group?”

  “Why so few?” I ask.

  “Scientists were in charge of youth creation in the early stages, and we only had limited resources. This was decades after the Attack, over two centuries ago, which may seem like a long time when you’re only age fifteen, but my memory stretches far.” Her gaze drifts across paths and buildings, as if winding into the past. “I had expected people to be content once they ceased aging and no longer feared wrinkles or death. Yet once they realized a side effect of immortality was infertility, there was a rush to get pregnant for those still under twenty-five. The sudden population increase drained our resources.”

  “You mean people in ShareHaven gave birth the retro way?” I say, wide-eyed. Instructors had never told us this.

  “Oh, yes, it was quite archaic,” she says with a chuckle. “After much trial and error, we calculated that fifteen youths every twenty-five years creates harmony among Families and restores an adequate number of Lost Ones.”

  While this is interesting, I still have no idea why she’s talking to me.

  “Sorry for rambling on,” she says with an apologetic smile. “You must be wondering why I’ve singled you out from the other youths.”

  “Well … yeah,” I admit.

  “After speaking to your Instructors, I know you have unique talents.”

  Being the worst student ever is not a talent, I think guiltily.

  “You enjoy walking, often early in the morn, which is an activity I find invigorating too,” she goes on. “My compound borders the cliff, so I take walks at the edge of land and sea. Where do you usually walk?”

  Is this a trick question? So I’ll admit I regularly break rules?

  “On marked trails,” I answer carefully, bending the truth.

  “Those trails only circle around buildings.” She spreads her arms wide. “If I lived here I would want to explore wilder places by the sea.”

  “That would be against the rules.”

  “But I would go anyway,” she says, leading me away from the building to a dirt path winding into thorny berry bushes. “Scientists make their own trails.”

  I am unsure what to say, confusion rising. What does she want from me?

  Scientist Lila stops at a berry bush, its shiny, red-gold leaves hiding prickly thorns. She reaches into a berry bush and plucks a juicy red berry.

  “No!” I shout, rushing to her side. “Don’t eat that!”

  “Why not? It looks ripe and delicious.” She lifts it to her mouth.

  I slap the berry from her hand. “It’s poisonous!”

  She raises her brows, not alarmed as I had expected but smiling. “How do you know about puha berries?”

  “The leaves are distinct.” I point to the reddish leaves, the only way of telling the safe berries from the poisonous ones. There’s an antidote, but if not taken soon enough, paralysis could linger for a week. I made this error once, and now won’t even eat the safe green-leaf berries.

  “Thank you for the warning.” Scientist Lila twirls the red berry between her fingers. Her nails shine unnaturally with square tips. “Nature taunts mere humans, packaging the puha berry so it appears as safe as a verberry. But the puha berry is more interesting. If you crush it into a powder, it can heal infection.” She tosses the red berry aside, then bends over a clump of wild grass, plucking a scruffy green weed. “Did you know common weeds can be used for medicines?”

  “Yes,” I say remembering the scarifying day I found Petal almost dead in my cave, moaning and barely able to move. I didn’t know how to help her, but after a while, she crawled to the edge of the pond and nibbled on lavender sea grass. Within minutes she spit up, healing herself.

  “Did the Instructors teach you this?”

  I shake my head. “I learned from watching animals.”

  Lila’s smile softens the lines in her face. “I knew we were alike, noticing small things that others overlook and stretching boundaries. Do you agree?”

  “Uh … it’s possible. I guess.”

  “A good answer. Stay open to possibilities. Questions begin every scientific discovery. It takes a special person to answer the call of science.”

  If she’s hinting at what I suspect—more than I ever dreamed—I can escape the Crosses and live at the scientists’ compound. No one will call me “Milly.”

  She grasps my hands, and I can’t look away from her. Her flowery perfume mingles with my dizzy thoughts, making it impossible to think. “Your curiosity and resourcefulness would be wasted on menial jobs,” she says. “I’ll only ask you once more: Do you want to live with the Cross Family?”

  Absolutely not, I think. But the scientists’ compound is so isolated, its mystery and secrets separate from ShareHaven. Only Grand Sarwald knows how to journey there. Would I be trapped there in a cage of secrecy? Never seeing Marcus or Lorelei again?

  Still, it would be thrilling to learn science and create miracle discoveries. And once I’m a scientist, I can make my own rules. I’d find a way to see my friends. A wondrous fu
ture is within my reach. I only need to say yes.

  I breathe in hopes and dreams and Lila’s flowery perfume. My gaze sweeps down from her silvery hair to the dirt-stained hem of her shimmering purple robe. I jerk away, clasping my hands to my chest.

  And I say no.

  Scientist Lila Farrow’s expression reveals no emotion. My answer must shock her, yet she doesn’t question me. Twining her fingers together to form a hand temple, her gaze props me under a microscope and dissects my thoughts.

  “Thank you,” she says simply. “I wish you much joy in your new life, Milly.”

  She turns away, a swirl of silver and purple with a fragrance of orange blossoms. An orange-red leaf sticks to her shoe. A leaf only found near the sea cliffs. I smelled her flowery scent when I returned Petal to the sea—after glimpsing golden movement in the bushes.

  Scientist Lila was in the bushes.

  Spying on me.

  NINE

  Leader Cross drives the solar coach with the confidence of someone used to being in charge. A stout man with a shaggy brown beard sits beside him. The hostile woman whose hair half hides her face has taken a back bench, avoiding contact with me. I sit beside Rosemarie, across from the three men who have similar sand-brown hair and stubby noses.

  “My sons.” Rosemarie introduces them proudly. “Tyler, Tomas, and Titas.”

  The men smile, then talk among themselves about repairing a windmill. Rosemarie joins in, and I don’t understand much of what they’re saying. I turn away from them, pressing my face against the cool glass window. It’s a dark night; heavy fog billows in from the sea, reminding me of what I’m leaving. No more mornings wading in the sea or swimming in my cave with Petal. And if Nate returns to the cave, I’ll never know.

  Conversation drizzles around me like mist, touching the air but not reaching my thoughts. I wonder again about Lila. How much did she see when she followed me? Nate? Probably not, or she would have alerted the Uniforms. But she surely heard me shout at Petal. I cringe, replaying the heaviness of the rock in my hand and the hurt in Petal’s liquid eyes. Lila must think I’m cruel. Yet when she spoke to me, she said nothing of following me. Instead she asked if I was happy with my Chosen Family. But when she returned me to my Family, not even Rosemarie asked any questions. They obviously care little for me. Why is Lila, an important scientist, so interested?