Doctor Feel Good: A Novel From The Be Yours Series

by Saffire, Blue

  “Anne Sassa is the only mother that matters,” I say and turn for the shower.

  My father has three wives. His third wife and my birth mother, Hana. His second wife, Padma and his first wife—the wife that has been a mother to me since I was a boy, Sassa. My Anne Sassa. I will always see her as my mother.

  The burn of all those years ago comes back. I didn’t expect my birth mother to go against my father but I did expect her to understand my love. She was the one that told me to experience life and follow my heart. As soon as I did she turned her back on me and allowed my father to take everything I cared about way.

  I step into the shower and let the showerheads hit me from all angles. I want to forget. It’s how I’ve pushed forward in my life. I’ve buried it away and forgotten as much as I can.

  It was best.

  * * *

  Divine

  “Is this really what you want to do?” Marica says through labored breaths as she runs on the treadmill next to me.

  “Yeah, it’s a part of my plan. Business is taking off well beyond my dreams. Next on my list is to be a mommy,” I say with a smile.

  “Yeah, but IUI?”

  “Okay,” I breathe, slowing my treadmill down to focus on my cousin. “Wait a moment. Don’t tell me you’re on this too. I thought you would support me. You’re going to have the same procedure.”

  Marica stops the treadmill with tears in her eyes and I automatically want to kick myself. I know why my cousin has chosen this route. My heartbreaks as I watch her lips tremble.

  “He was my everything, Divine. I promised him I’d do this. I’ve put it off long enough. Honestly, I’m scared to death, but he was my best friend and the only promise he ever broke to me was the one he made the last time he left for a tour. He didn’t come back home. I’m going to put on my big girl panties and I’m going to allow my husband to live on inside of me,” she says and gasps like the wind has been knock out of her.

  I reach to cover her hand with mine as she bends over as if in pain. Keith was a good guy. He was a wonderful husband to my cousin.

  My heart aches for her. I came out here to New Jersey to check on her. She ran from L.A. right after burying her husband. I think in reality she was running from this promise.

  “We’re going to do this together. We’ll have our babies together. You’re not doing this alone,” I say softly.

  Looking up at me through tear filled eyes she says, “I don’t want you to do this because of me.”

  “I’m not. I want a baby. The fact that we’re doing it around the same time is just a bonus,” I say and smile.

  “You’re not fooling anyone, Divine. You’re just as scared as I am,” she gives a breathless laugh.

  I shrug. “Maybe. Although, I’m more afraid of my kid not liking me than of doing this alone.”

  She pulls a face at me. “You’re the cool aunt already. I know your baby will love you to the moon and back.” She takes a pause and drops her eyes as if looking through her feelings. Then looks up at me. “I wish you would try to date first. You won’t even try.”

  I pull my hand back as if I’ve been burned. I have been. Relationships are not for me. Trust me.

  Once in my life, I’ve loved so hard it took my breath away, just to have my heart broken with no explanation. That was enough for me. I’ve buried those memories so deep.

  Since then I’ve had my heart torn out by a cruel college experience. Then I ended up in a two-year relationship with someone that was never mine to begin with. Yup, men are no good to me unless they’re dropping their drawers to drop off some D and leave.

  I’m selective about who I allow to make my special deliveries as well. While I’ve had some of the best pipe layers to keep me satisfied, not one of them has been a candidate for making a baby. I’d rather get me some sperm and have an anonymous contributor.

  Yup, dating is not for me. Call me jaded. It is what it is.

  “Most these dudes are intimidated by me to begin with. A black woman with a million dollar business that’s growing like wild fire and I’m a popular influencer on social media.

  “Girl please, these guys be looking for a pay check and free pussy when they find out who I am. I’m good,” I reply.

  Marica laughs and smiles at me. I can still see the pain in her eyes. It’s been a year since she lost Keith. I wish there were something more I could do for her.

  “I remember when we were sixteen and had it all planned out. We were going to get married first and then moving to someplace exotic and live the life.” She snorts. “None of that happened. I’m a crazy widow and you’re a relationship phobic.”

  “Yeah, okay. You’re not crazy and I’m going to pass on that other noise you’re spewing. You can say all that if you want… Um… but ain’t nobody broke around here. That means we’re doing just fine,” I say.

  Marica laughs again and it reaches her eyes this time. Not only did Keith leave her with a healthy policy to take care of her. He invested some money and Marica being the hustler she is turned it into a future she can ride securely into.

  “Facts. I’m going to miss you,” she says.

  “You’ll be back in L.A. in no time. It’s only three weeks. Then we can hold hands as we figure out what the hell we’re in for.” I give her a bright smile.

  “I love you, girl. You don’t know what this time with you has meant to me.”

  “I’d be right here with you until moving day if I didn’t have meetings and a business to get back to,” I reply. “Besides, you’ve been trying to make me fat. All this good eating. I’ll be back to two a days when I get back home.”

  “Oh please. That body has been the envy of everyone since you turned fourteen. I’m so proud of you, Divine. You’ve been through some BS but you never let a closed door stop you. It’s like all this shit eggs you on.”

  “The word no is some bullshit I’m not trying to hear. I’m always going to find a way.”

  “Yeah, I know. I’m going to find that again.”

  I give her a smile and reach to pull her into a hug over the handles of the treadmills between us. I love this woman. We’re just as tight at thirty-five as we were at sixteen.

  “You still have it. It will come out soon enough. You’re a fighter, babe. You’ve got this.”

  “We’re going to be mamas,” she laughs. “I hope this Dr. Nobi guy is as good as they say. I’ll be devastated if this doesn’t work out.”

  “We’ve been waiting six months to get in to see him. I looked the place up. They’re supposed to be the best. Keith did his research. I think we’re going to be in great hands,” I reassure her.

  Her husband thought of everything. Freezing his sperm, finding her the best doctors. While this Dr. Nobi is a GYN and not a fertility specialist, he and his practice come highly recommended and have won awards and all types of accolades.

  This will be just fine.

  * * *

  Omid

  The ride with my brother was great. Bazar reminds me of how I’d been with the twins when I was younger. He looks up to me. Although he is my half-brother that has never made a difference to us. Not like it does with a few of my other siblings.

  Even now as I sit at this table with the rest of my family, you can feel the tension in the room. The restaurant staff has picked up on it enough to give a wide breadth. I’ll be happy to get on my flight and return home. I’ve never been one for the petty battle for my father’s attention or chasing after ranks.

  “Your father says you are a doctor.”

  I turn to dark haired offering my parents think they’re going to pass off on me. I’m not about to enter an arranged marriage. They’ve all bumped their fucking heads. When I left at nineteen, I left all of this behind. I haven’t returned to pick back up where we left off.

  The bright teal hijab brightens her light olive colored face and the dark strains of hair escaping are a note to her beauty, but she’s not my type. I’m not falling for the shit. I’ve always been
attracted to a certain type of woman and that’s not what my family will allow.

  So while very pretty, this woman will not entice me to change my mind and come around to what my family wants. I rolled my eyes the moment I saw her. She favors my mother with the light skin and the fair eyes.

  No doubt my mother and father are hoping I’ll recreate my odd colored eyes with this woman. Always looking to create fairer off springs. This isn’t even the same girl I was supposed to marry before I left this life behind. No, her family accepted my brother as a replacement.

  I look across the table at Paiman. He has let himself go and so has his wife that he gained from my absence. They both look miserable. This will not be my life.

  “Yes, I am,” I reply.

  I can’t even remember what they said her name is. I’ve looked at my watch numerous times praying for it to be my time to leave. I’ve been fuming since I arrived to find this woman and her family waiting to meet me. I should’ve seen it coming.

  “He has done well for himself in America,” my father says proudly.

  I fight not to roll my eyes. He has no idea what I’ve been doing in America. I’ve made sure of it. My family in Shiraz knows what I allow. Uncle Jahan and the twins understood my decisions and connected me to the right people to help make my life happen.

  “But you plan to return home?” The father of the woman next to me asks.

  “I don’t know where you’re getting your information,” I say tightly. “I have no such intentions.”

  “Baban burada,” my father says.

  “Yes, my family is here but this hasn’t been my home in almost two decades.”

  “Maybe that means it’s time to come home. We’ve missed having you here,” my mother says.

  My jaw clenches. I will not disrespect my anne but this has her written all over it. I look to Anne Sassa and she gives me a small smile. I relax a little. I could never tell the people sitting at this table this but Sassa is the reason I became an OB/GYN with special interest in fertility.

  Of all my father’s wives, she is the only one without children. She’s the best mother of them all but has never had her own. I was very small when she lost the only child she ever conceived. It’s something that has stuck with me.

  I shake the horrible memory away. “It was good to spend time with you all. Unfortunately, I must return home,” I say and stand.

  “My son, the busy doctor. You’ll have to make more time for your family.”

  “Yes, Baba. I will,” I say to my father and round the table to hug him and mothers.

  When I get to Anne Sassa, she pulls me into a tight hug and holds me for a long time. “I’m so proud of you. Keep becoming the man you love to be,” she whispers into my ear.

  “Seni seviyorum, Anne,” I whisper back.

  “I love you too, Omid Arman.”

  I release her and reach to wipe at her tears. She gives me a big smile. I nod at her and move to hug the woman that give birth to me.

  “If you don’t like her we can find another. They’re a good family. Nice match for you,” she says into my ear.

  “Bir dahaki sefere kadar, Anne Hana,” I reply.

  “Until next time, oğlum.” I don’t miss the ways she says my son possessively. Her glare fixed behind me where Sassa sits.

  Ignoring the exchange, I move on to my siblings. It takes me another half hour of goodbyes before I get out of the restaurant to head to the hotel to get my things and go home. I half expect my father to have me kidnapped before I get on the plane.

  Navid looks like he’s half expecting the same. I wouldn’t put my father above it, no matter how much he knows I’d loathe him for it. I finally breathe when the plane lifts off headed back to California where I’ve built my life and my home.

  The life I chose.

  Chapter 2

  Opinions

  Divine

  The way this dude is looking at me across this baggage claim has me reconsidering the drought I’m on. He sucks his lip into him mouth as his eyes roll over me. You would think he could see right through my leggings and tank top the way they light up.

  It’s been over a year and a half since I’ve called on my special delivery dude. I’ve been too busy with my business to put in a call. Jamel was a god in the sheets which is why I may have shed just one tear when I heard he was getting married.

  Whatever.

  There’s only one thing stopping me from ending this pussy vacation. The guy eye fucking me is Middle Eastern. That’s a hard pass for me. While they’re my greatest weakness—like I stalk several of my favs on the gram—they’re also a hard limit for me. I refuse to date or fuck a dude that even comes close to being Persian. I prefer to drool from a distance.

  My cellphone rings keeping me from flirting with the guy still making sexy eyes at me. I look down at the ring device to see it’s my father. He and my mother insisted that he be the one to pick me up from the airport today.

  I normally use a car service. Sometimes, one of my brothers will come in my car. That’s if they get to drive the car while I’m gone.

  Knowing my parents they want to get in my business and hand over opinions I haven’t asked for. I’m going through with having this baby. It was a courtesy for me to say something in the first place. I wasn’t asking for input.

  “Hey, Daddy. I’m at the baggage claim,” I call into the phone after I answer.

  “You know how much I hate this place. I told your mother I would’ve paid for the Uber or whatever. No, I had to be the one to come and get you. You’ve got ten minutes, Div. I’m not dealing with this shit all day. I’m missing a game,” he grumbles.

  I have to laugh to myself and roll my eyes. I didn’t ask for him to come get me. Now I have to rush around because he will in fact leave my ass right here. This also tells me that my mother is the mastermind behind whatever they have planned—as usual.

  “Daddy, I’m coming as soon as I get my bags.” I huff and try to shift my carry on back up my shoulder. “Listen, I see my bags. I can’t talk to you and get to all of them at the same time.”

  “All of them? Girl, you were out there for what? Three days.”

  “It was a week, Daddy. I’ll talk to you when I get to the car.”

  “Spoiled ass women. I blame your mama. She put it on me and had me spoiling her and I lost my mind when I had little girls of my own to spoil. Made you all spoiled,” he mumbles.

  “Bye, Daddy,” I laugh and hang up.

  My father is an entire trip. He knows good and well he wouldn’t have it any other way. Only reason he’s not in here to help with my bags is because he’s too cheap to pay for parking.

  I rush to grab my two bags before they disappear. I laugh when I see the guy that was eye fucking me has moved on to his next conquest. I’m good with that.

  Gathering my things I rush to exit the airport before my father leaves me and I have to find another way home. I think about it for a few minutes. Missing my ride may not be a bad thing. If he leaves me, I’m going home to my house.

  Struggling with my bags, I stop and open the app on my phone, contemplating getting my own ride. When I see the wait time, I change my mind. I grab my things and start to rush toward the exit.

  A woman with a carriage nearly runs me down. I side step her but run into the back of a man. “Excuse me, I’m sorry,” I say, my phone beginning to vibrate just then.

  “No problem,” a deep voice says as I stumble to right myself.

  A deep accented voice that rolls down my spine. I clench my jaw against the tightening of my nipples. Yup, my weakness. I don’t even stop to see the owner of the voice. The accent alone sends up red flags.

  We’re not opening that kind of pain today.

  * * *

  Omid

  “Did you see her?” I say to Navid.

  “See who?”

  I shake my head clear. I have to force myself not to run after the woman like a mad man. Her voice. I only got a small glimpse of her fac
e but she looked just like….

  “Nothing,” I say balling my fists at my sides.

  I dreamt of her on the plane. It’s the reason I’m imagining things. I have no idea what she would look like now. Twenty years have passed. She would be thirty-five. Her birthday just passed a month ago.

  “Are you all right? Maybe you should take a few more days off,” he says as he watches me stare after the woman that just bumped into me.

  “No, I’ll be returning to work in the morning. Come, let’s get home. I have a few case studies I want to read before bed,” I say and rub my eyes.

  “I’d suggest you take at least tomorrow off but I know you won’t listen to me.”

  “Yet you just made the suggestion without making the suggestion,” I say and grin to myself.

  “You know me well, şehzade.”

  I snort and start out of the airport for our waiting car. Once out of the doors, I scan the area for the dark skinned beauty I had a small glance of inside. It’s been a while since I’ve gotten laid. Even if she isn’t who I want her to be, I could use a gorgeous woman in my bed. It’s been a lonely place for quite some time.

  I curse under my breath when I find not one woman that looks like the one I’m trying to find. If only I were so lucky. All of those curves would’ve been just what I needed. Climbing into the car, I adjust myself after I’m seated. I truly do need to get laid.

  I grin as I think of Club Desire. Maybe a visit will be good for me. The place isn’t as fun now that the twins don’t come around as much. My smile falls.

  I rub at my chest. I’m happy for my cousins. They deserve the happiness they’ve found. It’s something I wish I had for myself. No, I don’t want an arranged marriage, but I want a wife of my own. Someone I can go home to and talk to about my day. Someone to challenge me in thought and make me laugh.