Death's Life

by B Latif

  For a moment, the father and son fixed each other with searing glares.

  Then Henry held Rose’s wrist and left the mansion. Forever.

  ***

  They took refuge in Daniel’s house. He was a great host and arranged everything for their marriage.

  While Rose decided not to think about me, I decided not to appear in front of her again, and Henry decided not to invite his parents to his wedding.

  Whatever the grief was, I was still happy. My daughter was getting married to a person who loved her. This was a huge satisfaction for me as a mother.

  I couldn’t refrain from seeing her on her wedding day and secretly, I watched as she got ready.

  The unusual thing was that she wasn’t wearing a white gown. It was red, her favorite color. Her hair was pinned up with strands escaping on both sides of her face. She looked extremely beautiful.

  There weren’t many guests invited, just a few friends. I was hiding behind the fig tree, looking at her with a rose in my hand, how elegantly she walked with Henry’s arm around hers. She looked extremely happy that day.

  They were officially announced husband and wife. They had repeated their vows.

  “I promise that I’ll take care of Rose like a delicate rose in my garden.”

  “I promise that I’ll be a faithful wife and make you happy forever.”

  How easy it is to say a few words to make someone happy.

  OBSERVATION No. 33

  There are three kinds of people in the world:

  1. Those who know but don’t think.

  2. Those who think but don’t know.

  3.Those who know and think, but don’t understand.

  The last one is the worst kind.

  Humans never understand what it means to make promises, remaining optimistic about the future.

  I sighed.

  As Rose turned to face the guests, her eyes fell on me and her smile vanished. Loud cheering didn’t matter anymore. She was stunned in her place.

  I tried to smile and placed the rose on the table, with the intention that she would know her mother was there to bless her.

  The bouquet fell from her hands, and dropped to her feet, the rose petals lying there.

  Henry looked at her and then in direction her eyes were fixed.

  “Rose, what’s going on?”

  I could hear him. I could even hear Rose breathing. She didn’t reply, just stared at me and I thought it was time to go. So, I hid again.

  “Mother,” I heard her whisper.

  Henry closed his eyes and said, “Wait till the ceremony is over.”

  When it finished, I saw Henry looking for me everywhere, although, I knew that Rose was just she had no mother. But for her satisfaction, he searched everywhere.

  “Rose, no one is here, trust me,” he walked toward her.

  Standing where I had been before, I saw her holding Henry’s hands looking worried.

  “Henry, I swear I saw her. she had a rose,” she stopped, as if talking to herself, and looked around finding it on the table, “See! This rose, Henry! She placed it here!”

  This was no authentic proof of my appearance, but Henry distracted her.

  “Mrs. Henry Cavills, did you know how beautiful you’re looking today?” he smiled in his usual captivating way.

  “No, I’m serious.”

  “Are you coming inside?”

  “I know she will come back soon.”

  “Are you coming or?

  “What was she doing here?”

  Henry scooped her up in his arms without warning, “Okay, I’ll carry you.”

  He started walking inside, and she laughed at his actions. The rose dropped from her hand and he stepped on it. I could hear her laughter as I watched the stomped rose for a very long time.

  ***

  I decided not to ever give her a hint again that I was always watching her. She didn’t want her mother in her life, she wanted to pretend that she had no mother.

  Henry and Rose were living with Daniel in his house with what seemed like eternal happiness. Henry’s parents never called him, and it seemed he was an orphan, like her.

  Henry had money in his bank account and didn’t need to work. He kept his promise, taking care of Rose like a delicate flower in his garden and never once did a tear appear in her eyes.

  He showed her the world, humans, parties. She became so lost in it all that she began to forget where she had come from. She was forgetting me. She had no repentance about anything.

  The materialistic world is fascinating. People forget many things under its spell.

  Like religion.

  She was forgetting her religion. She often missed her prayers, never reading her holy book, and it began to gather dust on the shelf.

  Everything was changing about her. The way she dressed changed. Now she didn’t wear the royal gowns, she wore modern clothes. The way Henry liked.

  OBSERVATION No. 34

  Sometimes, humans begin to worship the one they love.

  Even if they are praying, they only have their loved one in mind. In worship they see only loved one’s face. And when they ask the Lord from something, they ask for their loved one.

  They eat, walk, talk, stand, sit, sleep, the way the one they love wants them to. They think about that person all the time and unconsciously, Rose was doing that.

  This is the reason the Lord doesn’t give humans the one they love, because they start worshipping them unconsciously. What a sad feeling it was to see her idolizing a human and being unable to help her.

  It gave me agony to see her turn into a human again. I had tried to make her an angel, but she hadn’t respected the things she deserved. And now it was useless to try anything.

  OBSERVATION No. 35

  A change in personality is inevitable and natural when a person enters the materialistic world.

  And as if a rose could turn into a thorn, my Rose was changing.

  Hope is a bitch.

  That is one great observation I have always made in every century. When humans become helpless, they don’t succumb to time. They don’t want to be vanquished. So, they find support in a thing they call hope, like an old, stooped man takes the support of a cane to walk.

  What an odd thing, I also took support from hope, as if I couldn’t surrender to time.

  Yes, the roses in the castle were turning yellow, thorns were growing fast, because there was no Rose to look after them. And likewise, there was no mother to take care of Rose.

  When the grief became unbearable, I returned to the castle. But its loneliness was even more excruciating.

  Dark the sun and dark the light,

  Twinkling stars in shadowy night,

  Tell the moon to hide behind clouds,

  I lost my daughter in the world.

  I sang like a dead man singing. And every single moment I had spent with her came into my mind like a storm. Her voice echoed in my ears in that deafening silence as I watched the moon.

  “Oh, Rose, you are adorable.”

  Opening the book to write its meaning, the cute little child asked me, “Mama, what’s adorable?”

  And my own laughter pierced my ears.

  Red, the roses are bleeding,

  All of them are grieving,

  Tell the butterflies to feed on their blood,

  Will they come when she is gone?

  Chasing butterflies was her new hobby then. She ran as fast as her little legs would carry her. There I was standing to one side and listening to her cackle, “Mama! I’m chasing flutterbies!”

  I smiled. Her laughter was gone. Everything was silent.

  Silent the night, no whispers in the air,

  Flowing the wind in a burning glare,

  Tell the mockingbirds to hold back their song,

  Who will sing when she is gone?

  It seemed that the clouds were dry, like my eyes. and every ocean, every river was dry too. because no matter how hard I tried, I had no tears.

&nb
sp; How unfair, the sky cries and the earth rejoices.

  It began to rain, and I stood still in it to feel every drop on my skin. But no matter how harsh the downpour was, I could feel nothing.

  The pebbles and stones were standing within the flowing water. To them, standing firm is all that matters. But how long can the stones stand against the water?

  Dropping to my knees, I stared at the raindrops on the grass.

  Oh, dear dew stay on the leaves,

  Be my tears that she might see,

  Tell the angels to take my soul,

  Gone my daughter, where are you?

  “Rose, what becomes of your teardrops? They are a waste, honey, don’t cry.”

  She had stumbled and fallen, but there was no scratch.

  “Beauty. They are not a waste, Mama.”

  “How so?” I smiled.

  She looked at me thinking hard. How would an eight-year-old girl know anything about squandering tears?

  But she smiled, “My teardrops become stars.”

  I looked at the sky. There were no stars in the sky that night,

  ***

  After several months, I couldn’t take it anymore. I had to see Rose. The main reason was that it was her birthday.

  I didn’t like the way she was changing. I had to do something to save the innocence left in her. And the best help I could give her was advice. The same advice Aisha had tried to give to the cold world.

  So, I bought a red dress for her. I always gave her a dress on her birthday, this time as well.

  It had been months since I had seen her. I didn’t know how she would feel seeing me on her doorstep.

  This time, I didn’t prepare a speech, preferring to improvise. Preparing a lecture was futile as she never listened.

  I picked a rose for her and wrote my advice on a piece of paper.

  The streets were the same, everything was the same as when I left her the last time. I couldn’t help smiling with happiness. I was going to see my daughter!

  Daniel’s home hadn’t changed either. I walked to the door and it took me a while to decide. Moving away from it, I walked to the window to see her first.

  There she was, setting plates on the dining table.

  But my smile vanished.

  Rose had changed, and her appearance was different. She had cut her hair and it was straight and tied back in a ponytail. She had pierced her ears and had studs in them. The one who never wore shoes in the house was wearing heels now.

  And red.

  Not a red gown that would touch her ankles, and wrists, but the dress was revealing her white legs and naked arms.

  And I didn’t have the courage to go inside.

  OBSERVATION No. 36

  No matter how hard they try to avoid it, humans adapt to different situations whether they’re right or wrong. Humans always have an excuse for their sins.

  She had forgotten her education.

  And Henry wasn’t there. She was alone. Optimism faded in the golden evening, and I left the gift on her doorstep.

  No, she wouldn’t recognize me. I hid myself from her, so she wouldn’t see me, but I had to hear her voice.

  Henry came home. He also looked different and it appeared that he had been to work. As he rang the bell, I saw no sign of quiver or bow, or the hunter whom I remembered.

  His eyes fell on the things on the doorstep, and he picked them up before going in. Eavesdropping is my hobby.

  “You bought these?” her tone was normal.

  “No, I just found them on the doorstep… must be from Daniel. But the dress is a bit old-fashioned, reminds me of you in the forest.

  “Henry!” she sounded annoyed, “I thought we agreed we wouldn’t talk about it!”

  “Of course,” now he was teasing her, “Happy birthday, stupid girl.”

  There was a pause. Then the sound of footsteps.

  “Rose, look, there is a note too.”

  More footsteps and silence. Wait.

  “It says you are going to die,” Henry’s voice was low as he read it, “What does this mean?”

  Silence. I wondered what her expression was. It seemed she had taken it as a threat. There were quick steps, then the front door opened, and I saw her face as her eyes fell on the rose lying there, which Henry accidently left behind.

  I can still picture the terror on her face. She was still terrified of her mother. How cruel. And ignorant.

  “This isn’t from Daniel,” she whispered as Henry reached there, “This is from my mother.”

  Henry stared at her, “How do you know?”

  Rose gulped, “Mama left a rose every night I slept. She left this one here too. She used to give me a dress on my birthday.”

  She looked at Henry. He burst out laughing.

  “Come on, Rose! Don’t be stupid! Your mother is…”

  “SHE ISN’T DEAD! HOW MANY TIMES DO I HAVE TO TELL YOU?”

  “So, why would she kill you? Us?” he began to lose his temper.

  With a glare, he stomped inside, and Rose marched behind him.

  “Henry,” she tried politely, “we have to leave this city.”

  “Are you mad? You know how hard it was for me to get a job. And now you want to leave the city? You are illiterate. Who will give us a job?”

  “What is wrong with you?” she was crying now.

  “Look,” he paused, “I’m sick of this bullshit! Nothing is going to happen! You have no mother, okay? You lived in the forest for so long that you imagined you had a mother! Maybe you are an amnesia patient or something!”

  Rose sniffed and hiccupped.

  “I know… I know… she’ll kill us… I was rebellious. We eloped. I shouldn’t…”

  “What? Shouldn’t have married me?” his yell was full of wrath.

  “No, I shouldn’t have left her alone!”

  “Shut up, Rose. I left everything for you. My family. My life. I was living like a prince and now the president’s son is living in a slum like a destitute. Just for you!”

  “Don’t say that, I left my life too.”

  “What life? Huh? That life living in a forest? You call that a life? I have given you everything. What have you given me? Nothing!”

  “I love you, Henry. I do. And that’s why I’m telling you she’ll kill…”

  “SHUT UP!”

  With a slam of the door, I watched Henry march off down the street. And Rose wept, making me feel guilty as if I was responsible for their fight. She wasn’t being domineering, she was trying to protect her husband.

  But it seemed Henry doubted her sanity, and it also seemed that he regretted marrying her.

  And Rose was unhappy in the human world.

  ***

  They didn’t talk to each other for a couple of days. It felt as if I was playing the role of villain in their life now. I wished I could do something for them, for Rose, but I had already done the damage. Now even my presence was ominous for her.

  One night, I heard footsteps and saw her through the window. Henry was sitting in the rocking chair, reading a book. She walked to him and squatted on the floor by his side.

  After a long silence, when Henry didn’t show interest in her, Rose dared to speak.

  “Henry?”

  “Hmm.” He didn’t look at her.

  “I’m sorry.”

  “Hmm.”

  It was clear her apology wasn’t accepted. Maybe she also knew that, so she kept sitting there, staring at his face. I could see their marriage was also turning yellow.

  “How was your day?” Rose asked tentatively.

  “Good.” His eyes were on the book.

  “Umm… let’s go out for dinner.”

  “No.”

  “Why not?

  “I’m reading, go to bed.”

  He was so serious, and he didn’t look at her even once. But Rose put her head on his thigh, which made him look at her.

  “I said, go to bed.”

  “Henry, I am sorry!” this time it was hys
terical, “I ruined your life. I’m so sorry. I didn’t want this to happen. I thought we would live happily and mother…”

  “Do you want me to get a psychiatrist for you?” his voice was cold.

  “What’s that?”

  “A person who treats mental people,” he said sternly, “like you.”

  Rose lifted her head at his words and stared at him in astonishment. His eyes were on the book again as if he hadn’t said anything to hurt her.

  “But,’ she began quietly, “I’m alright.”

  “Then stop talking about your mother.”

  He never looked at her.

  “If,” she said reluctantly, “if I stop, will you be happy again?”

  He seemed indifferent and just turned the page of his book, “Maybe.”

  Rose bit her lip, got up, and left him alone.

  The subject of her mother never came up again.

  ***

  Things began to go back to normal between them again. I assumed Rose never thought about me again.

  When Daniel got married, Henry and Rose moved into a small apartment. It was difficult for him to adjust in such situations because he had lived like a prince in his father’s house, but now, he had to work hard, live in a small apartment, and worry about earning enough money to pay the bills.

  As time passed, he began to get frustrated with the little things, and often yelled at Rose, but his love was also passionate. He always knew how to apologize and make his wife happy.

  Sadness grew on Rose’s face. No matter how happy she was with Henry, she wasn’t satisfied in her heart.

  Something seemed to be missing from her life, making it incomplete. Like a hollow life.

  Henry gave her less of his time due to work and most of the time, she was alone.

  I didn’t give up on her. how could I? Secretly I often saw her, following her to the market but she never saw me.

  Whenever I saw that oblivion in her eyes about who she was and what she had become, down to earth I fell. And it never stopped.

  I kept falling, a million miles an hour, hitting hard but hurting no one. No matter how close I got, the farther she went into darkness.