In the Heart of Forever (A Heart Story)

by Jo-Anna Walker

  Okay, what the hell? “Jesse? What’s wrong?”

  Her eyes darted from right to left as she looked past me. “Nothing. I’m sorry. I have to go.” She grabbed her things, slammed the locker door shut and walked down the hall.

  Shock tore through me. The fear in her eyes froze me in place and I felt like I was twelve again. I had only seen that look once before…my stomach churned. No…please, God. Don’t tell me Allan…I shook my head and slowly followed Jesse as she rounded the corner.

  I knew she was heading straight for the library but I stayed a couple of feet back, just in case. I wasn’t sure what I was worried about but something had definitely happened since yesterday.

  I carried her presents with me, my happy bubble deflating. Things were getting better and now…I scrubbed a hand down my face and followed her into the library. I was practically on her feet but she didn’t seem to notice. She was lost in her own world. Heading to the corner at the back of the library, I gave her a couple of minutes alone before joining her.

  My heart sunk to my feet when I approached her. She sat on the floor, her head in her hands and she was crying. Her small body wracked with sobs.

  I threw down my presents and sat down beside her, tentatively wrapping my arms around her.

  She tensed but then relaxed when she realized that it was me. She had never been scared of me before until now and that made me nervous. I didn’t say anything as she continued to cry in my arms. “Baby, what happened?”

  She shook her head but didn’t respond. If Allan forced himself on her, I was going to kill him.

  I ran my hands down her back. “Please talk to me.”

  Jesse shoved out of my grasp and rose to her feet, grabbing her things. She turned back to me. Her cheeks were flushed and she lowered her gaze. “I think we should see other people.”

  My breath left me in a whoosh, like I’d been punched in the gut. “What the hell are you talking about?”

  “I’m breaking up with you, Rave.”

  I jumped to my feet and grabbed her arm, pushing her back against the wall. “Why? What did I do?”

  “You didn’t do anything,” she whispered.

  “Then why? Why are you doing this?” My heart beat hard. I knew something was wrong but I never expected her to break up with me.

  “Because. Now let me go.”

  I grabbed her wrists, pinning her against me. She attempted to wiggle out of my grip, but I only tightened my grip.

  “Rave, stop. Please. I can’t do this.” Her voice was small but she wouldn’t meet my gaze. What happened?

  “I want to protect you. I want you to talk to me.”

  Her breath caught and tears rolled down her cheeks. “You can’t. God Rave, stop trying to be my hero.”

  Her words cut at my heart, mangling it to pieces. “I thought—”

  “You thought wrong. I did lots of thinking last night and I think it would be best for me to leave. You deserve better.” Her voice cracked.

  “Stop telling me what I deserve or how to feel.” My voice lowered. “What the hell happened? We were fine yesterday.”

  “I’m sorry.” She squeezed her eyes shut, tears leaking from the corners.

  “You’re sorry?”

  “Rave, please understand that I’m only doing this to…to…”

  Her words weren’t making any sense. “To what, Jesse? To protect me? Cause that’s a bunch of bull shit.”

  She turned in my arms and glared at me, her beautiful features hardening. “Well I didn’t ask you now did I? This is my life. Mine. Before you came into it. It was fine.”

  “What are you saying, Jesse? Since I’ve come into your life, its turn to shit? You’re scared. You’re scared to love because you think I’ll hurt you. Because of that fucker, you can’t trust anyone. Don’t push me away. Please.” I pushed her against the wall and ran my hand down her cheek. “I love you, Jesse. Why can’t you believe me?”

  “You don’t know what you’re talking about,” she bit out.

  “Why is it so hard for you? I don’t understand this.” What happened for her to change so much in less than twenty four hours?

  “You don’t have to. We’re done. There’s nothing to understand.”

  “No? Talk to me, Jesse. Tell me what’s going on. What did he do to you?” My voice softened.

  “Allan said that since I’ve met you, I’ve started dressing sexier.”

  She started wearing clothes that made her look like a girl. What was wrong…my stomach dropped. Oh God. “Are you blaming…Jesse…”

  She lifted her chin and placed her hands on her hips. “Maybe if I wouldn’t have met you, Allan would’ve left me alone.”

  Shock tore through me at what she implied. My stomach clenched at her words. “I…you…you can’t honestly mean that.”

  “I wish I never met you,” she mumbled.

  My eyes widened. Her words biting into my soul and eating me from within. “You don’t mean that, baby.”

  She nodded. “I do.” She swallowed. She was lying but why? Was she trying to get me to hate her? Why was she saying these things? I didn’t want things to end like this but she was being unreasonable. I had no idea how to get through to her. Make her see that she didn’t deserve any of the shit that was thrown her way and why was she blaming me?

  “I don’t believe you. What did that asshole do to you?” I gripped her arms and kissed her, pushing her against the wall. Our kiss turned desperate as I ran my hand around the back of her neck.

  She moaned and shoved her tongue into my mouth. She grabbed onto my waist and pulled me against her, all the while kissing me, devouring my mouth. I knew she wasn’t experienced in the boyfriend department but man, could she kiss.

  A moment later, she tensed and pushed me, forcing me to release her. She glared at me, her lips pink and swollen. She lifted her hand like she wanted to slap me and then she sighed, like she was giving up. “You deserve better, Rave.”

  Chapter 24

  Jesse

  After Allan had left my room that morning, I quickly got dressed and headed to school. The library opened an hour before and every morning, I went in early to spend time with my favorite books. But that morning, I just needed to be alone.

  As I sat on the floor in the Classics section, I tried concentrating on the words in front of me but they blurred. Hot tears clouded my vision.

  Different emotions travelled through my body. I was confused. Hurt. Angry…no furious. I wanted to kill him. My cheeks heated at that thought.

  Fear swirled in my belly, knowing that I would eventually have to go home. I couldn’t spend all of my time at school or out of the house. Allan would find me. He wouldn’t let me leave and now that he had…a lump formed in my throat. I couldn’t even think it. The word bounced around in my head like a ball, permanently reminding me of what happened only a couple of hours before. God, I prayed that wouldn’t be a regular occurrence. Tears rolled down my cheeks. What if it was? What if he expected it? What did I do to deserve this? I was a good girl. I went to school, did my homework, got straight A’s, kept to myself and this still happened to me. God, why?

  When Rave didn’t show up to homeroom, I breathed a sigh of relief. I couldn’t face him. Not after what was done to me, but then he showed up in the library. I wasn’t ready but then he pressed and pressed. Oh God, the look of pain on his face when I left him in the library, tore at my heart.

  The things I had said to him, I wouldn’t be surprised if he hated me. I didn’t mean any of the words that came out of my mouth and I didn’t want to hurt him but he deserved better. I couldn’t think of any other way to make him see that.

  After the fight with Rave, I headed back to my locker and put my stuff away. The hairs on the back of my neck rose and I turned, watching him walk up to me. He had a guitar case in his hand and a yellow tulip in the other.

  “I bought these for you.” His voice was deep with emotion as he handed me my presents. “You can do whatever you w
ant with them but the guy at the music store said that this guitar would get you out of your rut.”

  Tears welled in my eyes as I took the tulip from his hand. My throat closed up and I held the flower to my nose, inhaling the sweet scent.

  Rave leaned the guitar case against the lockers. “I can drop this off since it’s too big to fit in your locker.”

  I nodded.

  His deep green eyes searched my face. That was it. That was goodbye. We stood there staring at each other in a hall full of students milling about as they went to class. He cupped the back of my neck and placed a soft kiss on my forehead. “I love you.”

  And with that he walked away.

  ***

  A month had passed since I broke up with Rave. The Valentine’s Day dance came and gone and no longer were the halls sporting red and pink everywhere. Thank goodness for that.

  Rave sat at the back of the room in Mr. Deel’s class from then on. I could always feel his eyes boring into the back of my skull and knowing he was there, set my shattered nerves at ease.

  Allan only came to me the once. He left me alone and hardly talked to me. I made his suppers and he never complained. I couldn’t understand why. Maybe he felt guilty over what he had done. He didn’t even bother hitting me anymore.

  After the one and only time he came to me, I went to the nurse at my school and got some birth control pills. She had asked why I didn’t get them from my family doctor so I made up some lie about not having the money.

  Not caring anymore if I got out of the city or not, I went on with my day to day life. I became a different person in that short amount of time. Since breaking up with Rave which maybe wasn’t the smartest move on my part, I felt empty. Lost. I needed him but I didn’t know how to get him back.

  Every time he had approached me, I would snap at him. Bite his head off. He never came to my place to drop off the guitar. Maybe he was waiting for me to go to him. I wanted to but I couldn’t. He needed to move on.

  A month and a bit after ending things with Rave, a girl approached me in homeroom before class started. Her name was Alice Mycraw and she was friends with the triple M’s. Lovely.

  “Hey, Jesse.” Alice sat down beside me and smiled. Her curly blonde hair shining in the light, made her tanned face seem darker than what it really was.

  “Hi.”

  “Are you going to Melanie’s party tonight?” she asked me.

  I frowned. “Why would I? I’m sure you heard what happened last time.”

  She waved her hand around like it was nothing. “Whatever. That’s old news. The party tonight is going to be epic. You should come.”

  “Why are you inviting me?” Rave was no longer with me so that wouldn’t be the reason. I’m sure Melanie already tried to sink her claws into him knowing that we were no longer together.

  “Because. You need to get out and get over Rave.”

  Not really caring why she was concerned about my wellbeing, I rolled my eyes. “And you’re going to help me with that?”

  Her smile widened. “You’ve turned into a bitch. Maybe in another life, we could have been friends.” She got up and sat at the back of the room beside…Rave.

  I sighed and turned back around, ignoring the whispers and snickering from my classmates. Maybe I would go to this party. A change of scenery could be good for me.

  ***

  After throwing on a dress that I had found at the back of my closet, I finished getting ready and headed down the stairs. Allan was nowhere to be found and I breathed a sigh of relief.

  I grabbed a drink from the kitchen and walked back out into the living room when I was shoved from behind. My hair was pulled back, yanking me to the floor. I screamed at the pain and kicked at my attacker.

  Thrown onto my stomach, a heavy body straddled me. The scent of alcohol and cigarettes invaded my nostrils, making me gag.

  I squirmed and wiggled, trying to fight Allan off of me. He was drunk and I was no match for his large beefy frame but I wasn’t having a replay of what happened a month ago. I was done letting others being in control of my life.

  My muscles burned at the excessive force and taking a deep breath, I shoved him off of me.

  I turned onto my back and my eyes widened.

  Rave had Allan’s neck in a choke hold.

  Chapter 25

  Rave

  My hands gripped Allan’s neck. He was big but luckily Ren had showed me how bigger could mean slower and sluggish. My speed was my angle.

  I turned to Jesse. Her eyes bulged, her mouth opening and closing.

  I turned back to Allan and squeezed his neck.

  Screaming erupted around me, filling my ears but all I could focus on was the calm even beating of my heart.

  The screaming stopped and my head whipped around. Jesse was shaking, like she had woken up from a nightmare.

  When I had driven by Jesse’s house, I hesitated coming in. Luckily I didn’t hesitate for too long. Seeing Allan on top of her brought back so many memories, I lost it. Focusing back on the douchebag in my hands, images from years before clouded my vision.

  I’ve been there. Been in that very spot. My memories took me back to when I was twelve. My small hands wrapped around a neck much bigger than mine but I still squeezed with everything in me. Pure raw hatred coated my bones, seeping through my pores. Controlling me. I gave in to the biting grip of hate as it took over my actions.

  I dug my knees into Allan’s arms as they tried to throw me off of him and I smirked.

  His eyes widened as I continued to squeeze. The deep recesses of the evil emanating from him, made my blood sing in my ears. I hated him. I hated this man for what he did to my girl. I didn’t know all of the details but I could guess. I’ve been there in the exact same situation before. My sister. God, my sister. The things our stepfather used to do to her. She was sick and he used her as a pawn to appease his craving. He was a cold sadistic bastard and I hoped he rotted in hell.

  Wishing I could tell my sister what I did for her…I shook my head. No, I can’t go there. Not yet. Not now.

  Focusing on the present, I watched the cold eyes stare up at me. My fingers gripped his neck, turning white with the pressure. My arms shook, my muscles becoming exhausted from the strain but I wouldn’t stop. I couldn’t.

  Allan’s mouth worked like he was trying to say something but I wouldn’t let him. I didn’t want to hear his apologies. I didn’t want him to beg for forgiveness.

  I wanted him dead. Dead and gone so he couldn’t hurt Jesse ever again. Blaming her for the things that happened with her mom. Blaming her for what he did to her. It sickened me. My skin crawled with disgust. Allan’s face started turning purple as he gasped for air.

  Jesse started sobbing and her cries rang up around me as I continued to squeeze the life from her stepfather. The moment I walked in and saw him ripping at her clothes, I threw myself at him. It was like a beast was unleashed from inside me and I was watching myself from afar.

  I didn’t know how bad she was hurt but the gurgle in her voice told me it wasn’t good. Her throat sounded raw, like she had been screaming for days. She should have come to me sooner. I could have gotten her out of there. Saved her.

  It had only been a couple of weeks since I’ve moved here and only a couple of weeks since meeting Jesse but it was like she was a part of me. I couldn’t get her out of my head. I still loved her.

  I knew at that very point as I looked down into cold eyes of Allan, I would do anything to protect her.

  ***

  “Rave?” Warm hands grabbed onto my shoulders, pulling me off of Allan. “Rave, stop. You’ll kill him.”

  Maybe I should. Then he wouldn’t hurt her anymore. “He deserves to die for what he’s done to you.”

  Allan lay under me, the color in his face turning back to normal. He was breathing. Damn it.

  “Rave.” She shoved a phone in my hand and I looked up at her. She held her dress up with one hand and nodded encouragingly.

&nb
sp; Before dialing the number, I geared up my fist and punched Allan across the face as hard as I could, thankfully knocking him out. Dialing the three numbers, I waited for someone to pick up. “911. What’s your emergency?”

  “I’d like to report an attempted rape.” I gave the dispatcher the details and waited for the police to arrive.

  “Rave. Oh God, is he…dead?” Jesse asked quietly. She came up beside me and looked down at her stepfather.

  “No. He’s not. He will have a massive headache when he wakes up, though.”

  I rose to my feet and grabbed her hand, pulling her up the stairs behind me.

  “What are we going to do?”

  I looked down at her. Her huge scared eyes, filled with unshed tears and fear. “We’ll wait for the police to get here. Let’s get you a change of clothes.”

  “Rave.” She started taking deep breaths. “I think I’m going to be sick.”

  We made it to the bathroom just in time. I pulled back her hair as she leaned over the toilet, she emptied the contents of her stomach into the cool basin.

  My muscles jumped as the ripped straps of her dress fell off of her shoulders. She had dressed up for the party tonight.

  I ran a hand over her back and helped her stand when her stomach seemed to have calmed down.

  “Rave, I can’t…oh God…”

  “Shhh...” I grabbed her arm and led her to her room.

  “Rave, you should leave. What if the cops take you away for hitting him or for trying to strangle him? He’s a lawyer.” She stated, looking at me frantically.

  “I’ve got that covered,” I told her. I didn’t but I said it to ease her. She didn’t need to worry about me. Whatever Allan threw my way, I could handle. I would handle it for her.

  “Really?” Her eyes met mine as she chewed on her bottom lip. God, she was beautiful. A beauty that was too rare these days. I nodded.

  She sighed and then frowned which turned into a scowl. She then glared at me.

  Okay.

  She stomped up to me and before I knew what was happening, she punched me in the stomach. “Fuck, Jesse, what the hell was that for?” I cried out, gripping my gut.