Heart and Seoul (The Seoul Series Book 1)

by Erin Kinsella

“As okay as I can be, I guess.” She sank against Kelly. “I just want it all to be done with.”

  Kelly gave her a squeeze and smoothed a hand over Tessa’s curls.

  “I know. If you need a place to stay in Seoul, you can absolutely stay with us,” Kelly assured her.

  “Or with us,” Hwan offered. “I don’t really care what the company has to say about it. Jae and I can double up so you can have your own room.”

  “Thank you.” Tessa sighed. “Let’s get this finished.”

  They fell into their tasks. Kelly followed Tessa into her bedroom with a stack of boxes.

  “Talk to me, Tess.” Kelly stood next to her, tugging items off hangers and tucking them into boxes.

  “I don’t know what to say.” She bit her lip and folded a sweater, hugging it to her chest. “I hate what’s happening and have no idea how to stop it.”

  “It’s going to be okay.”

  “Will it? I’m not so sure. I want to be positive, but I don’t feel it.”

  Tessa let out an oof when Kelly attached herself in a hug.

  “I can’t fix it, but I’m here and I love you. Joo and I will do everything we can to help.”

  Tessa set a hand on Kelly’s head and wrapped her other arm around her shoulders. Min Joo found them like that when he came in to check on their progress. Tessa’s vision blurred, and she sniffed back fresh tears.

  “I’ll finish up the closet for you.” Min Joo guided them both to the bed where Tessa curled up with a pillow, and Kelly kept a steady hand stroking her hair.

  “You rest so you don’t stress yourself into a migraine,” Kelly murmured.

  “Tessa-ssi, I assume your husband already has a lawyer, but in case he does not, I have some competent people in mind from the university who could assist.”

  “Thank you.” Tessa squeezed her pillow. “He has someone. I would have to ask Sung Soo about the details.”

  “I’ll confirm with him.” Min Joo tucked the last of the closet into a box and taped it shut. “I would offer to pack your dresser, but I imagine there are items in there you wouldn’t be comfortable with me touching.”

  “I can do it. Thank you for your help.”

  The two women sat on the floor emptying out drawers while Min Joo rejoined the men.

  Kelly nudged her. “You never said how the lingerie went over. Did he like it?”

  Tessa’s cheeks flared pink. She nodded.

  “I knew it. You look killer in red. We should get something new and celebratory for when your man is freed.”

  Tessa smiled despite herself.

  “Yes! I knew I could get a smile out of you.” Kelly grinned and pressed a kiss to Tessa’s cheek. “When did you last eat?”

  “Um, breakfast.”

  Kelly’s brows pinched together. “Come on, let’s check on the boys, and then you and Hwan need to have some food.”

  Tessa obliged when Kelly dragged them all out to dinner, allowing herself to be distracted from the stress and guilt over her part in what was happening. Eun Gi was locked up in Ulsan by now. Kelly kept hawk eyes on Tessa to ensure she was eating, and Min Joo checked in on how she was feeling whenever she let a lip tremble slip. Pyong Ho helped keep Hwan distracted. It was an utter relief to be managed.

  “Do you want me to stay tonight?” Kelly asked. “I have a meeting in the morning, so I’d have to be out by six, but if you want some extra company, I can make it work.”

  Tessa squeezed her. “I’ll be okay, but thank you for offering.”

  Hwan turned to Kelly and Min Joo, then focused on Pyong Ho. “Thank you for coming. I know Noona and I have both been a little out of it, but your help hasn’t gone unnoticed.”

  When everyone left, Tessa took over Sung Soo’s bed for the night, trying to stem all the what-ifs that flooded her brain.

  A soft cough drew her attention to the door, and she sat up to see Hwan standing sheepishly in the doorway.

  “What’s wrong?” she asked.

  Hwan opened his mouth, then closed it. He inched into the room. “Noona, would it be weird if…Could I…?”

  “Hwan, do you want to stay in here tonight?”

  He nodded.

  Tessa scooched over and pulled back the blankets on the side nearest the door. Hwan slipped in next to her, keeping a careful distance between them, and stared at the ceiling.

  He was quiet so long she thought he’d fallen asleep, but then his voice broke the silence. “I wasn’t sure what to expect when you came into the picture.”

  Tessa froze, muscles taut, eyes focused on Hwan in the dark. His tone was too ambiguous to judge how he was feeling and it put her on edge. She tried three times before her mouth cooperated with her. “And now?”

  He didn’t answer right away, still staring upwards. “I’ve loved him in a lot of different ways over the years and I’d be lying if I said you two getting together wasn’t extremely weird for me.” Hwan sighed. “I’m glad you’re here, though.”

  “Pretty sure it was extremely weird for all of us.” Tessa nestled into her pillow. “He told me you were his first kiss.”

  “He was mine too. Young Hwan was hopelessly in love with Eun Gi.”

  “I don’t blame you.”

  Hwan laughed and turned towards her. “Part of me was a little jealous when it got obvious that he liked you. It was a stupid part, I know that. We hadn’t been together in any sort of romantic capacity for a long time, but I was still uncomfortable watching the future chance of anything get snuffed out.”

  Hwan accepted the tentative hand she held out.

  “I’m sorry you struggled. Are you okay?” she asked.

  “I am. Mostly. It made it easier that you were you.”

  “What do you mean?”

  “You’re good for him. I wasn’t so blind that I couldn’t see it, even when I was confused about the whole situation.”

  Hwan went quiet again and closed his eyes. His fingers squeezed hers.

  “Do you think he’s okay?” His voice was soft.

  “I hope so.”

  “Do you think they’ll let him go?”

  She hesitated. “I have to believe they will.”

  “Me too.” He laced their fingers together. “Noona, you still belong with us, even if Eun Gi isn’t here for a while.”

  Tessa pressed a hand to her mouth, unable to smother the sob that broke free.

  The flight to Ulsan in the morning was short and sombre. Sung Soo had managed to procure a rental home on short notice. It was sparsely furnished, and cramped with all four of them, but there was little choice if they wanted to stay close to Eun Gi. Tessa took one of the two bedrooms at their insistence, too tired to argue, and dropped her bags at the foot of the bed.

  Melancholy tension thickened the air and made it difficult to breathe.

  Afternoon rolled around, and a knock at the front door startled Tessa out of her nap. She opened the door and Kyung Mi burst inside.

  “All of you get out here,” she ordered. “Now.”

  Sung Soo, Min Jae, and Hwan all filtered into the foyer.

  “What on earth do you think you’re doing? You’re all supposed to be back in Seoul.”

  “We can work from here as well as there.” Sung Soo crossed his arms.

  Kyung Mi pinched the bridge of her nose. “Are you trying to give me an aneurysm? Eun Gi in prison and the lot of you up and move to Ulsan. Do you have any idea what the company will say when they find out?”

  “We don’t mean to make things harder for you,” Min Jae said. “We just want to be there for Hyung. He’s family.”

  Sighing, Kyung Mi dropped her bag and rubbed her face. “I want to be there for him too, but that doesn’t mean the rest of your obligations stop.” She turned to Tessa. “I’m sorry for how the situation has gone.”

  Tessa drooped. “It’s not your fault.”

  “You cannot stay in Ulsan,” Kyung Mi insisted, turning back to the men. “The company is going to roast us all on a spit.”
<
br />   “We work remotely on tour all the time. I don’t see why we can’t do it from here for a little while,” Hwan said.

  Kyung Mi looked skyward. “You’re not on tour. None of this is authorized.”

  “So make it authorized,” Min Jae crossed his arms.

  “Make it—” Kyung Mi sputtered. “You cannot stay here.”

  Bemused, Tessa watched the exchange, waiting for one side or the other to cave.

  “I understand this compulsion to be here for Eun Gi, but you are doing nothing for him. You are taking unnecessary risks with your own careers, including mine and that of your other three bandmates who cannot be here to weigh in on the situation. What would Eun Gi say if he were the reason you lost your contracts? What if the fans found out you were here with no security to speak of? There are consequences to impulsive decisions like this.”

  All three men stared at the floor, sheepish.

  “I’ll stay in Ulsan.” Tessa didn’t want them to go, didn’t want to be alone here with her guilt, but she knew they would have to leave. “He would understand if you needed to go back. I’ve already had to uproot, and I can work from here as easily as I can from Seoul.”

  Kyung Mi nodded. “Tessa is right. Come back with me. It’s a short flight, and if you desperately need to, you can come back on authorized trips.”

  Tessa set a soft hand on Kyung Mi’s arm. “Do you want to go see him?”

  Kyung Mi’s expression shifted, the veneer cracking, her mask of strength slipping. It lasted for only a second before her face returned to normal.

  “I would like to, yes.” Her voice was softer.

  “It’s almost time for visiting hours. We could go together, unless you want to see him alone?”

  “I appreciate the offer. I’ll come with you to see him, but I won’t stay long.”

  They all hung back at the detention centre while Kyung Mi spoke with Eun Gi privately. Her eyes were glossy and her shoulders drooped when she turned to the group. “Thank you. I need to get some lunch and find myself a hotel.”

  “Stay with us,” said Tessa.

  “I think they’ll need some time without me.” Kyung Mi took in their displeased faces. “It’s the unfortunate side of having to enforce rules. I’ll stay overnight at a hotel, and come by in the morning.”

  The group eventually capitulated, returning to Seoul with Kyung Mi the following morning. Tessa blasted music to fill the silence, but more than once the emptiness overwhelmed her, leaving her curled on the couch, tears sliding over her cheeks. The not-knowing ate at her. How long would she be in Ulsan? How many times would she have to see her husband only through bars?

  As much as she had always enjoyed her quiet time, there had usually been the background comfort of another human existing in the same space. Being entirely alone in a strange place made her jumpy, her nerves spiking at every unfamiliar sound. She wasn’t particularly unsafe, but her anxiety wasn’t one to listen to logic.

  Giving in, she video called her parents as soon as it was late enough in Vancouver for them to be awake.

  “Meu amor, what’s wrong?” The screen shifted, her parents’ heads tilting together to both be visible.

  The story spilled out, a tumble of words amid hiccupping sobs, until her parents knew everything from the dinner to the arrest to the others going unwillingly back to their lives.

  “You’re sure he’s innocent, Peanut?” her father asked.

  “Yes.” Tessa nodded. “That might sound ridiculous given how long I’ve known him, but he runs when he panics, and he’s terrified of his mother. He wanted to get away. There’s no way he’d have gone back there after we left.”

  “Do you have a date for the trial, meu amor?”

  “Not yet.”

  Her mother’s mouth pursed. “I want you to come home.”

  “Mamãe, I can’t.”

  Even the thought of leaving paralyzed her with guilt and filled her eyes with fresh tears.

  “I know, but it doesn’t stop me from wanting it. Please think about it? I hate seeing you hurting and being so far away. Do you want me to come there?”

  “You don’t have to do that.” Her voice broke into a sob. “I just needed to hear your voices.”

  They talked for hours, taking her well into the night while they updated her on every person they could think of. Tessa’s chest ached. She missed her parents more than she’d let herself realize, but it had been made bearable having Eun Gi and Kelly and the others around. Now that she was alone, there were no distractions dampening the ache in her chest.

  Come morning and for days afterwards, she poured herself into her work, writing until her arms burned and her back stiffened. It was a story of separation, a lover gone to war while a young woman stayed behind and tried to keep her home and family from collapsing during the advancing occupation.

  Her alarm startled her, ordering her to eat before going to the visiting hours at the detention centre.

  Eun Gi’s eyes were glazed when she arrived. Heavy, dark circles had become more prominent, his lips were cracked, his skin flaked from dehydration, and his hair grew increasingly unkempt with every visit. He was a mirror to her in many ways, as she allowed self-care to fall to the wayside in the depths of her distress. The visitation allotments blurred past.

  She cast a glance at the guard and stealthily slipped her hands through the bars, giving his a squeeze. His face was etched with anxiety.

  “I don’t want you to leave,” he whispered.

  Tessa’s heart broke. “I don’t want to go. I’ll be back tomorrow.”

  In less than a week the press had discovered where Eun Gi was being held and had shown up, eager for a story. Others joined them, fans and locals, curious for a glimpse at her. Tessa braced herself, weaving through them, never veering from her path. There was no one to protect her from the press this time. Their voices howled in her ears.

  “Please stop,” she whispered.

  Hands grabbed at her.

  “Hale Tessa-ssi. Tell us what you know about the case!”

  “Do you believe he’s guilty?”

  “How can you support someone who assaulted his own mother?”

  “Stop!” The word flew out of her mouth, and the questions halted for a brief moment.

  “Did you witness the assault?”

  “Does he have a history of violence?”

  Another hand reached out, grabbed her by the back of the neck, and turned her face to one of the cameras.

  Gasping as her heart raced, she pushed away from the crowd to run inside.

  An officer approached her. “Hale Tessa-ssi. We wanted to discuss with you if you’d be willing to avoid coming to the centre for a while.”

  “What? Why?”

  “The reporters and fans are extremely disruptive. We’re doing what we can to remove them, but they’re here to see you since they can’t see Baek Eun Gi. If you’re not visiting, they might be more cooperative.”

  “For—for how long?”

  The officer shrugged. “For as long as it takes. We can have someone contact you when they’ve been cleared out entirely.”

  Tessa’s stomach dropped to her toes. “That’s not fair. I can’t just not see him. He needs me to be here. I need to be here.”

  “The press will likely exhaust themselves in a few days. It’s not a large ask to give us that time.”

  Her throat squeezed as her anger built. “Not a large ask? You’re not the one with a family member locked away. Do you understand what you’re asking me? You can see for yourself what this place is doing to him. I have to be here.”

  “It’s a reasonable reques—”

  “No, it’s not. You have no idea how many things have been presented to me that people think are reasonable only because they don’t care about me, and I can’t keep bowing down to each one because you think it’s reasonable. My husband is in a detention centre for a crime he didn’t commit, and you want to stop me from seeing him.”

  The off
icer’s face hardened. “If you won’t agree to stop coming on your own, then we’ll ban you from the premises.”

  Tessa deflated, her surge of righteous indignation and conviction crumbling under her. She wrapped her arms around herself, and her voice fell to a whisper. “You can’t do that.”

  “We can, and we will if you don’t cooperate. The choice is yours, but the outcome is the same.”

  She hesitated, mind churning. “Can I still see him now?”

  “You’re already here, so yes you may. I’m sure he’ll understand that the measures are required for the safety of all our visitors.”

  Numbness slowed her walk to where Eun Gi was waiting for her. She slumped into the chair.

  “What’s wrong?” He leaned up to the bars. “What happened?”

  “The reporters are scaring people. The staff wants me to stop coming until they can get them to leave.”

  Eun Gi paled, the dark circles under his eyes all the more apparent.

  “Please,” he whispered.

  “I don’t know what to do.” Tessa dropped her head into her hands. “I don’t want to stop coming. If I ignore them and keep showing up, I’ll get banned, and they might not lift it. If I stay away on my own it’s just until the reporters can be handled.”

  “Please don’t leave me here alone.” His gaze went unfocused.

  “I don’t want to, I swear. I want to be here with you, but if I get banned then I can’t. If I don’t listen, what if they take it out on you?”

  Eun Gi pressed a hand to his chest, white-knuckling the fabric.

  Tessa reached through the bars. “I’ll talk to your lawyer and see if there’s a way around it.”

  Tears climbed up her throat.

  The patrolling guard smacked his baton on the table, and Eun Gi jumped away. “No. Touching.”

  Tessa turned on her webcam the moment she arrived at the rental home, flipping on various lights until she wasn’t a shapeless blob on the camera. Anger and grief simmered through her body. She clicked the button to go live to her platform.

  “Hey, everyone,” she began in clear, quiet Korean. “I’m sure by now most of you are aware that Baek Eun Gi is being kept in a detention centre. A lot of people have been reaching out to me and I wish I had more time to answer, and more information that I could provide. Please know I appreciate your support, and that the rest of 24/7 appreciates it too. I see you, and I’m grateful.”