Nice Try, Jane Sinner

by Lianne Oelke

  MOM

  But why would you do that?

  JS

  I don’t know. To get him off my back.

  MOM

  But you said Tom watches the show. He’ll know you lied. You’ll embarrass him on TV.

  JS

  Yup.

  MOM

  Doesn’t that bother you?

  JS

  Nope.

  MOM

  Janie! Is this any way to treat your friends?

  JS

  Do you think there’s something wrong with me?

  MOM

  Oh, Janie, I think there are several things wrong with you. But there is so much more that is right.

  She reached across the table and grabbed my hand.

  MOM

  I don’t know why you want to do that show again. You don’t have to prove anything. But if it’s what you want, I will support you. I’m always here. You know that, right?

  I squeezed her hand back.

  I can’t concentrate, can’t sleep. R walked into the kitchen around 3 a.m. I was making tea and cereal in my short shorts and T-shirt.

  JS

  Help yourself to tea.

  R

  No, thanks.

  JS

  (Please talk to me.)

  I can’t wait for all this to be over.

  R

  Me too.

  He grabbed a box of cookies from his cupboard.

  R

  Want one?

  He avoided eye contact as he said it.

  JS

  (I want to sit down next to you and put my head on your shoulder and pretend the last few weeks never happened.)

  No, thanks.

  R ate his cookie, slowly and neatly.

  R

  Why are you staring at me?

  I looked away. It was dark; I don’t know if he saw me blush. I felt the night air on my bare legs and the thinness of my T-shirt and the nakedness of my face and wanted him to look at me. He didn’t.

  JS

  (I want to tell you everything, but honesty doesn’t come easily to me.)

  I’m sorry.

  I think it was Mr. Dubs who said R was like me. As in not great, but not the absolute worst. Damn Mr. Dubs if he’s right.

  R bent down, picked up a minuscule crumb, walked over to the sink, and dropped it in.

  My useless, freeze-dried, goody-one-shoe heart gave a shudder.

  Don’t you do this to me, Robbie Patel. You’ve already taken enough from me. You can’t take my self-righteous anger, too. You can’t take my burning desire for revenge.

  R

  It’s your turn to do the dishes, by the way.

  He left.

  Fine. If that’s how he wants to play this, that’s how we’ll play. If AP wants a rivalry, I’ll give him a rivalry. I don’t need R to be my ally anymore. Or whatever.

  Honesty: I’ve been taking my meds again since I got back on the show.

  WedAug3

  I spent the evening at the kitchen table staring down a stack of textbooks, armed with a pot of coffee and a single highlighter. The textbooks won. Alexander Park showed up around ten, carrying books of his own.

  JS

  The Cinematographer’s Handbook?

  AP

  Thrilling material.

  JS

  Naturally. Help yourself to coffee.

  AP

  The pot is empty.

  JS

  Well, never mind then.

  AP sat down across the table and neatly arranged his books and pens in front of him.

  AP

  I can’t concentrate at home. Hope you don’t mind if I study here.

  JS

  I guess.

  I ignored him until it was obvious he wasn’t interested in studying.

  JS

  So where do you live?

  AP

  My parents own a few restaurants downtown. I live with them right above one, on Seventeenth Ave. It gets pretty noisy at times.

  JS

  Jenna said your parents bought your car. And that they pay for her place. Why wouldn’t they pay for a place for you?

  AP

  Who do you think pays for this house? But I hardly spend any time at home anyway, so there’s no point moving out.

  I had never thought about AP having a home outside of House of Orange. He spends as much time here as I do. It was odd to have him sitting at the kitchen table with me, doing homework. So informal.

  Something hairy brushed past my legs. Hinkfuss meowed loudly as she jumped onto the table. She licked the half-eaten toast sitting on my (lack of) English notes. I didn’t bother moving her.

  JS

  Why did you pick me, by the way? For the show?

  I knew it had to do with Jenna, but I wanted him to admit it.

  JS

  Of course, I am an Incredible Woman. Maybe it’s obvious.

  AP

  You are one of the most sarcastic people I have ever met.

  JS

  You should take me more seriously.

  AP

  You have an interesting look about you. And Jenna knew about you. She thought you would have something to prove.

  JS

  But you must have had a thousand other applicants with troubled pasts and irresponsible hair.

  AP

  Two other applicants, actually. In total.

  JS

  Well, I guess I am pretty interesting.

  AP smiled at me. A genuine smile—​meant for me, not the cameras. It was unnerving.

  JS

  You have something to prove, too.

  AP

  Like what?

  JS

  I don’t know. But why else make a school project your life? Why take it as far as you do?

  Why be willing to destroy someone’s privacy for it?

  He sighed and rearranged his pens.

  AP

  Because filmmaking is a brutal industry. You don’t get anywhere unless you work more than anyone else. Unless you’re better than they are.

  JS

  You are better than they are.

  AP

  And I don’t want to end up working at a Chinese restaurant for the rest of my life.

  JS

  I thought you were Korean.

  AP

  Exactly. I love my parents, but I don’t want what they have. Does that make me ungrateful?

  JS

  No. I get it. But I don’t get why you’re at Elbow River. Jenna said you used to go to U of C.

  He leaned back in his chair and crossed his arms.

  AP

  Yeah, well. Did she tell you why?

  JS

  No.

  AP

  I don’t want to talk about it.

  JS

  Of course you don’t. Why should I expect you to open up to me? It’s not like you know all my dark and humiliating and shameful secrets.

  I took a noisy slurp of lukewarm coffee to let my point sink in.

  AP

  Yeah. I guess I owe you. But you can’t tell anyone. I already turned off the cameras in here.

  JS

  Cross my heart and hope to die.

  AP

  Jenna was hanging out at my dorm one evening. Just watching movies, like we’d done a thousand times before. But this one night, she did lines of cocaine in my bathroom.

  JS

  Huh.

  AP

  I bet she didn’t tell you she did cocaine, either.

  JS

  The subject has never come up organically.

  AP

  So my roommate came back early and ratted me out. I sent Jenna home and took the fall. The school has a pretty strict no-drugs policy, and they made an example out of me.

  JS

  But why cover for her?

  AP

  Because she’s my little sister!

  He said it like it was the most obvious thing in the world. Maybe it was.

  AP


  She was young and stupid. My parents were pissed at me, but they would have been so much harder on her.

  JS

  Huh.

  I’ve never heard anyone describe Jenna as stupid before. Although you’d have to be to sleep with Marc. But now I get why she’s so eager to help out the show. She owes AP big time.

  AP

  I gave up a full scholarship. No other university wanted me. Yeah, I’ve got something to prove. I don’t need a scholarship and experienced professors and expensive equipment to make something people want to watch. So here I am.

  JS

  Here we are. A school for second chances. Thanks for telling me, Alexander.

  AP

  Just don’t tell anyone about your journal. Please.

  JS

  I already said I wouldn’t. That doesn’t make it okay, though.

  AP

  I know. Thank you, Jane. So what about yourself? I can’t figure you out. Where do you want to end up?

  I shrugged.

  AP

  You’re too clever to have no ambition.

  JS

  I know it’s a problem. I’m working on it.

  AP

  I’m happy you’re back now, but . . . whatever you want from all this, don’t let it end with the show. There’s always an after.

  JS

  It’s not in your best interest to tell me this. I should stay focused on the show. I’m your contestant.

  AP

  Is that really how you want people to see you? Do you think that’s all I see?

  It’s what I’ve worked so hard for the last few weeks: the chance to be a contestant again. This is what I’m good at. Yes, that’s all I thought he saw. I didn’t want that thought to hollow me out, so I didn’t answer.

  AP

  Jenna says you’re different now. That you’ve changed since she knew you in high school.

  JS

  Jenna didn’t know me in high school.

  We wouldn’t have been friends if she did. Jenna didn’t have time for girls who apologized for nothing, who relied on their best friends to do all the talking. The fact that I lived with Jenna, that I’ve argued with her, in my underwear, over the last slice of pizza, means I’ve changed for the better. I’ve grown a pair of lady balls.

  Hinkfuss climbed onto my lap and purred. I absently scratched behind her ears, scanning through the open book in front of me, until a wet warmth spread across my leg. I threw Hinkfuss off and stood up.

  JS

  Where did you get this animal, anyway?

  AP

  Honestly, I don’t know where she came from.

  JS

  Well, I have to go deal with my pants now.

  I left my books spread out on the table and headed downstairs to change. AP called out after me.

  AP

  I’m sure you’ll figure it out, Jane. What you want to do.

  I know what I want to do. Or I did, until AP ruined half the fun of getting revenge on R by confessing he leaked my journal. I guess I’ll have to settle for the other half of revenge. And winning. R isn’t getting off easy.

  As for the after—​we’ll see.

  ThuAug4

  R and I went for a run this morning. Not intentionally—​just awkward timing. We nodded to each other once before heading off. We used to run together, weeks ago. In another life. We took the same route we normally do. We both knew neither of us likes to talk when we run, so the silence was natural.

  Marc, R, and I met at the campus gym at nine for tonight’s prize challenge. R and I brought our running shorts and T-shirts, but Marc was unsurprisingly unprepared. The bleachers were full of enthusiastic students wearing GO #HASHTAGS! shirts. AP motioned for us to join him in the center of the court. I concentrated on the familiar smell of rubber and sweat to steady my nerves as AP waited for the crowd to settle down.

  AP

  Welcome to tonight’s prize challenge!

  CROWD

  Yay.

  AP

  We’re playing dodgeball!

  CROWD

  Yay.

  Marc put his arm behind his head and stretched, twisting his torso dramatically.

  AP

  We’re going to change it up a bit tonight. Instead of competing individually, the three of you are on a team. Want to know who you’re playing against?

  CROWD

  Yay.

  AP blew his referee’s whistle, and a dozen HOOcaps ran out, single file.

  AP

  Since there are more crew than competitors, each of you has three lives. If you get hit three times, you get a pie in the face. Want to know what you’re competing for?

  CROWD/MARC

  Yeah!

  AP blew his whistle again, and the house lights went off. The Weeknd blared from the speakers while colorful spotlights danced across the court. The main doors opened, and a busty girl in a short skirt holding three new iPhones strutted in. This show is getting pretty serious.

  AP

  If you don’t win, the last three House of Orange crew members get the phones. Losing team gets a pie in the face. Is everyone ready?

  JS/R/MARC/CROWD

  Yeah!

  Marc, R, and I walked to the edge of the court while a couple students placed rubber balls on the center line.

  MARC

  What’s the plan?

  R

  Hit them and win.

  JS

  Works for me.

  R

  If we all aim for the center first, we’ll have a better chance of taking them out quicker. We should spread out.

  AP

  Ready? Three, two, one.

  His whistle shrieked and the lights came on and we bolted. After grabbing a ball, I retreated to the side closest to the bleachers, holding the ball in front of me as a shield. I briefly noticed a group of girls in the front row wearing the shirt with my face on it before taking aim. I threw at the center of the HOOcaps but missed. R nailed a girl in the stomach, and the crowd went wild.

  I dodged a sloppy throw as I ran to pick up another ball. I hit the girl closest to me in the face. Her nose started bleeding. I didn’t apologize.

  A loud smack behind me almost made me jump. Marc swore.

  AP

  Two hits for the cast, one for the crew.