by Katie Knight
“They’ll need two helicopters to get us back. I want you and the Hamiltons to go in the first. I’ll take the second to ensure Slocum and his son stay in check.”
Ben spoke of how they’d leave, but nothing in his tone or words told her that they’d be seeing each other again.
“And after?” She took a leap of faith, needing to know where he stood. Did he want to ever see her again, or was the night they shared the curtain closing on their relationship forever? His features shifted, as though he was warring some internal battle. She let her hand fall to her side, and felt her heart ice over. He’d looked the same way the last time he’d left her behind.
“I’ll need to get back to base, debrief them on what happened.” He looked away from her, out into the distance.
“You’re cutting your leave short then?” She was numb, both physically and emotionally. Maybe it was a blessing not to feel anything at all. She could hear her heart pounding in her chest, the shallow breaths coming from her lips, the wind’s icy fingers ripping through her hair.
“Anything that impacts me, impacts my team. SEALS don’t keep secrets. Doing so could put others’ lives at risk. My team. Civilians. I have to go back.”
“I understand,” she said dispassionately. “We should go inside.”
“Meg, please. You mean so much—more than you think. I don’t want to leave on bad terms. I couldn’t handle it if you hated me.” He reached his hand out to touch her arm, but she moved out of his grasp.
“I could never hate you,” she said quietly. I love you. “But if we’re going our separate ways, there’s nothing left to say. I don’t want to prolong the inevitable with what-ifs.” She sucked in a deep breath and began walking back to the cabin. She couldn’t hear footsteps behind her, but she wouldn’t look back at him either. She was trying so hard to be strong, not break down, or beg him to give their relationship another chance. Ben was an adult who needed to make his own decisions. If he didn’t feel that what they had was worth nurturing, then there was nothing she could or should do to convince him otherwise.
Chapter Twenty-Four
The Hamiltons were seated on the couch with Logan protectively tucked between them. Ben smiled at how Susan and Charles cocooned the little boy with love and endearments. Every child deserved that kind of unquestionable love. Logan was animatedly telling them all about the adventure they’d had and how they’d escaped the bad guys, and how when he’d been caught, the bad guys had actually let him play games on their cell phones. His parents nodded and listened carefully, but he could see the unmasked horror in their eyes as he continued his stories. Logan had been through more than any child or adult ever should. Ben couldn’t deny how proud he was of the boy’s quiet strength. Whether it had been from the shock or courage didn’t matter. Not once had Logan whined or complained. The toddler had trusted him and Megan to keep him safe, and in doing so had allowed them to survive.
Megan had chosen to sit in the lone armchair to the side of the couch, and by the rigid way she was holding herself, she’d chosen the spot so he wouldn’t be able to rest beside her. He’d hurt her. He hadn’t meant to, but he had all the same. It had been hard to tell her that he was going back to the base early, but he hadn’t lied. Everything the SEALs did as individuals impacted the way they acted as a team.
But it hadn’t been the complete truth, either. He was going back a few days early because he couldn’t bear to spend any more time around Meg and Logan.
He knew that by leaving, he was denying himself the opportunity to be with the woman he loved, and to stick around to watch Logan grow up, because they were better off without him. His job was dangerous as hell, and he wouldn’t let them become a target of another crime—this time, one that was aimed at him. How could he tell Megan that he was being called away on a mission but had no idea when he’d be home? That there was no way for her to contact him during that time period? The divorce rates in his line of work were astronomical—how could they possibly hope things would work out between his childhood baggage and Meg wanting a family? He would never want to ask her to raise their children alone when he was on long missions, but it was the reality of his career.
He studied her face from across the room. She looked cold and stoic—nothing like the passionate woman he’d made love to the night before. Part of him wanted to carry her upstairs and tell her that he’d give up anything, as long as she’d be his. The other half knew that staying on this side of the room was the only way Meg could have the future he wanted for her. His heartbeat slowed, and his shoulders were heavy. Leaving Meg would be more hellish than even the worst, most grueling missions he’d faced overseas.
He was so lost in his own thoughts, he didn’t see Logan’s father walk toward him until Charles had his hand extended in front of Ben’s face.
“What do you say to the man who saved your son?” he said, voice thick with emotion. “There are no words to express our gratitude. No words.” The doctor’s voice broke, and instead of taking Ben’s hand, he pulled him into a hard hug.
“It was an honor, sir. Logan has braved this ordeal better than most adults would’ve. You’ve raised a strong, wonderful kid.”
The man’s body shook against his, and Ben self-consciously patted Charles’ back. He understood the man’s tears and why he didn’t bother to restrain his show of emotion. When Logan had been taken, and when he thought Meg had been killed, Ben had been out of his mind with grief.
Charles pulled back and quickly rubbed the tears off his cheeks. “This…event has made me realize how vulnerable I’ve let my family become. I’ve decided I need to hire private security for my family, but there’s only one person I can trust to do the job.”
The weight of Charles’ hand pressed against Ben’s shoulder as he stood there in stunned silence. He’d been expecting the thanks, not that he wanted or needed to hear it, but the offer of employment had come straight out of left field. He looked over at Meg, whose eyes were glued to him, face completely unreadable. Was she scared he’d accept and that she’d have to see him day in and day out?
“I know you’re a SEAL, and it would be hard to walk away from your team, but I’ll more than double your salary—and I’m willing to negotiate even higher. Paid vacations, health care, housing—I’ll offer it all.” Charles looked at him expectantly, and the whole room went silent. “I’d feel safer, and my family would feel safer with you in charge of security at our estate.”
He could hear his pulse roaring in his ears as the room seemed to shrink. All eyes were on him, waiting for his response. Had silence ever been so deafening? If he accepted, he could be with Meg long-term, but she hadn’t said she wanted that. Employment with the Hamiltons would be safer than being a SEAL while still giving him the chance to protect others. Which was what he loved about his work, and he’d get to spend time with Logan too. He was excited by the prospect of the opportunity, but then he thought of his team. They’d been through so much together. What about his duty to his country?
Staying with the Hamiltons also opened him up to heartache if Meg pushed him away. If things didn’t work out between them, would he be able to work alongside her? And what if he accepted and Meg felt as though she needed to quit because she didn’t want to be around him? For the past week, he’d been thinking of all the reasons him and Megan wouldn’t work, and one of the main issues was his job and the physical distance between them. Now Charles was dangling a different type of future in front of him, and it was thrilling and scary as hell. He took one breath, then another. The tension had sucked the oxygen right out of the room, and in his mind, he could suddenly hear Jason’s voice. No one loves you. You don’t belong. Eventually, I’ll rid myself of you. And then he could see Justine walking away from him without a backward glance.
Before he could think on the offer any longer, the words were out of his lips. “My place is with the Navy. I could give you a couple names and the contact information of men from a security group in Anchorage that I would
trust with my life. They’re former SEALs.”
He couldn’t bring himself to look at Meg. It was a no-win situation. If she was happy he turned the position down, he’d wonder if she ever really cared for him. If she looked distraught, he would hurt for both of them and the future they would never have. “I’m going to check the status of the chopper.” And with those final words, he fled from the room.
His worse fear was being left by someone he loved, but where Megan was concerned, he was the one who left—twice. As he rounded the corner toward the kitchen, the front door opened and the helicopter pilot stepped inside, stomping the snow off of her boots on the welcome mat.
“I was just about to check in with you,” he said. “Do we have a time of departure?”
“Good timing. I’m ready to take off. We want to get the boy to the hospital and have him checked out.”
He nodded, unable to say another word. Any hope of a future with Megan was over. Had fate dropped her into his lap only to have him be too scared to reach out and grasp what was being offered?
He shook his head and tried his best to lock down his emotions, as he circled back to the living room.
“The pilot’s ready,” he said. His voice was hollow. Empty.
Megan was the first to stand. Just when he thought she was about to walk right past him, she stopped a few feet from him. “I wish you the best, Ben,” she said not really meeting his gaze. What an asshole he was. Her eyes had been filled with pain. Pain he’d put there.
“If you ever decide to reconsider, the offer will be open. Even if the head of security position is filled, we’d always be glad to have you. Thank you for giving me my son back.” Charles gave him a brief half hug, and gave his wife and Logan room to say goodbye to him.
“Uncle Benny, come with us. Pwease.” Logan reached out and wrapped his arms around Ben’s neck. He was suddenly choked up, but he forced himself to croak out a few strained sentences.
“I can’t come with you, buddy, but I know you’ll be just fine without me. You’re the bravest kid I’ve ever met. Take care of Megan for me, yeah?” The words were in no way adequate for the emotions churning inside him.
“I will. I love you,” Logan whispered against his ear.
“You too, Bud. Now go catch that helicopter, okay?” The back of his eyelids burned, and there was a painful lump at the base of his throat.
“Okay, Benny.” He ran off down the hall, and Susan gathered him into a hug.
“I hope you’ll reconsider our offer someday.” She patted his cheek and turned on her heel. Overhead he could hear the whirl of the helicopter, taking his heart away with it. A ruckus in the front of the house prevented him from taking one last look through the window as the chopper took flight.
The police had arrived with the Slocums, and Mark was manically ranting about his son and the botched operation.
“That boy was mine!” he roared. “Hamilton took my son’s life. He should be begging me to take his own son in exchange.” The officers had him sit handcuffed with his back against the wall. Slocum’s son was quiet and withdrawn beside him. “Didn’t you hear me? They. Killed. My. Son. He’s the victim here. My family is the victim. They botched the operation—and they did it intentionally.” Mark raved on, lost in a haze of grief and delusion. He blamed everyone, anyone—anything but facing the truth about what actually had happened. A sledding accident gone terribly wrong.
The man in front of him was someone who loved deeply enough to become deranged at the loss of a loved one. Maybe it was confirmation of how dangerous love could be, and how easily and senselessly it could hurt you. He looked at the man, feeling sorry for him for the first time since they discovered his plot. He was sobbing now, gasping for air through his tears, muttering “My son, my sweet son.” Did he realize that by dragging his living son into his terror-laden plot for revenge that he’d squandered his time with him as well? If only the man had seen that he needed to be strong for his family, needed to help his wife and remaining son heal, maybe things would’ve ended differently.
Now there was a dead pilot and flight attendant, along with a young man who would be locked away for the rest of his life because of the influence of his unstable father. Would Ben have the same thirst for revenge if Megan or Logan was taken from him? The jolt inside told him he’d never recover from that kind of blow, but he also knew in his heart that he’d never plot revenge on an innocent, or take down an airplane with complete disregard for life.
Watching Slocum was all the confirmation he needed of how dangerous love was. He didn’t want to end up like that—he’d had enough hurt in his life, and it was time to protect himself. He made the right decision to let Megan and the Hamiltons go.
Chapter Twenty-Five
The Hamiltons had checked them into a five-star hotel in Fairbanks, and all Megan wanted to do was find her room and flop boneless into bed. She stopped at the front desk to get her room keys, thanking the attendant. Under different circumstances, she would’ve loved to enjoy the hotel with Logan. They had a large swimming pool and even an outdoor adventure area for children. But today, she passed under the lobby chandelier, dripping with a cascade of crystal, and made her way to the elevator without looking back. The hotel was quiet with only a few other guests mulling around the lobby. She didn’t feel like making small talk, so when the elevator doors closed with no other passengers in sight, she was relieved. Megan wasn’t herself right now, and it had nothing to do with being in a plane crash, hiking over frozen terrain, being fettered out of a cabin with fuel and fire, and being assaulted by a madman. Those things she could deal with. Losing Ben was far worse.
Logan’s parents had taken him directly to the local hospital to get a once-over, and she was battling guilt over being thankful for a few quiet minutes alone. Charles and Susan had told her not to worry about a thing that night, just to rest and relax. As much as she loved Logan, she needed time alone right now. The elevator chimed when it reached the fifth floor, and she stepped out onto the plush carpet, noting the room number on the wall. When she reached her room, she scanned her card, and sighed with relief when a green dot flashed, allowing her access. If she had to go back down to the lobby, she wasn’t sure she’d make it.
The soaring ceilings and glossy granite surfaces of the room barely registered. Her eyes were locked on one destination: the king size bed in the middle of the room. She collapsed face-down, and for the first time since they’d left the Denali National Park, she wept. She cried for all they’d been through, for the pilot and flight attendant who had died as a result of senseless violence, for the families they had, and the joys they’d never experience. She cried for the boy who had died in the sledding accident and his family that had shattered as a result. She sobbed for the trauma Logan had faced, and for her broken heart.
She’d heard every word Charles had said to Ben—offering him a job with a generous salary and benefits, along with a chance to explore and strengthen their relationship. She had been more than willing to welcome him into her life, even with his intense military career, but Charles had offered him an incredible opportunity. One he had turned down easily. She hoped she wasn’t the reason he had rejected the offer—out of some discomfort with the idea of being around her all the time. If she knew he’d be safe and away from the dangers of his current job, she’d quit just to have him out of harm’s way. Of course, she’d never leave Logan, but she could visit him during times when Ben wasn’t around.
Her heart squeezed and a new wave of pain ricocheted through her ribcage. She was having a hard time accepting Ben’s rejection of the job offer, the rejection of her, but it was proof he hadn’t changed. Ben was still fearful of commitment. During the time they shared though, she’d seen another side of him. Like the way he crouched down when speaking to Logan, so they were at eye-level. He’d been so engaged with him as he walked through the woods with the toddler on his shoulders, pointing out the wildlife and spewing out facts like a walking edition of National Geog
raphic.
Ben had been responsible for keeping Logan calm, and for turning their harrowing predicament into an adventure. Then there was the image she’d never get out of her head. Ben emerging from the forest hugging Logan in his capable arms. Logan had looked up at him with such admiration in his eyes, and the relief and care on Ben’s face melted her heart. The love between them was clearly written on Ben’s face as he walked toward the house holding the boy as though he was the most precious gift in the world. Ben was capable of emotional attachment. He had such a capacity for tenderness—if only he’d let himself love the way she knew he could.
She focused on her breathing, eventually calming her ragged emotions. Her pillow was soaked from her meltdown, so she flipped it over and snuggled into the dry side of the pillowcase. She’d been afraid sleep would never come—not with thoughts of Ben coursing through her mind—but the moment she shut her eyes, the physical and mental exhaustion of the past week caught up to her, and she was out in moments.
The Hamiltons cut their conference short and they returned home to the estate. The stunning mountain views of the place she’d come to call home seemed to be missing something vital. Ben. She hadn’t heard from him—not that she was expecting to. If he was off on a mission, he might not even be in the same country anymore. She’d held onto a little sliver of hope that he might change his mind and come back to her, but she knew it wasn’t likely. Rather than pinning her hopes on impossible dreams, it was time to pick up where she’d left off and get on with her life. She tried her best to return to a normal routine, waking early to use the home gym before showering and preparing Logan his favorite breakfast of cheesy scrambled eggs and toast. While she didn’t insist that Logan follow a strict schedule, she liked to incorporate reading, music, and art into his day. They usually completed a craft right before lunch, and then looked at stories before his afternoon nap.