Mistakes

by A. M. Hayward

  The water was warm today, and I briefly thought about turning it up even hotter. I wanted to feel the heat on my skin. I wanted to be as clean as I could get. I used all of the soaps, and I shampooed my hair. When I went to shave my legs, Frankie opened the shower curtain and pointed to the area between my legs.

  “All of it,” he ordered. I stood in the water with a shocked expression on my face. I had never been completely shaven before. I didn’t even know where to start. “Either you do it or I will, and you know I would love an excuse to touch you…there,” he said as he licked his lips.

  Grabbing the soap, I prepared myself. The last thing I wanted was this deranged lunatic putting his hands on me. When I thought I’d finished, I looked up at Frankie for his approval and hated every second of it.

  “Spread your legs,” he demanded. “Bend over.” I nearly screamed when he put his hands on me for an even closer inspection. After what seemed like forever, he deemed me clean enough, and let me out of the shower. Once again, I was completely naked, facing the mirror as I ran a hairbrush through my hair.

  Frankie threw a clean dress or sack to me, I was grateful to cover myself up again.

  “Let’s go,” he yelled, and I jumped as I pushed my arm through the rough material.

  On the way back, I searched again for any signs of Dalton but found nothing. It was as if he had never really been here. I almost expected his side of the cell to be clean and clear when Frankie took me back.

  At first, I was relieved when I saw his chains, but it was quickly replaced with deep sadness. They were just a reminder that he was real, and now he was gone.

  Frankie made quick work of my cuffs and then left me alone for the first time in weeks. I didn’t know what to do. Sitting made me nervous. Standing made me uncomfortable. Walking was impossible. Just as I was about to have a full-on anxiety attack, Dalton’s words came back to me.

  “Don’t give up. Think about the good things in your life. Never forget who you are.”

  Suddenly, a wave of calm washed over me. He was still with me, even if it was only in my mind. It felt like he’d been preparing me for this moment since we met. He wanted me to fight the darkness and hold on to the brighter things in my life. I knew I would try for him.

  I began to think of my family and Aimee. I thought of stories that I would have shared with Dalton if he’d been here. When he came back, I’d be sure to tell him.

  When they brought me my dinner, I feared that Dalton was gone for good. He’d been gone since breakfast. My heart broke again. The reality of the situation hit me hard in that instant.

  Like a wall of tears breaking through my body, I started sobbing and screaming. I didn’t want to be here, and I didn’t want to be alone. I wanted to die.

  “Please, God, let me die,” I screamed. “I don’t belong here. Please help me.”

  The door opened, and Frankie carried in Dalton and dropped him. His body made a dull thud as it hit the floor. He wasn’t moving, and I saw that his face was covered in blood.

  “Dalton!” I screamed and pulled at my chains to get closer to him. “Please look at me. Oh, Dalton. What have they done to you?”

  Frankie ignored me and pulled Dalton closer to his chains. I heard a low moan and was relieved he was still alive. I continued to struggle, but Frankie was in my way.

  The door to the cell stood open. From the corridor, I heard a loud scream followed by a gunshot. Then raised voices speaking Spanish. Javier yelled for Frankie, and in a flash, he was gone.

  We were alone. I was so happy to be with Dalton again. I noticed that they’d bathed him, probably in preparation for him going home tomorrow, but it didn’t matter, because they’d obviously really beaten him up badly beforehand. What if he died in front of me, and I wasn’t able to help him?

  “Dalton? Can you hear me?”

  “Yes, Maddy. Give me a moment,” he whispered.

  He was back. He was alive, and he was with me. “Don’t worry. I’ll be fine. I just need a moment.”

  “Okay. I just never thought I would see you again. I’m so glad you’re back.”

  “Can’t keep me down for long.” He tried to laugh, but it came out more as a cough.

  What had they done to him? Why was he gone for so long?

  I must have been moving around a lot because Dalton finally lifted his head and said with a sad smile, “This is killing you, isn’t it?”

  I sighed. “I’m so sorry. It’s just that I thought you were dead, and I was all alone.” Sobs wracked my body, and I melted onto my knees.

  “Sh. It’s okay now. I’m back,” he said was he placed a hand on my head. It was only then that I realized he was sitting down next to me. My head shot up, and I stared at his unchained hands.

  “Oh, my God. Dalton, you’re free. Get out of here. Run. Get away.” He just laughed at me and pulled me closer to his chest. It felt so safe and secure that I tried to wrap my chained arms around him as well. That didn’t go so well, and I had to settle for grabbing his shirt.

  “I’ve been wanting to do this since we first met.” I knew he meant he just wanted to comfort me. There was no way he could think of me like that. He was much better-looking than Jack and was an amazing man.

  I pulled away and looked into his eyes. “You should try to get away from here. There has to be a way out.”

  He pulled me to his chest again and said, “Maddy, the door is locked, and there are about twenty guards that I saw, and who knows how many more. Even if I knew where I was going, I wouldn’t make it very far.”

  Suddenly I felt very guilty. I was supposed to gather information about how to get out of here, but I had failed. “I’m so sorry, Dalton. I’m not a very good spy.” I sniffed into his shirt.

  “Hey, it’s not your fault. I think they may have taken you different ways to confuse you. They did the same with me on the way back,” he said.

  “What happened? Do you still think they’re going to kill you?”

  “No, I don’t think so. They had me make a ransom tape to send to my family to prove I was still alive.” I knew there was more, so I stayed quiet. He continued after what seemed forever. “They’re arranging drop-off points. I’m sure when my family sees the tape, and what they did to me, they’ll meet all of their demands.”

  He shuddered, and I rubbed my hand gently on his chest to comfort him. Then he took a deep breath, and I readied myself for what was coming.

  “I think they’re going to release me tomorrow,” he said with sorrow-filled finality. My heart sank. This was it. These were our last moments together. I tried to pull myself together for him, but the tears had already started.

  “That’s great for you. I’m really happy you’ll get away from here,” I said in as strong a voice as I could muster. I felt like such a hypocrite. He was my friend. I should be happy for him, but I could only think of myself.

  “There’s more,” he said with a sigh. “I heard them talking about you.” My heart stopped beating, and I looked up to see him crying.

  “What is it? Tell me,” I begged.

  “You’re being moved tomorrow as well. Now that I’m leaving, they’re afraid I can lead the authorities back here,” he said, “even though I have no idea where we are.”

  “Where will they take me? What’s going to happen to me?” We couldn’t answer those questions. I knew neither of us wanted to say anything aloud. We could guess and assume all we liked, but it wouldn’t get us anywhere.

  If it were possible, he pulled me even closer to him and sat me in his lap. He stroked my back and whispered, “I will find you. If it’s the last thing I do in this world. I will find you. Don’t you ever give up on me. I promise I will find you.” He continued to chant this to us both, and then he kissed the top of my head.

  Where would I end up and with whom? Would they
kill me quickly? I knew that I would be made to perform sexual favors for men that I didn’t know or love, and that thought alone gave me the chills. I would rather die than be raped repeatedly by faceless, nameless men. It wasn’t until then that I had a rather crazed thought.

  “Dalton?” I whispered.

  “Yeah?” he answered and kissed the top of my head again, giving me even more courage to ask my question.

  “Would you do something for me?”

  “Anything, Maddy. Anything.” He gripped me tighter and rocked me gently.

  I paused for a moment to build up my courage. I decided that it was best to just say it, and I blurted out, “Will you make love to me?”

  Shame washed over my face that was hidden against his chest. He didn’t reply for a moment and then asked, “What?”

  I started to say it again, “Will you―”

  He cut me off. “No. Wait, I heard you. I just need a moment.”

  I gave him the silence he needed. I don’t know why I just asked him like that. If I’d thought about it, I would never have asked.

  “Maddy, why are you asking me this?” He pulled me out of his lap so he could see my face.

  Suddenly, it was as if a dam had burst open, and the words raced from my mouth. “I can’t do it, Dalton. I can’t let them have that too. I don’t want my first time to be horrific and terrible. I want it to be special with someone I know. Someone I trust to be careful with me. I have the rest of my life to be someone’s whore. I just need this. Please,” I begged.

  The confusion all over his face spoke volumes, and I regretted every word. Panic and worry swept through me, and I suddenly couldn’t breathe. My chest was tight, and my heart began to race. I couldn’t get the oxygen into my lungs, and I was frozen. Dalton was saying something to me, but I couldn’t hear anything but the ringing in my ears. Then everything went black.

  When I came to, I was disoriented and dizzy. I tried to remember what had happened, and I looked to Dalton for answers. He sat in the corner with his knees up and shook his head as if to warn me of something. Then the door flew open. Acosta was on the other side with a tight-lipped evil smile on his face.

  In a flash, I remembered that Dalton had been by my side when I’d fainted. I had asked him…oh, God…I couldn’t think about that right now, but I knew that he hadn’t been chained. Glancing in his direction, I noticed I couldn’t see his hands, and I could only hope that he had not reengaged his locks.

  Dalton was trying to send me a message, and now I understood that he wanted me to stay calm and not give him away. I gave him a quick nod.

  “So the lovers will be torn apart today,” Acosta said as he watched me with lust-filled eyes and licked his lips. “So sad, really. Maddy is so innocent and sweet. How do you think she will handle it all, Mr. Dalton?” Although he was speaking to Dalton, his stare never left my body. “I do so worry that she will not make it. Very few do. That’s why I have saved some dinero. I have plans for her myself.” With each word, he took a step closer to me. “Mucho dinero por inocencia.”

  He caressed my face with his sweaty hand, and I tried to look away. The moment I did, he grabbed my chin and turned my face toward him. “Don’t look away from me. Do you think I am not good enough?” Fear rocked through me, and I tried to shake my head. He was furious. “You think I am too poor? I am merely a stable boy here to clean up your shit?”

  I mumbled, “No, sir. I’m—” but before I could finish my sentence, my face was met with the back of his hand. “Stupid puta!” he screamed, and pushed me away from him. I stayed motionless on the dirt floor as he continued to yell words in Spanish. They were too quick and angry to even attempt to understand. Then he grabbed my neck and held me in a chokehold above the ground as his angry words and spit continued to assault me. He was going to kill me

  I tried to pry his fingers away, but my chains didn’t allow me much movement. My breathing was cut off, and I was starting to black out. In a last-ditch effort, I swung my legs. Luck was on my side, and I landed a kick right between his legs. He dropped me immediately. It was then I heard Dalton screaming for him to stop.

  As I lay on the ground trying to catch my breath, Acosta was also regaining his strength. I looked at Dalton and noticed that he was moving up behind him, but I quickly shook my head. He couldn’t give up his advantage yet. I didn’t want them to know he wasn’t chained. I pleaded with him silently, and he began to calm down. I tried to give him a small smile when I noticed that he was moving back to his side, but Acosta was on me again.

  “You fucking bitch. How dare you?” he screamed and kicked me as hard as he could in the stomach.

  “Acosta!” I was never so glad to see Javier. I glanced at Acosta as he continued to stand over me. It wasn’t until then that I realized that he’d unzipped his pants.

  Javier grabbed him by the shoulder and threw him to the floor. “¡No molestas!” His voice was angry but controlled, and I knew what was coming. I’d heard him this way before. This time I covered my eyes just as the gun went off.

  I could smell the gunpowder in the air, but I made no move to uncover my eyes. I was shaking uncontrollably as Javier grabbed my hands away from my face.

  “It’s over now, mi niña,” he whispered, but I knew he was wrong. It was only the beginning. This is what my life was to become.

  He stood up and wiped the dirt from his pants. “I guess it’s a good thing I decided to come and see how you were both doing on your last day here.” Acosta’s body lay in the dirt. There was no mistaking the blood red puddle around his head. “Such a waste,” Javier murmured as he kicked Acosta’s foot.

  The door was still open and two men I’d never seen before came in and dragged the body from our cell.

  Javier looked to Dalton. “I will have to leave the blood here for now. There’s just no time for such things.” I closed my eyes, not believing the absurdity of it all. He was talking as if we were hotel guests that had just asked for clean linens.

  “Now, back to the matters at hand. I’m sure that Mr. Dalton has explained to you that today will be the last day here for both of you, and I thought it would be nice to give you both a little time to say goodbye.” He was smiling to himself as if his idea was the sweetest thing he’d ever done. “I must say that my little experiment here worked very well. The two of you were very good for each other, no?”

  I hated that he was right, but he was. He’d been able to get us both to cooperate fully by threatening the other.

  “I will be back later tonight. Enjoy your last meal together.” He laughed as he walked out, leaving us alone for the first time in what felt like forever.

  I was relived, but now the reality of my question to Dalton hung over my head. Why had I asked him that? He’s a married man, not to mention, almost ten years older than I am.

  I couldn’t look at him. I was mortified by my own actions.

  “Maddy?”

  “Yeah?” I answered meekly.

  “Would you look at me for a second?”

  I wasn’t sure, but he sounded as nervous as I felt. The thought helped me to look at him.

  “First of all, are you okay?” I nodded but didn’t look away. The second of all was hanging in the air like a bolt of lightning, waiting to strike.

  “Now, can we talk about what you asked of me earlier?” This was it. I wanted to crawl into a hole and die. What was I thinking?

  “Oh, God, Dalton. I’m so sorry. I don’t know what made me ask that. I know you’re a married man. I know you’re older and you don’t think of me that way. Can we just forget about it? It was stupid of me anyway. It’s not as if it’s going to change anything. I’ll still be someone’s whore as of tomorrow.” I was rambling, but I didn’t know what else to say.

  “Did you mean it? Would you like me to be your first?” he asked with all sincerity
in his voice.

  Time seemed to stop. Did I mean it? Did I want him to be my first?

  “Yes,” I said too quickly and closed my eyes in anticipation of his reaction.

  I heard him rise and shuffle over to me. “Maddy, it would be my great pleasure to be your first. It will be something I will always treasure. Please look at me.”

  Tears were running down my face as I looked up at him. “You don’t have to do this. I know it’s too much to ask.”

  “It’s a huge thing to ask, and I’m so very grateful that you trust me enough to want it to be me.” He sat next to me, and put his arm around my shoulders. His touch calmed me, and I fell into his chest. “God, I wish this were under different circumstances,” he murmured into my hair, kissing the top of my head.

  He was warm and so comfortable. I didn’t want to ever move.

  “Can I kiss you, sweet Maddy?” He asked as he lifted my chin up. His face was black and blue.

  “Yes,” I released in a breath. I reached out to touch his hair.

  Dalton leaned in and kissed me so softly, I wasn’t sure it really happened. Then he leaned back a little, gazing into my eyes. “Are you really sure?”

  He looked so sad, and I sobbed and nodded. I didn’t want to be raped my first time. He had been my foundation for so long. Each time I thought I was going to die, he was the person to calm my fears. It may not have been the perfect scenario, but my tomorrows looked bleak. At least with this man, I would have a good memory to hold onto.

  The moment our lips touched, my body came alive. I had thought Jack was my first real kiss, but I was wrong. This was, and it was wonderful. I started to get carried away and worried that he might think I was too forward. But when he moaned, I knew he was feeling the same thing. We were each other’s world in here. It was just us.

  Pulling out of the kiss he said, “Let me take care of you. Let me love you the way you should be loved.”