Mistakes

by A. M. Hayward

  I lay back and let him untie my dress from my shoulders, and then he lifted me up to pull it completely away. I was completely naked in front of him. Another first for me. I blushed and tried to cover myself, but he quickly grabbed my hands. “You’re absolutely beautiful. I want to see all of you.”

  My confidence continued to grow as I let my hands fall to my sides. He stared at my body, seemingly taking me all in. “So beautiful. So wonderful. I will remember this for the rest of my life,” he said as he began to take off his own clothes. The look in his eyes gave me hope that this meant as much to him as it did to me.

  I wanted to see what he looked like as well. The times he’d been relieving himself into the bucket, I had turned away to give him privacy. It was clear that he had lost a lot of weight from the small amounts of food he’d been given, but I could still see the muscles in his chest and arms. He was a gorgeous man. I was suddenly scared. I couldn’t believe we were about to do this.

  As he lay down beside me, he lightly caressed my skin. He started on my arm and ran his fingers over my stomach and down my legs. He repeated this cycle several times, all the while taking in every inch of me. My whole body tingled, and I wished I wasn’t laid out on a dirt floor.

  Dalton smiled with compassion as if he knew what I was thinking and rolled over and gave me another deep and passionate kiss. It was as if every emotion of love he could possess was put into our kisses. He wanted to me to feel special and loved, and for the moment, I did.

  As he continued to kiss me, he slid his hand between my legs, but stopped when I jumped. “Are you okay? I can stop,” he asked sweetly.

  “No. I’ve just never felt this before. It’s all so wonderful and overwhelming. Please go on,” I begged.

  With a small chuckle, he continued to move his hand to my most private of places, “You’re not ready yet, but when you are, it will help this go a lot easier,” he stated almost clinically. I didn’t care what he did at this point. My body was on fire.

  He began to rub me at my core. It felt so strange, As I moved my hips, all I could think was, More! Please, God! More!

  I felt one of his fingers exploring more deeply, and I couldn’t hold back the feelings as my orgasm ripped through me. “Oh!” I cried and continued to move my hips in time with his hand. We were kissing again as he continued his movements. I was brought to new heights each time I climaxed. He pulled his hand away.

  “Are you ready? This will probably hurt.”

  My body felt like Jell-O, but I said very quietly, “Yes, I’m ready.”

  He leaned in and kissed me again. “I will never forget this. I love you, sweet Maddy.” I couldn’t believe it, and for a brief moment, I was actually happy. I felt beautiful and cherished in his arms. Suddenly, I felt him start to push into me. I was scared. I knew enough that this was going to hurt, and I tensed up. He kissed me again, moving slowly and taking the time to keep me from being hurt.

  It didn’t help. The pain was intense. We looked into each other’s eyes, and Dalton looked worried.

  “Oh, God!” I cried. “It hurts,” I moaned as I dug my nails into his arms. My breathing was erratic as he kept pushing until he was all the way in.

  “I’m so sorry Maddy.” He looked like he was in pain as well. “I never wanted it to be like this for you. I wish…” his voice trailed off as tears continued to roll down my face, hitting the dirt floor. Neither of us moved for a while. I was trying to get used to the feeling, and I think he was trying to calm down a bit.

  He kissed my head and said, “Are you ready?”

  I nodded, still crying, and he looked like he was going to cry at any moment too.

  “I’m so sorry, Dalton.”

  “Shh,” he said and leaned in to kiss me again.

  He was still slow and gentle, but I could feel every inch of him moving in and out of my body. I couldn’t understand why people did this. It hurt so badly. Then he shook as he let out a low guttural moan and fell on top of me.

  Neither of us spoke, and he rolled off and brought his arms around me, pulling me close to his chest. I felt loved, and I didn’t regret it. I only wished it hadn’t been in here. What scared me was that if it hurt that much when someone was gentle, what would happen when they weren’t?

  “Are you all right?” He asked as I felt his fingers run through my hair. “Thank you for that beautiful gift. I will treasure it always,” he whispered to the top of my head.

  I was exhausted but I knew we didn’t have much time. The emotions I was feeling were so intense. I needed him to know how I felt, and this may be the last chance I had to tell him. “I love you, Dalton. Thank you for being my first. I will never forget you,” I said, and promptly burst into tears. He hugged me closer to him as he let me cry. “I don’t want to leave you. Why couldn’t we have met somewhere else? I can’t imagine my life without you.”

  “I don’t want to go, Maddy. I want to stay with you and protect you. I swear I do.” He shook, and I looked up at him to see he was crying with me.

  “Don’t forget, Maddy, I won’t stop looking for you. I love you too, sweetheart.” He kissed my lips again. “Don’t forget, okay?”

  Whatever tomorrow brought us, we would have this moment, and I wanted nothing more than to trust that someday we would see each other again.

  I felt completely safe and loved, wrapped in Dalton’s arms. I knew that we should move away from each other since Javier’s men would be in at any moment, but I didn’t want to deny either one of us our last moments together. All was calm and quiet, and if I closed my eyes, I could pretend that we were anywhere but here. This was the memory I would take with me.

  “Maddy?” Dalton whispered.

  “Yes?”

  He didn’t say anything for a few moments, and I began to think he was talking in his sleep. “Whatever happens, promise me you won’t give up.”

  I sat up to look into his face and saw the unshed tears in his eyes. I knew he was thinking the same thing I was. “Please. I have to know that you’ll be okay when they take me away. I promise that I will do everything in my power to find you again. I will never forget you.”

  The full impact of what was happening today hit me. He was getting out, and I was going to be left behind. He was going home to his family, and I was going to be sold as a slave to hundreds of men. My life was over, but he wanted my promise to never give up.

  I couldn’t lie to him. “I can only promise you that I’ll try. Neither of us knows what the future holds for me. If it gets too bad—”

  “No, don’t say that,” he pleaded. I ducked my head back into his chest. “You have to make it. I swear I will find you. No matter how long or how far away they take you, I will find you. Promise me, Maddy. For me. Please. I need this from you.”

  I didn’t have the strength in me to fight with him. If it would give him hope, I would lie for now, but I knew the truth.

  “I promise,” I whispered weakly.

  “No. That’s not good enough. I don’t want to hear you say it because you think it’s what I want to hear. You have to believe it. Now, say it. Say it and mean it. Every day you’re alive, I will be with you in your heart. I will always be here. What we have together will always be here. They can’t take that away from you. Now, fight with me. Say it and mean it.”

  I felt the burning in the pit of my stomach. He was planting a fire within me, and I let myself feel his words. I wanted to live. I didn’t want to die. I wanted to see my family again and tell them how sorry I was for lying to them. I wanted to go to school and have my career. I wanted to become a mom. I wanted my life back. I also wanted Dalton to be safe and happy, and one day maybe we’d get to see each other again.

  I looked up into his eyes, and I found my strength there.

  “I promise you that I will do everything in my power to never give up until
I see you again.”

  His resolve crumbled with my declaration, and he pulled me into a tight hug as we both cried; however, our comfort was short-lived. Seconds later, the door crashed open, and a very angry Javier flew toward us.

  “What the fuck is going on in here?” He paused briefly as he took in our naked bodies wrapped together tightly. Neither of us moved an inch. “You whore! How dare you do this to me!” he screamed and grabbed me by the back of my hair, pulling me off Dalton. He threw me against the wall and slapped my face. “This was not yours to give,” he taunted, in between his Spanish ranting. Each time he raised his hand, I could see more blood on his palm. Dalton was screaming in the background, but two men were restraining him.

  In the end, Javier punched me in the stomach, and I crumpled to the floor. “Get her out of here!” he screamed at his men. As the dragged me from the cell, I couldn’t look back, but I heard Dalton shouting.

  “Don’t give up! I will find you! Remember your promise!” he kept shouting, even as the men were beating him up.

  Just as I was about to pass out, Frankie lifted my head. “Looks like I don’t have to be so careful with you now.” He began unbuttoning his pants. The two men holding me grasped my arms. He was going to take me here. “I have waited a long time for this you, puta.” He leaned down and licked my cheek, tasting my bloodstained skin, and I closed my eyes and pretended I was back in Dalton’s arms. However, Frankie had other plans. He gave me a hard slap to the side of my face. “Oh, no, you don’t. You will not think of him while I take you. Open your fucking eyes.” When I didn’t comply, he slapped me again and again.

  Just then, everything stopped. Frankie and the two men holding me, laughed. I finally peeked up to see what was happening. The two of them were looking back toward the cell. It was eerily quiet now.

  “Now she opens her eyes. Good. You should see what they are going to do to your little boyfriend,” Frankie taunted.

  “Please,” I begged through my broken lips. “Don’t hurt him.”

  As the words left my mouth, a gunshot filled the silence. My eyes popped open, my heart stopped, and I blacked out.

  It was hot and steamy, and I was wet. My head was pounding and my whole body ached. I tried to move and opened my eyes. They were swollen and my lips felt like they had doubled in size. But at least I had clothes on again. I sat up and groaned in pain.

  Looking around, I saw that I was not alone. The other women I’d been forced to “reason with,” sat next to me. I gathered my courage and continued to look around the room, frightened by what I would find.

  “Ah, Maddy. It seems you have decided to join us again,” Javier said from the other side of the room. “I guess you’re over the death of your friend then, no?”

  The anger and pain crippled me. He couldn’t have killed Dalton. He couldn’t be dead.

  “Dalton’s dead?” I asked with a quiver in my voice. “Why? He was going back to his family. They had paid to have him released. Why did you have to kill him?”

  Javier’s eyes became murderous as he yelled, “Because the two of you thought you were smarter than I am. Because you ruined what I had planned for you. Now, you’re just like the rest of these putas.”

  I closed my eyes, and tried to keep my tears from falling. I had to toughen up. Javier was next to me in a flash. He pulled my head back by my hair.

  “You’ll spend the rest of your days bound to a bed with different, nameless men taking your innocence again and again. How does it feel now?” With that, he threw my head backwards, and it hit the wall.

  He screamed words in Spanish, and there was a lot of movement, but I still didn’t open my eyes. Someone came over to me, bound my hands behind my back, and forced a smelly rag into my mouth. Like when I’d first arrived, tape was wrapped around my head to hold the gag into place. The other women were screaming around me, and I could only imagine that the same thing was happening to them. I didn’t care. I just wanted to fade away. No one was going to find me. No one knew I was still alive.

  It wasn’t until I was pulled to my feet that I attempted to open my eyes. I saw the other women stumbling down a long hall only to reach a door as they were pushed into a truck. It looked like one of the moving vans my parents had rented when we helped Aunt Marie move from Florida a couple of years ago. Once inside the truck, we huddled together near the back, all of us too afraid even try to sit down.

  “Today your life shall begin,” Javier exclaimed from the open door. “Welcome to hell, ladies.” He laughed then jumped down, grabbed a rope tied to the rolling door, and slammed it shut. We were in complete darkness, and the women around me were hysterical. They were screaming behind their gags, I could here their frantic scurrying followed by a loud thump as they threw their bodies against the metal.

  I had no strength left, and I let my legs carry me down to the floor. I sat in the far corner and pulled my knees toward my chest as close as I could get them. When the truck started, several of the women screamed again, but I just tucked my head onto my knees. Javier was right. This was our new life, and there was no use fighting it. Dalton was dead, and I was going to be sold and raped repeatedly just as Javier promised.

  It felt as if we’d been in this truck for days. The heat was unbelievable, and the walls would get so hot, we couldn’t even rest against them. It was like an oven. For the most part, the women had calmed down and there were just a few quiet sobs. Each had taken up a spot somewhere along the side of the truck, careful not to touch the outside walls. We hadn’t been given any food or water, and I was afraid that if we were kept here much longer, we might not make it.

  It was still dark, but our eyes had adjusted somewhat to the little light that came through some of the cracks in the door. The gags made talking impossible. All we had were endless moments of heat and tears.

  We’d stopped, and I could to hear voices near the back of the truck, followed by what sounded like the jingling of keys. Whoever was out there was angry, and there was more yelling. The girls began to cry out with what little energy they had left and moved to the back of the truck—away from whatever awaited us on the other side of the door.

  With a flood of light, the back door rolled opened, blinding me for a moment. The men continued to scream at each other, and when I realized some of the words were English, I listened more carefully and opened my eyes.

  “Keep your hands up. What’s going on here? Why are these women in this truck?” A man in a border patrol uniform yelled. He had his gun drawn, and Frankie and two other men had their hands behind their heads. The officer was young. His voice was shaking as he spoke in his chest mic for reinforcements.

  “Officer Owen here. I have a cargo truck full of bound woman on the eastbound side of I-35, twenty-five miles from the Laredo border, do you copy?”

  He climbed into the truck to get a better look at us. He looked so young. He couldn’t have been much older than I was.

  “It’s all right now, ladies. I’ve got you. Help is on the way.” One of the women screamed behind her gag, and I looked to the back of the truck to see Frankie climbing up behind the officer.

  We all tried to get his attention, but he was concentrating on trying to get us untied. I was shaking my head and screaming, but the gag stifled the sound as I watched Frankie take a long knife and drag it along the officer’s throat. A thin red line formed on his neck. His eyes went wide, and he grabbed for his throat in vain.

  A river of blood ran over his hands, and he sunk to the floor on top of several of the other woman who continued to scream.

  In a scramble, they pulled us out of the truck and threw us into a cargo van. By the time the van pulled away, we were quiet again.

  That poor boy had died trying to save us. Dalton had died trying to save me. I wasn’t worth all this death.

  I guess I must have slept, because I was jolted awake wh
en we came to a sudden stop. It was dark outside. I must have been near death to be able to sleep after that ordeal.

  The men pulled us out of the van. I needed water. I could hardly move as they dragged us one by one into a large warehouse. The smell hit me first—vomit and urine with a dash of bleach. I immediately gagged.

  The men moved us down a long hall that had sheets up on either side. I found it odd at first, until I realized what was behind the sheets. Peeking to my left, I saw a young woman chained to a bed. Her eyes were dark, and her body was frail. It looked like she’d been here for years.

  The men abruptly stopped, and Javier came out from behind one of the makeshift doors, adjusting his belt as he pulled the sheet back so we could see the woman he’d just violated.

  “Ladies, this is where you’ll end up. Michele here has been with us for about two months, and as you can see, she is doing her job very well.” He laughed maniacally at his own joke and asked, “Is this where you thought you would end up, Miss Maddy?” I shook my head, never taking my eyes off the woman passed out on the bed. How could she have only been here for only a few months? She looked like she was one step away from death.

  “Then I expect you to keep your filthy fucking legs closed from now on unless I tell you different. Do you understand me?” Javier screamed into my face. I nodded and looked into his eyes.

  He continued to give me a hard look but motioned for the men to take the other women away. I flinched when he brought his hand up to my face, and I saw the large knife.

  “Hold still,” he barked as he cut away my gag and pulled out the rag from my mouth, causing me to cough.

  He shoved a cup of water in my face for me to drink. I placed my lips on the side of the cup, and he tilted it so the water would slide down my dry throat. It felt amazing. I’d never take water for granted again.

  “Thank you,” I whispered as he pulled the cup away.

  “Can’t have you dying on me now,” he snarled. “It seems that your little stunt with Mr. Dalton has put me at quite the disadvantage. The buyer I had lined up for you was not pleased with the news.”