Bound in Blue

by Jessica Ingro

  “What are you doing?” I asked as I settled next to him and dipped my feet into the cool water. The mugginess still clung to the air, which is why I decided to change into the pajamas I brought—a slightly revealing white v-neck silk cami and a pair of white skimpy boy shorts. It wasn’t the most friendly outfit to meet your boyfriend’s mother in, but it was the first thing I grabbed in my haste, and I had assumed I’d be wearing a robe. I hadn’t banked on the heat and humidity. With Kathleen safely ensconced in her room for the night, I assumed it was safe to traipse around in it. She didn’t strike me as the type to be nosy, but rather give us our space.

  Mack made no move to acknowledge my presence other than his pinky slipping closer to my hand on the dock to hook mine.

  “Just thinking,” he eventually answered.

  “About?” I questioned him. It was time for answers. Real ones.

  “Ella,” he confessed.

  “I see,” I said beyond the lump in my throat. My optimism in our relationship plummeted with those words. Why couldn’t he just think of me for a change? I despised vying for his attention.

  “It’s just so hard not to when I’m here. Everything holds some sort of memory for us. Megan, she’ll always be a part of my life.”

  “I know,” I said defensively. “What I don’t appreciate is you hiding that part from me. It makes me feel like I’m not good enough for you. That I’m just a place filler in her absence.”

  “That’s just not true.”

  “Isn’t it? Are you delusional?”

  He glowered at me for a moment, but I refused to shrink back. He abruptly stood and took his t-shirt off, leaving him in just his basketball shorts, before jumping into the pond.

  “What are you doing?” I shrieked as water droplets sprayed me.

  “I’m cooling off.” He shrugged and turned his back to me as he waded out a little in the water. With nothing to do and our conversation far from over, I plunged in, keeping my head above the water. I waded out towards him.

  The moonlight glinted over the hard muscles of his back and chest as he turned and faced me. His eyes quickly took me in, honing in on my erect nipples through what I was sure was a now see-through cami.

  “I don’t want to fight,” he said in a tight voice.

  “I’m not trying to fight with you, Shane. But how can I not feel that way when the topic of your wife is constantly off limits and your mom still has a shrine to your relationship with her in the house?” You could imagine my surprise when I went into the room Shane and I were to share in order to change and was confronted by a million and one pictures of the two of them. It was like Shane and Ella overload.

  “She’s everywhere. She was a huge part of my family’s lives and she’s never going to go away. You aren’t going to change that,” he said vehemently.

  “Wow,” I breathed as if all the air had been knocked out of me. Strong ties aren’t easily broken. This was something I’d come to learn the hard way over the years and more recently had shoved in my face over and over again by this man. “You don’t know me at all if you think that’s what I want.”

  I turned and made my ascent from the water, my fingers clutching the gaping sides of my top together so I didn’t overexpose myself. There was no getting through to him. It was high time I realized that and cut ties with him. I couldn’t keep hurting myself every time he shut down on me; every time he made it evident Ella would always take precedence in the forefront of his mind.

  * * *

  The last of my clothes were stashed in my overnight bag. My hands went to the bottom of my wet shirt. Right as I was pulling it up, the door swung open and then promptly closed. Shane leaned against the door with his arms crossed in a defiant gesture.

  “Where do you think you’re going?” His voice was deceptively low. I could tell he was barely keeping himself in check. We could really let loose on each other when we argued. It was a testament of the passion that boiled up between us.

  My arms dropped, leaving me in my revealing top. “I’m leaving. I can’t do this anymore.”

  “I don’t think so, buttercup.” He pushed off the door and came towards me. I retreated in an attempt to keep from falling back into old habits—him freezing me out and then scrambling my brain with earth shattering sex. The physical aspect of our relationship wasn’t enough anymore. I wanted all of him. He had mastered my heart, my mind and my body. That wasn’t too much to ask for in return.

  “Don’t call me that,” I told him as my back hit the wall, effectively stopping my retreat.

  “You don’t get to walk away this time.”

  I shook my head and straightened my stance, channeling my inner strength. “I’ll damn well do as I please. I’m done being your second choice.”

  “You aren’t my second choice. You’re my only choice. It’s not a competition.”

  My heart beat wild and out of control in my chest at the same time it twisted violently. “Sure it is and you’re the greatest prize, Shane. Problem is, Ella is winning by a landslide. I can’t compete and I’m done twisting myself into knots to try to be what you need.”

  He leaned into me, and his breath fanned my face. His fist connected with the wall beside my head with a loud thud. “You are what I need. God, Megan. You helped me find myself again.”

  I shook my head. Words wouldn’t come. My heart was climbing up my throat and simultaneously choking me.

  “Why did you come here tonight?” He changed direction, and I scrambled to keep up with him.

  “What?” I croaked out.

  He leaned further into me so his body was now practically touching mine. His chest hair teased my nipples through the wet material clinging to my breasts.

  “Why did you come here? You knew I would come back to you. I always do. There’s something about you,” he started but then stopped, effectively leaving me hanging. Thoughts composed, he continued, “I tried to stay away from you. So many damn times I said I wouldn’t go back. I knew you deserved more than half a man, but I was selfish enough to seek you out even knowing that. Like a moth to a flame… I need to know why you came here.”

  “Because I couldn’t stay away from you. I knew I needed to fight for you. You wouldn’t let me give up on us and I was determined not to let you do the same.”

  His eyes closed and relief washed over his handsome features. When they opened again they were blazing. “Why are you leaving then? Slinking away and giving up?”

  “Because you’re still in love with your dead wife. If after all these years that hasn’t changed then I’d be a fool to stick around, hoping and waiting.” The truth of those words hit me like a sledgehammer. I didn’t want him to forget about her. I just didn’t want the memory of her overshadowing what we had.

  “I’ll always love Ella, but that didn’t stop me from falling in love with you. I went to her grave today. I wanted to say goodbye to her… for good. I needed that closure so that I could move on with you and not feel guilty anymore.”

  “You did?” I breathed once his words penetrated the shock and pain surrounding me. “Then how come you let me think… back at the water?”

  “I won’t ever forget about her. She was a big part of my life and I got a little defensive thinking that you wanted that. I overreacted and wasn’t thinking straight. I wasn’t expecting you to show up here tonight and I was trying to figure out a way to tell you—”

  “Tell me what?”

  “That I want to spend the rest of my life in here.” His finger tapped my temple, before journeying down my body so his hand could cup me between my legs. “And here.” His hand slid back up my body, causing goose bumps before resting over my heart. The very heart that was threatening to beat right out of my chest. “And especially here.”

  “Then show me.” My hands gripped his hair and pulled him towards me where he wasted no time covering my mouth with his. His tongue slowly and methodically thrust into my mouth, building the heat that was never truly banked between us. His hands
cupped my breasts, teasing them into rigid peaks, while his body herded me towards the bed.

  His hand around my waist allowed him to ease me onto the bed when our bodies hit it the edge of it. Coming down on top of me, his hands forced my shirt up over me. He took his time worshipping my jaw, neck, chest and stomach as he worked his way down my body.

  I was trembling with need. My head had taken a hike, letting my heart and emotions rule over what my body was feeling. And with each kiss, lick and suck all I could feel was his love. It was coming out of every pore of him.

  “It’s so damn easy to love you,” he murmured against my skin.

  He slowly worked my wet shorts down my legs, throwing them over his shoulder. His hot breath teased my slick folds for far too long before he finally plunged his tongue into me, causing me to cry out. Biting my lip to keep my sounds low enough not to wake his mother, my body thrashed under his as he brought me so close to the peak my body craved.

  “Shane, I want you inside me when I come,” I moaned when he hit a particularly good spot.

  Rising up over me, his hands framed my face. I felt him poised at my entrance and my hips shifted so he slipped inside the barest inch. My eyes rolled into my head with how good even that small amount of him felt. “Watch me while I take you.”

  Forcing my eyes to stay open, I watched in fascination as his eyes turned molten once we were fully connected to one another. He moved slowly in and out of me, his body stayed touching mine the whole time he made love to me.

  In that moment, he was mine completely. There was no question about it. His love for me shone in his eyes like a beacon in the night.

  My legs shifted up his sides to open myself up to him. Our sweat slicked bodies moved in tandem with each other, wringing the most pleasure from one another as possible.

  My body bowed, and my eyes locked with Shane’s as my pleasure crested and my orgasm took over.

  “I love you,” he whispered as he followed me over, tumbling head first into his own release. His sighs of pleasure were enough to keep me trembling with orgasm for longer than I had ever experienced with a lover.

  Lying together in a tangle of loose, sweaty limbs, I silently cried tears of both happiness and fear. Shane had given me what he hadn’t given another single soul since Ella died—himself. I desperately wanted to believe this was real, but I was so very afraid I would wake up tomorrow to find it was all a dream. I wasn’t so sure my heart could take another disappointment like that.

  “What’s going on inside that head of yours?” He asked while tenderly brushing the tears from my cheeks.

  “I love you so much,” I started. My words making him give me that sexy smirk of his. “And I know you love me. What we just did was magical. Beyond anything I could have ever hoped for. But will you still love me tomorrow? I need to be sure of that, Shane.”

  He shifted up to an arm and looked down over me. His eyes searched my face, assessing and memorizing. “Megan, you’re my only one. I’ll love you tonight, tomorrow and forever.” His voice was hard and determined. His words were spoken as a vow.

  I knew then without a doubt that he would.

  Forever.

  Epilogue

  Mack

  The sliding glass door to Jacob’s house opened and warmth filled me to see Megan toddling behind Kara. Six years together and the feeling that seeing her gave me never dulled.

  I flipped the last burger and accepted a beer from John. I glanced over to see his eyes were tracking his new bride who was setting food out on a picnic table in the backyard with Kara and Megan.

  Finally healed from his loss of Rachel, John decided to move on with Rylee. She was a beautiful, strawberry blonde who was also a police officer in D.C. She was his perfect match and kept him on his toes, as was the sign of any good woman. The two of them had just gotten back from their honeymoon and were the main reason we all converged in Pennsylvania for the weekend.

  “Ella! Rachel! It’s time to wash up before dinner. Let’s go!” Megan called out to our twin girls running behind Maggie, Jacob and Kara’s oldest.

  Rachel plowed into my leg and wrapped herself around me like a vine in an attempt to ignore her mother’s request to clean up. My little girl liked to get dirty, as was evidenced by the mud on her clothes and the twigs in her black hair.

  “Are you hiding from your mother?” I asked the most gorgeous three year old I had ever seen, well, besides her sister of course.

  “Mmm hmm,” she said with a smirk that mirrored my own.

  In a twist of fate, Rachel was more like me and Ella was the spitting image of her mother. It was funny how things worked out sometimes.

  Naming the girls after Ella and Rachel just came naturally. It was Megan’s suggestion, and I couldn’t have agreed more with her. It was the perfect way to pay homage to two very important people who were taken from this world far too soon. People who helped shape who we were and our bond with each other.

  “Rachel,” Megan scolded our daughter as she extricated my leg from her grasp. “Go with Kara to clean up or no dessert tonight.”

  Rachel looked up at me with big, blue eyes asking me to save her. I chuckled and leaned down to kiss her cheek. “Listen to your mother.” With a little girl humfph, she did as I said.

  “That girl is going to be the death of me. She only listens to you these days,” Megan grumbled at my side as we watched Rachel with her head hung and her toes kicking at the dirt as she shuffled towards the house.

  “Let’s hope this one doesn’t give you the same hassle,” I whispered as my arms wrapped around her from behind and gently caressed her expanded belly. She was showing more rapidly this time than she did with her last pregnancy. I was obsessed with my wife’s belly whenever she was carrying my child. It never ceased to amaze me that a life we created was growing inside her.

  “That reminds me,” she started but was interrupted by Ruby, Jacob and Kara’s second child, plowing into her.

  “Can I sit wif you?” Ruby asked with big blue eyes and curly red hair. Seemed Kara’s genes dominated over Jacob’s.

  “Of course you can. Come on.” Megan took her small hand and led her to the picnic tables that were lined up side by side to form one long table for everyone.

  I settled on the end, next to Rachel. John and Rylee sat on the other side of her with Maggie capping off the other end. Across from me were Ella, Megan, Ruby, Kara and Jacob.

  “So how was the honeymoon?” Kara asked as we all ate hamburgers and hotdogs.

  “It was great. Belize is amazing. The water is so crystal clear. Oh and their beer is delicious. We have some in the car for you guys along with gifts for the girls,” Rylee answered.

  “You ready to go back to the grind with this guy?” Jacob asked John as he pointed his fork at me across the table.

  “Yeah, he makes an okay partner. Did you miss me big guy?” John teased as he looked over at me and batted his eyes.

  “Give it a rest.” I rolled my eyes and took a bite of my burger. As Megan and my relationship progressed, a bond formed between John and me. It just made sense to become his partner once Jacob moved to suburbia to settle down.

  “Well, I won’t be trying any of your beer,” Kara spoke over the din of four children.

  “You won’t?” Rylee asked her.

  Kara set her napkin down and shook her head. Her hands went down to rest on her stomach and her smile beamed as she told us, “Nope. I’m pregnant again!”

  “We’re hoping for a boy this time,” Jacob chimed in with a smile of his own. Kara smacked his shoulder but kept on beaming.

  “I just want healthy and happy,” she said.

  “Can I tell Daddy our secret Mommy?” Rachel interrupted the adult’s chattering and asked my wife.

  “What secret?” I asked around a mouth full of food.

  “This isn’t exactly how I wanted to tell you, but I guess it makes sense since we’re here with family. As you know I went for my sonogram yesterday and well, it
seems we’re having twins. Again.” One side of her lips curled up in a shy smile.

  “Twins? Again?” I said dumbfounded by my wife’s announcement. She nodded and my mouth gaped. “But how could that be? The last sonogram only showed one.”

  “The doctor thinks it was too early to tell. Apparently that happens quite frequently.”

  “Congratulations, man!” John slapped my back, jarring me from my stupor. “Two more nieces or nephews for me to spoil.”

  “Wow. Two,” I shook my head and leaned across the table to kiss my wife. “You did good, Mrs. MacAllister.”

  “Mmmm,” she murmured and licked me from her lips. “I didn’t tell you the best part.”

  “It gets better than knowing you’re carrying both of my babies?”

  “It does.” She nodded sagely.

  “Well?” Kara prompted.

  “Yeah you can’t leave us hanging,” John said before tickling Rachel, who had climbed up onto his lap.

  Tears glistened in Megan’s eyes as she smiled at me and opened her mouth. She didn’t get any words out though because our daughter interrupted her.

  “Why are you crying, Momma?” Ella asked with concern. She crawled into Megan’s lap and rubbed her hand down her mother’s cheek tenderly.

  Megan turned her head and kissed Ella’s palm. “It’s because Momma is so very happy, sweetie. You’re going to have two baby brothers to love.” She turned and looked at me and in that moment I couldn’t love her any more.

  “Two beautiful, strong boys,” I said in awe and kissed her again. “I love you,” I choked out around the emotion clogging my throat.

  She nodded and whispered, “I love you too.”

  “I love you too, Daddy,” Rachel said before placing a big sloppy kiss on my cheek.

  “Me too, baby girl,” I told her.