Bittersweet Moments

by Bowie, Emily

  Once our horses are in a line beside each other, he continues, “When Shay became pregnant, we all decided to make this an area for the kids to enjoy while they grow up. So, we cut back the trees and planted grass the first year. That ended up being a disaster, because there wasn’t enough sun to let it all grow. So, the next year we cut the trees back a little more and added clover. Add a few years to mature the place and here we are.”

  *

  “I remember you telling me about this place,” she comments, pushing back a loose piece of hair that escaped her ponytail.

  “Yeah, this place had a lot of negative feelings toward it for a while. I think we all needed a fresh start, and this helped to do that.” It’s the first time I’ve ever voiced that, and I’m surprised by how truthful it is. A lot happened here—a life was lost, Kellen was arrested, and Shay lost part of herself—all in one day, right in this location. After that, no one came up here. Trails grew in, leaving this place abandoned.

  “I love how strong of a family unit all of you are. Always have been. No matter what, you look out for your own.”

  “You know, if you allowed it, you could be part of that.” I wish I could take the words back right after I say them. It’s all true; we all already felt like she was one of us. The problem was that she never allowed herself to accept it. Shay and she were like sisters.

  She gives me this look, where she only gives a partial smile. I think she already knew this, but there is nothing to be said. I continue watching her, trying to get into her head by reading her facial expressions, but she holds them too close to her soul. She is like a closed book.

  I watch her take her phone out of the hoodie pocket and hear her mumble, “I have to take this.” And then she answers, “Everything okay, Nate?”

  My ears perk up, wondering what he’s saying on the other end.

  I watch as she stares out into the meadow we’ve created. She looks like she’s gone into her head, only hearing what Nate is telling her. She tries to get a few words in, but each time, they are cut short, creating a pout on her lips. Her posture has gone from relaxed to stiff in a matter of a few seconds, her muscles rigid in a perfect riding stance. Her hands hold the reins tightly, her fingers squishing them into her palm.

  “Are you going to let me talk?” The frustration is evident in her voice.

  She blows out a sharp breath before she is able to speak again. “I will leave before supper. I should be able to make it, as long as I’m able to use my cruise control.”

  My chest tightens hearing that she is leaving today.

  “I can drive you,” I say out loud, giving her an option if she doesn’t feel safe to drive, while giving me more time with her and a chance to meet Madden sooner than later.

  She nods at my words but doesn’t look at me. I wonder why she has to leave so soon. I would’ve liked another day with her.

  Hopping off my horse, I tie her up to the wooden bar I made, like in old western movies. Just off to the side is a brick stove we made for when we have hot dog roasts and cook out here. My favorite time to do that is in the fall. There is something therapeutic about cooking and being out here.

  When I look back to Raya, she has placed her phone back into her pocket.

  “Everything okay?”

  “Just a few mini fires, that’s all.” Her smile no longer meets her eyes.

  Walking over to her, I take the reins from her and help her down. I make sure to keep my hand on her back so she doesn’t fall.

  “We can go back to my house right now if you need to.” I hate the words coming out of my mouth, but they need to be said.

  “Thank you, but I want to do this first.” She looks a little lost, taking this all in. I give her time to regroup or think, whichever she needs, while I walk her horse next to mine.

  I can tell she’s fighting back her emotions. Her eyes are glossy as she seems to be struggling to find the right words. “I’m sorry everything worked out this way,” she says to me.

  “Nothing we can’t fix, darling.” I hold her eyes, trying to show her that I mean this. I’m not going to give up on us, and I won’t allow her to either.

  “There isn’t too much water under that bridge?”

  I think about her question, wanting to give her an honest answer. “Not yet, but it can’t work if you don’t trust me. That’s how this all started. You might have to take a step back and let me catch you.”

  She lets out a sigh, coming closer to me. “I’ll work on it.”

  I wrap my arm around her shoulders. “Now, how do you like your eggs?” I wiggle my eyebrows, wanting to lighten up the last few hours I have with her.

  She looks impressed. I like that look on her. “Surprise me.”

  We walk toward the brick fireplace, and she takes a seat on the soft green grass as I get everything set up.

  On the side, we have hot dog sticks, a deep pot, sandwich makers, tubs of paper, and a kindling stack that is about half as tall as the cooking stove.

  Looking behind me, I see Raya’s face is to the sky, a sunbeam hitting her in the face. She looks right in place, like she was meant to be here.

  I cheated a little and already have plastic baggies filled with cut vegetables for omelets. All I need to do is boil water, and I don’t have to stand too close to the fire on what is already a hot day.

  “How many girls have you brought up here?” Her eyes are still closed when she asks.

  “You want me to count them?” I chuckle, wondering if I’m going to hear a fit of jealousy in her voice.

  That catches her attention, her eyes open and fly to me, but she recovers quickly by smirking and shrugging.

  “One.”

  Her eyes widen, and that perfect mouth of hers goes into a little O shape. “And why is that?”

  It’s not like I mind being questioned, but for some reason, it feels like a test, and I have no idea what the right answer is.

  “Never crossed my mind to ask anyone.” I turn my back, placing the pot on top of the grill as I pour in some water from a jug. Finishing it off, I place it off to the side to fill up and bring back here.

  She doesn’t say anything more, and I go sit beside her. Ignoring all the space in the meadow, I sit right next to her, leaving room for nothing else, liking the way our skin brushes against each other.

  CHAPTER 25

  This afternoon is perfect. Everything with Brax is effortless, reminding me how easily I fell in love with him in the first place.

  We ate our late brunch in mostly silence, but it felt right. I wasn’t in my head the whole time thinking of every situation that could fester its way into my life. I was in the moment, enjoying life, something I haven’t done since I left Brax. I feel, with the brief time we’ve hung out, he is bringing me back to life—slowly, but it’s there. Life with Brax is natural. I can see it, and I want to pretend I can have it.

  I let myself imagine that we do have a promising future. Crazier things have happened.

  “Want to go swimming?” His voice catches me by surprise and then I have to laugh at myself. Here I was just saying I haven’t been in my head, when that’s all I’ve done.

  “I’ll make a deal with you. You do one of your flips off the tree that you used to brag about, and I’ll jump in after you.”

  I watch as he eyes up the tree at the edge of the water then glances back to me. “I’ll do you one better. If I land the flip, you go in naked.”

  Now it’s me eyeing the tree and then him for comedic effect. “How many years since you’ve done that?”

  He stands up, taking off his shirt by pulling it from the back. I’m practically drooling at how sexy it all looks. “Wouldn’t you like to know?” He winks at me before tugging off his pants and shoes, leaving him only in his boxer shorts.

  “I can see right through you,” I lie, having no idea. “It’s been a decade, I’m guessing,” I call after him as he walks to the large old tree.

  “Might as well start stripping now.” His voic
e is full of laughter.

  I observe each of his muscles working together as he climbs up the tree. Standing up, I walk to the edge, wanting to get a view of this. I know the Steeles used to spend all of their teen years here. He stands on a branch, looking down at me.

  “Isn’t that the branch you boys used to make Shay jump from?” I tease.

  “Funny girl. You want me to go higher, I’ll go higher.”

  I watch as he walks closer to the trunk, climbing up a few more branches. There is no way I would ever do that. I’m not a big “let’s jump to our death” type of girl. I don’t do diving boards or anything that is more than five feet off the ground.

  Brax starts to shimmy his way down a branch, showing off as he goes by flexing his muscles. He and I are both laughing so hard at his antics. With no warning, a snap is heard and echoes over the tiny meadow as I watch Brax holler while plunging ungracefully into the water.

  My hands fly up to my mouth as I see him fall, creating a cannon of a splash, the branch he was standing on falling with him. I have no idea if the branch hit him on the way down, or once he was in the water, or at all.

  My feet tap dance as I debate if I should jump in. Just as I’m about to dive in, foot be damned, he resurfaces, coughing up a lung as he moves toward the edge.

  “Are you okay?” My hand is reached out for him to grasp, but he doesn’t accept it as he treads water.

  “You worried about me, Ray?” His voice is husky and he has a mischievous gleam to his eyes.

  He lifts himself out, doing it flawlessly, looking sexier than ever. I stand there staring at him, forgetting his question completely. It’s only when he gives me a wink that I realize I’ve been staring.

  “Glad to see the tree didn’t hit you on the way down,” I end up saying, knowing he’s perfectly fine.

  “Naw, that was my trick dive. How’d you like it?” His lips are stretched wide across his face, and all I want to do is kiss them. The air changes around us, like it always did before.

  Feeling brave, I step toward him, our attraction pulling us in. My hands lift to cup the sides of his jaw, making sure I see no damage. If Brax were hurt, he would never mention it. My fingers brush his face until I’m certain he doesn’t need stitches or have a concussion.

  I try to fight the need to kiss him, stalling by using my assessment that he is okay. No man has ever had this effect on me. My inner darkest secrets could easily escape when he’s around. My heart beats to its own drum when he comes close, and all I want to do is touch him, consequences be damned. The chemistry around is almost combustible.

  Brax stands still and rigid beside me, but he has that intense look that stares me down as if challenging me to make the first move.

  “There is no turning back after this,” he cautions my heart. I know if I make the move here, I need to be in it forever. Brax’s warned me that next time he has me, he won’t let me go. I can feel my heart in my throat, knowing if I kiss him right now, Brax will take that as I am giving him my whole self, not just my body.

  The thought scares me, but not as much as the heartbreak of never seeing him again, or worse, seeing him without me.

  Going onto my tiptoes, I press my lips to his. A small growl vibrates from his lips onto mine as he pulls me in tight with his arm around my back. Opening my mouth, I welcome his tongue as he slides it over mine.

  Our kiss grows in passion, reeling in all the intensity that has coiled around us. I no longer fight it, allowing it to explode. Shards of my heart and soul escape into Brax, making sure I will never be complete without him, creating him as my other half.

  When we come up for air, I’m left lightheaded, his look matching my own. There is a renewed desire and need to complete each other.

  “I think it’s time we go back to the house,” he says, leading us back to the horses.

  His hand stays on my lower back, keeping the connection. Even my ankle feels better; I can put pressure on it without hobbling now. I watch as Brax ties up the horse I rode on to his.

  Placing his hands around my waist, he hoists me up onto the horse before jumping on himself. He takes my hands, wrapping them around his torso as we begin our trot back to the barn.

  All I can think about is having sex with him. I’ve masturbated to the very thought thousands of times. I’ve replayed all our last moments together. I feel like they’ve been engraved into my own heart, unable to forget.

  I have no doubt he can feel my heart from me holding him close. Laying my cheek on his damp back, I bask in our connection, hoping we will never lose it. I’m not sure if either of us could again.

  *

  Brax, in his gentlemanly fashion, carries me to his house, not wanting me to hurt my ankle anymore. Other than it being tender, I think it’s fine now, not that he would listen to me.

  I can feel my phone vibrate in my pocket yet again. I can’t help but think that Nate is being the biggest cock block ever. When I see him next, I plan to ring that mocha-colored neck of his.

  Kicking the door open, we cross the threshold of his house. My stomach butterflies flutter around in anticipation of what skills he plans to show me.

  “Brax.” I hear a throat clearing after his name. The masculine voice belongs to Kellen. It looks like he would rather be anywhere but here. “Uh, sorry, I hadn’t realized you patched things up.”

  There is an awkward tension, and I wiggle hoping Brax will put me down.

  “Can we talk in an hour? I’m in the middle of something here.” Brax nods down toward me with a pleased smirk on his lips while his eyes dance with delight.

  My eyes dart back and forth between the two brothers, really hoping Kellen gets his ass out of Brax’s house.

  “I can give you forty-five minutes.” His face is full of seriousness before laughing us off with a shake of his head. Brax turns before the door is heard closing, and next, I’m placed on his bed.

  CHAPTER 26

  Raya all flushed on my bed is a sight to see. I can feel my lips curve upward in a crooked grin. Her here, right now, is the reason I never brought anyone into this room. This room was always hers; I just hadn’t realized that was the reasoning.

  My skin tingles with awareness, and I can’t help but think she’s lucky I’ll let her out of this room today at all. Nothing could stop me now, when I feel like we have so much time to make up for. I want to christen every surface with our bodies until all we have left is to sleep.

  “Let me drive you home tonight.” My heart gallops at my last attempt to cage it from her. I press on, hoping like hell we want the same thing. “I want to meet our son.”

  If she can’t do that, I know I will have misjudged our time together today. I can’t throw my love at her feet without some type of security showing me that she is feeling this too. I’ve stopped trusting my instincts with my love life, a part of me believing in the Brax curse. It’s like I’m always waiting for it to show up and rip what I know from under me.

  She bites down on her lip, giving me a few small nods and I watch her slowly remove her hoodie. Relief fills me as she accepts my quiet ultimatum.

  A hungry growl of appreciation rumbles from my chest into my throat as I rip off my wet shirt then pants so I stand tall and completely naked in front of her. I watch with pleasure as her eyes roam my body before they become entranced with my rock-hard cock that is standing at its full height with thoughts of what I plan to do to her. Her tongue darts out, moistening her lips, and all I can think about is that tongue of hers wrapping around my cock.

  “He likes you too.” Grabbing hold of my cock, I give it a tug, enjoying the way her eyes fly up at the sound of my husky voice.

  Taking matters into my hands, I cage her between me and the bed as I kiss her hard. Each time I deepen the kiss, her fingers dance across my chest, rounding to my sides toward my back. Right now, her nails feel soft. I remember a time when she refused to hold back, her nails marking my skin. I plan to bring that girl back to life today. I want to feel her raking
her fingers down my body, so everyone knows we are together, ending the Brax curse for good. She is my cure, and I plan to devour every inch of her.

  Slipping my hand behind her, I move our bodies up the bed. Her bare skin between the crosses of fabric of her shirt reminds me that she must be bare underneath.

  My hand easily slips under the silky material, rounding her till I feel her weighted globes in my hand, her erect nipples begging to be touched. She’s just as smooth as I remember. My hands continue exploring her as my hand, inch by inch, slowly moves her shirt down so that it sits at the bottom of her tits.

  Sitting back, I admire my handy work. She has a beautiful rack, always did. My dick painfully tries to get closer, wanting to feel them too. I have to remind myself this isn’t a race; it’s more of a leisure marathon.

  Her arm goes to cover herself, making me tsk. I lift my eyebrows, and she uncovers herself for my viewing. I love the way a crimson flush creeps down her neck. The longer I admire her, the stiffer her nipples stand.

  We have been building to this since the first time I laid eyes on her again. With each look, I know we will end up here together. She pushes her chest out farther, gaining confidence. I feel myself swallow as my mouth waters, wanting to taste her.

  Leaning closer to her, my cock brushes against her jeans as it bobs, wanting to be touched. I hate the roughness of her pants, reminding me there is no reason for them to still be on. My fingers make quick work as they peel them off her, her hips lifting to help. She wants them off as much as I do.

  She lies in front of me like a naked Greek goddess. I come back to where I was, close enough so she closes her eyes thinking I’m going to kiss her. Instead, I push two fingers into her, watching her face as I move them in and out of her ready pussy. Her tempo matches my fingers as she rocks her hips.

  There is no worry furrowing her slender brows, her cheeks pink and that beautiful mouth of hers partly open because of me. Only when her eyes begin to lightly flutter open, I kiss her neck, sucking on it so the skin is pulled. I continued down her exposed neck before I latch onto those perfectly round, pink nipples.