Bittersweet Moments

by Bowie, Emily

  George’s phone goes off again, and he excuses himself while Al keeps talking to Kellen and me. I try to stay focused on what he’s saying. But for some reason, I can’t help but try to eavesdrop on the phone conversation. The only part I get is Officer Rhodes. But that seems to be it.

  I kind of hope our town officer is as big of a jerk to these outsiders as he is to us locals.

  CHAPTER 29

  I make a quick turn down our small street to see a large moving van blocking the road. For a second, my heart leaps out of my chest thinking the truck and trailer are at my house. I watch the van turn its lights on, and loud beeping sounds begin as it tries to back up to our neighbor’s house.

  I laugh out loud at nothing, starting to think I’m losing it. Today started off so good, only to go downhill faster than I ever thought.

  Mommy needs a stiff drink.

  Once there is just enough room for my car, I slip past the large truck, not caring if I look like an asshole for not waiting. I need to see Madden.

  I don’t even close my car door as he comes running out to see me. Chocolate all around his face and his poor little arm hung in a navy-blue cloth sling.

  Picking him up, I squeeze him tight as silent tears stream down my face. “I’m so sorry I wasn’t here for you,” I whisper into his hair before peppering him with kisses all over his face.

  In true Madden fashion, he pulls his face from mine, holding my cheeks tightly. “It was awesome, Mom!” His smile is so bright and cheerful it breaks my heart. “I got popsicles, and chocolate, and this cool thing.” He lifts his arm to show me the sling. “If my arm gets tired, it just rests in here.”

  “I bet it must have hurt.” I look at my son in awe. He’s so happy and carefree. The fact that my old life has not affected him warms me, again reaffirming I did make the right choice.

  “Mom, I’m a boy. I don’t get hurt,” he tells me in all seriousness.

  “Well, if it ever happens, know that it’s okay.”

  He begins to wiggle out of my grasp, proving he is fine. No broken arm like Nate had thought. I can feel the stress I carried the whole way here being lifted.

  Madden stays close, keeping his little hands on my leg while Nate comes out of the house, pulling me in for a hug. It’s familiar and comforting. “I missed you guys.” I hadn’t realized how much I did until just now, seeing them again.

  “Why are you crying?” he asks in a hushed voice, holding me tight.

  “I was just so worried. That’s all.” My palms try to wipe the tears away from over Nate’s shoulder.

  Placing his hands on my biceps, he pulls me away to look me in the eyes. “Let’s go into the back yard, and I’ll make you a drink.”

  Nate always knows what I need. He really is a fantastic friend. I don’t know what I would do without him.

  Madden lets go of my leg and runs inside ahead of us, yelling out, “We need to write this in Daddy’s journal!” It’s like he had forgotten all about it till now, making his injury still just as exciting.

  As Nate and I enter our kitchen, my son comes in holding the little scrapbook we made for Brax as Madden has continued to grow and have firsts.

  “We need to write about my first fall out of a tree!” Madden is waving the journal all around excitedly. This is one of his favorite pastimes. “And you have to take a photo of me with this!” He holds up his cloth sling, making sure I know what he’s referring to.

  “What about the photo I took?” Nate teases Madden while pulling out a Polaroid picture.

  Madden starts laughing hysterically. “I forgot!”

  My hand ruffles his shaggy hair while I nod for him to follow me out holding both the journal and the picture for us to tape into the book.

  *

  The night feels as hot as the day while we sit on our covered porch. It’s so hot that even the bugs haven’t come out with the darkness.

  “Thank you for taking care of Madden.” I turn my head to look at Nate.

  We’re both comfortably sitting with our legs up on another chair while drinking sangria Nate made the other day. It’s cold and refreshing. In times like this, I forget we both have a past. We have been best friends for so long that it honestly seems like we’ve been together forever, even with the age gap between us. We both know each other’s moves before they’re said out loud.

  “Why didn’t Brax come back with you?” He doesn’t have to ask if I invited him. We both knew I would end up doing that. I take another sip of the cold liquid, allowing a raspberry to enter my mouth. The flavor is sweet as I roll it around my tongue, postponing my answer.

  “Some people in fancy suits stopped by, overshadowing what our plans were.”

  Nate’s back visibly straightens. My protector. He’s always watching out for me. It makes me wonder what he’s missed because of it. Before Brax mentioned that not only had I uprooted my life but Nate’s too, I never allowed myself to think about it. Selfish, I know. I guess, at that point in my life, I needed someone to be strong for me. With Nate never hesitating to help me, I thought he wanted to escape with me too. But what if his loyalties ran deeper than wanting a new life for himself?

  “It was fine, Nate. I left as they were coming in.”

  He puts down his drink with a bit of a thud. I can tell he’s frustrated. “Next, you’re going to tell me that you got pulled over for speeding.”

  Looking away, I take another drink, looking at our tiny but cozy yard.

  “Please don’t tell me you were speeding,” he pleads, bringing my attention back to him. His brows pinch together while I see the edges of his dark eyes harden.

  “No, I almost hit a deer and a cop stopped to see if I was okay. He never asked for ID.” I blink, shrugging it off like it’s no big deal. I allow my eyes to grow wide as if to ask what he would have liked me to do.

  “Going to Brax was reckless, Raya,” he snaps, standing up and looking up to the roof before his eyes come back to me. His chest heaves in and out while he gets his breathing back under control. “What if he asked for ID? You don’t go by that name anymore. I think we need to move and go back to our original plan and use our fake identification again.”

  “You pushed me to go to that concert, knowing damn well it was Rhett Steele. That was reckless. And you agreed when I suggested using our real names. You said we were safe.” I point my finger at him, my voice rising to match his heated tone.

  “I never once said search out Brax, talk to Brax, or go visit Brax. You did all of that on your own. You’re the one playing with fire.” Picking up his sangria, he tosses its contents into the grass.

  “Oh, so now it’s my fault.” I can feel my whole body rear back. He is being completely unfair.

  “Do you really want to start pointing fingers in this, Raya?” His eyes are ice cold. Nate and I rarely ever disagree, never mind fight. “What’s the plan? Brax accepts you and Madden as family. Move you to the Steeles’ ranch. How long till your father finds you there? You know why he hasn’t found us? Because of me. Not only did I protect us. I helped with diapers, and let you sleep at night when you were too exhausted. I helped you raise Madden like my own, because you two are my only family. I would die to protect either of you. I would do anything to keep that frown off your face.”

  I’m stunned. I hadn’t realized Nate was feeling all of this. “We are family.” My voice is low, feeling like shit that Nate can’t see I value him. He has been everything to me.

  “Tell me, what has Brax done other than fuck you like you’re his to throw away?”

  His words are true but slice my heart in two. I stand up, walking toward him. My hand slaps across his face before I think of the action. He is being uncalled for and unfair.

  “That’s what I thought.” His voice is loud and hard, looking at me with such anger I have no idea where it’s coming from. If I had known this was how he felt, I would have talked to him. I want him to feel welcome, because I do care for him. He’s my best friend. I will do anything for h
im in just the same way he would for me.

  I want to say something as he marches past me, but my throat is all of a sudden parched, any sound sticking to my throat.

  I’m left standing on our cement patio, looking at the glass door Nate flung shut, its sound echoing into the yard.

  I hear the front door slamming before our car engine starts.

  “Everything okay, neighbor? Couldn’t help but hear the commotion.” Dipping my head back, this is the worst lucky day I have had in a while. Of course our new neighbor of a day hears us arguing like an old married couple.

  “Yeah, we don’t normally fight like that.” This is embarrassing, needing to have this conversation the first time meeting someone.

  “No judgment. My wife and I had our share of fights over the years. Now that she’s gone, I wish I could still have one more fight. But that’s how life goes. If you need anything, just stop on by.”

  He gives me a smile before popping his head back down below the fence line on his side of the yard.

  My feet move the patio chair that Nate was sitting on. I hate that he’s feeling disconnected from me. He is my family. I love him with my whole heart, just not the same way I love Brax. I know he is not asking me to love him that way. Hell, he can’t love me that way. But at what point in our lives do we allow ourselves to love another?

  CHAPTER 30

  If I were a cartoon character right now, my face would be red as a tomato and steam would be blowing out of my ears with a whistling sound. The ranch background with wraparound porch on the house would add to the scene. To say I’m pissed is an understatement.

  My fingers tremble at the contract in my hands as I will myself not to tear it up. I don’t need a lawyer to say this is a bad deal. No, cross that out—a horrific deal. I would be giving our land away for free while they used us as slaves. No deal is better than this deal.

  “This is their way to negotiate. You said so yourself.” Kellen tries to back me off the ledge. I am well aware there is room to negotiate, but I expected our two sides to be closer together than they are at this first attempt. I never thought they would think I’m dumb as an ox and have zero respect for the fact that yes, I can read.

  “I turned down a trip to go meet my son for the first time, for this.” I shake the bundle of paper clipped together. “I made it seem like this was more important than my girl.”

  Dad chooses this moment to pop his head out from nowhere. “What did I teach you boys? Family always first. That oil has been there for millions of years. It ain’t goin’ anywhere.” He nods at us before he heads into the barn to putter around, leaving me to make the final decision.

  “We might as well take it to the lawyer.” Kellen is looking at me with a perplexed look on his face. He doesn’t get it or he doesn’t care—I’m not too sure which one.

  “I don’t plan on signing it, so there is no reason to waste our time or money on this shit.” I can feel my jaw tense, fighting the words out as I try to deal with the anger simmering through my veins right now.

  “How bad is it?”

  My eyes fly to Kellen’s.

  “Our money situation,” he clarifies, looking lost as to where my frustration is coming from.

  Taking a deep breath, I start calculating. “Not that bad.” I shake my head as I lie straight through my teeth to my own family.

  Everything takes some sort of risk. This will pay off. I won’t pay myself, and everything will be fine. I have enough in savings to last a few months. In actuality, it’s not that bad as the totals run through my head. We might be cash poor, but our assets are worth a hell of a lot.

  “We’ll be fine,” I say with more conviction, truly starting to believe it.

  Keeping my eyes off my brother while fishing my phone out of my front pocket, I dial George. Kellen rolls his eyes, clearly not agreeing with my answer, but he doesn’t say anything else. This is my show and he knows it. If I go down, it’s because of me, but I refuse to let that happen.

  George answers immediately, “All signed and mailed in?” I can hear the triumphant smile in his voice. I wish I could be there to see it drop when I tell him otherwise.

  A deep, humorless laugh leaves my chest as I walk outside, picking up the lighter from the railing and lighting the contract on fire while securing the phone between my ear and shoulder.

  “Nope, just lit that garbage on fire.”

  “Huh?” I can hear his breath hitting the phone, blasting it into my ear. “Why would you go and do something stupid like that?” he practically snarls, obviously thinking I’m stupid for my actions.

  “Did you even read the contract?” I accuse, allowing my voice to rise.

  Who’s the moron here?

  “I wrote it myself.” He sounds proud of the fact. “Boss man isn’t going to like this,” he states like I should be worried.

  “That sounds more like a you problem than a me problem.” The contract is lit in orange flames that begin to run dangerously close to my fingers. I feel good about this. Maybe my refusal will make his so-called boss man see what a shitty contract writer he has.

  When he speaks next, he sounds bored and disengaged from our call. “Yeah, we will see.” There is a pause, and I can hear papers ruffling in the background. “Anyway, you might as well send us a negotiation offer back so we know if this deal is worth continuing. If not, you may want to congratulate your neighbors over there.”

  I’m about to run my mouth off about threatening to not use us, but the line goes dead, leaving me with a burned fingertip as I let the last of the black paper go. Its ashes stay at my feet with the dead hot air that sits outside.

  I turn back to see Kellen leaning against the doorframe. “Think that was a wise idea? Maybe you should have asked to meet with the ‘boss man.’” He uses finger quotations while looking more amused than anything before he walks off toward his animal therapy lot.

  I know Kellen honestly doesn’t care what happens, as long as this land stays in our name. It’s the land here that means something to him. I think about what he said, and maybe he’s right. I do need to go up the ladder if I want things done right. Not that I would tell him that, at least not right away.

  *

  The next morning, I stand in the driveway of Raya’s house. I run my hands down my shorts, trying to get the sweat off them. I probably should have called. It’s probably too early to knock. Looking at my phone, it’s 6:00 a.m.

  I couldn’t sleep; my thoughts kept going from Raya to that damn contract. Finally, I decided to get up and see my girl. But now that I’m here, I don’t know how Raya wanted me to meet Madden for the first time.

  Do I knock and just say “Hi, son”? I stand here, looking at the house, knowing I need to wait till I see any type of motion from inside. I would kick anyone’s ass for waking me up at six in the morning if I could have slept more.

  “You lost?” The sound of a male voice directs my attention to the other driveway. A man stands there holding a box from a moving truck.

  “Uh, no. Just deciding if it’s too early to knock is all.”

  “They were up pretty late last night. I could hear them from my bedroom window,” he tells me, not giving any furthers explanation as he walks inside with the load in his arms.

  What does that mean?

  I take a step forward, really wanting to knock on her door more than ever. But I can’t bring myself to this early. Instead, I take a seat on the small metal chair that sits with a small matching table beside it. And I sit there till I hear Raya’s voice.

  CHAPTER 31

  I wake up to a silent house. Stretching in my bed, my head twists in my plush pillows to see it’s nine o’clock. Startled by the time, my body jumps to sit up, not knowing how I could’ve possibly slept so late. Immediately, my ears ring from the sudden movement, making me groan. I never did hear Nate come in last night. I wonder if he did? I’m shocked that Madden hasn’t come in to wake me up either. Could he have slept in this late? These thoughts race th
rough my still groggy mind before the realization hits that Madden has never once let me sleep in past seven.

  Swinging my legs over the side of the bed, I head out of my room to see Madden is no longer in his bed. His covers have been thrown against the wall in a heap on his mattress. The house is eerily silent, the TV is black with no one in front of it, and there is no breakfast mess on the table.

  “Good morning,” I call out cautiously, and I see something move across the front of the kitchen window. Walking closer, I see a ball gliding through the air once again. The breath I hadn’t realized I was holding whooshes out of me, and I feel my shoulders relax immediately. There in my backyard is Madden and Nate playing catch. Feeling better that Madden is safe, I start making my coffee as I turn on the radio for background noise.

  I’ve hated silence since before Madden was born. The absence of sound has always crept me out. I need background noise. Nothing good has ever come from silence; it’s always been a bit of a bad omen for me and my family.

  Our doorbell rings, cutting through the music. Not sure who would be ringing our bell, I head over to open the door, hoping it’s not the neighbor from last night. That was embarrassing enough. I plan to avoid him from now on.

  “Coming!” I open the door still in my tank top and pajama shorts to see Brax’s gorgeous face. I’m speechless. I stand looking at him like I could be seeing wrong.

  He stands tall and confident, wearing that sexy smirk of his. His white undershirt is tight, showcasing each of the ridges of his six-pack. A button-up plaid shirt hangs open in front, showcasing his large biceps.

  When I look back up to his face, his eyes are hooded, staring back at me like he knows I was just checking him out. I can feel my nipple peak, starting to point through my thin shirt. I can suddenly feel the light wisp of air that tugs at the bottom of my shorts, reminding me I’m pantiless and my cheeks could slip out at any moment if I bend over.