Atonement

by J H Cardwell

  I knew he had told me before that he was seeing my counselor, Stella, but I wasn’t sure he had kept it up, or what it was really for. But learning it was for his jealousy, now that is refreshing, I thought. “Tate, I’m so proud of you. I had no idea you would stick with it, much less even admit it was an issue.” I turned around halfway, locking eyes with him. “Thank you.”

  “Don’t thank me; help me continue to fix it Reese. I need you to call me out when you see it happening, okay?” I nodded. No problem there. I would be happy to do that.

  “Anyhow, the story…So when you really started being able to open up to me, and really fall for me, I was beside myself with happiness. I loved, loved, loved our first deep kiss outside of Vino’s. That was the icing on the cake to all of the other times we had learned so much about each other, leading up to our, um, intimacy.” I sucked in a deep breath, my heart rate changed at that word.

  Tate checked his watch again. “Tate, why do you keep doing that? Why do you keep checking the time? Are you going to be late for something? Someone?” I suddenly became paranoid. Maybe I needed to see Stella myself for jealousy.

  “Um, of course not. No real reason. I know we’re planning to go skating, and I kind of wanted to be there around 12:30 p.m. that’s all. I just thought that sounded like a good time to start our session.”

  “Ookaay,” I drug out the word with a little question to my voice. “I think that time sounds… fine.”

  “Good.” He said setting me off of his lap. Standing up, he pulled me up with him. “Will you dance with me Reese?” He had a slow grin on his face, and a sparkle in the hazel abyss of his eyes.

  “I would be happy to Tate.” We danced to ‘It’s Your Love’ by Tim McGraw and Faith Hill.

  “You are beautiful Reese. I don’t think I’ve told you that enough.” Tate’s embrace was so strong and muscular, but soft and loving all in one.

  “Tate, I…”

  “No Reese. I know what you’re going to say, but it’s true, you are…beautiful. I have missed you so much. I wanted to make you remember us. How we fell in love, and why we were so good together. I love you Reese. I…just wanted you to know, that I always will…no matter what…okay?” I tilted my head to the side, with a contemplative expression. Why did this suddenly feel like a break up line?

  “Tate, are you getting ready to give me a ‘but’? Because I feel like one’s coming.” I said with great apprehension.

  He laughed. He actually laughed. “No Reese, absolutely not. But, I am ready to give you this.” Bending down he kissed me. His lips gently pressed to mine, slightly parted. They felt like velvet. He pulled in first my top lip, then my bottom lip into his expertly made mouth. I was trembling. His cologne, the feel of his warmth, the scent of his masculinity, the crackling of the fire, I was…well, I was melting, and in an amazing way. I could feel him shaking beneath our touch.

  “Reese,” Tate said through our kisses. “We better get going. We should go…ice skating now.”

  “Now?” I said through kisses. What in the world. He gets me all worked up and then needs to get us there now? “Well, okay, I guess?” There was a small smile on his face. I couldn’t quite make out his expression.

  Tate scooped up snow and threw it all over the embers, suffocating the fire. Then, he led me to his truck to leave. Before he got in, he did that phone thing again. Was he texting? Reading a text? What in the heck was he doing? When he got back in, his defenses were up. He seemed uptight and worried. Great…here we go again.

  My instinct was to ignore him, and wait for him to tell me, all the while I would worry and get angry. But, I was opting for communication… “Tate, why do you keep doing that? You look at your phone, spend time texting, reading, I don’t know what, and then you’re suddenly acting like a different person. You become upset, sad, worried?”

  “Um, I didn’t know…I mean it’s nothing really. I’m sorry if I seem that way.” Then he turned to face me and said, “I don’t mean to be anything but over-the-top happy right now. I’m sorry.” Leaning over he gave me a soft, lingering easy kiss. Okay, how was I to argue with that?

  ate still seemed a little distant, but I decided to let it go, for now. The ice skating rink was extremely crowded today. I guess everybody had the same idea of it being more seasonal to be on the ice on Christmas Eve. They had it decorated so beautifully with white lights everywhere, and red and green decorations from every hard surface. They were selling hot chocolate and treats right beside of where you get your skates. Of course they had Christmas music playing through the loud speakers. It was magical. I felt like a kid again. This was one of the reasons I loved Penderton so much. The town managers went the extra mile to keep the quaintness in our little town. People here still loved traditions and family and I loved that as well.

  Tate was holding my hand, and staring at me like he wanted to tell me something. But then he tugged me out on the skating rink. “Let’s get warmed up,” he smiled. “I want to see how hard you fall on your ass.” He grinned, and I smacked at him playfully. He turned to face me, skating backwards like a natural. How does he do that? I knew he hadn’t skated in years, and no way California had ice skating.

  We spent about twenty minutes going around slowly before I felt like I could let go of the railing for longer periods. Then someone came over the loud speaker and asked everyone to give the ice a break so they could scrape it. I thought, that was a little wacky. They should do that sort of thing before it opens or late at night. Anyway, we all scooted off and Tate found me a seat, pretty much right outside the main entrance to the rink.

  “Hey, I’ll be right back, okay?” Tate said.

  I was re-tying my laces when I looked out onto the rink. I was expecting to see the ice scraping equipment already doing its thing. Instead, blinking twice I saw Elle, Maura, Chloe, Finn, my parents and Tate’s parents stepping onto the ice from the other smaller entrance across the way. What in the…I had to have the most ridiculous, dumb look on my face. My mouth was left hanging open in complete confusion. What was happening? They were all smiling and trying to keep from falling. Even my dad had on skates. I chuckled, until I heard the music change, and the crowd seemed to hush. ‘Unforgettable’ by Nat King Cole began playing. Then, like a movie, my family and friends parted in the middle, and Tate came skating through with a single rose in his hand. He stopped short right in front of me. Looking red faced, and…and very nervous, he still managed to have a small smile on his face. My heart was racing. This couldn’t be what I thought it might be, could it be?

  “Reese, will you dance, I mean ‘skate-dance’ with me?” He asked holding his hand out with a slight, cute smirk on his face. I could tell his breathing was hard, and the pulse in his neck was beating wildly.

  “Tate, what is this? What’s going on?” I stood stepping closer to him.

  “I’m taking a chance Reese. Just follow my lead.” Now I was really nervous, and really unsure of what was about to happen. He pulled me to the middle, and wrapped his arms around my waist, placing his face in the crook of my neck. Whispering he said, “Reese, I want you to know that I missed you too much these last few months…I missed you so much I ached for you daily. I…I don’t want to ever worry, or wonder about you, about us again Reese. I want to know that wherever you are, I’ll be there too…forever.” Then he dropped down on one knee, and reaching into his pocket he produced the most gorgeous ring I think I had ever seen. It was platinum, and filigree. It looked to be about two carats and antique. It was breathtaking.

  “Reese Stanford, will you be my forever? Will you marry me?” Tate was unbelievably gorgeous, and oh so sincere. The smile that crept across his face only accentuated his jaw dropping dimples. Oh. My. God. I couldn’t speak.

  “Tate, are you sure about this? We’re so young, and you’re so busy, and…”

  “And we love each other hopelessly Reese…please, he said with a tender look.” There was another long pause. I couldn’t find the words. Swallowing hard
, I finally spoke.

  “YES! Yes Tate Justice I will marry you.” With that he slid the ring on my finger (after pulling off my glove), and pulled me into a deep, affectionate kiss…in front of everyone. Crap, I forgot we were surrounded by a crowd!

  There were cheers and screaming all around. Then we were nearly attacked by our friends and family. Elle squeezed me tight and said, “I know this seems quick Reese, but not really. Y’all have been each other’s destiny for a lifetime. I’m so happy for you! Now time to plan a wedding!”

  My mom was crying, and my dad’s eyes were red too. “Mom, I can’t believe you didn’t tell me. Are you okay with this?” I hugged her tight.

  “Sweetheart, I’m more than okay with it. I’ve seen it from the beginning, you two were meant to be together. It won’t be easy Reese honey.” My dad let a ‘ditto that’ slip out and my mom elbowed him. But, it will be oh so worth the work. You have to finish school no matter what though, okay? Promise me that.”

  “Of course Mom.” I looked down at my ring. Tate had walked back to my side and slipped his arm around my waist. “I wouldn’t dare think of not graduating.” I said looking up into my mother’s eyes.

  “Reese, do you want to get out of here so we can catch our breath?” He looked down at me, and kissed me on the cheek.

  “Now I know what you were doing with your phone and your emotions. You were planning all of this. It was so sudden.” Then I looked over at Tate. “When do you think it will hit you what you’ve done, and you’ll regret it?”

  He pulled me close to him, and lifting me off of my feet (man he was so good on skates), he kissed me. “Never Reese, never. I will never regret becoming your husband.” Oh my God HUSBAND! I hadn’t thought of that term until now.

  “I’ll be your wife. Tate, this is crazy…I’m twenty.” Then I looked up at him through my eyelashes, hoping he could feel the love and devotion I would forever have for him “and I’m hopelessly in love with you. This moment was truly unforgettable.” I said thinking back to the song he had chosen to play.

  Like he was reading my mind he said, “I also chose that song because, through all of our time apart, you Reese, were absolutely unforgettable.” Then he kissed me again.

  We left and went to my house, settling in the cabin. Tate loaded up the woodstove to make it nice and cozy. Then we turned on Christmas music, and I just had to ask him about the ring. “Tate, where did you get this ring? It’s stunning. I asked, staring down at my left ring finger with a giddy grin on my face.

  “Well, that’s a ring passed down in the Justice family for generations.” Wow, it was a family heirloom. “I hope you don’t mind that it’s not brand new, but I have known for a year now that one day I would ask my mom if I could pass it down to you.” He suddenly looked nervous. But he had no reason too.

  “Tate,” I was crying a little, trying to swallow down the lumps so I could speak clearly. “I’m astonished at how big, and beautiful it is. But, the sentimental value alone makes this priceless. I’ll wear it proudly. I’m so glad your parents let you pass it on to me.” I really was impressed with its beauty and size. I loved the filigree on what was most likely a platinum setting.

  “My grandparents had one of the best marriages I’ve ever known. They loved and adored each other until they passed away. They died one month apart from each other. My grandmother first from a brain aneurysm. My Grandfather a month later from a broken heart.” He bent down and kissed me, ever so sweetly. “That would be me Reese. If you leave me first, I would hope I could quickly get over to the other side to be with you again.” He said with a look of contentment, pushing my hair behind my ear.

  He had a bottle of champagne on ice waiting for us. Oh did my man think of absolutely everything?

  He set his iPod on the dock, and put on his favorites playlist. Of course it was loaded with all of ‘our songs’. “A toast to the most beautiful woman in the world.” He said handing me my glass and clinking his with mine.

  “Tate Justice, are you trying to get your new fiancé drunk?” I winked at him.

  Tate stepped closer to me. His eyes were locked on mine. “No worries here, Reese. I’m planning to wait for you. Lucky for this soon to be groom, it won’t be a long wait. I’m thinking we should get married in the coming weeks. He leaned over and kissed my ear. I felt it low in my belly, releasing a low sigh, my eyes involuntarily closed. They quickly popped back open though when I registered what he’d just said.

  “Tate, that’s too soon. My mom would freak out. I am their only daughter, you know.” I was actually starting to feel a little surreal about having this conversation at all. I was talking about my wedding! My head was spinning. I suddenly was flushing, and I felt lightheaded. I must have gotten real white and clammy.

  “Reese, are you okay? What are you thinking? You don’t look so good all of a sudden.” Tate said with a sense of worry.

  “Maybe, maybe it’s the champagne.” I was sure it wasn’t, but I didn’t quite know what to say.

  “Come on, you haven’t had enough for that to be affecting you yet. Are you having second thoughts?” Tate turned my face towards him, ever so gently, but apprehensively. “Are you wishing you hadn’t said yes?”

  The look on his face, his gorgeous tanned, beautiful face squeezed at my heart. “Tate, I love you, I want to marry you. I just want to do it right, and not regret it being rushed.” He hugged me long and tight.

  “Okay, what did you have in mind? I mean Reese, I don’t want it to be rushed for you, but I want you to be with me. The thought of us being apart…well, I hope that doesn’t happen for too long.” I sat there for a few moments, rolling around in my thoughts what would be beautifully intimate. I knew I didn’t want a ridiculously, expensive, over-the-top wedding. But, I did want it to be memorable and well planned. I also knew I didn’t want to be apart from Tate for too long.

  “How about Spring Break? That would be one year from…from when we broke up.” I said with a frown.” We can change that time to a happy one. It’s only four months away (Oh my! It sounds quicker when I say it out loud). And, how do you feel about having it at Emerald Isle? You know how much I love that beach.” It was coming together in my head now. I could envision white tents, white and green flowers everywhere. Our family and friends…and John. Oh God, John. I can picture him and his expression when he finds out about all of this.

  “Reese, where did you just go? You look really scared just now.” Tate asked leaning back scanning my face.

  “Um, I just had an image of John when he finds out we’re getting married. I feel sad for him. He was still holding out hope; even though he knows I may never forgive him, much less forget what he did this year.” I hated to bring up John now, but Tate asked me. I don’t want to keep secrets from him, not now, not ever again.

  Tate ran his hand through his hair. And shaking his head he said, “I know you had feelings for him. I want to crush him physically for hurting you so badly, and for driving us apart.” He let out a long breath and paused a moment. “But, I don’t want to spend any more of my time wasted on John, Reese. I need to know you won’t either. Please, promise me you won’t tell him. I don’t want him to have a chance to do something crazy between now and April.” He had a very serious look on his face. “Promise me Reese.”

  I nodded. Unsure of how that was going to play out.

  “Now, let’s go tell your parents our plans!” He pulled me up with him and took me into a sweet embrace. We stared at each other for a long moment. I shoved thoughts of John deep back in to my mind, hoping they wouldn’t resurface. Now, all I could think about was Tate’s lips, and how much I wanted them pressed up against mine. Mmmm.

  My mom and dad were happy for us, and loved the Emerald Isle Beach wedding idea. Of course they had a lot of questions about our future though. Questions Tate somehow had all the answers to, but I’m not sure my parents were too happy with some of them. Like where we would live after we were married? Tate said he was looking to bu
y a beach front home in San Diego since he would have to be living out there, and he wanted me to help decorate it and move in once we were married. That of course led to the second question…what about school? Tate’s easy answer was to transfer to the University of San Diego. (USD). He was sure my credits would transfer, and I could just as easily get my PhD from there. It turns out his agent’s wife is also a psychologist, and would have a place for me to intern. Wow! Tate made it seem so easy.

  My parents were sad at the thought of me moving…and across the country too. But seeing my mom being discouraged, my dad was the first to admit he would love to visit there, and often. He made Tate promise to get a big enough house to have in-law quarters. They laughed, but I could tell he was serious. He would miss his little girl. His little girl would miss her Daddy terribly too.

  Mom put all of the unknowns on the back burner and began planning. She was quickly spouting off ideas and places to look for a dress. Tate and Dad went outside to talk ‘man stuff’ and probably get away from the girlie talk. I called Elle and put her on speaker. After she quit excitedly screaming at me, she was ecstatic to hear I wanted to have it on the beach in front of their house. I could hear her bring her mom close to the phone. Elle’s mom immediately insisted I allow my family to stay at their house too. She would also see if the two neighbor houses could be rented for the same week. Which was the next task, to pick a date! After looking at the school calendar and each of their calendars we came up with Saturday, April 3rd. Oh my God, I had a date to become Mrs. Tate Justice. This was crazy fast, but crazy good. Elle and I squealed again. She said she needed to hang up and call Chloe and Maura. She claimed they had other plans to make too, a bridal shower and a bachelorette party. I tried to protest, but she wasn’t having it. Oh well, I was sure I would get to do it for her one day too!