Atonement

by J H Cardwell

  “Dad. What. Do. I. Do. Dad?” I belted between cries. I was lost. How did I stand up to this? I needed advice.

  “Son, you pray. You hope. You never give up. By the grace of God, you will see your son again.” My dad shook me hard. “Do you hear me…you will see your son again! I love you. I believe he isn’t gone for good.” Then he squeezed me tight again. My mom had fallen in love with Ty…her mini-me she kept saying. I know this was killing her too. I had to get it together.

  I walked over taking hold of my beautiful wife again. Holding firm to her waist I walked her over to the couch. I couldn’t let her out of my sight. I needed her like the waves need the ocean to function. I felt a strong power to be touching her at all times. God I loved this woman. “Reese,” I whispered in her ear. “I love you. Don’t ever doubt that, or the fact that I need you…more than my next breath. Come on. Come sit by me. Take some breaths. Listen to your family.”

  The first long day turned into three long days. The search was still occurring frantically outside of our house. They had taken as much evidence as they could find in and around our house. The only piece that had been discovered was a possible mode of transportation for the kidnapper. It appears there was a white Toyota Camry parked down on the curb below our street for about twenty minutes, and no one in the area knows who it may have belonged too. What a smart move. A Camry is one of the largest mass production of vehicles, make and color in the US. It may have been rented. Either way, no one remembers the plates. That was it. Someone took our baby and left not a trace.

  I was sitting, staring, and crying for the hundredth time today when my phone pinged. I kept it on me at all times…just in case. Tate was sitting by my side. As usual for the last three days, He didn’t lose contact with me. He was touching me, holding me, or sitting with me, even while we laid our heads back. There had been no real attempt to sleep in our beds. The detectives were giving the impression that this may be a stalker fan for Tate, and if so, they were worried I was the next target. Tate said if something happened to me, he would just end it. He couldn’t live without both of us. I wasn’t sure I could live without either one of them. I was slowly falling into a pit of despair. I was back to blaming God. While everyone else was praying fervently, I was pressing Him to tell me why?! Ty was my innocent baby. He didn’t deserve this. I was begging for God to let him still be alive, and for him to not have had any harm come to him. Each thought in that direction put me over the edge, and Tate was rubbing my back and kissing my forehead. What would I do if I didn’t have him, my loving husband to support me?

  All of the thoughts of despair had distracted me from my phone until it pinged again. Looking down I read a text from...John. I tried to read it without Tate seeing. It read:

  Reese, I need to talk with you. I

  know you asked me not to be

  involved, but I have to be. I

  can’t stand the thought of you hurting.

  I have my detectives on it. I will

  Keep you updated. – J

  Before I could finish the text, Tate was grabbing my phone. “That SOB! What is he doing? Can’t he leave us alone?” Tate jumped to his feet, knocking over the end-table. Then he realized he had left me, and he quickly came back and grabbed my hand. “Are you okay Reese? I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to scare you.” I was crying again. It didn’t take much.

  “Tate, what is it going to hurt for him to use his detectives? We need all the help we can get. It doesn’t mean anything, except another chance to find our baby.” I was sobbing into his chest. The emotions were so raw they were about to break me. I could feel it.

  Tate was stroking my hair again. We had taken a couple of showers together in the last couple of days. Nothing intimate, just togetherness. He was smoothing out my non-styled, clean hair and kissing the top of my head. “Shhh, let’s not talk about him Reese. Let’s just drop it okay.” I wanted to argue, but frankly I didn’t have the strength. The disappearance of our son was all over the news as it was. Surely there were all kinds of other search efforts going on. Somehow I dozed off. When I woke up in the middle of a nightmare, I brought myself back to the reality yet again that it was in fact all real, all of it. I was frantically searching for my phone to see if I had missed any calls. I couldn’t find it anywhere. I was losing it. Tate grabbed me up and hugged me. Then he asked me to take a ride with him. He thought we needed to get away. I was pissed but relieved at the same time. I had wanted to be out actively searching, but the officials said it was best for us to stay at home in case we got a ransom call.

  We hopped in my Range Rover. I cried all over again looking in the back at Ty’s car seat, and his green frog mirror hanging on the back. The one he always made spitting faces at. “Oh Tate, where is he? Who took him from us?”

  “Reese. I had to get you out of there. I need you to listen to me.” I was still babbling. “Listen to me Reese!” Tate shook my shoulders. I have your phone. John texted you.

  “Tate stop it okay! I can’t think about that right now. Why…”

  “I’m not mad Reese. Just hear me out. He texted you that he had a lead. He found a small house in Lakeside, CA that he thinks the kidnapper is hiding out in. He didn’t say who it was, but he texted you this address. He thinks he’s been communicating with you each time, but you were asleep.” Tate peered at me out of the corner of his eyes. I know the fact that John was texting me again and trying to be the hero was killing him. I didn’t give a shit! I wanted my son back. No matter what it took. Tate went on to say, “once I thought he was legitimate, I took the chance and called him back.” He seethed those last words. I know if he never had to speak to John again, it would be too soon.

  “What! Why don’t we just tell the police? We need to have people there right away!” I was stunned. We had a lead, and we weren’t calling the police?

  “Reese, John has skilled marksmen, ex-army rangers he has on payroll for security with his company, hiding out within shooting range of the house. He says Ty is there.” I let out a hard gasp, covering my mouth. My baby was alive? Oh thank you God!

  “Tate, go! Go faster!” I couldn’t understand why he wasn’t speeding faster, and going crazy. He was driving just a little over the speed limit, but…

  As if Tate could read my mind, he grabbed my hand. “I can’t have the police following us, or pulling us over. John thinks the kidnapper is someone we know.” Tate slowed down the car for a moment, trying to get my eye contact. “He says it’s someone from NC, someone who lost a son, a husband, and wants at least one of them back. We have to be very careful with this situation, and talk her down…”

  My gasp cut him off. “Her? Her Tate?” My brain was going entirely too fast. What was he saying?

  “She bought a one-way plane ticket to California nearly a month ago, and has been here in San Diego evidently the entire time,” he said.

  “Lisa! Lisa Davis kidnapped our son!” It wasn’t a question, but a fact. I knew it. “I saw her Tate. I saw her at your game the night Ty was taken. I didn’t say anything because I thought my mind was playing tricks on me. Oh God! Why?” I was screaming again, my hand flew to my mouth. I thought I was going to be sick. “Why Tate? She’s crazy. What if she hurts him? We need to call the police. I want to kill her!” My thoughts were scattered, I was frantically rambling.

  “I can’t take that chance Reese. I’m the only one she’ll listen to. I can get through to her. I need you to trust me.” My mind was racing, my eyes darting all over the place. I don’t know what we were doing or why. All I know is that my husband is planning to play cop and try to get our son back. I just need to lay eyes on him. I need to see him, to touch him and feel his soft skin against my face.

  “I’m going in with you Tate.” I was firm in my decision.

  “No, you’re not Reese. John had his security team to slip a bug in the house today through some vents without her knowing it.” He hesitated. My breathing was loud and labored and filling up the entire space of the interio
r of our SUV. “John overheard her talking to Ty in baby gibberish. But, she was saying how she just needed to get rid of…of…” Tate looked at me with knowing eyes. “Get rid of his fake mother so she could be his only mother, and me his only daddy.” My heart fell…if it was even possible for my heart to be crushed any further. She wanted to be my baby’s mama. She was delusional, and what if she was dangerous. “I can’t let you near her Reese, not until she’s in handcuffs.” I could understand his fear, but I felt the same about him.

  “What if she hurts you Tate? And, she could! How will I survive?” My skin was starting to shake. My lips were even quivering with fear. I could lose my husband and my son in one moment. “Please! Let’s call the police, my family, Elle and Finn. Why aren’t we Tate?!”

  “John and I,” he cringed and quickly closed his eyes. I knew deep down he couldn’t grasp working with him on this. “We both agree I can talk her down. The cops might get our baby hurt Reese. I can’t take that chance.” I did trust him, I had to trust him. I was just scared out of my mind. My hands trembling, my heart aching, I covered Tate’s hand with mine.

  “I trust you Tate. Go get our son back.” I said with a quivering voice. He was staring out the window now. He was trying to focus. I needed him to focus.

  e pulled up to the curb evidently a few houses down from where we needed to be. My heart skipped a beat when I saw John running over to us. He came to Tate’s window first. Leaning in he took a quick glance at me then looked to the ground, and started to fill us in. He told us the white Camry was still in the driveway, and with the wires in the house, he was sure it was our baby and Lisa in the house. Tate whispered something to John and he caught another glance at me. Tate stepped out of the driver’s seat, and John scooted in. What? Tate was walking around to my side now.

  “Opening the door, he hugged me hard. “Reese. I’m going to get Ty back. Stay put. Do you hear me? Stay Put!” He looked deep into my eyes.”

  “No, no, no Tate! I don’t think this is good idea anymore. I don’t think you should go in. What if she has a gun or what if the house is booby-trapped?” I knew it was crazy talk, but this whole situation was absurd. Tate smashed his lips up against mine, and I clawed at him to get closer to him. I didn’t want him to leave. What if I never saw him again? This was more than I could handle. When we pulled apart, Tate stared in my eyes.

  “John’s security will have my back the entire time Reese. Don’t forget, I need you more than I need my next breath, but I will come back to you…I promise…John.” He nodded to John and then to me. They had a secret conversation with that one nod. Tate closed the door, John locked it from his side. I was sobbing immediately. Only a split second passed, and John was wrapping his arms around me. It was déjà vu all over again and I was crying into his neck once again. Tate took one glance back with a quick look of fear and regret, but I knew he felt this was the only way. I was too worried to not be seeking comfort and he knew it. My crying was the only sound in the car for some time. John had a scanner in his lap, and he could hear the whispers from the guys on the forefront. I was afraid to speak for fear of missing an exchange of information.

  I could see Tate getting instructions, and putting on a bullet proof vest and a wire. He had a determined, serious look on his face. Out of the corner of my eye I could see John staring at me. I took a chance and looked in his direction. Our eyes locked. “Reese, I’m so sorry. I can’t believe you’re having to go through this.” I looked down at his hand covering mine for a brief second, then back at his face. “Your son, he’s beautiful, just like you.” There was a long pause. “I wonder what our son would have looked like.” I was crying softly now, still trying to hear the radio. “This is the way it should be you know. I realize that now.” I was stunned at first. I looked at him with a tilt of my head. What did he mean? I was noticing how he looked just like he did when we first met, not like Maura said he looked when Ty was born. He must have been able to start over now. Maybe he was finally able to start a new life for himself.

  I wanted to listen to John, and enjoy seeing him again. After all, he was my beautiful past, but I needed to hear and see what was going on. It looked like Tate was getting ready to knock on the door.

  “Reese. I can’t tell you how sorry I am that we didn’t work out. I want the best for you. You know that, right. I have just always thought that was me.” His blue eyes were piercing my heart once again. Now I was seeing the touch of agony behind them.

  “John. Tate and my son are what’s best for me, and I can’t begin to thank you enough for finding out who took Ty.” A sob caught in my throat. John took that as his cue to pull me tight to him again.

  “So, does this mean you forgive me? I wanted to prove to you that I can be happy with whatever you choose for your life Reese. I didn’t think then it was best for you, but like I told you before, I know you should be allowed to make your own decisions, and I interfered with that. You’ll never know how sorry I am.” I looked at John with loving eyes. I did love John. But, what we had is and always will be, in the past.

  The crackling of voices on the scanner caught our attention. Tate was at the door knocking.

  The door was opening, but I couldn’t see anyone standing there as far back as we were. Tate went into the house and the door shut.

  The door shut.

  I couldn’t feel my hands. I was numb all over. I stopped breathing. Time stood still. Then we picked up Tate’s voice on his wire.

  Just as Tate started talking, we heard screeching tires. Looking on both sides of the street, we saw police cars. John shot out of our car and took off running to the nearest cop car, waving his hands frantically. How did they know? He saw the first cop take a survey of the area and notice the marksmen, and then he spoke into his scanner. Car doors remained closed. Hopefully, John had gotten to them in time.

  At least I thought so.

  The curtain to the front window flew open.

  Lisa. She was looking out the window, glancing side to side.

  There was scuffling on the radio. John took off towards the house, and so did another guard. I jumped out of the car. It’s like everything was happening in slow motion. Saying a quick prayer, I took off running toward the house myself. My feet were moving, but I couldn’t feel them. As soon as I got to the porch, John was coming out with…

  “Ty! Oh God, my baby.” John ran my precious baby boy over to me hugging us both tightly. I was crying hysterically. Ty was crying and grabbing at me. The look on John’s face was pure terror. Why? Ty was out safely. Then it hit me. Where was Tate? Oh God, Tate. I hadn’t heard a gunshot. Please no! No gunshots! My eyes set on John.

  “John, where is Tate? Why hasn’t he come out? What’s happening? Then there was hollering coming from the house. Other guards had run in. Still no Tate. Thankfully, still no gunshot. I wanted to kiss my baby from head to toe, I wanted to stare at him for hours, but I couldn’t pry my eyes from the door. Please Tate come out!

  “Reese,” John spoke to me softly. “Lisa had a knife. She threatened to kill herself and Ty when she saw the police cars.” I froze, and stole a glance at my baby who was sucking his fist now, soothing his self. John nodded his head to one of the guys watching the house. “He heard it and started to ask for clearance to shoot her, but couldn’t get a clear shot. I just reacted. I couldn’t let anything happen to your baby Reese.” He was rubbing Ty’s head and looking at him longingly. “I don’t get to have you and Ty, Reese, but you should get all you want out of life.” His eyes were locked on mine. I couldn’t linger though. I had to get to Tate. I was just about to hand John my baby and take off towards the house when I saw them bringing Lisa out in handcuffs. Oh. My. God!

  Her dark eyes found mine, and I instinctively hollered for the cops to stop. I handed Ty off to John, who willingly took him as I walked up to Lisa. She looked down to the ground. “Look at me Lisa! Why did you do this? Do you hate me this much, or are you just plain crazy?” I didn’t give her time to answer; I
slapped her hard across the face. My hand stung, but I couldn’t acknowledge it. I ran like my life depended on it into the house. I stopped with a jerk as I saw Tate lying on the floor, blood all over his shirt, a policeman at his side. I dropped to my knees. “No! Tate, Oh God, No!” Crawling over to him, my life flashed before my eyes. Then it happened.

  Tate groaned.

  “Ohhh. Reese.” He whispered. “I’m fine baby. She just grazed my chest, that’s all, I promise baby, I’m fine. Come here.” I let out the breath I’d been holding and I threw myself on Tate. I kissed him all over his face, chin, neck. Our family was back together, forever.

  “Tate. Thank God!” I found his lips and smashed mine against his. This man, the love of my life, was alive.

  “Ma’am. He really is okay. We just need to clean his wound, and slap a bandage on it.” I made sure he was truly okay, and I ran outside to find Ty again. I was already feeling a void again from leaving him. Now that I knew both of my boys were okay, it was time to reclaim my son.