As Long as I Have Breath

by Bruce Gordon

  An intriguing conversation, to say the least!

  But it got me thinking: What does it mean to finish well?

  Much has been written and spoken on this. Here are four principles on this topic gleaned from various authors and discussions.

  Never stop setting goals. What does your life mission statement look like? Three questions I often ask myself are:

  How is my capacity and sustainability changing?

  What adjustments do I need to make?

  What does success look like for me twelve months from now?

  Find a mentor or two. Who’s investing in you? Seek out a few people to be confidants and use them as sounding boards. Also allow them to speak into your life. One of my key mentors, Dr. Roger Birkman, always carried a small notepad around and would write down thoughts from others that he wanted to remember. He showed me a box that was filled with these notepads.

  Develop a habit of being thankful.

  Stay committed. If you’re married, stay with your wife or husband. Seek counseling if you need to. More and more couples in the 55+ demographic are calling it quits. What a tragedy!

  I use a quote from Søren Kierkegaard in my e-mail signature that reminds me not to focus on past failures but rather to learn from them and move forward. “Life can only be understood backwards; but it must be lived forwards.”[1]

  Questions

  Do you have a life mission statement? If you do, does it need to be amended? Write one or amend it as needed.

  In what ways have your capacity and sustainability changed as you’ve grown older? How does this affect the goal of finishing well?

  It’s important that our personal resiliency, strength, and wisdom be a focus for us in light of the challenges we face during our later years. How can you continue to have resiliency now and in the future?

  [1] Søren Kierkegaard, “Life can only be understood,” www.goodreads.com.

  24

  Are Your Bags Packed?

  Therefore I tell you, do not be anxious about your life, what you will eat or what you will drink, nor about your body, what you will put on. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothing?

  MATTHEW 6:25

  MY CELL VIBRATED WITH A TEXT. A dear friend had just collapsed at the gym and was taken to the emergency room. His heart had stopped. After ten minutes of CPR, his heart began beating again. This friend is a few years my senior and is in excellent shape. Fortunately, he came through this, but it gave me pause.

  As I have been writing these devotionals, I’ve been focusing on living well during the years I have left on this earth. People who know I’ve been writing on this topic resonate with this idea, and we’ve had many discussions about bucket lists.

  I’m aware that I have fewer years ahead of me than behind, and that can be sobering. My father looked forward to “going home” and recently, at age ninety-two, God took him home. On Sunday, he went out for lunch with a friend; on Monday evening, he was in heaven. I like to say that my dad had his bags packed—he was ready.

  The Puritans believed that we can only live well if we’re preparing for death. They talked about death and didn’t live in denial of it, as our society attempts to do. Of course, sooner or later we are forced to face it.

  I remember an elderly First Nations chief saying, “You as the white man have built a wall between where we are and where those who have died are.” He then said, “We as a First Nations people do not have a wall.”

  I have always remembered that conversation. As we age, it seems that wall becomes more like a veil. The veil between where my parents are and where I am seems quite thin.

  So, what is death?

  It’s a separation of what is physical from that which is spiritual. One ages; the other does not.

  Here are a few points to reflect on as you prepare for death, that separation of your body and soul.

  Live in light of heaven. This means treating each day as a gift. We’re not living on borrowed time; rather, time has been entrusted to us.

  Continue to study, work, and play. I’d suggest that, in our 55+ demographic, we need to see these three areas lived out simultaneously.

  Live with a sense of letting go. Our world is one of constant releasing. Our children leave home, we change jobs, our parents and friends experience deteriorating health or death, and we ourselves face health issues. A practical step to prepare for death is to put together a binder of documentation for your spouse with all the information he or she needs to know about your affairs. Make sure to update the financial and medical records in your binder as needed. You may want to plan a retreat to reflect, plan, and discuss the steps you need to put in place to prepare for death.

  Questions

  How would you respond if I were to ask you, “Are your bags packed?” What steps do you need to take?

  Do you treat each day as a gift? Why or why not?

  What would it look like to study, work, and play in your season of life?

  What dreams do you still have?

  In what ways do you need to adopt a sense of releasing?

  25

  Transitioning to Retirement

  Behold, I am doing a new thing; now it springs forth, do you not perceive it? I will make a way in the wilderness and rivers in the desert.

  ISAIAH 43:19

  THE MORE I TALK TO the 55+ demographic, the more the topic of transitioning from career to retirement comes up.

  One person recently said to me that this transition has been the most difficult experience he has encountered. One day you have purpose, responsibilities, and a schedule; the next day you don’t. He said, “I find myself looking at my phone and wishing it would ring. If I have another twenty-plus years, I need help.”

  The time to start thinking about retirement is before you actually make that transition. Here are five principles I would suggest you reflect on. They’re definitely not exhaustive, but they’re what I focus on.

  Recognize that it’s natural to experience feelings of uneasiness. There will be a sense of loss because our identities are linked to our careers. Acknowledging that you will have these feelings is a significant step to accepting them.

  We are made for community. Relationships with coworkers are not to be taken for granted. How can you replace the community you had at work with a new one?

  Give yourself permission to play. For some, that can be a challenge because we have drawn a line between productivity and play.

  Find ways to be creative. I’ve asked three other retired leaders to meet with me every few months. We dream together and are intentional about exploring new kinds of opportunities.

  Begin to think of new areas that you would like to explore.

  Questions

  How would you define the practical losses you are experiencing?

  Replacing community can be difficult, especially for men. What do you need to do in this area?

  Those who retire talk about not feeling productive. How will your own sense of productivity change as you’re in retirement or close to it?

  Purpose becomes key for us in this season of life. How would you define your purpose?

  I have a close friend who is a recently retired medical physician. He’s a continual learner and now has the opportunity to read and take courses in noncareer areas. He’s made a list of these. What would your list look like?

  26

  Creativity and Play

  For we are his workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand, that we should walk in them.

  EPHESIANS 2:10

  I ASKED A NINETY-YEAR-OLD friend recently, “When were you at your best in being creative?”

  With a sparkle in his eye he smiled and said, “Right now!”

  Isn’t that remarkable! Creativity is not something we need to give up as we age.

  Of course, research suggests that neural conduction speed, memory, and stamina decline as we age. Experts state that five cognitive factors decline with a
ge.[1]

  Speed of processing

  Short-term memory

  Conceptual reasoning

  Originality—the ability to generate possibilities, ideas, and solutions to a problem

  Ability to focus

  This paints a bleak picture for us; however, there are some cognitive factors that are maintained as we age—long-term memory retrieval, verbal and academic knowledge, reading abilities, oral expression, and listening comprehension. Because these tend to draw on knowledge and expertise, these can actually improve as we age.

  Author Mark Walton writes, “What’s really interesting from the neuroscience point of view is that we are hardwired for creativity for as long as we stay at it, as long as nothing bad happens to our brain.”[2]

  While it’s possible for us to be quite creative in our later years, many of us find creativity to be a challenge. That’s because society’s stereotypes about aging are the biggest creativity killer. These stereotypes lead us to believe that we have outlived our usefulness. Without usefulness, our creativity dries up.

  Here are some thoughts from my perspective to ensure you stay creative.

  Engage in new ideas. The more I tell myself I should not do something or can’t, the more my brain retreats. Don’t be afraid to take a risk.

  Keep actively learning throughout your lifetime. It’s a gift we give to ourselves.

  Stay connected to the younger generation.

  Remember that enhanced creativity is associated with greater life satisfaction.

  Keep positive. Society’s stereotypes about aging are the biggest creativity killer because we’re led to believe that we have outlived our usefulness.

  “Those people who have from the beginning developed complex lives with multiple interests and multiple talents, and continued to develop psychological complexity and tolerance for ambiguity, those people continue to do very well in later adulthood,” writes Gary Gute, associate professor in the school of applied human sciences and director of the Human Potential Project at the University of Northern Iowa.[3]

  Questions

  Ephesians 2:10 says that God created good works for us to do. What does this verse mean to you?

  How can you stay connected to the younger generation?

  Gary Gute says that continued creativity affects us in a positive way. What does being creative mean to you?

  [1] “Normal Cognitive Aging,” NCBI Resources, www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov.

  [2] Mark S. Walton, Boundless Potential: Transform Your Brain, Unleash Your Talents, Reinvent Your Work in Midlife and Beyond (New York, NY: McGraw Hill, 2012).

  [3] Tara Bahrampour, “Creativity Can Last Well into Old Age, as Long as Creators Stay Open to New Ideas,” November 21, 2013, The Washington Post.

  27

  The Importance of Relationships

  Let each of us please his neighbor for his good, to build him up.

  ROMANS 15:2

  I HAD A CALL RECENTLY FROM a director at a new upscale retirement home in our city. She was asking for help in building community with the new residents, and we talked about the connection between living extraordinarily long lives with that of maintaining close relationships with others.

  In Louis Cozolino’s book Timeless, he writes, “A life that maximizes social interaction and human-to-human contact is good for the brain at every stage, particularly for the aging brain.”[1]

  Researchers have found that those who are in community tend to live longer, fulfilled lives.[2]

  We are fearfully and wonderfully made and created to be in community, as the Trinity is. The relationship of the Father, Son, and Holy Spirit is the great example for us; we were not made to be in isolation.

  So what do we in the 55+ age group need to consider? I’m suggesting four ways to interact with others.

  Become a volunteer. Volunteering fosters healthy relationships. Of course, this benefits society as a whole.

  Get involved in the church. The local church needs us. Are we overlooking opportunities to invest in local church members? In 1 Corinthians 3:16, Paul says we are a dwelling place for the Holy Spirit. As a church body, we are to be in community and to visibly represent the living God to one another and to the world.

  Seek out those who work with young people. Ask them how you can be involved. Recently both a youth pastor and young adults pastor told me they need older people to walk alongside our youth.

  Community is so valuable to us. I’d say it’s a need that escalates as we grow older. Find a small group, perhaps at your church, to be a part of.

  There’s no age restriction placed on the imperative given in Hebrews 10:24-25. Stay connected and you’ll enjoy benefits to your self-esteem and your physical, spiritual, and mental health.

  Questions

  For some, grandchildren live a great distance away. How do you stay connected to grandchildren and be involved in their lives?

  What benefits do you think you’d receive from volunteering? What steps could you take to try out a volunteer position for a short period of time?

  When we think about relationships, we often think first of family, but we have many more interactions in our churches, neighborhoods, and communities. What other relationships can you nurture during this season of life?

  [1] Louis Cozolino, Timeless: Nature’s Formula for Health and Longevity (New York, NY: Norton Professional Books, 2018).

  [2] Anna E. Holladay, “Relationships and Social Connections Can Help You Live Longer,” January 22, 2019, https://www.susquehannahealth.org/in-the-community/blog/relationships-and-social-connections-can-help-you-live-longer.

  28

  My Turf

  For even the Son of Man came not to be served but to serve,

  and to give his life as a ransom for many.

  MARK 10:45

  MY WIFE WAS BROWSING through a boutique, and I was wondering what I should be looking at. As I tried to be inconspicuous, I heard raised voices from two women who were a couple of display cases over from me.

  Though I did not want to eavesdrop, their voices were loud enough that I couldn’t help but hear the conversation.

  “I don’t think I can take it much longer.”

  “Oh my, what’s going on?”

  “He’s in my space, and do you know what he did last week? He rearranged the dishes in my cupboards, and now I can’t find anything!”

  “He can’t do that!”

  “Oh yes, and there’s more. He’s now telling me how I should be cleaning the house and that my time management is not the best!”

  “That’s terrible! How long has he been retired?”

  “Six weeks. I can’t take it much longer. I’m losing my focus, and it’s affecting my golf game as well!”

  At that point, I decided to get out of there before I lost it in laughter.

  We may laugh at this conversation, yet these two women were having an animated conversation and were obviously in distress. Though I was trying to hold back laughter, they were far from laughing.

  What do we need to pay attention to? Here are four points I believe everyone who finds themselves retired with time on their hands can explore.

  Search out new interests with your spouse. Also give each other freedom to have some time apart.

  Plan fun days. Denise and I have been scheduling get-togethers for years with another couple. We look forward to our shared time together. Denise and I recently took time to get away and talk about how we’re doing. We agreed that we need to be intentional in planning date nights. We know that the pressure of our busy lives impacts the time we have for each other.

  Seek out new opportunities to serve. When you give through serving, you receive more in return.

  Be patient with each other. Increase your patience by looking at things differently because patience is about self-control. Take a deep breath, practice thinking before reacting, and be grateful.

  Yes, the turf can become smaller. I’m going to add a fifth suggestion. When I became self-employed some y
ears ago, though I have a home office, Denise made it very clear that I needed my own space (actually, she needed it as well), so I set up an office outside of our home that I still use. It has become a retreat for me and the best thing I ever did (Denise would shout “Amen” to this).

  Marriages are under attack, and we in the 55+ age group are not excluded. I just read an article from the Wall Street Journal, and this was the headline, “The divorce rate is at a 40-year low, unless you’re 55 or older.”[1] Younger married couples are less likely to split up, but “gray” divorces among older couples are on the rise. We need to pay attention to our marriages—that we excel in giving each other grace.

  Questions

  As Mark 10:45 states, we are to serve and not solely focus on being served. What does this look like for a couple in which one spouse has recently retired?

  Throughout the years, how have you and your spouse needed to adjust to each other to accommodate the needs of each season in life? What has worked well for you as a couple? What hasn’t worked well?

  What would you like married life to be like in this season? How can you and your spouse intentionally work toward creating this life?

  [1] Jo Craven McGinty, “The Divorce Rate Is at a 40-Year Low, Unless You’re 55 or Older,” Wall Street Journal, June 21, 2019, https://www.wsj.com/articles/the-divorce-rate-is-at-a-40-year-low-unless-youre-55-or-older-11561116601.