As Long as I Have Breath

by Bruce Gordon

  29

  The DOP Principle

  For the LORD knows the way of the righteous.

  PSALM 1:6

  HOW DO WE MOVE FORWARD as we trust God for our decisions?

  There are three principles that my wife and I follow in discerning God’s will for our decisions.

  There are specific directives that God gives us. We need to obey these.

  When there is no specific directive given, God gives us the wisdom and freedom to choose.

  When we make a decision that is aligned with what God values, then we need to trust God to work out the details for our good.

  God is not in business to trap us; rather, He wants us to bring issues before Him, to listen, and then act. In The Message, Psalm 1:6 states that “God charts the road you take.” That means He is leading and guiding you; He is actively involved in your life.

  It’s rather easy for me to write these words and much more of a challenge to live out what I am sharing with you. I’m someone who defines myself by what I do and how well I accomplish it. God has been teaching me that He accepts and loves me intimately and unconditionally. Of course, I don’t want to fail, and yet, I need to hang on to the reality that I am loved by God. I suspect you do as well.

  I look back at past decisions, and there are many that I would change if I could. However, my experience is that God has redeemed those past decisions and I’m in a better place because of them—not because of my doing but because of His doing.

  I like to use a three-step tool called The DOP Principle for making major decisions. In fact, Denise and I have made a habit of using this tool throughout our years together. You simply work your way honestly through the following questions. You must be able to answer yes to each question before you move forward with the decision.

  Desire: Do I desire the results of what this decision could bring?

  Opportunity: Is the opportunity open? This may seem obvious; however, sometimes we want a certain outcome but the window of opportunity is closed at the present time.

  Peace: Given that I have the desire and the opportunity, do I have an inner peace to act in a particular direction? Yes, there may still be questions to work out; however, do I have peace to move forward?

  As I said, this is easy to write about and tough to act on. However, consider what is at stake. When you seek God as you make decisions, you will find His best for you because He loves you.

  Questions

  Recall times when you felt peace about a big decision. Recall times when you regretted a decision. What lessons can you glean from these experiences?

  Where do you need to use the DOP Principle to make a decision?

  As you reflect on God’s deep love for you, how can you release your worries and anxiety about your future and increase your trust in Him?

  In what specific area of your life is God asking you to step out in trust and faith?

  30

  Parenting Adult Children

  Behold, children are a heritage from the LORD,

  the fruit of the womb a reward.

  PSALM 127:3

  DENISE AND I HAVE three adult sons. They now have families of their own, and I’m energized when one of my sons reaches out to me for counsel. I know I’m the parent, and so I must find balance between loving and accepting my sons and letting them go. Easy to write about, much more of a challenge to do.

  For my wife and me, releasing them is a process that involves holding back on giving advice, choosing not to worry about them, and managing the battle of guilt that we could have been better at raising them.

  Children are a heritage from God. This doesn’t end when they turn eighteen.

  Here are a few points that could be considered operating principles for parenting adult kids.

  Keep the lines of communication open. Connect through regular lunches, coffees, and phone calls with those who live far away. Get to know them as adults.

  Discuss what your estate looks like. Although more difficult to do, you should have an end-of-life discussion with your kids.

  Call before you visit. You could suggest the same for them coming to your home.

  Manage your expectations for your kids.

  Don’t lend them money until you’ve put parameters in place. Many times kids need help financially. Treat this in a professional way. Whether it’s a loan or it’s to be part of their inheritance, ensure you document it. The issue of money has caused huge problems in families.

  Don’t make them choose between their family and you.

  Don’t give them unsolicited advice.

  Questions

  What’s going well with your adult children? In what areas could there be improvement?

  Review the operating principles above with your spouse. What can you do to implement these? Are there other principles that apply to your own family situation?

  What expectations do you have of your adult children? Consider discussing these with them. Be sure to allow for dialogue both ways.

  31

  Your Role in the Local Church

  Iron sharpens iron, and one man sharpens another.

  PROVERBS 27:17

  WE IN THE 55+ AGE GROUP have such a key role in the local church.

  God’s plan has always been that as we age, we become “sages” for those who are younger. I believe that the process of iron sharpening iron becomes even more pronounced for those of us who are older, given the experience the years have taught us. If we’re not engaged in the lives of others, then may I suggest that we’re not fulfilling what God asks of us. Take some reflection time and define the word engage for yourself.

  As I think about the word engage, I realize that I want to exemplify the following attributes:

  I want to be free of any addictions; the Bible uses the word temperate.

  I want to be a person of integrity, one who’s worthy of receiving respect.

  I want to be self-controlled in all areas of my life.

  I want to be on solid ground in what I believe and where I place my trust. I want to be motivated by a self-sacrificing love (agape).

  So how does this translate into being engaged in your church?

  Here are five issues that may affect how the 55+ generation fits into the church body. Consider how you might communicate these perspectives to your church leaders. A dialogue would certainly increase understanding.

  Please understand that we aren’t against change. Help us to understand why particular change is important. Help us understand how we can support our leaders.

  Reach out to us and don’t be afraid to ask us to serve.

  Prayer is so key. Trust us with concerns you want us to pray about. (An elderly colleague of mine said he was so honored when a pastor came to him and asked him to pray about a specific situation; he took that very seriously.)

  Realize that our grandkids are a big priority in our lives. We may need to seek counsel from those who are younger to help us better understand the issues our grandchildren are facing today.

  Know that we want to connect with younger generations. We have much to learn from young people, and there are things younger people can learn from us as well.

  Purpose is a huge motivation for the 55+ age group. Let’s sharpen each other so that we’ll be engaged in the local church.

  Questions

  What’s your current role in your church? What roles have you had in the past? How has your involvement changed over time?

  Reflect on the two lists of points in the devotional. In what ways do you identify with these ideas? How do these points pertain to your role in the church?

  What values and attributes do you want to be known for? How do these affect your role in the church? Consider sharing your ideas with the leaders in your church.

  32

  Addressing Anxiety

  You keep him in perfect peace whose mind is stayed on you, because he trusts in you.

  ISAIAH 26:3

  IF YOU’RE FEELING MORE anxious these days, you a
ren’t alone. Issues such as health, safety, finances, politics, and relationships can cause anxiety. Many people are feeling more anxious now than they did last year.

  Then we read Philippians 4:6, “Do not be anxious about anything.”

  When we’re part of a community, a safe place to share, an environment to listen and be listened to and we talk about what we’re concerned about, our anxiety levels decrease, even without solutions to the problems causing the anxiety.

  So how do we lower anxiety levels, calm the mind, and overcome fears? Here are three practical steps to implement.

  Identify your negative thoughts.

  Challenge these negative thoughts.

  Replace negative thoughts with realistic thoughts.

  In his book Transforming Prayer, Daniel Henderson states that many Christians wrongly seek God’s hand first in the issues they’re praying for.[1] In other words, Christians approach God with a grocery list of actions they’d like Him to take in their lives. Instead, Henderson emphasizes that we should seek God’s face before we seek His hand. As we seek God’s face, His hand will open to us as a generous Father. Seeking God’s face means focusing on who He is, His greatness, and His power. Read a psalm, such as Psalm 91, and write down the attributes of God that are listed there. As you do, it becomes an antidote for the issues you’re concerned about.

  Here are two more practices that may help to ease anxiety.

  Look for the attributes of God. Talk about His attributes in prayer during your devotional time in God’s Word. It changes your thinking because your focus is on an all-powerful God who wants us to glorify Him. As we bring glory to God, His hand opens to us, as a good Father.

  Keep a list of all you’re thankful for. Thankfulness reroutes the brain’s negative thinking channels that we’ve developed over many years.

  New habits are formed over twenty-one days. Practice the above steps consistently and watch God be God.

  Questions

  How could seeking God’s face change how you pray to receive from God’s hand?

  Write down the attributes of God from Psalm 91. How could this exercise help you in addressing the concerns you have?

  What new habit do you need to form?

  [1] Daniel Henderson, Transforming Prayer: Everything Changes When You Seek God’s Face (Minneapolis, MN: Bethany House Publishing, 2011), 27.

  33

  Facing the Three Giants

  Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be frightened, and do not be dismayed, for the LORD your God is with you wherever you go.

  JOSHUA 1:9

  BILL (NOT HIS REAL NAME) RETIRED as a senior executive. It came rather suddenly as part of a restructuring and included a generous package.

  In the weeks following, Bill’s sudden retirement hit him unlike anything he could ever have anticipated. He found himself getting up each morning and driving downtown to the parking lot of his former employer. He could see the window of the office that had been his for many years, and as he sat there, he sobbed. This practice went on for almost a year as he struggled through depression, isolation, and loneliness.

  These three giants are lurking in the shadows for all of us. They surface in different ways. Facing these giants is serious business, and we’re well advised to understand a few facts on them.

  Isolation impacts both our physical and mental well-being.

  Isolation contributes to cognitive decline and the risk of dementia.

  Isolation contributes to depression.

  Depression can create a loss of hope and purpose.

  Loneliness and isolation can be the result of a job loss or a spouse’s death.

  Loneliness can be contagious; there is a tendency for it to spread to others.

  Loneliness can also lead to unhealthy behavior, such as poor diet, alcohol addiction, and more.

  So what are some giant-killers that we can mobilize in our fight against these foes?

  Recognize that these giants are real. As you enter the retirement transition you’ll find that you must face them.

  Know that God has a purpose for your life. It doesn’t end when your career does.

  Realize that there are differences. There are differences in how men and women experience midlife transitions; spouses need to understand this and seek to meet the needs of the other in a supportive way.

  Have a Kingdom consciousness. It gives hope and purpose to one’s life and helps us see time as a sacred gift. C. S. Lewis wrote, “Christians who did most for the present world were just those who thought most of the next.”[1]

  Invest in projects. While staying active with these activities, also make sure to invest in relationships. These pursuits will often last beyond the grave.

  Give yourself time and patience. Be gracious with yourself as you work through this transition. Seek support from others as you enter the next chapter of your life.

  Questions

  How have you faced the three giants: loneliness, isolation, and depression? Is your experience now different from when you were younger?

  Review the list of “giant-killers” above. What practical steps could you take to actively fight against loneliness, isolation, and depression?

  If you’re married, how can you and your spouse support each other in this area?

  How can you reach out to others who may be fighting their own battle against these three giants?

  [1] C. S. Lewis, Mere Christianity (New York, NY: Harper One, 2001).

  34

  Purpose and Calling

  I am hoping that through your prayers I will be graciously given to you.

  PHILEMON 1:22

  PURPOSE IS AN IMPORTANT factor in maintaining physical function as we age. People with a higher purpose are more proactive in looking after their health and have greater fulfillment as they age.

  Paul was a great example of this. In his letter to Philemon, he states that even now as an old man he has purpose in pursuing the Kingdom of God and prays that he can return to Colossae to see Philemon and the local church there.

  Much has been written on calling. Most look at it through the word vocation. I like this word because it provides meaning and purpose. However, I want to suggest to you that retiring from a vocation doesn’t mean we retire from our calling.

  A friend, as he was leaving his medical practice after forty plus years, said to me that he is sensing quite strongly that God is focusing him on a new purpose, and he is keenly anticipating what’s next.

  God created us with eternity in mind; we have a glorious life ahead. Author Mervyn Paul writes that this life is a preparation time for what God has in store for us.[1] He refers to 2 Timothy 2:12: “If we endure, we will also reign with him.”

  Here are a few thoughts to reflect on as you consider late-life calling.

  Knowing your calling gives a sense of mission, and this provides a renewed purpose for living.

  Purpose brings clarity to your life goal.

  Your life goal gives direction for your actions, regardless of age.

  As you have limited energy and resources, it provides discernment in what to say yes to and what to say no to.

  We are made to work. God designed us to be a reflection of Him and to live in community. Work is valuable; it’s good for us, and it’s a way to serve others. It’s also a means to fulfilling the Great Commission (Matthew 28:19-20). Work prepares us for the life to come; He is doing a new thing in us.

  The following questions will help you think deeper on how to live your life worthy of the calling you have received.

  Questions

  Who are you? Write words that define your identity and purpose.

  As you look back over the past five years, how has God been at work in you, preparing you for your life today and in the future?

  Compare your answers to questions 1 and 2. What perspective does this give you concerning what this season of your life should look like?

  How do you continue to have purpose and trust God for
these goals and yet be accepting when God changes your plans?

  [1] Mervyn Paul, Training for Reigning (Christian Press, 1975).

  35

  Easy to Give, Difficult to Receive

  Even in Thessalonica you sent me help for my needs once and again.

  PHILIPPIANS 4:16

  AS WE AGE, we will experience changes due to health, insufficient resources, capacity, or other issues. Sometimes these changes develop over time, and sometimes they come suddenly. These changes cause a shift; where once we were the ones who primarily gave to others, now we find ourselves receiving from others. This shift can be difficult.

  Giving makes us feel good about ourselves. There’s a sense of being in control as we come alongside others.

  Receiving makes us feel guilty. It feels like we’re admitting defeat and that we’re not capable of providing for ourselves. We feel like we owe something in return, and even feel exposed. One person said receiving from others made him feel selfish. Yes, receiving help from others can be awkward. It pushes against our pride.

  I want to look at this through a different lens. Here are four things to remember.

  Receive even when it’s difficult. It may be that a reluctance to receive from others is connected to our sense of self-worth; we feel we aren’t worthy to receive and that we aren’t good enough. This probably has roots in childhood.