As Long as I Have Breath

by Bruce Gordon

  Receive with an open heart and mind. Resist thinking that it comes with strings attached.

  Receive out of a sense of community. Don’t take the blessing of giving away from others.

  Resist the ingrained message of our culture that life’s not fair and that it’s important to fight for fairness. Life brings good things, and when we receive, we’re the recipients of generosity.

  Now a message to caregivers. Here are five points.

  Be sensitive to the fact that you can be perceived as taking over a dependent person’s life.

  Those who have needs wish the need would be noticed instead of having to ask for help. It’s very difficult to ask others for help.

  People who are on the receiving end have limited ways to respond and give. This impacts their sense of value.

  An elderly person said to me that her dignity takes a hit when her needs are known and she has to wait for those needs to be met.

  Nobody wants to be a burden.

  What role are you currently in: giver or receiver? Both are valuable. In your lifetime, you will experience both roles. As we age, the predominant role will be that of the receiver; perhaps now’s the time to mentally start preparing for this.

  Questions

  Think about times when you’ve been a caregiver and times when you’ve been a care receiver. How would you describe the positives and the negatives of both experiences?

  At some point, we will all need care; how can you mentally begin to prepare for this?

  Couples often experience uneven aging, where one spouse requires care while the other spouse is more independent. Consider this possibility in your own life. How will you and your spouse work through the issues of being a caregiver or a care receiver with each other?

  36

  A Friend’s Story

  But seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness,

  and all these things will be added to you.

  MATTHEW 6:33

  THERE ARE MANY ARTICLES that speak to what one needs to do in that last year before formal retirement. But I love stories. Of course, we’re all in different places, and while God asks one thing of one person, He directs very differently with another. The point is, are we listening to Him? Here’s a story from a friend of mine.

  Many would say they wouldn’t want a career working for decades with the same organization, however my career, with just one multinational company, was both interesting and challenging. One of the things it allowed me to do was to plan ahead, knowing my job security was fairly stable. I started thinking about retirement years before retirement age. I planned to retire early, preferably around sixty-two. I have many other interests and was looking forward to pursuing them while still healthy.

  As the age of sixty-two drew near, I started praying about what the next chapter should look like. I was thinking about things like short-term missions, part-time ministry work, and benevolent volunteering. One day, while I was praying, a new thought came to me—the thought was that the salary from a [developed nation] executive job could do considerably more in the [developing country] than the work of an older retired executive guy with a hammer or a computer. After my prayer time, I couldn’t shake this thought. I kept praying and thinking about this idea and whether the thought could’ve been prompted by God. The prayers continued, the thought developed, and soon I was convinced God wanted me to keep working beyond when I had planned to retire and to give all my salary away for whatever period I continued to work.

  The more I thought about it, the more sense it made. Giving away my salary at this point in my career was way more effective than giving my time. Even though I enjoyed my work, working another year would be a sacrifice. But giving away my income would bring so much more purpose and joy to my work. So I made a commitment to God: I would give one hundred percent of my take-home pay and continue working for an extra year. It was an incredibly blessed time. Each month of giving was filled with amazing joy as I brought needs before God and prayed about what cause to give to.

  The story could end with what I have shared above, but as it is with most God stories, they become more interesting as we live them out. Shortly after I made the commitment to continue working and give away my income, there was a large restructuring of our company. My actual role didn’t change, with the same pay and position as a VP, but I reported to another VP who was a micromanager. It appeared to me that my role became redundant. I had committed to God to continue working, but now as I felt redundant, I couldn’t begin to imagine a whole year like that—it seemed unbearable. It felt as if God were testing my resolve. But I had made a commitment. So I prayed about it and made a plan. I went to the president and suggested my role had become redundant and asked if they would consider a retirement package. After considering this for a month, they made an offer. I accepted and was able to continue monthly giving of my salary until well after I was no longer working. I was able to give of my time and my salary without having to go to work—an incredible turn of events. It left me thinking that God is pretty amazing!

  Many of my peers are in similar situations—they have the means near the end of their careers to live without a continuing salary. Many grapple with the “when” of retirement. It’s something often thought about long after there is a need for further continuing income.

  Now I reflect on this giving plan God planted in me and about the impact similar plans could have on our peer group, on our church, and on the Christian world at large. What if this concept caught on and we had hosts of people working an extra year before retiring—and giving it all away. Why not? That is a world-changing idea! Could this idea grow to capture the imaginations of many others who are contemplating retirement?

  We all have a story. May this one give you a new perspective and, as Hebrews 10:24 states, stir you in thinking about how you can express love in action.

  Questions

  What ideas does this story spark in you?

  How do you envision serving God now and in the years to come? How can you think creatively about how to accomplish these goals?

  This story shows a practical example of trusting God. My friend put Matthew 6:33 into action. What does seeking God’s Kingdom first mean to you?

  What steps can you take to seek God’s Kingdom first in your life?

  What stories from your life could inspire others to serve God in creative ways? Consider writing your own story and finding a way to share it with others.

  37

  The Gift of Being a Grandparent

  But exhort one another every day.

  HEBREWS 3:13

  THERE’S NO QUESTION THAT grandparents play a special role in the lives of their grandchildren.

  What’s the healthy impact of grandparenting on grandchildren? Here are just a few needs that we can meet:

  Grandchildren need unconditional love.

  They need a mentor who can help them with perspective.

  They need to be able to process and just talk without being judged.

  Grandchildren need someone to stand with them and beside them.

  At times, they are trying to figure out who their parents are; grandparents can provide insight here.

  They need stability in a quickly changing world. Family traditions foster stability, and grandparents can be the champions for traditions.

  They need adventure. When I was growing up, my favorite book series was Enid Blyton’s Adventure Series. I dreamed of adventures, and my grandfather took me on several. Grandparents can meet needs of adventure with their grandchildren.

  They need laughter. My granddaughter said to me recently, “Papa, I love it when you laugh at yourself.” Our grandkids live in a different world than what we had. Life now is too serious. Just research the issue of rising anxiety with children and teens. Grandparents can model joy and a lighthearted approach to life where it’s okay to laugh at oneself.

  Grandchildren need the experience that comes through the school of life. I love it when my grandkids ask me w
hat I’ve learned about an issue.

  They need kindness, humor, and great patience.

  They need to see from our example how faith in God helps us through life.

  Jumpstart conversations with your grandchildren by sharing a little about your past and your dreams for today.

  Tell them what your childhood was like.

  Set the scene for how you and Grandma/Grandpa met.

  Share what dreams you still have.

  Explain what it was like to live as a teen in your day.

  Tell your grandchildren the values you hold dear.

  Share with them the traditions you want for your family.

  Questions

  What was your relationship with your grandparents like? You may recall both positive and negative experiences. What would you like to repeat with your grandchildren? What would you prefer to avoid?

  What can you do to promote a deeper relationship with your grandchildren?

  How can you ensure that you don’t compare one grandchild to another?

  Hebrews 3:13 tells us to exhort or encourage one another. What can you do to become an encourager to each of your grandchildren?

  38

  The Challenges of Being a Caregiver

  Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light.

  MATTHEW 11:28-30

  Sometimes the most important thing in a whole day is the rest we take between two deep breaths.

  ETTY HILLESUM

  JESUS WAS THE SMARTEST PERSON who ever lived, and when He speaks, we need to listen. He calls to those who are laboring and feeling the pressure of the task: “Come to me . . . and I will give you rest.” He tells us not to be anxious.

  Yet caregivers do feel anxious at times. We feel the load of caregiving. We need to give ourselves permission to rest and manage our self-care.

  The role of a caregiver is both challenging and fulfilling. Caregivers often place the care receiver ahead of themselves and neglect their own emotional, physical, and mental health. It’s so important to have boundaries and look after your well-being; without this, you won’t be able to survive. A spouse said to me recently, “My husband has Alzheimer’s, and now I’m in the hospital.”

  Here are four self-care points I would suggest you consider in this crucial role.

  Manage your stress. Identify what your stress symptoms are. Discern between what you can’t control and what you can control. Pay attention to warning signs, such as lack of sleep and becoming more irritable. Give yourself permission to take breaks. That means asking for help and engaging in activities that are more life-giving. Caregivers find it a challenge to ask for help. Someone recently said to me that it’s easier to give than to receive. Think about practical responses when people ask, “How can I help you?”

  Build a partnership with your physician. Many will discuss the issues of their care receiver and yet will not talk about their own issues. You will need to do some homework here to prepare for these appointments.

  Incorporate exercise into your weekly schedule. This is “me time.” Don’t allow other demands to replace it. You don’t need to make a major time commitment. Walking for twenty minutes, three times per week will be beneficial.

  Listen to your emotions. We’re emotional beings, and our emotions are messages to us. Feelings such as guilt, anger, disappointment, and resentment are key messages we receive from our emotions. Take action, because these emotions won’t go away.

  My message to you is that you need to take control of your self-care. I recognize that this can be challenging. But Jesus says, “Learn from me . . . and you will find rest for your souls.”

  Questions

  What challenges do you face in being a caregiver? What are the rewards?

  How are you doing? We have three areas of life—spiritual, physical, and emotional. On a scale from 1 to 10, where are you at in each?

  What can you do to increase your well-being in each of these three areas?

  Jesus says, “Learn from me.” What do you need to learn from Jesus?

  39

  Living with Heaven in Sight

  Then I saw a new heaven and a new earth, for the first heaven and the first earth had passed away, and the sea was no more.

  REVELATION 21:1

  “I pity the man who never thinks about heaven.”

  J. C. RYLE

  THE APOSTLE PAUL WROTE, “If then you have been raised with Christ, seek the things that are above, where Christ is, seated at the right hand of God. Set your minds on things that are above, not on things that are on earth” (Colossians 3:1-2). This is a command to live with heaven in sight. You can’t focus on Jesus without thinking about heaven, because this is where He dwells and where we will join Him and the many others who have changed their addresses from earth to heaven.

  So how do we do this in a practical way?

  The Greek word for “seek” is zeteo; it’s also used in Matthew 18:12 where a shepherd searches for his lost sheep. It implies a focused, intense, active investigation or search. In Colossians, this verb is also used in the present tense, meaning we are to be engaged in an ongoing process.

  Here are a few thoughts that can help us live daily with heaven in sight.

  Remember you’re mortal. Unless Jesus returns during your lifetime, you will go through the door of death. It isn’t the end but rather the beginning. You don’t need to fear death because death has been conquered by Jesus.

  Remember your earthly address is temporary. In light of eternity, your time on earth is only a tick on the clock. We will live forever, which has been God’s plan from the beginning.

  Remember that your choices and actions have a direct influence on your future world. We’re training for reigning.

  Remember Hebrews 12:28. It offers a wonderful promise: “Therefore let us be grateful for receiving a kingdom that cannot be shaken, and thus let us offer to God acceptable worship, with reverence and awe.” Live today in gratitude and thankfulness.

  Yes, my friends, you’re destined to live forever. When Jesus came to the tomb of His friend Lazarus, He wept. Why would Jesus weep, knowing that in minutes He would raise Lazarus back to life? Just before He weeps, the text says that He was greatly troubled. I believe Jesus was so troubled because His perfect plan for us was so distorted by the enemy. This was never what it was supposed to be.

  Jesus came to conquer death and return our lives to us so that we can be with Him forever.

  Questions

  How does one practically live with heaven in sight? How does this affect day-to-day living?

  This world has been distorted from what God originally intended, yet He will make all things new. In what ways has the world been distorted? How do you hope that God will make all things new (Revelation 21:5)?

  In what ways do you need to seek the things that are above? How will this benefit you?

  40

  The Growing Value of Peace

  I have said these things to you, that in me you may have peace. In the world you will have tribulation. But take heart; I have overcome the world.

  JOHN 16:33

  GETTING OLD STINKS.

  I hear this over and over as folks age. Our parts don’t work as well as they used to. Every ache and pain tells us that we’re declining.

  Some notice a symptom and immediately it becomes all consuming. You must distract yourself and focus on that which is constructive. Peace is important to all; it is extremely important to us as we age.

  Much has been written on aging gracefully. Here are five attitudes that I recently came across.

  Accept the complexity that comes with longevity. Our medical system knows this, and in Canada, the fees paid to physicians increase per patient as we age. Life is more complex in relation to our health.

  Develop a positive attitude toward growing older. Growing
older happens, so you might as well accept it.

  Exercise your mind. There are many games you can play on your mobile device that will stretch you mentally.

  Broaden your interests. God invites us to join Him in His ongoing work of designing, creating, and organizing. Look for new opportunities—this could be academia, volunteering, or even part-time work.

  Live a life of thanksgiving. It changes how you think. This is a great strategy in fighting the battle of the mind.

  Paul McKeon lists four C’s in his Starts at 60 article “How to Find Peace of Mind at any Age.”[1]

  Control. We need to have a sense of control over our lives. We are to be active participators, and while we can’t always control our circumstances, we can control our responses to what happens to us.

  Commitment. We need to be committed to living. In order to do this, we must resolve the issues of our past. This can involve changing our priorities and reconciling in relationships where there may be some conflict.

  Challenge. We need to feel challenged and excited about our lives.

  Connection. We need to be in community where we are loved and supported by those we share life with. We need a sense of belonging.

  Questions

  Reflect on the four C’s. What does each one mean to you at your stage of life? Is there one that could be more of a challenge than the others? Why?