Press Gnome

by Skyler Wood

  "I don't know if it stops them, but at least if they come after us again, it makes it pretty clear they lied about their reasons the first time."

  "We tell the story of exactly what the Assembly did. They came to the newspaper, sent employees home, and the press was destroyed by elemental magic. Suspected to be the same elemental magic that recklessly attacked the newspaper's owners and members of the Guild of Bards on the city streets," Cosmo said.

  "I guess all that is true enough. That "suspected" is still just suspected though, and we're dragging the bards into it," Vex said.

  "People like the bards. It's kind of their point. Besides, people saw it. The paper suspects it's because of unreleased details of our first story that suggested the Assembly was behind the theft of property," Cosmo said.

  Vex winced. "The old money isn't going to like that. I don't think the queen will either. She seemed to approve of how we handled it, but she won't like that."

  "Perhaps not, but we haven't spoken to her since we published that story. The attack on us and the paper changes things."

  It really was like tinkering with a machine, all the spinning gears of this town. Cosmo still didn't know if this course was the right one, but if they didn't start pushing back, this particular gear was going to grind them into dust.

  "That will get people's attentions. You going to name the Thieves Guild?"

  "They haven't harmed us and seemed unhappy about their role in things. I think we let people make their own conclusions on that one," Cosmo said.

  "I really don't know how much you're being sneaky, or how much you're trying to stick to the truth," Vex said.

  "I don't know the truth, you don't know the truth. I don't know what the newspaper used to stand for, but I don't see how it could have been truth—not in a city so willing to tell lies."

  Vex shrugged. "I'm no expert, boss, but it seems to me that's why it probably has value. You sell what people don't have enough of."

  Cosmo had to admit she had a point. But if you didn't have the real thing to sell, you sold the closest thing you could manage.

  "You think pictures of scantily clad bards will sell, and those are everywhere," Cosmo said.

  "I think that's one of those things where the demand beats the supply. Speaking of which, we have lots of pictures for tomorrow along with our first adventure guide," Vex said.

  "If the Assembly tries to stop any of our people tomorrow, don't have them put up a fight. We don't want anybody getting killed."

  "What if they come after us and the press? No need to make it official if we just show up as corpses."

  "We make sure we don't get too far from either the bards or the mages guilds during the day. We can probably get through either gate and they're warded against magic."

  "That might work one time, but it isn't a real solution."

  "This morning we were thinking about if we needed to run or not, and how we'd stay alive if we did. We did pretty good surviving for a day. We'll figure it out," Cosmo said.

  Vex grinned. "We did, didn't we? I'm better, like this. With a partner. If I were on my own I'd have just run away. What about you?"

  "I've spent all my life not belonging anywhere and moving on as soon as my welcome seemed to wear out. Part of me feels that when the queen gave me this task she made me a prisoner, but another part welcomes the opportunity to do something different," Cosmo said.

  30

  The next day didn't start with the catastrophe that Cosmo feared. The magical press required far less work than the mechanical one, and while he was still wary about magic it seemed eager to get the work done.

  The quality was higher, something Cosmo found particularly galling. While not all of their employees were eager to work with them again, the urchins who distributed the paper were still keen to get some cash and soon there was a steady supply of the youths streaming in and out of the Adventurers Guild.

  Papers sold quickly and by early afternoon they'd had to do two more printings.

  That was when Moira found them, slipping into the room. A busy crowd parted for her with only a few quietly spoken words.

  "Not as fancy as the old place," Moira said.

  "Less Assembly guards. We think it a plus," Cosmo said.

  Moira laughed. "Yeah, I'd agree. The new pictures look great, but I'm not here about that. You're about to get a visitor—from the Assembly."

  "Not another elemental?" Vex asked.

  Moira shook her head. "Not that, and no guards either. Well, a few guards. They want to invite you to have a talk. Far as I know the offer is legit, but I thought you'd appreciate a heads-up."

  Cosmo did, and he was once again impressed and a little worried how the bards seemed to have eyes everywhere. Of course, that was useful.

  "And let me guess, you're offering to come along in case they try to make us disappear?" Cosmo said.

  Moira beamed him a smile. "You got it. You included us in that article and I figure we can claim a right to be there."

  "It will make us look even more like allies."

  "There are bards all over the pages of your paper. If you want to look like we're not your friends, you're going to have to do better."

  She was right, of course. Frustrating, but right.

  "I'd appreciate someone to help make sure we aren't disappeared, boss," Vex said.

  "We could go," Stabface shouted from the next room.

  "Bring a little explosion into their lives. I've never made a political body go boom before," Boomtime called.

  "I think that's a bit too much like making the news, instead of reporting it, but thank you all for the offer," Cosmo said and turned to Moira. "Except for you. You're not thanked, but welcome to come along."

  Moira gave Cosmo a playful pout. "Like I'm not doing it with the best of intentions."

  "You want to know what is said in that room. You're trying to figure out what's going on in this city as much as we are."

  Moira tilted her head. "Yes, yes, I'm curious. My people know exactly where I'm going, so if I disappear there's going to be one giant fuss in a few hours."

  It the Assembly representative arrived. A jumpy-looking young man in gray attire, accompanied by two guards armed with halberds.

  It was a cramped but short carriage ride to Assembly Hall.

  The hall was everything that the palace wasn't. While the palace was opulent, ornate, and almost needlessly grand, Assembly Hall was plain and utilitarian. Most of the bureaucrats that ran the city were dressed in gray—it was supposed to represent their neutrality. Still it was, to be sure, in many cases a very fancy sort of gray.

  The palace was curiously devoid of many people at all except for servants and hangers-on. Assembly Hall was filled with bureaucrats, civil servants, and their aides. This was obviously where most of the real business of running the city got done.

  Cosmo, Vex, and Moira were guided to a cramped little sitting room off the main hall and abandoned after being told someone would be by to see them soon.

  Moira investigated a small bar in one corner, taking a hesitant taste from a bottle of wine and making a face. "I could advise them a bit on their selection. This is absolutely swill."

  "I'll take it. I'm lacking in standards," Vex said.

  Moira tossed Vex the bottle and the demoness caught it in one hand and took a swig.

  "Is this one of those things where they stuck us in the worst room to show us how much they hate us?" Cosmo asked.

  "This is one of those things where if they spend too much of the public money on fine wine, the public threatens to string them up," Moira said.

  "Doesn't seem to be a problem at the palace," Cosmo said.

  "People expect royalty to be fancy. That's their whole point. Someone has to live nicer than the rest. You let them get a look every now and then, and they dream. Doesn't work for the Assembly," Moira said.

  "Big building, though. Lots of people," Cosmo said.

  "Well, the public definitely want you to look busy
, stressed, and over-worked. Then they're content that they're getting what they paid for," Moira said.

  Cosmo wasn't sure if Moira was just an incredible cynic or some sort of political genius. His instincts were telling him it was closer to the latter.

  "You're good at that. People," Cosmo said.

  "Bards aren't just about instruments. Any good musician knows you aren't just playing the instrument in your hands, but you're playing the crowd. The greats can work them, shape them," Moira said.

  "Why aren't you leading the guild? You're smart enough," Vex said.

  Moira flashed a wry smile. "We talked about the different sides of the Bards. The rich and the beautiful. You want to be at the top, you're both."

  "And you were a scholarship," Cosmo said.

  "I used to be a thief. A pickpocket nobody gave a care for and then I hit puberty," Moira said.

  Cosmo was curious to know more, but there was a knock at the door.

  31

  A woman entered the room, her gray suit very nearly military. Grey hair and severe features only added to that look—she was a hard-looking woman. She took a moment after entering to study them, the haughty look on her face making it clear that she wasn't impressed.

  "I see you are into the wine already, not a surprise. I suppose I should count myself lucky you still have your clothes on, since you brought a bard with you," the woman said.

  "Councilor Lemona," Moira said with a dip of her head. "The councilor represents the District of Blades."

  "Blades you are quite fortunate to have not had turned against you after publishing such slander. I assure you that if I ever actually decided to have you killed, you would not be here to publish about it the next day," Lemona said.

  "Oh good, we're starting things off with threats," Vex said.

  Lemona stalked into the room and began to pace. "And what is it that you think you did? Without seeking the Assembly's permission you reopen a newspaper that caused instability and printed lies. Then when we shut it down, you only go about proving the fact we were right to do so."

  "Half the city sent out a representative to talk to me, my first day in business. You didn't. If you had concerns, you knew where to find us," Cosmo said.

  "As if that absolves you of the responsibility," Lemona said, and then she turned her harsh gaze on Moira. "And you. The Assembly allows the bards much latitude and you join in on this slander?"

  "We had no idea what the paper intended to print until they printed it. We can confirm, however, that several of our people were attacked by an elemental in the streets while we were safeguarding them," Moira pointed at Cosmo and Vex. "You are denying your involvement?"

  "I say again, if I wanted to kill you, I would have. I might yet. Remember that whatever you think of the Assembly, you aren't truly our enemy yet. See that you don't become one," Lemona said, before heading back towards the door and unceremoniously leaving.

  "That was weird," Vex said.

  "They're playing at something," Moira said.

  They didn't have long to think about it. There was another knock at the door.

  The woman who entered carried a walking stick and was dressed in gray robes bound with a sash of the same color. Young, she didn't look much more than her early twenties.

  She gave a big yawn and found a wall to lean against, then let out what seemed an exasperated sigh.

  "Can we help you?" Vex asked.

  "Doubt it," the woman said, kicking at the floor. "Everything is stupid."

  "I believe this is Councillor Duana. Representative of the Temple District and the Chosen of the Goddess Meh," Moira said.

  "Which one is that again?" Vex asked.

  The city had several thousand gods. It was easy to get them confused.

  "Goddess of Apathy," Moira said.

  "She doesn't really care about me. I don't really care about you. You don't really care about ... anything," Duana said, waving one hand broadly around the room.

  "We got yelled at and now we're what, being indifferented at? Is that a word?" Cosmo asked.

  "You run a paper, boss, I think you get to make up words now," Vex said.

  "I suppose you do, at that. I don't think you've ever been more attractive than you are now with that realization," Moira said, adjusting her top so a little more cleavage improbably showed.

  "Boring," Duana said, pushing away from the wall and heading for the door to make her escape.

  "Was there even a point to that? Are they even going to pretend they aren't playing games?" Vex asked.

  "I think the point of that was to make it perfectly clear they are playing games," Moira said.

  "Well, we got mean, we got indifferent," Vex said. "What's next?"

  On cue there came another knock on the door.

  This time the newcomer was a dwarf so old his hair had completely gone white, and a massive beard scraped the ground. Grey armor for him, although given the ornamentation it was largely ceremonial.

  "Sorry to keep you waiting," said the dwarf. "I'm Councillor Unok, representing the Healers District," Unok said.

  "Do all healers dress in armor in this town?" Cosmo asked.

  "You want to tell an orc he needs to cut down on the ale without it?" Unok asked as he shook hands all around them. "Thank you for coming."

  "Let me guess, you're the friendly one," Cosmo said.

  "Have you met some other councilors?" Unok asked. "If so they weren't here officially. Everybody is curious after that article today. My, quite the misunderstanding that."

  "So you're denying what we printed," Cosmo said.

  "Well, we certainly shut down your old facility, with cause. Our own investigations have corroborated other parts of your story, such as being attacked. An unfortunate coincidence to be sure."

  "I'm sure you are all very unhappy about it," Vex said.

  Unok shrugged. "We don't want any citizens in danger. The queen has many enemies and you must have made a few of hers. A shame she didn't send resources to properly protect you. I'm here to make you an offer fixing that. Work on behalf of the council."

  "There it is," Moira said.

  Unok spared her a flat look. "It is a good offer. We can have your old facility returned to you at once. We can provide funding, and offer assistance in making sure your stories are true and accurate, and in the public's best interest."

  "You want to give them a censor," Moira said.

  "We think Pipopolis could benefit from a newspaper, properly run. You were given a difficult job and cast out into the cold. Still, we appreciate that you initially avoided mentioning our involvement and you never did bring up the original purpose of the chamber. If you want, we can make the agreement right now," Unok said.

  "I don't think so," Cosmo said.

  Unok shrugged. "We can be a better friend to you by far than those you have now. Think about it, and when something else goes wrong, our door will be open."

  Cosmo didn't doubt that it would be. If he'd had any lingering doubts before that the Assembly was up to something, he didn't now. He still wasn't any closer to figuring out what.

  32

  Moira led them back to the bard college. Cosmo didn't mind the opportunity to return there, not really, even if it did mean they'd be spied on. They still didn't have anywhere proper or safe to sleep.

  Cosmo could also be fairly sure it was safe from council snooping, which was important. As such, he waited to bring up what had happened until they were back around a dinner table.

  Dinner for him this time was a hearty gnomish stew, while Vex seemed to be enjoying some sort chocolate desert that was served while actually on fire. Moira had a tiny plate of greens, although she kept looking enviously at Vex's food.

  "So are we going to talk about that?" Vex asked.

  "They obviously wanted to send every message possible so we didn't know what to take away from things," Cosmo said.

  "They're like that, but it's a lie. You can trust me, I'm a liar, I know one when I see one,"
Moira said.

  "What do you mean a lie? They've got to pull in different directions. Just look at how different they all were," Vex said.

  "But all wearing gray. They might all be representing different districts and sure, they have some differences of opinions, but they're all trained to think the same way. They know each other better than they know the people they represent," Moira said.

  "Did you catch what the last guy said though? About us keeping the original purpose of the chamber secret?" Vex asked.

  "I caught that, and I intended to investigate it. Although if you would care to share, I won't protest," Moira said.

  Cosmo thought it over. They'd wondered about the origins of that chamber themselves but had no answers. If anyone would know, it would be the bards. But that really did mean letting Moira in on something that might be important.

  It hadn't been a mistake to trust Moira so far. She'd stepped up again and again to help them in times of need. If somehow they got out of this whole thing with their skins intact, Cosmo would have to pay her back somehow.

  "We can tell her," Cosmo said.

  Vex nodded and described what they'd found—the secret switch, magicity lighting, and the ancient chamber with crates of loot.

  Moira listened intently and when they were done, she nodded and rose to her feet. "Give me a few minutes."

  When Moira returned she held several books. She opened each up to a specific page, setting them out on the table.

  "Was any of these it?" Moira asked.

  Each of the volumes held a depiction of a chamber. One seemed lined with some sort of magical cylinders. Another had a raised dais with some sort of tomb. Another was more familiar, although it contained some sort of large orb on a clawed pedestal instead of crates. Still, the shape and design of the room seemed identical to the one they had found.

  "I think that's it, maybe," Vex said, tapping on the sketch.

  Moira pursed her lips. "What are they playing at?"