As the Light Fades (ARC)

by Catherine West

  “Liz, they’re just babies.” Lynnie went to Brandon and picked him up, soothing him with soft words and a kiss.

  “Give me a break.” Liz shook her head. Her phone buzzed again and she grabbed it, got to her feet, and stared at Lynette in frustration. “Right. Well, since you seem to have all the answers, as usual, why don’t you plan this stupid wedding, Lynnie? I’m sure it’ll be perfect with you in charge.” Anger tightened her chest, and she stalked past Mia and Matthew, ignoring the startled looks on their faces. Let them think what they liked. Perhaps it was about time they met the real Liz anyway.

  ___________

  Liz grabbed her windbreaker, whistled for the dogs, and headed for the beach. She needed space. Needed air. Needed a drink.

  Needed to throw her phone in the water.

  Because right now she wanted nothing better than to call Laurence Broadhurst back and tell him exactly where he could go and how long he could stay there.

  Diggory and Jasper raced over the sand after seagulls and Liz slowed her pace. She had to think. Breathe. Make her brain work logically. The texts were meant to taunt her. To incite a reaction. She would not respond. But Laurence had something she needed. She wanted those pictures back. Of course, he knew that. She’d have to negotiate somehow without getting caught in his web. She’d need to be clever. Because he was too calculating, too dangerous. And she’d been fooled before.

  She stared at the numbers on her phone but couldn’t bring her shaking hands to press the buttons. A seagull screeched as it flew past, and Liz jumped, dropped her phone, and swore.

  “Hey.” Matthew was beside her, bending and reaching for her phone, picking it up to pass it back to her before she could take her next breath.

  “Thank you.” Liz pulled air into her lungs and tried to control her trembling.

  He met her eyes and studied her in silence. “I won’t ask if you’re okay, because you’re obviously not and you’ll probably try to convince me you’re fine.” A soft smile played over his face. “So I’ll just say if you need to talk, I’m here.”

  A half-laugh, half-cry caught in her throat, embarrassment prickling her cheeks. She turned and began walking down the beach. He fell into step beside her with a low chuckle. Liz stopped short. “What’s so funny?”

  “Oh, nothing. I was just thinking it sounds as though you’ve had about as crappy a day as me so far.” His open gaze did something to her soul. Spoke into hers somehow and said he was a man who could be trusted. A man who would not hurt her. Who would listen and not judge. Who might even take care of her if she’d let him. And yet . . . fear warned her not to get too close.

  “Sorry to hear that.” She pushed her hair back and tried to smile. “I guess I got a little carried away in there. My sister brings out the worst in me.” Where did that come from?

  “Really?”

  Liz shoved her hands in the pockets of her windbreaker and sighed. “I don’t know. I always feel like she’s . . .” What? “I feel like she can do no wrong, and I’m always the mean big sister.” Because that didn’t sound childish at all.

  “I doubt anyone thinks that,” he replied with a laugh. “Sibling relationships are rarely uncomplicated.” He set his bag down and pulled out a camera. Focused on the ocean and snapped a few shots. Liz shivered at the sound. It still had the power to draw her right back into the school’s art studio, the room dark, the door locked. Even after all these years, she could still hear his voice, coaxing her to undo another button on her blouse. And then another. Not that she’d needed much coaxing once his hands had finally found their way beneath her blouse, his mouth close to hers, whispering promises she was stupid enough to believe.

  “Tell me about it.” She tried not to sound on the edge of a nervous breakdown. “And I’m blessed with four of them.” She took a few steps sideways. “I feel like I’ve spent my life trying to get away from all this. And now I’m right back in the middle of it.”

  Click, click, click. “I always wanted a big family,” Matthew’s quiet voice wrapped around her. “I ended up getting one in a way, by default. My best friend back in Boston, Pat O’Donohue. Six of them all together, and his parents kind of adopted me into the clan. You wanna talk crazy, you should see the lot of them all in one room.” He faced her, pointed the camera her way.

  Liz’s hand shot out before she could stop it.

  “Easy.” Matthew stepped back, lowering the camera, a thousand questions standing in his eyes. Her cell buzzed from her pocket, a reminder that she’d never be free from past mistakes. Not really.

  Answer me, Liz, or I swear I’ll . . . She could almost hear Laurence’s voice, threatening, that hard stare piercing her. Could feel his hand sliding up her arm, across her shoulder and around her neck, pressing down with the hint of heightened pressure until she gave in. Gave him what he wanted. And hated herself for letting a man wield his power over her again.

  “Elizabeth?” Matthew narrowed his eyes as her cell buzzed again. “Somebody’s being awful persistent.”

  “I know. My ex.” She laughed and tried to pretend it was nothing.

  “You don’t want to talk to him.”

  Genius. “I . . . can’t.” Her heart raced harder and, suddenly, she needed to run. She took off at a clip, running down the beach, not caring if Matthew followed or not.

  twenty-two

  Salt spray stuck to her cheeks and joined the tears that streamed down her face. Her breath came hard and fast, and eventually she slowed, her white KEDs filled with cold, wet sand. She sank down, dumped the sand out of her sneakers, and put them back on. Then she pulled her knees up and buried her face in her arms. How long had it been since she’d really cried? Allowed herself to grieve for the horrors she’d gone through as a young girl, and then the nightmare she’d lived more recently. She’d forced it all from her mind, believing it was the easier way. The safer way. Forget it ever happened. Move on.

  But she hadn’t given herself any time to heal.

  The sessions she’d had with the therapist in town told her that. The pain that surfaced was too much, too suffocating. After enduring a few weeks, she hadn’t gone back.

  She sensed Matthew’s presence beside her. Heard him sink to the sand, his steady breathing somehow slowing hers. And before she could raise her head to warn him away, he’d wrapped an arm around her shoulders. A moment later she felt the vibration of her phone again. And again. She shuddered and kept her face down, another sob sticking in her throat.

  “Give it to me.”

  She obeyed in silence and watched as he turned it off and passed it back to her.

  “You and I, we’re not that different, you know.” His voice thrummed around her, winding its way in, lifting her chin and forcing her to look at him.

  “How’s that?” She sniffed and wiped her eyes.

  Sunlight sparkled off the sea and shimmered in his eyes. “We like to pretend we can handle things we’ve got no business trying to. Not on our own.”

  “You think?” Liz managed a smile. “And you thought I was the perceptive one.”

  He lifted a shoulder, a half-grin fading too fast. “I don’t know exactly what you’ve been through. I can guess, and I’d probably be right. But I do know if you answer those messages, if you call him back, you’ll give in. Because you’re not as strong as you think you are.”

  Liz nodded, staring at the blank screen on her phone. “I thought he would leave me alone,” she whispered. “I thought once I left him, left New York, it would be over. I need it to be over.” She swung her gaze toward him, eyes burning.

  Matthew cupped her face, the unexpected gesture warm and comforting. He wiped her tears with the base of his thumbs. “I’m sorry you’ve been hurt, Elizabeth.”

  “Thank you.” She could barely get the words out. “Some would say I deserved what I got. Deserved the abuse because I let it happen. I didn’t stop it. I didn’t get help. I stayed.”

  His ragged sigh and the spark of anger in his eyes said enou
gh. “Whatever he did to you, you did not deserve it. Nobody deserves that.” Under normal circumstances, his closeness would have alarmed her. But it didn’t. He didn’t. He made her feel safe. And she didn’t know what to do with that.

  “Of course I know that. I’m a smart, educated woman. I should know better. I should have walked away the first time he hurt me. Any woman in her right mind would have. But I didn’t.” She released a shuddering sigh. “There is something seriously wrong with my head.”

  Matthew gave a slow smile. “It’s not always that simple. And there’s nothing wrong with you.” He drew back, stretched his legs out, and clasped his hands together.

  Liz missed his touch the moment it was gone. She lowered her gaze and bit her bottom lip. This was ridiculous. She barely knew him. The last thing she needed right now was to complicate her life with another relationship that would only end in disaster. Whatever these crazy feelings were that stirred whenever she was around this man, they needed to stop.

  “Wouldn’t it be nice if life were easy?” She wound her thumbs and watched the waves roll in. For a few moments, the sound of the sea was all she heard.

  “Sure. But it’s not.” Matthew spoke again, drawing her eyes back to his. “And sometimes it’s harder than we ever imagined.” He played with the camera strap around his neck. “My sister was in an abusive relationship. For years. I begged her not to marry the guy, but . . . Rach rarely took advice from anyone, especially me. They got married and moved across the country. Mia was just a little kid. By the time she and Mia came back to Boston last year, the damage had been done. And Mia . . . probably got the worst of it.” He stopped his words and looked away, digging his shoes into the sand.

  Nausea balled in her throat as Liz realized the implications of what he’d said. “Oh, Matthew, no.” She remembered Mia talking about her stepfather the night she’d come over. Liz closed her eyes against the thoughts. “Did he . . .?”

  “I think so.” He looked at her again, his eyes shimmering with moisture. “She hasn’t said. But my gut tells me it’s true. All the signs are there. I’ve just been pushing it away. Hoping it didn’t happen. I’m pretty good at pushing away the past too.” His smile was sad. “But then this morning . . .” He inhaled and let out a shaky sigh. “My parents sat me down for a chat. My mother found a razor-blade in the bathroom. They think . . . we think . . .”

  “She’s cutting?” Liz put a hand on his arm. She’d wondered as much. Wondered at the extent of Mia’s issues, her attitude, her fears. “I’ve seen it before in a few families. One kid was doing it because they thought it was cool, but the others . . . they did it to escape the pain.”

  “I don’t know what to do,” he said hoarsely. “I’m a teacher. We’re trained, told how to handle this kind of situation if we suspect a student to be self-harming. But when it’s family . . .” He groaned and ground out a curse. “I haven’t seen any evidence, marks or anything.”

  “Hmm. And you don’t think it strange that she always wears long sleeves?”

  “Does she?”

  Typical man. Liz gave a sad smile. “Yes, from what I’ve seen. Even when we had that warm spell a couple weeks back. Evy and I remarked on it. She could also be doing it on her legs. The inside thigh, where nobody sees.”

  He gave another low groan. “How do I deal with this?”

  “Well.” Liz thought for a moment. Who was she to give anyone advice about emotional trauma? She’d spent half her life running from it. “I think you have to deal with it the same way you would if it was a student. Obviously she needs professional help. You know that.”

  “Yes.”

  “And most of all, she needs to know she’s safe. That’s she’s loved. And you’re already doing that.” She squeezed his arm, and he turned her way again, pain simmering in his eyes.

  “I’m trying. She doesn’t make it easy.”

  Liz laughed and shook her head. “Maybe not, but you’re doing it anyway. You adore her. I could see that the very first day we met. She’s a lucky girl.” Liz swallowed her words. “I mean . . . all kids should have an uncle like you.” Right. That’d work.

  “Huh.” A sudden smile lit his eyes and chased off the sadness. “I need to talk to her for sure, but I’m scared of setting her back. She’s been pretty good attitude-wise lately. She’s even opening up a bit with my folks, which I never thought would happen. I think you’ve played a part in that.”

  “Me?”

  “I know you guys talk at the gallery. You go out of your way to be nice to her, Elizabeth. She trusts you. She would never have called you the other night if she didn’t.”

  Tears pricked and Liz blinked them away. “Matthew, I’m really not a nice person. What you witnessed in there this afternoon? That’s pretty much the real me.”

  He nudged her shoulder. “Maybe you’re not giving yourself a chance because you’re too afraid of being hurt.”

  “Maybe you have no idea what you’re talking about,” she muttered, not really meaning it.

  He leaned in a little, his lips perilously close to hers. “I think I might be right where you’re concerned.” Was he actually going to kiss her?

  “Don’t . . .” Oh, she couldn’t. Couldn’t let this happen. Wouldn’t.

  “Don’t what?” He sat back again, eyes narrowing in confusion.

  “Um, nothing.” Way to be a complete idiot. She wanted to hightail it back to the house as fast as possible, yet she sat there, staring at him, wishing for things she didn’t deserve.

  He brushed hair off his forehead and produced a smile that threatened to split her heart in two. “You can trust me, Elizabeth. I hope you know that.”

  She nodded, aching now with the need for connection. To simply be held in a man’s arms, no strings, no expectations. But if she shared those thoughts, it would end. This strange friendship between them. Because the physical desire would overtake everything and ruin it all. Just like it always did.

  Liz scrambled to her feet. “I should get back. You can stay. Do . . . whatever you do with that thing.”

  He rose with a slow chuckle, and the spell she’d fallen under was broken. “Are you going to be okay?”

  Her hand felt for her phone and her heart clenched. “Eventually, sure. Today? Not so much.”

  His sigh said he understood her perfectly. “This moving on thing isn’t for sissies.”

  “Got that right.” She smiled, curiosity poking her. “Is that why you moved to Nantucket? To get away from something?”

  Matthew pushed sand around with the top of his deck shoe, eyes focused on the frigate far out to sea. “Sort of. Both our lives got turned upside down with Rachel’s arrest. Rachel asked me to become Mia’s legal guardian after her sentencing. There was no one else. Mia was getting in trouble, a lot. We were having a hard time adjusting to living together. And my girlfriend didn’t appreciate a sullen teenager giving her the evil eye every time she came over.”

  “Ouch.” Liz made a face and he laughed.

  “Sadly, I didn’t miss her much after we broke up. I doubt it would have lasted even without Mia in the picture. But yeah, I guess you could say I came here to get away. To start over. I just hope I don’t end up regretting it.”

  “I know what you mean. Starting over is . . . well, kind of terrifying. And I think I’ll steer clear of romantic relationships from now on.”

  He looked surprised. “Not even if the right guy came along?”

  “I don’t believe there is such a thing as ‘the right guy,’” she scoffed. “Besides which, I’m not datable.” They really didn’t need to go further with this conversation. Liz began a slow walk back toward the house

  The barest of smiles raced over his mouth. “Explain.”

  Well, if he really wanted to know. “I have trust issues.”

  He grinned again. “That’s a given. And you’ve said you’re kind of a witch. Anything else?”

  Oh, he made her laugh. “I have expensive taste.”

  �
�Okay. Not shocked.”

  “I don’t like flowers and sappy cards that really don’t say anything.”

  “Blech.” His horrified expression made her giggle.

  “I’m not all that fond of children.” Okay, she threw that in to put him off. “And I have a brown belt in taekwondo.”

  “Seriously?” His grin faded.

  “Yep. And I don’t have any friends. Oh, and I hate having my picture taken. So don’t ask. Ever.”

  “I think I need to write all this down.” Humor jumped in his eyes. “Okay, so definitely not dateable. But you’re wrong about the friends.”

  “No.” She gave her head a firm shake. “Not a one. Promise.”

  “I’m your friend.”

  Oh.

  Her eyes began to burn again and Liz pushed back annoying emotion. “You might live to regret that.” She sighed and pulled fingers through her windblown hair. “Matthew, I’m an emotional train wreck waiting to happen. The last thing I want is to inflict my crazy on anyone, nice guy or not.” She watched his eyes shift slightly, processing her words.

  “I think you’re a very smart woman, Elizabeth.” He hesitated and then gave her that smile again, the one she was starting to look forward to seeing whenever he was near. “Would it be all right if I call you sometime and ask if you’re up for a drink or a cup of coffee? With your friend. Who happens to think you’re pretty great, by the way, and would very much like to learn more about you and all your issues.”

  She arched a brow and let go a long whistle. “I think you might be a little crazy too.”

  He chuckled and lifted his arms above his head in a noisy stretch. “Probably why we seem to get along so well.”

  “I suppose coffee with a friend couldn’t hurt.” Liz allowed a smile and felt a little of the day’s anxiety float away. “Matthew . . . thanks for being one of the good guys.”

  His eyes crinkled with laughter. “We’re a dying breed.”

  “That you are.” She turned on her heel and swung her sneakers by the laces, a feeling she hardly recognized warming her all the way through. “You’ve got my number then, friend.” She picked up her paced and headed toward home.