Breaking Him

by Sherilee Gray

  “I can remember hiding in the cornfields, my mother screaming for him to quit hurting her… I used to hear them all the time, Abi, those screams. Long after both of them were gone. They’d echo through my mind when I closed my eyes.” His eyes drifted shut for a moment, then they were back on me. “You made them go away, angel, you did that… Jesus, you made me feel human again.”

  “Elijah,” I choked out. I tried to scoot across the seat, to get closer to him, but he shook his head. I bit my lip and stayed where I was, but it hurt not to touch him. “Eli, please. What’s going on?” Though I thought I already knew, and it was tearing me apart inside.

  He held my gaze. There was so much behind his dark eyes, so much anguish, it was hard to keep looking at him. He reached out and brushed his thumb over my cheek. “You can’t love me, Abigail.”

  My breath seized in my chest. “What?”

  “This…” He pointed to the rundown cottage that was once his home. “This is where I come from. It’s what I am…and it’s all they’ll ever see.” He kept touching my face. “Cassie was right. I’m no good for you. I never was, and I never will be. I’ll only fail you…just like I failed my mother.”

  “No.” The word exploded from my mouth, and I shook my head. “You were just a little boy. You didn’t fail anyone…and I don’t care what they think… I—”

  “Everyone in this town loves you. You’ve suffered enough pain in your life already, losing both your parents. After what you’ve given me, I can’t stand by and watch them make you an outcast as well. Do nothing while they turn their backs on you. I won’t.”

  I reached up, gripped his wrist, and held on tight. “I don’t care what any of them think. I don’t care about any of them…”

  “Someone as bright and beautiful as you…” He cleared his throat. “I won’t be the reason the sunshine fades in your eyes, sweetheart. I never want you to go through what you did in town again, not because of me. You love people. You love your friends. You’ll lose every one of them, all the people you care about, if you’re with me. You need to deny it…”

  “No!”

  “Abi…”

  “No,” I said again. “You can’t tell me not to love you. You can’t.” My heart ached like it was cracking in my chest. “You mean more to me than all of them put together. I promised. I promised you I wouldn’t let them tear us apart, and I meant every word.”

  He didn’t answer, stayed quiet at my side for the longest time. His silence saying more than any words could. We were at an impasse. He wasn’t backing down, and neither was I.

  Finally, he started the truck and we headed for home.

  It took every ounce of strength I had not to fall to pieces. Not to crawl into his lap, wrap myself around him, and never let go. He hadn’t said it, but in my gut I knew he was planning to leave Deep River. For me. Because he had some misguided notion that it was for the best, that my life would be better without him. Just the idea of his leaving, of never seeing him again…of not waking up every morning to Eli by my side, shredded me. Broke me. I couldn’t…I wouldn’t allow it.

  I’d told him I loved him, but the man still didn’t fully understand what that meant to me.

  But he would.

  And if I couldn’t convince him to stay…

  I’d leave it all behind. I’d go with him.

  Chapter Fourteen

  I stared out the window. A few clouds were dotting the sky, but that bright sun was still there, beating down. I dropped the lace curtain and went to my closet. A storm was gathering, I felt it in my bones. But there was no way it could match the one stirring inside me. Elijah and I had spent the night together, but he was still being quiet, distant, and it was tearing me apart. All evening I’d caught him watching my every move, that silent contemplation, that deep longing in his eyes—those goddamn lips firmly shut. I hated it.

  If he thought I’d just let him walk out of my life without a fight, he had another think coming.

  I slipped my feet in my yellow flip-flops, straightened my favorite white sundress, then dragged a brush through my hair. I was on a mission this morning, and Elijah was coming along for the ride, whether he wanted to or not.

  I strode out of the house toward the truck and, opening the driver’s door, flung my bag in. As expected, Eli stopped working on the fence he was repairing a short distance away, dropped his tools, and headed toward me.

  I offered up a bright smile as he neared.

  He motioned to the truck. “What are you doing?”

  “Heading into town.” My heart started beating a little faster, but I refused to let him see how nervous I was.

  His brow scrunched. “Why?”

  “I forgot a few things the other day.”

  He reached out, hand going to my hip, fingers curling into the fabric, like he could physically stop me from going. I guess he could, if he really wanted to. Well, he could try, anyway.

  “What things?” He was frowning now.

  Um…crap. I hadn’t thought that far. “Women’s things,” I blurted.

  He pulled his T-shirt from the back of his jeans, where he’d tucked it after taking it off, and dragged it over his head. “I’m coming with you.”

  I knew he wouldn’t let me go alone; I’d been counting on it. He was far too protective for that. “You don’t have to do that,” I fake-protested.

  “You’re not facing those people on your own.”

  He led me to the passenger side, and I climbed in. His cap was still on backward, and when he got behind the wheel, I couldn’t stop sneaking peeks at him. He was so damn handsome, even when he was frowning, full lips held in an unforgiving line. He was worried for me, and I understood why. Yes, a lot of people cared about me in Deep River. They loved me, and they’d loved my dad. They also knew I didn’t suffer fools. Not only were a lot of these people friends, we’d done business together. They knew I had a good head on my shoulders, that I was a decent judge of character. I didn’t know what would happen today. Eli and me going to town together could make everything worse, but my theory was the more they saw us together—the more they saw how much he cared for me, how much we cared for each other—the sooner they’d get over it and eventually accept it.

  I was doing this for Elijah, not me, and sure as hell not them.

  He needed his mind put to rest that I wouldn’t lose anyone because of him. At least anyone worth holding on to. I hoped like hell I could show him we could weather this. I just needed one person to act like a civilized human being toward us. Just one.

  Tension radiated from him. He was unhappy about this, worried for me. I equally loved and hated it.

  We finally reached Deep River, and I pointed to a parking spot in the dead center of town. Market days had everyone crawling out of the woodwork, and it was no different today. The street was busy, lined with stalls, and already a few people had spotted the truck and had stopped to look at us.

  He shook his head. “Why don’t we park a little farther down the street?”

  “Here’s fine.”

  Still frowning, he did as I said, then climbed out, coming around to open my door. He was on guard, in full-on protection mode. He moved in behind me, keeping a little ways back, doing his best to curb talk while trying to act as my own personal bodyguard. I wasn’t having any of it. Nope. I ignored my racing pulse, and as soon as we hit the sidewalk, I reached out and grabbed his hand, leaning into his side.

  He froze and looked down at me. “What the hell are you doing, Abi?”

  I shrugged. “Holding my boyfriend’s hand, what does it look like?”

  His Adam’s apple slid up and down his neck. “Angel,” he choked out, “don’t do this.”

  People had stopped to stare, not even trying to hide it. I smiled and waved, greeting people as I usually did. Most mumbled a reply. I held my breath, waiting to see what Eli would do. If he’d pull away and deny us to protect me, or if he’d face these people with me and show them we didn’t care what they thought�
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  He gripped my hand tighter, and I glanced up at him. He held my gaze, his eyes searching, conflicted. For a split second I thought he might pull away, but then he took a step forward—and we started to stroll down the street together, moving deeper into the crowd.

  We’d only gone a little ways when Jack Elders, the man who’d bought two horses off us, walked up.

  He shook our hands. “Elijah, Abigail, nice to see you both.” There was a softness in his eyes when he looked at me, and I had to blink back tears of gratitude. “Thought I’d let you know how well those horses have settled in. You have a magic touch, Elijah Hays. My daughter’s taken a shine to the mare. Not sure how much ranch work she’ll be doing now that Emily’s claimed her.”

  Eli offered one of his subtle grins. “That doesn’t surprise me. She’s got a gentle soul. I’m sure she’s just as taken with Emily.”

  Jack’s smile widened. “Think you might be right there.”

  After Jack moved on, things changed, just a little, but they definitely changed. People weren’t just staring, they were assessing. There was no way to miss the way Elijah guided me through the crowd, his protectiveness. The way he looked at me, the affection in his eyes. I pulled him to a stop in front of one of the vegetable stalls, making a show of picking out some tomatoes. If people were going to get used to us, they needed to see us together. Eli was uncomfortable, but his shoulders had relaxed a fraction. The Deep River knitting club had a table set up next to the vegetables, and several eyes were now aimed our way.

  A chair scraped and Mrs. Chambers, a member of the club, stood and rounded the table, coming right over to us. She was old as dirt and highly respected in the town. She knew everyone, was sweet, quiet, and extremely kindhearted. So when she looked up at Eli and shook her head, I had no idea what to expect, what she might say.

  A tight knot coiled in my belly.

  “You always were a big boy,” she said, grinning when Elijah’s eyes widened. “I knew your mama, son, since she was just a girl. She loved you with all her heart.”

  Elijah stilled beside me. I squeezed his hand.

  “She was a good woman, ended up with the wrong man is all.” She shook her head and laid her hand on his forearm. “There are a lot of flapping jaws at the moment, but I don’t want you to listen to them.”

  Eli was frozen beside me, and I edged in closer, trying to offer him support. Several people were openly listening now, and with the respect this woman had around here, what she said next could help or hinder my cause.

  “You’ve got none of him in you,” she said gently. “None. You’ve got your mama’s eyes and her heart. I’ve known that since you were a boy. You probably don’t remember this, but I used to watch you sometimes. Always so sweet and gentle, kind to others. Glad to see you finally happy, Elijah Hays.” Then she walked away, returning to her knitting group.

  We both stood there stunned for several seconds. The quiet that had grown around us was slowly being submerged in chatter again. Some people moved on; others continued to stare and whisper.

  Still holding Elijah’s hand, I led him away from the thickest part of the crowd. When we had some space, I turned to him.

  He was still stunned; Mrs. Chambers’s words had hit home. Had been exactly what he’d needed to hear.

  “See,” I whispered. “It’s going to be okay.” Not everyone in this town would accept him—accept us together. It would take time, more people like Jack and Mrs. Chambers. But that didn’t matter, not to me. I’d find out who my true friends were, and the rest…I was better off without them.

  “Why did you come to town, angel?” he asked.

  “To show these people how much I love you, that we’re a package deal…and to prove to you that your place is here, with me.” I lifted his hand and kissed his scarred knuckles. “That not everyone is against us.”

  “And if your plan didn’t work?” His voice was so deep now, I felt it as much as heard it.

  I looked up at him, staring into those gorgeous eyes. “Then I planned on selling and going with you. I’d follow you to the other side of the world if I had to.”

  I could tell he was struggling to find something to say, so I lifted up on my tiptoes, wrapped my arms around his neck, and dragged him down for a kiss. His arms banded around me instantly, lifting me off the pavement as he straightened, and he kissed me back in front of everyone.

  When he lifted his head, he murmured against my lips, “I love you, too, Abigail Smith.”

  …

  We were close to home, and the cab of the truck was electric. God, I was almost vibrating.

  If I had my way, we would have pulled over already and I would have ravished him on the side of the road. But he’d turned me down flat when I’d tried to convince him. He wanted to take his time, he’d said.

  I thought I might die if he didn’t touch me. Now.

  Something splatted against the windshield…

  “Is that…?” Another splat, then another followed. “It’s rain, Elijah!” I whooped and did a happy dance in my seat. “Finally!”

  I was still dancing around excitedly when we reached home. Eli shoved the door open and was out before the truck finished rocking. He rounded the front, yanked my door open, and lifted me out. I wrapped my arms around him, and he kissed me.

  The rain was pouring now, running over the cracked, dry earth, soaking into our clothes. When he lifted his head, I flung mine back and laughed. We were soaked by the time we made a break for the barn.

  Hazy light filtered in through the small window, and the rain pounding against the tin roof was the only sound I could hear above our laughter. We reached for each other at the same time, tearing at our clothes, too desperate to even make it up the stairs to Eli’s room.

  We were both naked, skin slick and slippery in minutes. Eli tugged an old picnic blanket off the rack beside us and threw it on the floor. We went down together in a heap. His large body covered mine, his powerful thighs shoving mine apart, then his heavy cock was there, right where I needed him. He tilted his hips back, taking my mouth as he slid inside me.

  His lips never left mine; even when we weren’t kissing our mouths were touching.

  “Tell me you love me,” I rasped.

  We were sliding, writhing against each other. “I love you, angel. More than anything or anyone in this world.” His grip tightened. “You’re mine and I’m yours and nothing…nothing will ever change that. You made me whole, sweetheart. You’ve given me everything.”

  The beautiful fierceness he communicated in his declaration had me crying out. He pounded into me harder, and all I could do was hold on, chanting that I loved him, too.

  Then I was tipping over the edge, still wrapped in his arms.

  He stayed planted deep inside me, mouth against mine, swallowing my cries as he fed me his groans, coming hard.

  When we both stilled, he rested his forehead against mine. “Thank you, angel, for giving me you.”

  I wrapped my arms tighter around him, smoothing my hands over his wide back. “You don’t need to thank me,” I whispered. “I was always meant to be yours.”

  Then he kissed me and started moving, slow and easy, making love to me again.

  Epilogue

  Two years later

  I stood on the porch, sipping my tea and watching Eli in the field with our new farmhand. He was young, but Eli had recognized the boy’s affinity with horses as soon as he saw him with one. He was moving into Eli’s old place above the barn on the weekend so Elijah could start training him.

  Since Elijah and I had gotten together, a lot of things had changed, so much so that it sometimes boggled my mind. The business had expanded. Now we not only trained horses, but we bred them, too. We’d taken on several new hands, and the place was thriving. In only a short time, we’d almost paid off our mortgage, and I knew without a doubt we’d survive any future curveballs Mother Nature threw at us. And thankfully, for not just us but everyone in this town, we no longer ha
d to worry about Connor Jacobson. The manager of Deep River Bank had recently retired and moved away. I’m pretty sure the move had more to do with Earl Thompson threatening to string him up after catching him cheating with his wife. But whatever the reason, we were happy to see the back of him.

  It also hadn’t taken long for Cassie and Garrett to come around. Eli had won them over with his quiet strength and unwavering loyalty. They’d seen the way he was with me, the way we felt about each other. It was hard to miss.

  And now when we went into town, Eli got the respect he deserved. Yeah, there were still people who were wary of him, refusing to let go of his past, but they were the minority. And those people didn’t matter to either of us.

  He handed a bucket to the new farmhand and glanced up, catching my eye, and I could see, even from this distance, a smile curl his lips. He smiled a lot now, too. All the time. And every time he aimed that smile at me, I felt it right down to my bones. He said something to the boy beside him, then headed my way, long legs eating up the distance. I couldn’t take my eyes off him. He was magnificent in every way.

  When he finally hit the steps, I put down my tea and waited for him to reach me. He pulled me into his arms, one of those beautiful work-roughened hands dropping to my belly, cradling my baby bump.

  “That was a short nap,” he murmured against my hair.

  I covered his hand with mine. “This little guy decided to do some line dancing.”

  “Our boy would never line dance.”

  We’d found out the baby’s sex, and going by the size of me, he took after his father. “Just because you don’t like to dance doesn’t mean our son won’t.”

  He pulled me closer and swayed from side to side. “Who says I don’t like to dance?”

  “Getting you to dance at our wedding was like pulling teeth.”

  “We have our own special dance, angel.” There was a little growl to his voice. “When we’re alone, and you’re naked.”

  I shivered. “Stop it. You know what I’m like at the moment.” He only had to look at me and I jumped him. All this touching and growling and talking about our “own special dance” was doing things to me.