Atonement (Love Undercover Book 3)

by LK Shaw

  The skin on my lower back burned from the touch of his palms against it. My core throbbed in time to my racing pulse. I ground my pelvis against the hard ridge of his cock, wanting the friction. My frantic movements ignited a need inside Preston and what started out as a simple kiss turned explosive.

  He speared a hand through my hair, holding tight, to give him the leverage he needed to tilt my head and deepen the kiss. His tongue was no longer playful. Instead, the power behind his kiss made my legs tremble, and if not for his strong arms holding me tightly, I may have crumbled. But no way was he letting me fall. I was right where he’d been fighting to get me this last month. At his mercy.

  Breathless, he pulled back to stare at me, his eyes nearly losing all the brown, and into a forest green.

  “What do you want, Landon?”

  My forehead crinkled. I wasn’t sure what he was asking me.

  “Two years ago, you wanted me to take your pain away. What do you want now?”

  The confusion cleared. As though he'd read my mind, he wanted me to acknowledge that there was more to this need I had for him. If that was what he wanted, I would give it to him.

  “Only you.”

  After the words were out, I stared deep into his eyes so he could read the truth in mine. His expression shifted to one of determination. Keeping a tight grip on me, Preston walked me backwards until the back of my knees hit the bed. He released me, and with a gentle push they buckled and my butt hit the mattress. I tilted my head back to keep my eyes locked on his.

  “You have me. Which also means I have you. They go hand in hand, so you better be sure.”

  His words of warning made me nervous and the hairs on my neck stood at attention. Pushing them aside for now, I drew on some newly discovered confidence and reached out to undo his jeans before sliding them down his legs. His erection jutted out through his boxer briefs. I slid my fingers along the elastic band, grazing his stomach, and he sucked in his breath with a hiss. I tugged those down as well and his hard cock bobbed, the purplish head gleaming with a drop of wetness. He gripped the bottom of his shirt and pulled it up over his head before stepping one foot out of his pants and kicking them away with the other. His shirt was tossed away.

  I scooted backward up to the head of the bed, and like a predator spotting his prey, he set a knee on the bed and stalked toward me, his body separating my legs so he could settle in between them. I'd seen the ink across his chest and arms before, but not like this. My eyes landed on the name on his right pec. My fingers traced it, and he flinched.

  “Is that your mother?”

  “Yes,” he answered in the gravelly voice of his.

  “I’m sorry.”

  He shrugged, but I saw the pain in his eyes and heard it in his voice. “It was a long time ago.”

  “Time doesn’t make the ache go away. It’s always there, hovering just below the surface, poking and prodding at us as though trying to keep the memory fresh and the pain constant."

  “Yeah, that’s exactly what it’s like.”

  I leaned up and pressed a light kiss to the tattoo before lying back. Preston’s arms caged my head, and he dipped down to crush his lips to mine. He took control, lashing his tongue against mine before nipping my bottom lip and then moving down. He nibbled and sucked his way to both breasts, pulling each hardened tip into the hot cavern of his mouth, gently grinding his teeth around my turgid nipple.

  Pleasure shot through me and my thighs were slick with wetness that shot from me with the tiny bit of pain his bite caused. I cried out at the feel of his fingers gathering my juice and circling my clit matching the movements of his tongue around my breast. Pressure was building deep inside me and my clit throbbed and tingled, the nerves sparking pleasure. With a few flicks of his thumb, my body couldn't contain the sensations. My body thrashed, the orgasm ripped through me faster than I expected. Preston didn't let up, he only rubbed harder sending more shockwaves through me until I gasped and screamed through a second. He pulled his fingers away, and before I could catch my breath, he thrust home.

  He didn't move, merely let me get used to the feel of him. My muscles clenched down, and he groaned, shifting a little, which sent a tiny spasm through me. He raised his head and our eyes met in the brightness of the room. I was far too tired to put on the mask I always tried to wear. Every emotion was laid bare for him to witness. I showed him all my fears. Judging by the fierce glow in his eyes, he would soothe all of them away. The defenses I’d built around my heart, for nearly my entire life, cracked just a little. I tried not to jerk at the pinch of unease it brought.

  Even though Preston had given me two orgasms already, my body was still buzzing. His throbbing cock continued to keep me on edge. My fingers gripped his arms tightly. Courage.

  "Make love to me," I said, my voice strong and sure.

  As though that was all he'd been waiting for, he began to move. Slowly at first, but gaining strength, until his thrusts became punishing. My legs circled his waist, and I latched my ankles together.

  “Harder,” I begged, my words choked.

  I sucked in a breath as he did just that. There was an edge of pain to the pleasure, and I wanted more of it. It hurt so good and soon that same throbbing tension built. Preston changed angles and with each powerful thrust, he scraped across my clit. It only took a few more hard pushes and my nails dragged down his back as ecstasy soared through me once again. I bit down on his shoulder, smothering my scream. He increased his pace and then his roar echoed in my ear and the warm splash of his seed filled me up.

  My whole body trembled. I managed to untangle my legs from around him, and Preston collapsed onto his back, his harsh breathing matching mine. He turned his head toward me and just watched me without a word. I swallowed the lump forming in my throat. Courage.

  Our breaths slowed and a shiver ghosted across my skin in the cold air. Preston pulled the covers over us but didn't get up to shut off the light.

  Apparently my courage only extended so far, because I couldn't put into words what I was feeling. So I stayed quiet. He glanced at me again, and his eyes had lost their bright, fiery sheen. Was I disappointing him? Probably, but I was nearly drowning in new and fucking scary emotions. They were too fresh. I hoped he'd understand why I just...couldn't.

  He sighed and then pulled me against his chest, tucking me under his shoulder. I cuddled closer and laid my hand directly over his heart. It was the closest I could come to showing him how I felt. Despite the bright, overhead light, the day finally caught up with me, and I closed my eyes trusting Preston to keep my nightmares away.

  Chapter 16

  A slow tug of awareness brought me out of sleep. I rolled over, eyes still closed, dragging the sheet with me. The scent of lavender and vanilla came with it. Landon. Last night came rushing back to me. My eyes opened to find an empty bed and equally empty room. It stung, but I shouldn’t have expected anything different.

  I was trying to be patient. I didn’t want to fuck this up by pushing her too hard. We’d had a breakthrough last night. At least it felt like one. There was so much she still held back. Then again, Landon had proved she was nothing if not stubborn.

  Reluctance and need warred within me. The same compulsion that always came over me to see her made its presence known. But I was also reluctant, because it seemed like every time I saw her again, it was like I had to start all over. I’d wear her down and slowly her acceptance of me came. The longer we were together, the easier things between us were.

  But the second I left, it was like she forgot and quickly rebuilt some internal wall. I wanted to knock the damn thing down entirely, but that wasn’t my decision. She needed to be the one who stopped putting it up in the first place.

  As tempting as it was to stay in here and wait to see if she came to me, I couldn’t. I climbed out of the bed and headed into the master bath. After splashing some water on my face, I walked back into the bedroom. My clothes lay rumpled on the floor where I’d dropped them la
st night. Quickly throwing them back on, I went in search of Landon.

  Two familiar voices, one feminine, the other masculine, stopped me the second I stepped into the living room.

  “What the fuck? Preston?” That was my brother.

  “Shit.” And that was Landon.

  My gaze landed on Brody first. His expression was a combination of confusion and rage. Both, of which, I could understand. I expected them, because this thing between Landon and me wasn’t going stay secret forever. No matter how I’d tried to throw him off track yesterday.

  My eyes darted over to the woman in question. My heart sank at her expression. The horror and mortification I got. But that flash of…shame? That one hurt, especially after yesterday.

  “One of you needs to tell me what’s going on. Now,” Brody bit out the word.

  My gaze hadn’t left Landon’s. Neither of us spoke, as though daring the other to go first. I wanted to hear how she was going to explain this.

  Us.

  I thought last night had changed things between us. I didn’t try and hide my disappointment in her the longer she stayed silent though. I blew out a huff of air and with a shake of my head, finally answered. “Apparently nothing’s going on. Nothing at all.”

  Landon flinched at my words, but she didn’t correct me. I moved past Brody to put my shoes on. Then I grabbed my coat off the closet doorknob and shrugged into it. Brody’s gaze darted back and forth between the two of us like a tennis match. The room had grown heavy with tension and the thickening silence.

  I took one final look at her. There wasn’t anything else to say. Without waiting for my brother, I let myself out of the house, closing the door softly behind me. The bitter cold didn’t even faze me. It was stupid of me to think she’d admit to anyone else whatever this was between us. Not that I had a fucking clue what it was either. There was a connection, she’d hadn’t denied it. But sometimes it seemed like that wasn’t enough for her.

  “Preston, wait,” Brody called out.

  I stopped next to my car. Might as well get this over with. My scars burned under my coat. He finally reached me, but didn’t say anything. Just stared at me, assessing. “Why don’t we go to Mickey’s and talk.”

  He didn’t seem angry anymore. Still confused, but more curious.

  I nodded. “Fine. I’ll meet you there.”

  Mickey’s Bar was a relic from our old neighborhood. Brody and I used to walk past it every day on our way home after he’d come pick me up from school. We’d smell the stale popcorn that would sit for hours in the vintage popcorn machine that used to be parked in the corner, but in recent times had been replaced with a jukebox.

  It was dark and a little dingy inside with a few pool tables to the right of the front door. Several of them needed refelting, but the old guys playing couldn’t care less about the few scattered tears here and there. They weren’t sharks or playing for money. It was merely a way for them to pass the time while they had a few drinks with their buddies.

  Grady, who stood behind the bar washing glasses, had been the bartender for as long as I could remember. His Fu Manchu had long gone to silver, and if he wasn’t sporting a shiny bald head, his hair would probably match in color. I slid into my favorite booth in the back corner. The one where, as a kid, I’d carved my initials into the wood paneling on the wall with a pocketknife.

  Within a few minutes of my arrival, Brody entered and made his way over and scooted across the tattered leather seat opposite me.

  “Want to tell me what happened back there?” There was no accusation in his question.

  “It’s a long story. Probably not one you’re going to like.”

  His lips pressed together, and he nodded. “I gathered that. I’d still like to know.”

  “A couple years ago, I was part of the construction crew making renovations on a hotel downtown. It was one of those days where the urges started to overwhelm me. I held them off as long as I could by going to the hotel bar right after my shift ended. I’d only meant to grab something to eat and maybe stay for an hour or two. I’d hoped to get them under control first.”

  “Why didn’t you call your sponsor? Find a meeting?” he asked accusingly.

  “Because I thought I could handle it myself.”

  “Preston.” Brody sighed in obvious disappointment. Ten years of relapses showed I clearly didn’t do well trying to handle it myself.

  “I know. But then I saw her.”

  He sucked in a breath. “Landon?”

  I nodded, my eyes unfocused as I pictured her that night. Blinking away the memory, I glanced back at my brother. “She was alone at the bar. Drinking. A lot. Some guy was harassing her, but I ran him off. I meant to leave then, too, but I couldn’t. Instead, I stayed there for hours watching her.”

  Brody pinched the bridge of his nose like a headache was forming.

  “I’d never seen so much pain in a person’s eyes before.” I sat for a moment, staring down at the table, my chest tight with emotion as I vividly recalled the agony in them. “We talked for a bit, about our sins. Our guilt.”

  He sucked in a sharp breath. “Did she tell you what her sins are?”

  Something in the question jerked my head up. I locked gazes with him. “No, she didn’t tell me.” My eyes narrowed. “She’s told you though, hasn’t she?”

  Brody didn’t say anything for the longest time. “Yes.”

  So, she’d told my brother her secrets. The fact that she’d shared something so personal with him left a bitter taste in my mouth. “When I woke up the next morning, she was gone. Never saw her again until that day you all rescued Estelle.”

  “Jesus, Preston.”

  Neither of us spoke for several minutes until Brody broke the silence. “Considering you were coming out of her bedroom bright and early in the morning, it looks like you’ve rekindled your…relationship.”

  My laugh was humorless. “I thought we had. Until you showed up. Every time I think I break through, she rebuilds the wall around her.”

  Brody studied me intently. “You really care about her, don’t you?”

  Did I? Two years ago, I’d felt this connection to her. Each time I saw her, it came back. Last night had only confirmed it. It made me want to know her. Not Sara. Sara had been someone who didn’t exist. I wanted to know the real her. I wanted to know Landon. Was it because I cared for her? What other reason was there?

  A sense of calm and peace settled through me at the answer. “Yeah, I do.”

  “She’s not going to make it easy on you. You know that, right?”

  This time my bark of laughter was genuine. “Why should she start now?”

  Brody joined me before he grew serious again. “Not that I think you’d ask me to, but I won’t tell you Landon’s secrets. They’re not mine to tell. Getting her to return your feelings is going to be hard. Believe me when I tell you that this fight you have ahead of you is going to be the hardest of your life. Maybe even harder than fighting your addiction.”

  I stared at my threaded fingers lying on the tabletop. “No doubt you’re right.”

  My words were followed by the sound of my phone ringing. I glanced at the screen and then at Brody. “I don’t recognize the number.”

  “Answer it,” he says.

  I swiped to answer. “Hello?”

  “Well, hello, again, Preston.”

  “Felipe, what a pleasant surprise. I figured you’d forgotten about me by now.”

  Brody jerked to attention.

  “Not at all. You made quite the impression the last time. For example, that bruise on Cruz’s jaw from that right hook.” He laughed. “He’s still pretty pissed.”

  “Like I told you that night, nobody touches me.”

  “Yes, well. Anyway. I thought we could set up a little meet and greet. You know that whole supply and demand thing you were talking about? Unless you’ve found someone else?”

  “I was running low on a few things I needed, so yeah, I had to have a chat wi
th one of my old buddies.”

  He chuckled. “You must have been desperate.”

  “Not that desperate. He and I have been friends for almost a decade.”

  “Yes, well, I’m sure that perhaps now, you and I can become friends.”

  “Maybe. If things are as good as I’ve heard, you might become my new best friend. Otherwise, I might just stick with my old one. He’s a fair priced businessman.”

  Felipe’s laugh was loud and hearty. “You think I run an unfair business.”

  “Depends.”

  “Yes, well, why don’t we set up a business meeting and you can let me know.”

  “You tell me when and where.”

  “How about tomorrow night? Say nine o’clock. There’s a small children’s park a few blocks from the club we met at. Head to the fountain on the south side of the park. A friend of mine will be conducting our business transaction on my behalf.”

  “No way. I don’t do any business with anyone I’ve never met. Thanks for wasting my time.”

  “Preston, my friend, don’t be so hasty.”

  “I was told you have the best product on the market. I’m willing to pay for it. But I’m not trusting my life to some random person. Especially if that person could be a cop.”

  “I’m sure I can persuade Cruz to meet you there.”

  I was quiet as though giving it some thought. “Fine. I’ll see Cruz tomorrow at nine.”

  After disconnecting the call, I met my brother’s gaze. “Looks like we’re in business.”

  Chapter 17