Suffocate

by Xavier Neal

She starts making demands about what to order and I let a short smile come on my face.

  I can’t believe that I’m actually going to say this to you and if you tell Erin I did I’ll deny it like a politician caught with his pants down in a motel with a hooker. But...I think she’s right. And I’m not sure what scares me more, her actually being right or me falling in love for the first time in years.

  Chapter 8

  Luke

  Shoving my key in Maxx and Logan’s front door, I call out for her as soon as I open the front door. “Maxx!”

  Normally she’s almost at the bottom of the stairs ready to go when she knows I’m taking her to an appointment. She knows how I like to be on time.

  Do you have any idea how rude it is to be late?

  Frustrated she’s not waiting, I walk quickly down the hall and peek around the corner to see if she’s sitting on their living room couch. When I notice she’s not, I back track, walk past the formal dining room and up the stairs calling out, “Maxx! Maxx! You know I hate to be—” my mouth shuts seeing the Kid and Stuart playing a video game on the upstairs living area floor.

  “Late,” the Kid finishes the sentence laughing before tossing his hands in the air. “Victory is mine! Eat that!”

  Stuart chuckles and shakes his head. “You’ve gotta be cheating.”

  “It’s called practice,” he responds at the same time Stuart looks up at me, eyes immediately falling to my lips, making my face heat.

  From just a look? What is wrong with me? Has this ever happened to you?

  “Mom’s not here.” The Kid twists his baseball cap backwards.

  When I can finally peal my eyes off of Stuart, I look at my nephew.

  Even if it’s not by blood, he will always be my nephew. Don’t question that.

  “What do you mean she’s not here?” I slide a hand in my khakis.

  “Her appointment got moved up and dad took her.”

  “Why didn’t she tell me?” I gripe pulling out my cell phone to check it, not seeing any missed messages.

  “Her cell phone is broken. Dad was supposed to text you.”

  Well that explains that. Kellar can barely remember his own name most days. I’m not surprised he forgot to send me a message. You’d think this would’ve gotten better with age. Not fucking worse.

  “I take it he didn’t,” the Kid teases as the video screen recycles a song that’s making my eye twitch.

  “Why is her phone broken?”

  “She didn’t take finding out a book was delayed for release very well.”

  Sounds about right.

  “Why are you home in the middle of the day?” I scold. “Are you playing hooky?”

  “Early release.”

  “Is that why you’re here?” I question Stuart finally making eye contact again. “To babysit?”

  “I’m 16. I don’t need a goddamn babysitter,” the Kid mumbles.

  “Watch your mouth,” my voice snips.

  “I was on this side of town. Swung by and the Kid challenged me to a Mario Kart marathon. If I would’ve known he was a video game shark, I might’ve rethought it.”

  “Not my fault you can’t hold your own,” Dean chuckles with a shrug.

  “Wanna play?” Stuart offers me the object he’s holding.

  “Oh no no no,” the Kid answers for me. “Uncle Luke doesn’t play video games.”

  “Why not?” Stuart’s blue eyes stay plastered on me. “They’re fun.”

  “Uncle Luke likes other kinds of fun.”

  Slightly offended I fold my arms across my chest, “What’s that supposed to mean? You don’t think I’m fun?” The Kid winces as he struggles to answer. “I’m fun! I took you to a concert last week!”

  “You took me to see an orchestra.”

  “That’s the same!” Stuart break outs in laughter and I grit my teeth. “Hey, it played superhero themed music.”

  “Which gave it more credit than if it hadn’t. My point is Uncle Luke, you’re a different kind of fun. Nothing wrong with that.”

  Upset I state, “I’ll play. Hand me a...a...a thing.”

  “Controller.” The Kid shakes his head.

  “That.” I point to the thing in Stuart’s hand that looks like a steering wheel.

  “Why don’t I help you the first couple rounds until you get the hang of it?” Stuart offers as I move to sit beside him. Before I have a chance to answer he opens his jean covered legs wide and pats the space between them for me to sit there.

  With a shaky breath I prepare to deny when the Kid pipes in. “You’re gonna need it. Trust me.”

  Shooting him another dirty look, I sit down between Stuart’s legs and let his arms wrap around me, placing my hands in the proper locations.

  Okay now, I’m a nurse. I should know how to breathe, but there’s something in my brain forgetting to tell something else, something should be happening. I’m not making any sense. When did that start?

  Stuart’s warm breath is next to my ear, forcing my eyes shut. “I’ll take care of you.”

  A soft snicker brings me out of my haze and I try to focus on the screen. Stuart explains the basics to me, but it doesn’t stick.

  Is this what other’s feel like when I explain the importance of proper nutrition, sugar intake, and the reason you should avoid...why do I feel like you’re drifting off on me again?

  Being in Stuart’s arms feels amazing, especially as he twists and tenses against me, the movements feeling more sexual than I’m sure they’re supposed too. My cock doesn’t understand this is not foreplay and tries to rise in my boxer briefs.

  After losing three games in a row, I snap my head at the Kid. “I think you cheat.”

  “No one loses well in this family,” he mumbles standing up at the sound of the doorbell. “I’ll answer that.”

  Dean rushes out of the room leaving the two of us alone, still wrapped in a warm embrace. Knowing I should move, but not wanting too, I take a long inhale hoping to enjoy this moment before it’s over. Without warning, I feel Stuart’s thin lips brush the back of my neck stiffening my dick completely.

  That’s. Not. Normal.

  “Is it bad, I don’t wanna let you go?”

  Struggling to speak I somehow say, “I don’t think so.”

  The ball of his tongue ring rolls around my earlobe and my eyes fall closed on a deep quiet moan. After several slow sucks he lets my ear go and whispers, “I could listen to that sound every day.” My breath catches in my throat. “I haven’t stopped thinking about the other night.”

  Swallowing my resistance to being vulnerable I reply, “Me either.”

  His lips return to my neck, this time running his tongue ring across in a long stroke before saying in what sounds like a plea, “I need you again.”

  Something inside me shifts, tugging at my heart in the process.

  I don’t think I’ve ever had someone need me like that. Want me that bad. Ever.

  Stuart’s lips leave my neck as the Kid appears again, a dainty blond in a skirt that’s much too short for the season, holding his hand.

  It may be spring, but that doesn’t mean she has to get ready to let the boy help her eggs hatch.

  “Who are you?” I protectively ask, breaking away from Stuart’s grip, feeling empty the second we’re apart.

  Are you kidding me? That’s not me. This is not me. I need to walk away. I can’t fall for someone like him. Someone who can’t keep a steady relationship. Someone who just rolls through life without being able to make solid choices. To think ahead. To think about something other than having a sex buddy. I can’t date someone like Logan. Someone like my sister. Someone like Stuart. It only ends in heartbreak and I’ve successfully avoided doing that for years.

  “Heather,” she squeaks. I fight the urge to squint at her tone.r />
  “Do your parents know she’s here?” I ask the Kid who is busy checking out her behind.

  Like father like son.

  “Dean,” I grab his attention.

  “Yeah. Heather came over to watch a movie.” He playfully wiggles his eyebrows at me.

  “In the living room,” I instruct. “Downstairs. Where hands and tongues will be visible at all times.” He drops his jaw to groan when I point and motion my finger, “Turn.” He tries to speak. “Walk.”

  “Damn it!” the Kid snaps angrily marching back down.

  “Mouth!” I call out after him.

  Stuart stands and shuts the console off. Looking over at him I sigh, “Looks like I’ll be sticking around to make sure there aren’t two women carrying baby Kellars around.”

  He chuckles and says, “I would but I have an appointment to be at.”

  “Oh.” I try to hide my disappointment. “I understand.”

  “But...” He strolls up to me. “Boy’s Night this week is at my place. Wanna join?”

  I don’t typically do Boy’s Night. I do Girl’s Night. If the choice is The Notebook or a Sport’s Bar, I choose chick flick. Bowling or nail painting, nail painting, even if Maxx wiggles too much when it’s time to paint her toes. Don’t look at me like that. I don’t like loud things. Or dirty things. Besides I’m usually working when they do Boy’s Night.

  “Um,” I start unsure of what to say. Nervously I cross my arms. “Um. I uh...don’t typically go to Boy’s Night.”

  “I know,” he replies his body now shifting closer to mine. “And I miss you every time.”

  “Is that what you say to all the guys you sleep with?” I snap.

  That wasn’t right. Why didn’t you hit my ‘not that one’ button?

  With a playful grin Stuart shakes his head. “They’ve never been invited before.” Shame covers my face red again and he smirks at me once more. “You’re adorable when you’re embarrassed.” Before I can answer he leans over, plants his warm lips on mine, and gives my top lip the softest lick. The moment I drop my mouth open to moan, his tongue softly greets mine, lingering for an invitation instead of demanding one.

  Too quickly he pulls away and gives my cheek a gentle stroke. “I hope I see you there.”

  Stuart strolls past me and down the stairs disappearing.

  That’s not what I was expecting. He’s not what I’m expecting. Hell, I’m not what I’m expecting in this situation. I don’t like not having answers about what I’m supposed to do. Losing control is not something I like. It’s not something I’m sure I can handle.

  Chapter 9

  Stuart

  “Almost late,” Sara snaps in the waiting area. “Surprise, surprise. Couldn’t get your mouth off of someone’s dick?”

  I wish it would’ve been his dick.

  “Could you pretend for thirty seconds that we were actually friends once and use that to drown out the rage that boils inside you?”

  “Could you pretend for thirty seconds that you actually enjoyed what created this thing inside of me?”

  “I didn’t,” I speak in a quieter tone. “I need you to understand that.” Sara’s face contorts to the angry one it’s typically stuck in. “What happened was a mistake. A big one. One I can never undo, but one that is bringing me something that I am opening with welcome arms.”

  “And I’m not?” She snaps a bit louder. “You act like I wanted a baby! Definitely didn’t want one by someone who would rather play butt darts than go clam diving.”

  The choice of language. Classy isn’t she? See why I wanna be around in my son’s life?

  “You’re unbelievable.”

  “For calling it like it is?” She crosses her ankles. “What you do is awful. It’s disgusting. It’s unnatural. And no matter how hard you wish the world would change, it will never accept you for your choice of lifestyle.”

  “You don’t choose who you fall in love with Sara.”

  “But clearly you can choose who you put your penis in. Same thing.”

  Frustrated I slightly turn away from her and rest my face against my balled up fist.

  “Oh, and just so we’re clear,” her voice cuts through the blood that’s thrumming through my ears. “The minute I can prove you have broken your end of the deal I will end everything you know and love. The only reason I haven’t already is because it’ll drag my name down along with yours.”

  Hatefully I ask, “Haven’t figured out how to play the complete victim yet?”

  “Oh believe me,” she spurts. “I’m working on it.”

  “Of course you are,” I mutter as they call us to the back.

  If I ask for them to check if the baby is 100% percent human or more importantly how much demon it is, think they would?

  Chapter 10

  Luke

  “You’re wearing that to Boy’s Night?” Erin judges harshly from leaning against my doorframe.

  “What’s wrong with this?” I motion at my clothing.

  “You look like you’re going to ask me do I wanna switch to Geico.”

  My face frowns as I fold my arms across my salmon colored polo.

  “This is why they don’t invite you.”

  “Because of my wardrobe?”

  “Because you say wardrobe,” Erin points at me matter of factly before strolling into my room.

  “What’s wrong with the word wardrobe?”

  Erin rolls her eyes and slides down leaning against my bed knowing how I feel about others in it. “The fact you want me to explain it says it all. Now moving on. Change. Jeans and a black polo.”

  Turning to retreat to my closet, I groan, “How about a deep coffee color?”

  “Just say brown,” she mutters. “And no. Wear a black polo. You’ll look great in it.” I don’t say anything, but strip my shirt off to change. “I hate sitting on the floor.”

  “You could’ve kept standing.”

  “Why can’t I sit on the bed? I still don’t get that. I mean you’re too anal retentive to have bed bugs—”

  “Don’t even joke about those.”

  “What is it? You’ve been like this since we were kids.”

  Pulling on my shirt I lean against my closet door. “One night when I was younger I had had a nightmare. So like the scared kid I was I stumbled into mom and dad’s room right in the middle of them having...sex,” the strange feeling of the word leaving my mouth about my parents forces me to tug at my collar. “After shooing me out of the room, they calmly came to talk to me about what I saw. Dad explained that the only person you should have in your bed is the person you can love the way a daddy loves a mommy. No one else belongs there. I was 4 but the speech stuck.”

  Over thinker even then.

  “Have you ever shared your bed with anyone?”

  My mind briefly flashes to Stuart spread across it. I glance down.

  The plan was to get him over to Logan’s old room where the guest bed is but while grabbing the guest blankets, he wandered into my room and passed out there. Craziest thing is he looked like he belonged.

  “You have!” She shrieks. “I knew it! With Matt right?”

  The mention of the only serious boyfriend I’ve ever had slightly shifts my attention up. “No. We spent the night at Matt’s when we slept together.”

  “But you two hung out here—”

  “And we slept there. I had rules.”

  “You always have rules.”

  “I learned when our parents died life was simpler with them.”

  “And lists. And lectures. And all the fun sucked out of living.” She mocks me. “Change your shoes.” Before I can fight with her, her phone rings dragging her in a hurry out of the room.

  Look, it wasn’t that I didn’t like Matt. A lot. He was a decent guy, but there was something lacking.
More importantly, he wanted me to move in with him. To leave my sister, Maxx, and Kellar who all needed me. If it’s family or love, family will win every time.

  Chapter 11

  Stuart

  On a mischievous smile I give a shoulder shrug and take a swig of my beer.

  “You can’t just give a fucking shrug,” Kellar snaps at me. “You have to agree he is the best Bond we’ve ever had.”

  “This conversation again?” Luke says from the chair on the other side of me. “Why do you insist on having to be right about this?”

  “Because I am!” he yells from the opposite end of the couch. “Come on C.J. you agree right?”

  “Oh yeah.” C.J. nods. “Daniel Craig. Best Bond yet.”

  “I’m just saying let’s not rule out Sean Connery.”

  “He was delicious in his prime wasn’t he?” Luke chimes in and my eyes roam over to steal the millionth glance of the night.

  I can’t help it. He’s the one who came in looking like an adult friendly version of an Abercrombie ad.

  “Co-sign,” I extend a fist for him to bump. He stares at it slightly confused for a moment but eventually balls a fist and bumps it back, bumping another smile on my face.

  I like his innocence. It’s refreshing.

  “He was attractive but that’s not enough to make a good Bond.” Kellar rises to his feet. “And on that note, I’m out.”

  “Where you going?” I toss my head at him.

  “Home to my beautiful wife who agrees that Daniel Craig is the best Bond ever.” We laugh and he follows it with, “Besides, the Kid should be home from his date in the next hour and with Maxx’s hormones so up and down it’s better if I’m there for the ‘how did it go’ conversation.”

  “Maxx okay?” Luke’s immediate concern makes me smile again.

  A little over protective, yeah. But other than C.J. I’ve never had any one in my life show half as much interest or concern over me. I’ve got a mother who would rather tell her friends her son is ‘finding himself’ than admit there’s even a possibility he’s gay and a father who would disown me if he ever caught wind to the fact I’m same sex oriented. Can’t pick who you share blood lines with, but you can pick your family. And I pick these guys.