Suffocate

by Xavier Neal

  “She’s as fine as she can be this close to popping,” Kellar answers fishing out his keys. “She’s just so miserable, which means I’m miserable, which means my dick is miserable.”

  “And that’s why I’m betting on you for your fight against Bone Crusher.” C.J. finishes the last of his beer. “Because sexual frustration is the ultimate secret weapon in the ring.” Shooting me a crooked smirk he raises his eyebrows. “Co-sign?”

  “Co-sign.” I nod.

  “You should bet on me because how many times have you seen me lose?” He tilts his head.

  Never. Undefeated. In fact, I still take pictures of the same Fight Nights at the bar where he got his start. It’s the little place that brought us together. That introduced me to the one person my future is worth risking for.

  “That helps.” C.J. laughs rising to his feet. “I’m gonna bounce too. Erin should be getting off any minute now. She was doing hair and make up for the Ballet. Their makeup girl called in sick last minute.”

  “She’s really good. I took some stills for the model she did last week.” I put my beer bottle down on the coffee table.

  “Yeah...she’s pretty amazing,” he states proudly. “And now I’m going to go home and let her be amazing behind doors as well.”

  “That’s my baby sister,” Luke grouses.

  “I know.” C.J. chuckles like an asshole following Kellar to the door. “You heading out too?”

  Luke’s eyes meet mine. Every bone in my body is aching for him to tell him no. Not yet. Just give us a few minutes alone even though I know we shouldn’t. After clearing his throat he looks at C.J. who is now frowning. “Yeah. In just a minute. I gotta use the bathroom.”

  “Want us to wait?” Kellar volunteers steps away from front door.

  “He’s a big boy,” I sigh. “I’m sure he can walk to the parking lot on his own.”

  C.J. gives me a warning look that I actively avoid by pretending to check a text on my phone.

  “Night,” Kellar calls out.

  “Stuart.” C.J. grabs my eyes back up to his. With a very cautious look he states, “I’ll text you in the morning about that thing.”

  You know there’s no thing right? Does he realize how transparent he looks right now?

  With a serious face I say, “Night.”

  Once he strolls out moments after Kellar, Luke questions, “Bathroom?”

  “I’ll show you the guest bathroom.” I stand.

  “Don’t want me to see yours?” he playfully teases, looking a little more relaxed without an audience.

  “You can see mine, if you see my bed too,” the flirty invitation causes his eyes to widen. With a short snicker I shake my head heading around to the hall that runs beside the stairs. “Don’t worry. No pressure for a slumber party. I just like to be the one that puts that blue in your eyes.” With a point of a finger I direct him to the end of the hall. “Bathroom.”

  Luke’s body slips beside me close enough for me to inhale the smell of his cologne.

  Damn. Can you smell that? What’s that called? Walking Sex Drive?

  He shuts the bathroom door and the back of my head immediately hits the light gray painted wall.

  Fuck. I can’t do this. He can’t stay any longer than this. We both know I don’t have that kind of impulse control. Hints to how I ended up as a gay man with a pregnant woman.

  The sound of the door opening forces my head to lean to the side as he strolls out of the room adjusting his shirt, giving me a peek at a Calvin Klein underwear label.

  Oh yeah. I have no will power, so let’s flash underwear labels at me. That’s fair.

  Luke stops a couple steps away and points. “You’ve got a pool table?”

  “Yeah,” I clear my throat standing up straight, shoving my hands in my pockets to resist stripping him. “That’s my game room.”

  “A game room,” he repeats leaning in it.

  “Yup. You play?”

  “Haven’t in years,” his voice trails off. “When I was in nursing school there was bar they’d all meet up at sometimes. I typically didn’t go, but when I did...pool was always my choice.”

  “Wanna play?” The offer falls from my mouth before I can process why we shouldn’t.

  Luke looks weary, but the minute I toy with my tongue ring between my teeth he caves, “Okay.”

  “Okay,” I echo and motion for him to go in the room.

  Inside, I watch him grab two pool sticks from the wall by the bar, handing me one. Luke takes the initiative to rack the balls and watching him leaned over the table has me toying with my tongue ring again.

  It’s a tick. Shut up.

  “How about a friendly bet?” I offer forcing him to glance up through his gorgeous lashes.

  Picture perfect.

  “What kind of bet?”

  “Just a friendly get to know you bet.”

  Luke’s Adam’s apple bobs slowly and my eyes zone in on it, my tongue desperate to drag itself up it.

  If he keeps that up, I may lose.

  He waits for me to continue and I grin. “Each time I miss a shot, you can ask me a question and I’ll answer. Each time I sink a shot, you shed an item of clothing.” When his face burns I smile wider. “And vice versa.”

  Stutters come out his lips before he finally questions, “What happens if we run out of clothing?”

  “I’ll accept sexual favors in return.”

  “And you think you’ll win?”

  “Against you? Definitely.”

  He looks ruffled and I mischievously snicker.

  That’s the thing I love about him. Just the right buttons get pushed and he goes from being a calculated control freak who color codes his socks and underwear to something wild and out of control. Raw. It’s captivating. And sexy.

  “Fine. You wanna break?”

  “Nah. I’ll give you a chance to at least get a shot in.”

  “Big talk.” Luke says leaning forward running the stick between his fingers.

  “Big cock.”

  He misses the shot completely.

  “Whoops.” I shrug walking around the table. “First question.” I devilishly smile and his eyes flare. “Why’d you wanna be a nurse?”

  Luke stands his stick up and leans against it. “My mom was diagnosed with breast cancer when I was younger. It was small and removed. They never mentioned anything to Erin, but I told myself right then, I would go to school to help people like those who helped my mom. To take care of others. I wanted to make a difference in the world like they had made in mine. I know doctors and surgeons were a huge part of it, but so were the nurses.”

  “I don’t think you’re cold enough to be a doctor. Most that I’ve met are a lot more stand-offish than nurses.”

  He shows me a flicker of a smile before continuing. “Anyway, during my first year in college it came back. Apparently more aggressive, which just cemented any doubt inside to do anything else.”

  “It came back?”

  “It did. They um...the plane crash that they died in. They were on their way back from a specialist. Erin thinks they just escaped for a romantic weekend.”

  “And you never told her anything different.”

  “No. And I won’t,” he sternly says to me. “She doesn’t need that on her conscience. She doesn’t need to grow resentment for them trying to protect her. From me trying to protect her. I’d rather she spend the rest of her life thinking our parents were as perfect as she remembers them. About a week before they left to see the specialist, my mom had pulled me aside, made me promise to take care of them if anything happened to her.”

  “Them?”

  “Maxx and Logan. Dad. She said, they’d all need me if they didn’t have her. And that taking care of them would fulfill something inside of me that only caring for others could. I
guess it wasn’t that big of a shock now that I think about it. I was the one who bandaged Erin’s knees when she fell off her bike. Cleaned the scrapes when she fell off the neighbor boy’s skateboard. Gave her Barbie’s casts when they fell down the stairs of their dream house—”

  “Why’d they fall down the stairs?”

  “Have you met my sister?”

  I give a light chuckle while trying to fight the sting in my chest. I clear my throat and break the balls sinking a solid colored one. “Guess I’m solids.” The solemn look is still on his face so I try to drag him out of it, “Which means you get rid of that solid color shirt of yours.”

  Luke shakes his head fighting his own grin and pulls it over his head revealing a sight that forces my jaw to drop.

  Holy mother of God. Those are painted on right?

  Distracted I do my best to shake off the sight as I position myself to shoot again. “Yellow ball corner pocket.”

  To my surprise Luke plants both his hands on the edge of the table right above where my shot is supposed to go. “Oh here?”

  My stick hits the ball but misses causing a short muffled curse out of me.

  “My turn,” Luke says proudly.

  “You know that was a cheap move?”

  He innocently shrugs.

  “Ask away. I’m an open book.”

  Unless you’re from my hometown. Then you think I’m someone completely different.

  “When’s the last time you had a boyfriend?”

  My face twitches at his choice of question. “About 33 weeks ago.”

  The day will live forever in infamy.

  With an impressed look Luke states, “Precise.”

  He wouldn’t forget it either if it was the day he tried to switch teams under the influence because he’d convinced himself it would just be easier.

  “Accurate.”

  “Red ball,” he claims his own before taking the shot, missing again. “Damn it.”

  “Last time you had sex before me?”

  Luke’s face turns that soft crimson I’m becoming accustomed too. “Uh...couple of years.”

  “Lucky me.” I lean over to take my turn. “Blue ball. Side pocket.” The ball smoothly slides across the table and into the hole. Looking up I point. “I’ll have mercy...you can remove your belt.”

  “I don’t need your mercy.”

  “Oh yes you do.” I lean back down to take another shot. “Orange ball. Corner pocket.”

  When the ball sinks into the location he huffs. “Am I being hustled?”

  “I grew up with a pool table in my basement. C.J. and I spent many hours playing and tricking people out of their weekend play cash, so...yeah. Definitely being hustled. Now, since you were snippy about the belt you can drop pants this time.”

  Luke’s jaw tenses but he follows the instructions, taking his time with each motion I’m sure to distract me.

  Damn him for the fact it’s fucking working.

  “Where’d you grow up anyway?”

  “It’s not your turn.” I wag a playful finger as I circulate the table. “But I’ll give you a pass. Bontassa, Maryland, right around the corner from C.J. A small place where the money is old and the judgment even older,” I mutter the last line. “Green ball. Side pocket.” When it sinks in, I wiggle my eyebrows at him.

  He looks like those fucking fitness model ads you see on Facebook. Trust me. Someone would report him for looking this good in his underwear at the same time praying they can find a picture of him without them.

  Luke hesitates, but hooks his thumbs around the band pulling them down in one fluid motion, revealing his glorious cock that’s hardening under my gaze.

  Absently my mouth mumbles, “Damn.” Wetting my lips I can’t manage to break my stare. Dropping my stick, I stalk over, push him against the table, and move my lips so they are dangerously close to his.

  What? Don’t do it? He’s fucking naked....are you crazy?

  When my hand curls around his cock, his eyes drift closed forcing me to play with my tongue ring to stop myself from jamming it in his mouth. After a small hiss Luke’s gray eyes open slightly. “I don’t...I don’t do things like this. This isn’t me.”

  Gently I stroke causing him to groan, a sound that forces my already uncomfortably hard member to nudge against its jean jailhouse. “What isn’t you?”

  To my surprise Luke wraps his hand around my arm to stop me, a conflicted look in his eyes. “This. I don’t sleep with guys I barely know.”

  “You know me,” I counter. “We’ve been friends for months.”

  “I barely see you,” he tries to argue. “And when I do it’s so brief.”

  “Is it?” Our eyes stay connected. “The BBQs? The dinners? Basketballs games? Baby projects? Those don’t feel brief to me.”

  “I...I don’t know. I don’t wanna be just another face you use to pass the time with. I know what that does to people. I’ve seen what that does to people. And if that’s where this is headed then—”

  My lips crash against his knowing what he wants is something I can’t give him, but can’t say it because it’s the only thing I want. His mouth parts to invite mine in and the hand that was just stroking him, runs itself through his soft hair, to keep him in place. Our tongues dance briefly before I pull away just enough to whisper, “You will never be just another face to me.”

  A relieved hum comes out of him before he yanks me by the shirt back into a kiss, this one more frantic than romantic reminding me of our night on the roof. I capture his bottom lip between my teeth causing a pleased groan.

  “How many times?” I question my hand now caressing to stroking his cock that’s begging for my attention.

  No need to ignore it. That’s just rude.

  “How many...how many times what?” he breathlessly replies.

  “Have you thought about fucking me?” the word causes him to moan and I smirk to myself stroking faster. “About taking me? Pinning me against something? Driving into me?” Luke’s breathing becomes more erratic with each passing syllable. “How many times have you thought about fucking me until I can’t think straight? Coming deep inside of me?”

  “God...” he croaks a shutter running through him.

  “I need to see you come again Luke,” my words aren’t as steady as I was hoping. “I need to be the one that makes you lose that control.” After he strains again clearly fighting the desire to let go, I jerk faster at the same time demanding, “Do it.” Luke shakes his head continuing to battle. “Do it. Prove to me you want me as much I want you. Come for me.”

  At that I drop to my knees and enclose my mouth around his cock giving it one good suck before Luke’s hands wind through my hair calling out, “Fuck!” Excited at his shift in behavior, I roll my tongue around the tip, down his base, and back up again, desperate to consume all of him. Only a few sucks make it out of me before he clutches my head and ferociously declares, “God I’m coming!”

  Suddenly my mouth is given short powerful spurts of everything it was craving in unison with my name being offered up in sacrifice. The moment he finally stops, my mouth slides off his softening cock, swallowing the contents of it while watching him try to regain his composure.

  His eyes that are now more a gorgeous slate blue than gray are shining at me full of a look I’m not sure any lover has ever given me before. Complete adoration.

  I’m in trouble. How the hell am I supposed to walk away from someone who looks at me like he’s sees more than just what he can use me for? Got any tips? Because right now I need all the help I can get.

  Chapter 12

  Luke

  It has been hell. Pure and utter hell. And I love what I do. I love helping people. I do so well in the ER because I manage to keep a level head in situations most people panic, but the shifts are long and the things that seeing the shit
I do can do to you, take their toll if you aren’t fortunate. Or if you don’t have a support system like I do.

  “Can you stop looking at me like that?” Maxx whines shoving a spoonful of green Jell-O in her mouth. “It’s sugar free for crying out loud. I’m eating this blasphemy of dessert because of you,” she points the spoon at me, “insisting that I cut down my sugar.”

  “I would rather you not eat it at all.”

  “Well that’s not happening, so make your peace with me eating this jiggly disappointment also known as Jell-O.”

  “After what happened I just...I worry.”

  She almost lost the baby and I feel it was my fault. I should’ve seen it coming. I should’ve predicted it. I should’ve paid attention to the signs. Another reason I don’t think getting involved with Stuart is a good idea. I can’t afford to not have all my attention ready to take care of Maxx if something goes wrong again. And before you go calling me a Debbie Downer, I’ve heard three stories of miscarriages this shift alone.

  “I know you do.” She reaches her hand across the table. “You mean well.” I give her a short nod, which is when she pushes, “What’s up? You’re bumming kind of hard. I mean more than typical bumming. Something happen?”

  The pair of lifeless eyes of the 16 year old we couldn’t save from an overdose flash through my mind.

  I know I can’t save everyone, but I can at least try, especially those that I love.

  “Ready?” Stuart surprisingly appears at the table beside Maxx.

  “What are you doing here?” I question rudely.

  “Well hello to you too,” he chuckles.

  Shit. Manners. Remind me. I hate how he does that to me.

  “Kellar put me in charge of driving Maxx—”

  “I am not Ms. Daisy.”

  “And I am not Morgan Freeman, so we’re good,” Stuart’s quick comeback causes her to nod in agreement. He turns his words to me. “Kellar knew she wanted to come see you since you had been working back to back shifts so I offered to drive her while he went to the gym.”

  “He’s hiding.” Maxx stabs the jiggling dessert that’s mocking her.