Mine to Fear

by Janeal Falor

  “Apology accepted. Though I must apologize as well. I'm still learning how to properly treat women. I'm not sure I know anymore.”

  Wow. “You're definitely headed in the right direction.”

  He gives me a tentative smile, which I return.

  “So, about this favor…” Jitters come back in full force.

  “Yes?”

  Just time to spit it out. “We would like help overthrowing the council.”

  His eyes widen briefly before his calm demeanor returns. “You don't ask for small favors.”

  I want to say something sarcastic, but things are just too heavy to add that in. So instead, I say nothing at all.

  “This is because of your brother.”

  My chest is heavy at the mere mention of him. Truth isn't what I want to go for but probably will work best. “Yes, but not wholly.”

  “Explain.”

  “The world I grew up in was so different. Women are not only respected as people, but they are allowed and encouraged to pursue their desires. Whether through magic, part of government, or business. Even if they want to be a wife and mother, the position is revered not as a means to getting warlock babies and girls with magic worth selling off. I've been here a while. It's not just hard to see how women are treated here. It's wrong.”

  He crosses his arms and leans back slightly. “You realize it goes against everything I was always taught?”

  “Just because you were taught it your whole life makes your way right?”

  He stares off in the distance without a word.

  “Maybe it doesn't matter what someone has been taught their whole life. Maybe it's right or maybe it's wrong. Maybe the only way to know for certain is to trust your instincts.”

  “I'll think on it.”

  Not the answer I wanted, but at least it's not a no. “Fair enough.”

  Chapter Twenty-Six

  While we wait for Jack to decide, I take matters into my own hands, helping the others to prepare even if they don't know it yet. Of course, it's something they should learn no matter what's to come. Magic.

  The men here already know it and have even put up with Cynthia and a little bit of Bethany casting spells, though not so much me. That will have to change, though, because the women need to learn to harness their powers.

  “Would you like to help me teach anyone interested how to do magic?” I ask Bethany.

  “Wouldn't Cynthia be a better choice?”

  “Better, no. She would be helpful, though, but she already has so many responsibilities, I can't see adding one more to her list.”

  “True. It would be nice to have an excuse to take a break from my little sisters.”

  Poor girl has been spending almost all her time with them, trying to teach them and keep them entertained. The sister next in line after Bethany should be able to assist. “I'm sure we could find others willing to help. Presha can do a great job with them. Go ahead and spread the word. We'll start teaching tomorrow.”

  And we do. At first, there aren't many girls that show up. A couple ladies who are old enough to be mothers. One woman who is old enough to be a grandmother, and several who are younger than me. At first, they're all timid about trying, but soon they're all into it, their grins growing bigger with each casting of a spell. The spells are brightly colored, ranging from simple spells that are straight colors, to harder spells that move things around.

  Not only that, but they gather a crowd around them. Each time we practice, the crowd grows a little bigger. A few more women join us in practicing, but most still only watch. At least they're taking it all in. The only thing that is not good about the situation is that most still try to avoid me. I know why, and I even understand it. But that doesn't mean I have to like it. At least they're learning.

  ***

  Two days later, there's finally a meeting with Jack. He stands across from me, arms folded. “You, Serena, Cynthia, Annabelle, Nelly and, well, all lot of the women here, working with them every day. Helping them survive. I've learned things from them. Things that I never would have learned otherwise.”

  Wow. That's more than I expected from him. At least so soon.

  “I've thought on your request to help.”

  When he says nothing further, I prompt, “Did you come to a decision?”

  “I believe I have.”

  “What do I need to do to find out the answer?”

  He grunts. “You have to understand this isn't easy for me.”

  “Is that a good sign or a bad one?”

  “Depends on your perspective.”

  “You're maddening.”

  Jack raises an eyebrow at me with a grin and then sombers. “I…I had a sister.”

  Had? And what does this have to do with his decision? “Were you close?”

  He laughs, but it's tainted with a deep bitterness. “No. She avoided me as much as she could. Which she should have. I was cruel. Teased her, hexed her. Then she was tested and sold off to an old warlock. It was supposed to be a good thing for our family, a raise in status and wealth, but…” He shakes his head.

  He continues, “It doesn't matter now. The point is, I thought it was the correct way to act, treating her as such. I thought it was the way things were supposed to be. My friends all treated women that way. When I'd help with a training for class, they'd encourage the same. My father, well, he wasn't always the harshest warlock, but women were definitely objects to him.”

  His description leaves a bitter taste in my mouth. This doesn't sound like the talk someone gives before accepting to help you overthrow other men who act the same way, even if he did preface it with how helping women has changed him.

  “Yet, now my sister has been gone years. Shortly after that, I came to work for Councilman Daniel to help with Father's debt. Things were different there. I've never seen a warlock treat a woman the way he treats his wife. And he's kinder to the other women as well. It's stuck with me. Made me think on how I treated my elder sister. How she always avoided me, yet adoration shone in her eyes when she looked at mother. I felt like I was missing something. And then you. You came along.”

  “And probably ruined any kind thoughts you had about women with how incredibly harsh I was.”

  “You were harsh.” But he smiles, a real genuine smile that makes my stomach flutter. “But it was the first time I've seen a woman be so, well, warlock-like. Confident. You never lower your face to a warlock. You don't even mind talking to one like there isn't any consequences to your words. You are nothing like Chardonian women.”

  “Thank the queen for that.” And does that mean he sees me as a positive thing? “But I'm hoping more Chardonian women can gain that confidence. They are people. They have rights. They need to know it.”

  “I'm beginning to think you're right.”

  Did he really just say that? Jack? The servant who's been mean to me and apparently his older sister? “That you think so gives me hope other warlocks may feel the same someday.”

  “It also means,” he takes a deep breath and lets it out in a puff, “yes, I will help you. Though it will probably mean death to us all.”

  My mouth would hang open if my mother hadn't drilled into me to keep it closed. “I don't know what to say. I admit that's not the answer I was expecting.”

  “Yet it is what I've been leaning toward with everything I've been doing.”

  “Yes, it is. Forgive me. I've been thinking that you aren't as strong as you really are. I've gotten to know you better than that, seen how loyal you can be. I shouldn't have judged you so harshly.”

  “I did bring it on myself.”

  “Maybe. But maybe my preconceived ideas need to be unlearned as much as yours.”

  “That might be true.” He gives a half smile. “I will help, and I will give everything I have.”

  “Thank you.”

  But he's right. This may very well mean death to us all.

  Chapter Twenty-Seven

  “You do understand that I can't
make the others want to participate in our suicidal rebellion,” Jack says.

  I try not to let his words deflate me. “You have more power over them than you think.”

  “I have less power over them than you think. The only reason they're letting me lead them is I'm the only warlock who's stepped forward to do so. If another warlock came along and started punishing them, my position would be done for.”

  “Do you really think they would? They're finding freedom to speak in here, to play and to walk around without an escort. They're finding a life without hexes and beatings. They're already seeing how much better life can be without that.”

  “I want to hope otherwise, but I think it's so.”

  Exactly the type of thing I'll keep working on. “We'll just have to do the best we can then.”

  “About that…”

  A sudden influx of trepidation fills me. “What?”

  “As much as I don't think I can influence them much since I won't punish or hex them, you have even less influence than I,” he says. “Truthfully, I believe that anything you support they will actively work against.”

  This is beyond ridiculous. Sometimes I am so through with this county. “Because I am a woman.”

  “You are. And an Envadi woman at that. Two terrifying counts against you as far as they're concerned.”

  Well past done with this country’s backward ideas. “I thought we had grown past this.”

  “Perhaps some, but they are frightened. After years of abuse, they've been chased from their homes. Some, like Annabelle, had a warlock who treated them better, yet they still understand how brutal the world is against women. And they all have been brought up to fear Envadi ways. They won't want to become a barbarian like you very easily.”

  These people have such twisted views of what barbaric is. “Still, they have accepted Serena and Cynthia.”

  “Not as leaders, or at least what they think of as a leader. Those girls are guiding these people, but they’re doing so in their own subtle ways. Slowly teaching and instructing. You're…more straightforward than that. You speak exactly what's on your mind.”

  “And an Envadi.”

  “There's that as well.”

  Why does he have to keep bringing that up like it's a bad thing? “Do you think I'm a barbarian as well?”

  “I think…”

  “Go on. You've said enough already that more isn't going to hurt my feelings.”

  He grins, so soft and slowly, it's hard to watch anything except it. “You are so stubborn.”

  “I try,” I say. “And you are trying to avoid my question.”

  “Fine, then. You're not at all barbaric. But you are not only stubborn but brash. And beautiful.” What did he just say? “Also, you're strangely quirky. Warm milk? That's only for people on farms that are desperate. Not people who have access to things like an ice box.”

  “Have you tried it?” Even though that's what I said, my thoughts are still on the fact he called me beautiful. The room is growing hotter.

  “I don't need to.”

  “You haven't. I knew it. Tonight we're going to change that.”

  “We don't have to.”

  “Of course we do.” I stare him down, and he stares right back. I'd keep it going and win because I'm just that stubborn, only I think of something more important and soften my gaze. “Thank you for doing all this. For putting up with me and helping us out. We couldn't do this without you. I couldn’t do it without you.”

  He leans a little closer. “You're welcome.”

  Warmth floods through me, a nice kind of heat, but somehow it leaves me uncertain. “I'm going to go get that milk heating,” I say before I hurry off.

  It's good that he's helping. We really need him too. But that's not where my thoughts really want to go. They want to linger on him, and the warmth I felt from simply being closer to him.

  Chapter Twenty-Eight

  The biggest cavern in our network of caves is full of people we've found. My hands are shaking as I look at them all.

  “Are you certain you are ready to do this?” Jack asks.

  Serena to my right, Cynthia to my left, and Jack on the other side of us all as the group gathers. Tawny is waiting at the back of the crowd with Annabelle, supporting us as best they can from there. If I were alone, I'd say no. If it'd been a year ago, I'd say no. If I listened to common sense, I'd say no. But I've passed all those things and am ready to follow what I know is right regardless of how hard it's going to be.

  “Let's do this.”

  “I suppose it's time, then,” he says.

  We're silent as our group of survivors gathers together. We're such a small group. It seems like there's more of us when it's time to eat, but there's really few compared to how many are in the entire country. There’s not even enough here to start a real rebellion. Not really. Yet as they crowd into the main cavern, it seems as if there's many of us gathered together.

  My palms grow sweaty. I discreetly pat them on my pants. If Annabelle and Cynthia can wear them, so can I. Of course, with Annabelle everyone thinks it's endearing. With Cynthia, they think it's fitting her station since doing magic at the tournament and winning. With me, well, I'm just the barbaric one. The crazy one. And they're all about to think I'm even crazier.

  Jack and I decided if we're going to go through with this, we might as well be honest about the fact I'm involved. Hopefully Serena, Cynthia, and him are enough to dissuade any negative impact I may have. I can't lie to them, though. They've been through too much of that already.

  Once they're all here, Jack says, “We've all been together for a while now. Gotten to know each other a little. I'd like to think things are different here than what you're used to.”

  Several heads in the crowd nod in agreement.

  “To that end, I believe we can be honest with each other.” He pauses, in which all my hopes seem to teeter on a cliff. “You've all gained a little more freedom here, albeit a cautious sort of freedom that comes with hiding from the law. I've discussed some of this new freedom and different attitudes with these ladies, and we think, we believe, there is a better way of living.”

  “What are you saying?” someone from the crowd calls out.

  “I'm saying, we should make this our way of life without interference from those now leading us,” Jack says. “I'm saying we should try to overthrow the Grand Chancellor.”

  As one, those gathered gasp. And my hopes jump off the cliff, soaring somewhere unknown. I can only hope they land in a better place than they began.

  “This isn't just your idea, though,” Theodore says.

  “No, as I said, it is something I've discussed with Serena, Waverly, and the tournament winner, Cynthia.”

  “We already know how you feel,” someone else calls out. “We've seen how you act, Jack. You're a leader like a man should be. These ideas are mostly from them. That Envadi bringing her strange ideas here.”

  “Why should we follow her?”

  Whether it's wise to speak up or not I say, “Because it will lead to a better life for everyone. Don't you want more out of life? More freedom? More happiness?”

  “You're an Envadi. You’re probably just here trying to get us to overtake our government so we'll be an easy target for your people to come in and rule us.”

  “Haven't you seen what Chancellor Zade was doing before they captured him? Haven't you seen how he's helped?” I say.

  “And haven't you all seen how Waverly has tried to help us? She's worked harder than anyone else here,” Cynthia says.

  “It could all be a ruse,” another says. “A trick to make us think she's helping, but as soon as we let her in, they're going to take over our lives. Make us all like the tarnished to support them.”

  “They want to take away the little that we have gained,” Phyllis says.

  “They want to help,” Tawny calls from the back.

  “I understand your fears and reservations,” Jack says. “Only a short time ago,
I was questioning the same ones. Yet after thinking on it, I believe these women are correct. We need to do this. We need to fight against this. Though we don't have warm homes and food readily available, haven't you enjoyed the freedom we've found not living under the Grand Chancellor's constant threat? Even having to hide from them, fearing they may discover us at any time is better than being told you have to be tarnished or a slave for those greedy slobs.”

  The crowd is silent now and no longer restless. His words are having an impact on them, making a difference. More than he thought they would.

  “What if we did want to overthrow the Grand Chancellor? Then what?” Theodore asks.

  “Then we would do it,” Jack says.

  The crowd begins to murmur amongst themselves. I bite my lip, hoping against all hope that they understand how much this is really needed. How they are the ones that need it. And how much I wish I could say more. How I wish they would trust me to help them.

  “I'd be willing to try,” a woman calls out.

  “And so would I,” says a man.

  Soon, the whole room is full of affirmations that people want to do this. We are going to do this. Together. Whether wise or not, we are taking on the Grand Chancellor.

  ***

  After the meeting is over and the crowd disperses, I say to Jack, “Thank you. We wouldn't have been able to convince them to help if it wasn't for you.”

  “I only used your words to convince them. Perhaps after some time they will grow to understand how much you're trying to assist them. How good you really are.”

  Heat floods me. “I'm just trying my best.” I clear my throat. “Now that we have the people on board, what do we do?”

  “This was your plan. I thought you knew.”

  I suppose I should have thought about that better. “Train them I suppose. And we have contact with Nathaniel. He should be able to give us some insights on where would be good places to attack.” I hope. If he doesn't have the information now, maybe he'll be able to get it for us. “That's what we need to work up to fighting them. Somehow taking them out.”