The Sizzle Saga

by Sarah O'Rourke

  “Well, in her eagerness to get Mannie down to his matrimonial mark at the altar, your wife got a little over excited zipping Armando’s fly. Let’s just say that Little Mannie got caught in a bind between some big metal teeth,” Sami choked before breaking into deep belly laughs.

  Vivian picked up the story at that point. “It was horrible, Devil,” she whispered. “Mannie was hoppin’ around like a wet tomcat, his winkie wavin’ in the wind, screamin’ like a woman. And poor Molly, she was a-chasin’ him, trying to get her hands on his little fella so she could release him, but Armando was just like one of those Mexican jumpin’ beans. Here, then there. It was just awful! Molly finally just had to tackle him to the floor and grab hold of his…. flag staff while I tried to pull the zipper down.”

  Devil’s eyes watered as he tried to hold back the sounds of his own laughter. “And then?” he rasped.

  “Well, we got that fish off the hook, but I’m not sure his boat will ever float down the river the same way. Bless his heart, I don’t think poor Armando will ever be able to look at me or Molly in the eye again either. To add insult to injury, the poor thing had to walk down the aisle with two Elmo Band-Aids on his little ole tallywacker. His abused ding-a-ling looked like something had bit it. Twice!”

  “It’ll be quite the conversation piece for him and Nick tonight on their honeymoon,” Sami wheezed, still laughing.

  Frowning, Vivian looked between Sami and Devil as their laughter got louder and narrowed her eyes dangerously. “I want you both to know that I think you’re probably going to hell. This isn’t funny! Molly, Mannie, and I are traumatized!”

  “I’ll see about getting’ y’all some group therapy,” Devil returned, wiping his eyes as he finally was able to get control of himself.

  “That’s sweet, but sadly, I won’t be here for a few weeks,” Viv informed the pair.

  “Where you goin’?” Sami questioned, her blonde eyebrows furrowing.

  “Out of town for work. One of the many gifts that being made partner at the firm got me. I swear, I can’t remember why I wanted it so badly,” Vivian grumbled, tucking her hair behind her ear with one hand as the other adjusted the bodice on her strapless gown. “In fact, I leave in just under an hour. The firm is sending a car for me.”

  “And exactly where exactly are they having you shipped?” Sami asked unhappily.

  “Paradise, Tennessee. Prior to making partner, I’d heard that my firm took on a new client. Diego Fuentes,” Vivian explained.

  Devil’s shoulders tightened at the mention of that name. “Diego Fuentes? The same Fuentes that has family members in a notorious drug cartel? Vivian, I’m not sure….”

  Vivian held up a hand. “Innocent until proven guilty, Devil. Plus, he’s my firm’s client. There’s nothing I can do. I can’t refuse a client just because the name makes me nervous. Besides, he’s not a member of the cartel.”

  “He’s a Fuentes, Viv!” Sami exclaimed, her worried face blanching to a pasty white.

  “He’s my client, and he’s turning state’s evidence to take down his father. He’s not that bad,” Vivian returned calmly. “Don’t worry,” she told her friends. “And for heaven’s sake, don’t tell Mannie and Molly until after I leave.”

  “Gee, thanks. Leaving me with the fallout. That’s kind of you, Viv. You’re a real peach, darlin’,” Devil growled sarcastically. Taking a deep breath, he frowned as he looked at Molly’s friend. Hell, his friend, too. “You get in any trouble up there, you call me.”

  “You gonna rush in and play white knight, Devil,” Sami asked with a smirk.

  “Probably not, but I’ll sure as hell pay a lot of money to somebody who will,” he replied with a wink at Vivian.

  Rising, Vivian brushed off her dress. “It’ll be fine, y’all, but I do need to get going. I’ve already hugged Mannie and Nick so I’m just gonna slip out.”

  Sami and Devil both rose to hug her. “Seriously, honey, you get so much as a creepy feeling, you call me,” Devil ordered the younger woman. “I’ll hire a bodyguard for you so fast that Fuentes’ head will spin.”

  “Not necessary, but thanks. I’ll call soon,” she said. And with one final wave, she disappeared around the side of the house.

  Resuming their seats, Devil shook his head. “Not sure how I feel about that,” he said, nodding to where Viv had just disappeared.

  “She’s smart, Dev. If she needs help, she’ll sing out,” Sami assured him, sneezing three times in quick succession and glaring at the orchid centerpieces. “Aren’t those supposed to be roses?” she asked as she lifted a hand to rub her itchy nose.

  “Shhh, don’t say that too loud or….”

  “Or what, Devil?” Molly asked, appearing out of nowhere behind him and smacking her husband on the shoulder. “Or I’ll lose what little is left of my mind? Is that what you were going to say?”

  Smiling at his gorgeous wife over his shoulder, he shook his head. “Of course not. Saying something stupid like that might cause you to force feed me that sandpaper tasting thing masquerading as a wedding cake,” he reasoned, scooting his chair back and pulling Molly down to sit on one of his legs. “Take a load off, beautiful. It’s all over except for the cryin’,” he soothed, rubbing a hand up and down her back.

  “I swear, I’m gonna sue both the florists and the baker,” Molly vowed under her breath, glaring at what was left of the surprisingly pretty wedding cake. “Who the hell would order gluten-free for a wedding cake? I think I’d remember if I’d asked for that! And to answer your question, Sami – yes, they were supposed to be roses. Evidently something happened to the florist’s shipment and this is what we got,” she said, nodding toward the elegant centerpieces. “Freakin’ orchids.”

  “As Mannie has already said, ‘Chill, chica! It’s all good!’” Sami said, repeating one of the groom’s earlier words right down to the accent. “Seriously, Mols. You got ‘em married off. Your work here is DONE.”

  “Not quite yet,” Molly moaned, eyeing the back door nervously.

  “What do you mean ‘not yet’?” Devil growled, shifting the baby into Molly’s arms when she reached for the dozing child.

  “Our grooms of the hour are still inside. Fighting,” Molly shared with a heavy sigh.

  “Over what?” Sami asked blankly. “Did you tell Nick that you knew what kind of pistol Mannie was packin’? I told you, Molly. Honesty isn’t always the best policy.” the blonde model chastised with a disappointed shake of her head.

  “No! Not about that!” Molly hissed as her cheeks reddened. “And I told you, that didn’t happen. I’ve now formally blocked those horrible minutes from my memory. The latest argument is about the honeymoon. Or, more specifically, what the destination of said honeymoon will be. See, they both bought tickets to surprise the other. Romantic, right?”

  “I’d think so,” Sami replied, propping her chin in her hand.

  “You’d be wrong,” Molly grumbled, holding Devlynn closer as she settled back against Devil’s chest.

  “So, what are the two destinations up for decision?” Devil asked, sliding his arm around Molly’s waist as he brushed a kiss against her neck and ogled the lovely expanse of creamy skin bared by her strapless dress Damn, she was beautiful. Right now, he wanted to give the designer a cash bonus.

  “We’re going to Aruba!” Mannie shouted as he slid open the sliding patio door and stepped outside into the sunny afternoon. “Sun, surf, and sand, Nicky! Those are key ingredients to a happy honeymoon!”

  “Armando, I rented us an entire Swiss chalet,” Nick countered, ready to state his case. “Hot cocoa snuggled by the fireplace on a bear rug….”

  “I would rather be naked and swimming in the ocean,” Mannie yelled passionately, stomping down the stone steps.

  “Never mind, I think I got it,” Devil mumbled into Molly’s neck, watching the newly wedded couple head their way, both of them stone-faced and ready to do serious battle.

  “Molly, we need an impartial party to help
us,” Mannie yelled at Molly. “Tell this foolish husband of mine that Aruba is much more suitable to a honeymoon destination. One week on the sandy surf is much more romantic than shivering to death in the Alps! Tell him, chica! Tell him!”

  “We are NOT going to freeze, you drama queen! The chalet has heat – and a hot tub!” Nick spat, dropping his hands and propping them on his hips.

  Shifting Molly off his lap and into the seat beside him, Devil rose, put two fingers to his lips and whistled sharply. “Okay, enough,” he growled. Taking a deep breath, he looked at the two men he considered family. “Okay, you got a week on the beach, right, Mannie?”

  “Si, and our bungalow faces the ocean, Papi,” he added with a conceited lift of his chin.

  Turning to focus on Nick, he asked, “How long do you have the chalet?”

  “Two weeks,” Nick groused. “And I’ll see his bungalow and raise him a Jacuzzi on the deck of the chalet and a masseuse on-call 24 hours a day!”

  “Ohhhh, that sounds nice,” Sami whispered to Molly. “I’d go with the chalet.”

  Looking over his shoulder, Mannie turned his angry eyes toward Sami. “Yet another Judas in my midst. Et tu, Brute?”

  “You’ll get over it.” Sami shrugged carelessly.

  “Do both,” Devil stated decisively.

  “Huh?” both men questioned in unison.

  “Do both,” Devil repeated. “Allow me to save the world from some scorched Earth. I’m ordering you to take some extra time and visit both locations. I have it on good authority that your boss will give you both the time off,” he offered with a shrug. “He’s already got your replacement lined up,” he informed them, turning to wink at a beaming Molly.

  “Really?” Armando squeezed, cupping his junk as he jumped up and down in his red velvet tuxedo.

  “Really,” Devil confirmed, rolling his eyes at Mannie’s theatrics while Nick looked at the plane tickets in his hand.

  “I hate to break up the party, but if we’re doing this, we gotta go. Our flight leaves for Aruba in ninety minutes,” he told Mannie.

  A flurry of hugs and goodbyes ensued and a short time later, Devil and Molly were waving off the trio of friends. Mannie and Nick were off on their honeymoon adventure and Samantha was driving them to the airport.

  Leaning her head against Devil’s chest as she held their baby in her arms, Molly sighed as she watched Sami’s convertible disappear around the curve. “Well, she whispered, “It’s done.”

  “It is,” Devil agreed, tightening his arm around his wife. “And all we got on this crazy trip was a few scorch marks to remind us where we’ve been,” he added with a grin.

  Tilting her head, Molly laughed. “Better to be scorched by my Devil than burned by anyone else, honey.”

  Smiling widely, Devil nodded and pressed a kiss to Molly’s forehead. “And don’t you forget it Molly. Don’t ever forget.”

  The End

  The Ten Times Devil and Molly told Devlynn “No!”

  By Sarah O’Rourke

  Epilogue: 5 Years Old -- Ponies are for Pansies

  “No, Devlynn!” Devil growled, going to one knee as he shook his head in front of his young daughter as he met her determined, obstinate gaze. “For the last time, you cannot fly. You have no wings, sweetheart! Flying is biologically impossible for you,” he insisted gravely, frowning at his fearless offspring. She’d taken twenty years off his limited lifespan with her latest death-defying stunt, and his heart rate still hadn’t returned to normal. A quick look at his pale, shaking wife confirmed that his significant other was in no better shape than he was.

  His kid, however, remained unconvinced of his loud mandate. And if her tenacious little face hadn’t warned him that she still remained committed to the idea of defying gravity, then her clear little voice declaring, “Can so!” would have done it.

  “You know, I bet that’s what they told Wilbur and Orville, too, Mols. Do you really want your hubby to be such a dream killer at this young age?” Samantha Dixon muttered under her breath to the wife of the worried man on the floor of the orthopedic unit of Emory Children’s Hospital.

  Flashing an ominous look at the statuesque blonde, Devil’s eyes narrowed. “Not helping, Sami. Not helping at all.”

  “How ‘bout you and I move out of the line of fire,” Sami’s husband, Ben, murmured, curling a protective arm around his wife’s waist and pulling her against his chest.

  “I just thought it was a factoid worth pointing out,” the svelte model grumbled even as her red-haired best friend smacked her on the arm and sent her a warning look.

  “Sami, shhhh… let Devil handle this,” Molly insisted, shooting her exasperated husband and willful daughter a tired smile. “Preferably before our kid ends up in a full body cast. These gymnastic stunts of hers are going to put us all in an early grave if someone doesn’t manage to get through to her soon. As it was, we’re lucky she only had a broken arm after she leapt off the top of that water slide into the pool. She could have broken her neck,” Molly whispered haggardly as she shuddered again, the thoughts of how much worse little Devlynn’s accident could have been haunting her. “She’d been watching all the other kids use the slide to go in the water. I still can’t figure out what possessed her to jump! It was a six foot drop, for God’s sake! Into four more feet of water!”

  Closing his eyes for a moment before he addressed his determined little acrobat, Devil inhaled deeply. Patience was key when dealing with both his child and her mother… yelling wouldn’t help the situation.

  Not much, anyway.

  “Devlynn, tell me why you think you can fly,” Devil tried to reason, prepared to take whatever explanation his five year old gave him and poke every hole known to man in her theory to prove her wrong. Either that, or superglue her toes to the ground. Right now, things could go either way.

  “’Cos dats now how da red man in da moobie did it!” Devlynn grumbled grouchily, glaring at the heavy plaster cast on her arm before eyeing the metal doorframe curiously.

  Seeing the wheels turning in his devious kid’s mind, Devil reached for Devlynn’s arm just as the little girl reared back to smack her cast against the doorframe. “Dev! Don’t you dare! You absolutely can NOT beat that cast off your arm!”

  Irritated, Devlynn leveled her parent with a glare that would have made her daddy proud under any other circumstances. “But I don’t like dis ting on me!” she yelled, shaking the cast. “Da red man didn’t haf to hab one and he jumped ev’rywhere!”

  Confused, Devil looked from his kid to his wife. “Do you know what the hell she’d talking about, Molly?” he asked in a low voice.

  Molly could only shake her head and stare at her little girl. Kneeling, she reached out to take Devlynn’s uninjured hand in hers. “Baby girl, what red man are you talking about?”

  “You know da one,” she huffed impatiently. “It da one dat Uncle Nick and Uncle Mando took me to see him, ‘member, Momma? He had da strings come out of his fingers and he could fwy tru da air!” Devlynn explained, wiggling the fingers on her damaged limb before lifting both arms above her head, waving them in the air energetically, cast and all.

  “Uh oh,” Armando Savage winced, shooting Molly a remorseful look. “I think I know where this is going, chica.”

  “Then perhaps you should tell me,” Devil ground out as he glared at their tanned Mexican friend.

  “Yes, tell us,” Molly urged, her eyebrows furrowing as she ran a hand through her auburn hair.

  “Spiderman,” Mannie whispered reluctantly, cracking one eyelid to look at Devlynn’s two puzzled parents. “We took her to see Spiderman,” the nervous man clarified in a near whimper.

  “You two boneheads took my kid to see that webbed wacko?” Devil growled angrily. “What the hell were you thinking?”

  “I was under duress,” Mannie’s husband, Nick, quickly stated as he pursed his lips and glared at his spouse. Sending his husband a stern look of reproof, he continued. “If you recall, Armando, I
wanted to take our niece to see My Little Pony, didn’t I?”

  “Ewwwww! Ponies are for pansies,” Devlynn announced huffily, curling her nose in distaste. “All dey sing about is sharing and caring…. Da red man jumps over buildings and beats up bad guys! He was soooo cool! He could fwy, Daddy!”

  Devil’s eyes went from his kid to the two men he’d trusted with her life for a couple of hours … hours he’d spent trying to convince his wife to have another baby.

  And suddenly, he completely understood her reluctance to embark on another pregnancy journey with him. It was only his baby girl’s soft, “Daddy, my ouchie is starting to hurt ag’in! Make dem peoples in the funny clothes make it stop” that managed to snag her dad’s attention and redirect his thoughts back to where they needed to be. Which, of course, was solely on her.

  Scooping his little troublemaker up in one arm, he reached for Molly’s hand with the other, lacing their fingers together. “I don’t think the nurses or docs can help us much more, but I bet a triple fudge sundae might make things a bit more bearable. How ‘bout we try that?”

  “Okay, Daddy,” Devlynn agreed with a small smile as she laid her head on her father’s shoulder and closed her eyes.

  “As for the rest of you,” Devil growled as he jabbed the button for the elevator. “You’re all off our babysitting list!”

  And maybe it was just his imagination, but he could have sworn he heard several sighs of collective relief.

  Epilogue: 7 Years Old -- Devlynn Delancy vs. The Atlanta School System

  “No, Devlynn. For the last time, you are not calling the Department of Agriculture to report a crime in the Atlanta school district! Just because your apple had a few bruised places on it does not mean the school is serving sub-par foods!” Devil argued with his furious offspring.