The Sizzle Saga

by Sarah O'Rourke

  “Aunt Vivian says I have a case, Daddy, and they need to know about this! It’s an outrage! And it wasn’t just my apple that was bad, Daddy. It was my apple and the apples of FIVE of my friends!” Her little bright eyes almost sparkled as she bounced on her tip-toes.

  “So, because you and your picky pals got a few bad apples, you decided to spearhead a cafeteria-wide mutiny and refuse to eat anything on your plates?” Devil roared from behind his desk as his gaze sought out his terrifying offspring’s mother. Looking into his wife’s serene green eyes, he found her smiling faintly.

  “Aunt Vivian said that there was strength in numbers,” Devlynn declared, lifting her stubborn little chin defiantly. “And she was right, too! It sooo worked,” she added happily with a wide smile as she tossed her copper-colored hair over one shoulder. “The teachers finally let us trade our apples for pudding cups for everybody that wanted them. Now, we just need to make sure that the lunch room ladies get their apples somewhere else from now on. That’s why we gotta call the Department of Agriculture and report this. Vivian says it’s propedure,” his daughter informed him with a knowledgeable little nod.

  “You mean procedure?” Devil wearily corrected his tiny future litigator.

  “Uh huh,” Devlynn confirmed. “That’s it!” she said, pointing at him. “Procedure!”

  Scrubbing his hand over his face, Devil groaned. “I’m going to strangle your Aunt Vivian. This is all her fault. I knew letting you spend time at her office was a mistake.”

  “No, you won’t, Daddy. Uncle Diego wouldn’t let you. Besides, you’d have to go to jail and I have it on good authority that the food is really bad there,” Devlynn shared knowingly.

  Staring at his kid’s angelic face for a long moment, Devil slowly shook his head. How could something so cute be so stinking dangerous? Frustrated, he looked over at his wife who currently sat quietly, curled into the corner of his office’s sofa. “Do you have anything to say about this?” he questioned his wife a tad desperately. Surely, his Molly would have something productive to add here… some piece of advice that would put their mini-wannabe-activist back on the straight and narrow path.

  “What can I really say, Dev? You know as well as I do that one bad apple can ruin the entire bunch!” Molly declared with a little shrug of her slender shoulders as she winked playfully at Devlynn.

  As Devil sank back in his leather office chair, he exhaled slowly and tried to decipher just who the bad apple really was in this scenario.

  Epilogue: 11 Years Old -- So Many Changes

  “No, sweetheart. I’m sorry, but you’re going.”

  “I can’t go, Daaaadddyyyy! It hurts,” Devil Delancy’s daughter whined. “In fact, I think I’m dying! Make sure you bury me in purple,” she instructed theatrically.

  “Yeah, you’re laying it on a bit thick there, princess. I think you’ve been hanging out with Uncle Mannie a little too much,” Devil scoffed, rolling his eyes without looking at his little girl, his mind already preoccupied with the financials he needed to review before his first meeting of the day.

  Shifting from foot to foot as she stood at the bottom of the staircase, Devlynn pressed a hand to her belly and winced as another cramp nearly bent her in half. “Seriously, Dad, you gotta let me stay home.”

  “Baby girl, you already know you can’t miss school. Your mom would be mad at you and furious at me, and since I like staying on her good side, I’m gonna have to insist you attend class this morning.”

  Shaking her head, Devlynn’s bit her lip. “Dad, you don’t understand. This isn’t just any old stomach ache. I swear!”

  “Spawn, I’m sure you’re fine,” Devil assured his kid, using the nickname he’d called her from birth since she was, in fact, the Devil’s spawn. Usually using her nickname made his kid smile, but today her accusing eyes just glared at him. Slightly remorseful, he sighed. “Look, more than likely, this is just a little stomach ache. You’re probably just hungry. Eat some breakfast and see if it goes away,” Devil ordered as he gathered the papers he’d been going over off the coffee table and stuffed them into his briefcase. Glancing at his watch, he noted they were already running fifteen minutes behind. With Molly visiting one of her best friends in Paradise, Tennessee, for the past week, he’d been left in charge of their challenging tween. Needless to say, he had decided that at fifty-one, he was too damn old to fight any battles. Molly was due home tonight, so he knew his time as a single parent was coming to a close, and he wasn’t going to wreck the parenting train now by letting their kid play hooky from school. Molly would never let him hear the end of it if he made that kind of rookie mistake.

  Groaning, Devlynn pressed a hand to her gut as she walked down the last few steps into their family’s living room. “Daddy, it’s not just my stomach. I’m bleeding, too,” she whispered as she bit her lip and waited for her father to react.

  Frowning, Devil looked at his kid over his shoulder as he bolted to his feet. “Where?” he barked as he turned to and hurried toward her, his worried eyes already scanning his daughter for signs of injury. Other than looking a little paler than normal, he couldn’t see any obvious signs she was hurt. What if she was truly ill? Where was his phone? Should he call Molly first or an ambulance?

  Staring at the floor, Devlynn’s hair fell in her face. “It was on my panties this morning when I went to the bathroom. Seriously, Daddy, I’m scared. Do you think I’ve got cancer or something? I mean, who bleeds down there?” she asked anxiously, crossing her arms over her chest as she lifted her head to stare at her father.

  “Down there?” Devil echoed dumbly as his mind began to process exactly what his child had revealed to him. “Oh, shit.” He started shaking his head as realization dawned. “This can’t be happening,” he muttered. His baby…his angel was becoming a woman right before his eyes.

  Oh, yes. He was definitely too damn old for this!

  “What? What can’t be happening?” Devlynn asked, alarmed. “It’s true, isn’t it? I really am dying! I’m going to bleed to death! When I haven’t even kissed a boy yet? When I’ve never even gotten to go on a date? I’m gonna die! I can’t die! You gotta fix it, Dad! Call a doctor or something,” she yelled, growing more panicked by the moment as she shoved a hand through her long, thick red hair.

  Seeing the real fear shining in his kid’s blue eyes, Devil quickly got a hold of himself. He fleetingly thought of calling his brother-in-law Grant. The man was an OBGYN, after all, and would surely know all the answers. But hearing another whimper, he knew it was time to man-up and be there for his kid. While he knew Devlynn would really want her momma for his talk, right now, he was all she had. And he was an intelligent guy…surely, he could handle one simple conversation with his kid about her… her… period.

  “Dad!” Devlynn yelled, shaking a cell phone in his face. “Should we call 9-1-1?”

  Reaching for the slim black phone, Devil shook his head. “No, baby. We don’t need an ambulance.”

  “Why? Is it too late for me?” Devlynn’s freaked voice questioned. “Are you just gonna let me die here at home?”

  “No, honey. You’re not gonna die here at home,” Devil consoled her quickly.

  “So, I’m gonna die in a hospital? I hate hospitals!” Devlynn shrieked as tears filled her eyes. “I want Mom! Call Mom, Dad! Tell her to come home now! Tell her I’m gonna bleed to death!” she yelled, pacing in front of the couch.

  Grabbing his daughter by the arms and forcing her to stand still, Devil looked into his kid’s frightened eyes. “Devlynn, listen to me. You are not dying. I promise you, you’re not.”

  Blinking, Devlynn stared at her dad with wide eyes, not quite believing what he was saying. “But I’m bleeding,” she whispered. “And it feels like my guts are being ripped out of my body. Believe me, Daddy. Something isn’t right.”

  “I’m afraid it is, Baby Girl. Your child’s body is becoming a woman’s body,” he tried to explain, wishing with every fiber of his being that his wife was
here for this discussion. If Molly were having this talk, she wouldn’t feel awkward and foolish. No, she’d be confident and calm. Unfortunately, Molly wasn’t here and his kid was stuck with him. “I’m gonna go out on a limb here and guess that your mom hasn’t talked to you about the changes your body is facing, has she?”

  Flushing, Devlynn shrugged stiffly. “Well, when she took me to get my training bra she mentioned that my growing boobs were just the first of many changes my body would be facing. But I just thought she meant I was gonna get bigger, y’know? Like taller and fatter.”

  “Well, those changes will happen, too, but there’s some other stuff going on inside you right now, too,” Devil tried to explain.

  “What stuff?” his daughter asked warily, her blue eyes narrowing suspiciously.

  Inhaling deeply, Devil gestured toward the couch. “Sit down, Spawn. You and I are gonna have to have an uncomfortable conversation and we might as well sit while we have it.”

  “Dad…maybe we should wait for Mom,” Devlynn suggested nervously, taking the seat her father pointed out on the sofa.

  “No,” Devil denied. “I’m not gonna let you sit around and panic for the next six hours until she gets here. How about I share the basics and you ask her any questions over what I tell you when she gets back this afternoon. Deal?” he asked.

  Nodding once, Devlynn answered, “Deal.”

  Devil spent the next embarrassing hour trying to explain periods, cycles, tampons and pads, cramps and Midol, mood swings, and the healing powers of chocolate to his pre-teen daughter, and he wasn’t sure which one of them was more horrified by the experience. When he’d finished rambling, he’d looked over at his shaken offspring and wanted to hug her. The poor girl looked equal parts terrified and mortified. Lifting a hand to settle over his baby’s neck, he murmured, “I know you have questions, kid.”

  “Uhhhh…. Yeah. Like is it too late to decide I wanna be a boy?” she asked hopefully, wrapping her arms around her stomach.

  “I’m afraid so, kiddo. I promise, this gets easier. Your mom goes through it once every 28 days, and she’s survived so far.”

  “I guess,” Devlynn muttered doubtfully. “It all just sounds so… sooo… gross,” she declared with a shudder.

  “If it helps, according to your mom, your Aunt Sami, and your Aunt Viv, this is supposed to be empowering.”

  “Sounds like a bunch of crap they made up to make you feel inadequate if you ask me, Dad,” Devlynn shared sympathetically.

  “Maybe,” Devil admitted with a shrug. “But what I know for sure is that you’ve got this, kid. It’ll be an adjustment, but there’s nothing you can’t handle if you make up your mind to do it. Now, do you need me to go buy you some of those supplies we talked about?” he asked gently, not wanting to humiliate her any more than he already had.

  Nodding, Devlynn mumbled, “The pads, please. I don’t think I could deal with tampons today. Or any day, for that matter. They’re just too… invasive, y’know? I mean, I’m not putting anything up there EVER!” She insisted adamantly.

  No father could have ever been happier to hear that than Devil was.

  “I mean, YUCK, right, Daddy?”

  “Totally,” Devil agreed gratefully, even though he had absolutely no idea what he was talking about. Pressing a kiss to his daughter’s temple, Devil rose from the couch. “Just give me half an hour, baby, and I’ll have those supplies here, okay?” he asked, already reaching for his cell phone and keys.

  “What about school?” Devlynn asked, tilting her head as she stared at her father.

  School could suck it as far as Devil was concerned. His baby was emotionally confused and physically hurting. However, he was still pretty sure that Molly wouldn’t appreciate him sharing that sentiment with their daughter, so he went with a more diplomatic answer. “I think we’ll give you a pass today, Spawn. After all, you’ve already gotten your health class out of the way today. That ought to be enough to satisfy both your mom and the school system, I think,” he declared with a firm nod before rushing toward the door.

  “Don’t forget the chocolate, too, Dad! Remember, you said it was a really big part of Mom’s monthly coping process,” Devlynn called out before the door closed.

  Smiling as he closed the door, Devil sighed. “Like mother, like daughter,” he murmured, heading toward his car.

  Epilogue: 13 Years Old: Hackers Have Feelings, Too!

  “No, I’m sorry, but that can’t possibly be right, Headmaster Bricks,” Devil denied vehemently even though in his heart he knew that his daughter was entirely capable of carrying out the charges of which she was currently being accused. Snapping his fingers at Molly to get her attention, he watched his wife walk toward his desk, her brows furrowed as she approached him. “Look, I’ll talk to Molly and Devlynn about this tonight and get back with you first thing in the morning, but I absolutely will not tolerate my daughter being expelled for this infraction. It’s preposterous! My daughter has an inquisitive mind, and if one of your teachers was silly enough to leave her password to the grading system in plain sight, you’ve got to expect that a student is going to use it. And as you’ve already said, Devlynn didn’t actually change anyone’s grade. She was merely reviewing her scores. I hardly think that’s a crime worthy of the name hacking.”

  “Oh, dear God,” Molly choked, pressing a hand to her chest as she listened to Devil’s side of the conversation.

  “As you recall, Headmaster, I’ve donated several thousand dollars to the technology center at Dalton Academy, even though you people get public funding that I’ve already paid for with my sizable taxes. The way I see it, my daughter was simply using one of the computers I provided to her school to check on her grades. Perhaps, she went about it the wrong way…” Devil paused, his face reddening as his jaw clenched. “I beg your pardon! My daughter is NOT on her way to a life of white-collar crime, you uptight pencil pusher! I swear to God, Devlynn had better not be sitting there listening to this bullshit or so help me God, I’ll ruin you,” he threatened severely before going silent for another half-minute. “Fine, damn it! Maybe she did hack into your precious system, but suspected hackers have feelings, too, you asshat! Hell, if you ask me, my girl’s brilliant if she was able to overcome your so-called firewalls and get into your impenetrable system! Besides, they were her grades! She had a right to review them, did she not?”

  “Devil, calm down,” Molly hissed as she tried to pry the phone from her husband’s hand.

  Pressing the phone harder to his ear, Devil’s eyes narrowed as he heard the needledick of a headmaster threaten his kid for the fourth time with a disciplinary action that she’d carry in her permanent education file. “Well, perhaps, I’ll simply contact my own attorney and see how legal these threats of yours are, Headmaster Bricks. Even if my daughter committed these actions in exactly the way you’ve described, for a first-time offense, I’m fairly certain you’re overreaching the limits of your authority. Or are you still holding a grudge regarding The Great Apple Standoff of her kindergarten year?” he asked snidely before looking at his worried wife and smiling smugly. Covering the mouthpiece of the phone, he winked at his wife. “I’ve got him running scared, Molly. Don’t worry.”

  Rolling her eyes at her husband’s antics, Molly huffed impatiently. “Devil, her academic future is on the line! Be serious,” she begged, sighing as her husband wrapped an arm around her waist and pulled her down into his lap.

  “I’m always serious when it comes to my girls’ well-being,” Devil assured her before turning his attention back to the phone call. Lifting the phone back to his ear, he smiled as he listened to the Headmaster backtrack. Suddenly, it seemed that his devious little spawn, perhaps, wasn’t quite so bad. “So you’ll retract your comment about a permanent note in her file?” Devil asked harshly. Silent a moment as he listened to the other end of the conversation, Devil smiled. “That’s good to hear, Headmaster Bricks, and yes, I’ll be sure to speak to Devlynn about appropriate bound
aries and computer conduct,” he agreed readily. “Yes, goodbye, Headmaster.”

  Hanging up the phone, he chuckled as he turned his attention toward his wife.

  “Well?” Molly questioned, moving restlessly on his lap. “What happened?”

  “Honestly, it appears our little darling pilfered her teacher’s password to the grading system and went in to try and see her grades. She didn’t alter anything. Hell, she had no intention of making any changes, but the Headmaster initially wanted to make an example out of her. Unfortunately for him, he chose the wrong kid to try to make his stand on.”

  “Ugh! This is all your fault, Devil! You’re the one that kept her in your lap all those times you worked on the computer. She’s picked up on things! It’s a wonder she’s not surfing the dark web by now,” Molly complained, shooting her husband an irritated look. “You’re gonna have to do something about this, Devil!”

  “Oh, I will. Once I figure out if I’m more proud of her or horrified by her. Right now, it’s a close race,” he noted with twinkling eyes and a wide grin.

  “Something tells me that you’re leaning toward being proud of her,” Molly grumbled, leaning back against Devil’s chest as she heaved out a heavy sigh and shook her head.

  “And why is that?” Devil asked, dropping a kiss to the top of her head, his heart skipping a beat as he felt that familiar tug in his soul that came around every time he touched his amazing wife.

  “Because, Devil, you always are! And for the record, days like this? They’re the reason there will be no siblings for our Spawn!”

  Epilogue: 16 Years Old - The First Date is the Hardest

  “No.” her father denied sharply with a clench jaw, attempting to slam the door in her new boyfriend’s face.

  “Nuh Uh,” her Uncle Ben grunted, eyeing her date like he was about as welcome as a gnat at a family picnic.