by Jerry Cole
He stared at his reflection in the bathroom mirror. This was the third outfit he tried, a long-sleeved red shirt, blue jeans, and a black tie, but he was pretty sure he was overdressed. Trevor still hadn’t told him where he was taking him. All he said was he should wear something casual.
Basil sighed as he looked at his watch. He had to leave soon. Otherwise he wouldn’t make it on time. Whatever they were doing, he figured he could unbutton a few buttons, take off his tie, and roll up his sleeves if he was overdressed. Plus, even when Trevor was wearing the most casual clothes, it looked like he was modeling them.
He smiled. He couldn’t believe Trevor actually wanted to go out with him. He wondered if he would ever get used to the idea.
***
When Basil arrived at the venue, he was surprised to see what it was. It looked like a park. It was entirely outside and there were a few seats here and there. The only thing Basil could spot was an ice cream truck parked near a lake. The park was beautiful, but Basil would definitely not have considered it a place for a date. He smirked as he scanned the park for Trevor.
He spotted Trevor sitting down on a bench, wearing sunglasses and looking up at the sky. It wasn’t particularly sunny but the weather was warm enough they could have an outside date, something Basil hadn’t been expecting. He felt something, but he wasn’t sure what it was. While it was a lot simpler than the kind of dates Basil was used to, he could see just how much effort Trevor had put into it. He walked over to Trevor and sat down on the bench next to him.
“Hey,” Trevor said, taking his sunglasses off. Basil caught a glimpse of those gorgeous green eyes and felt a little dizzy.
“Hey,” Basil replied, trying to seem as cool as possible. He wasn’t sure why but he didn’t want Trevor to know just how much he wanted to be there.
“Did you get lost?”
“No,” Basil replied, licking his lips and looking away from Trevor. “I just spent a long time deciding which outfit to wear.”
“I told you to dress casual,” Trevor said, looking him up and down. Basil could see him from the corner of his eye and he could feel his cheeks burning. “You look hot, though.”
Basil bit his lower lip. “You don’t look too bad yourself.”
“Thanks,” Trevor said. “That’s always what I want to hear from my dates. That I don’t look too bad.”
Basil smiled and continued looking ahead. When these dates were pretend, it was easier to get lost in them. Basil thought he was playing a part, they were both playing a part, but now he realized he wasn’t. He had given himself permission to enjoy being with Trevor, because it was obvious he was attracted to the guy. That much had become clear when they spent most of their time together kissing and when he was balls deep in him. He wasn’t just attracted to him. He liked spending time with him. He wanted to spend as much time with Trevor as he could. Basil started to feel sick when he realized he wouldn’t be able to because Trevor was moving away.
He couldn’t believe how much time he wasted just because he wasn’t sure of himself. He had also hurt Trevor’s feelings so much only because he was so steadfast about not being at all introspective. He knew now it was because his feelings for Trevor had scared him, but that definitely didn’t seem like a good enough reason now. Especially now he knew he probably wouldn’t get to see Trevor again after however many dates they could have. Basil was pretty sure it couldn’t be that many.
He didn’t think about it. He reached out and grabbed Trevor’s hand, his skin warm to the touch. Trevor cocked his head, watching him questioningly.
“What?” Trevor said.
“Nothing, it’s just…I don’t know,” Basil said. “I’m not sure how much I should tell you.”
Trevor raised his eyebrows. “I think we’re at the point where we can be honest with each other.”
“Okay,” Basil said. “I guess the thing is that I really like you. I like you a lot more than I was expecting to like you and I think…well, I’m not really sure. I think me asking my sister for your assistance was because I’ve kind of always…”
Trevor didn’t say anything and Basil smiled, shaking his head.
“I guess drunk me knew before sober me,” he said.
“I guess,” Trevor said. He was still holding onto Basil’s hand. “I wasn’t sure whether you’d say yes.”
Basil sighed, leaning back on the bench and looking up at the darkening sky. “Why wouldn’t I say yes? You’re wonderful. Of course I want to go out with you.”
“It’s a shame it took you this long to figure out,” Trevor said.
Basil twisted his lips, his heart dropping. “It really is.”
Trevor leaned up and planted a soft kiss on his cheek. “Thank you for coming anyway,” he said. “There’s this thing I want to show you.”
“What?”
“It won’t happen for another couple of hours,” Trevor said. “Do you want to go for a walk?”
“Yeah,” Basil replied. “That sounds good.”
Chapter Twenty-Nine
Trevor found it so strange to walk around with Basil holding hands. It was weird only because it felt so normal and there was nothing performative about it. They just held hands, walked around the park, and stopped to look at particularly pretty plants or at people walking cute dogs. It was perhaps one of the most ordinary dates Trevor had ever been on and he couldn’t help but love every minute of it. Having Basil by his side took the date from normalcy to amazing. There was something that made Trevor feel incredibly grounded when he was holding on to Basil’s hand.
They stopped by the side of the lake, near a beautiful bridge, and Basil took his phone out of his pocket. “Do you want to take a picture?”
Trevor hesitated, memories of what had happened before flooding his brain.
“Don’t worry,” Basil said. “I won’t show it to anyone.”
“Okay,” Trevor said, smiling. Basil extended his arm and snapped a picture of both of them smiling. Then Trevor leaned his head on Basil’s shoulder and smiled. “Can I take one too?”
“Sure,” Basil said, laughter in his voice.
Trevor fished his phone out of his back pocket and extended his hand to where Basil’s own had been. He snapped a couple of pictures. When he was about to put his phone away, he leaned up and kissed Basil on the cheek. Basil seemed startled, his eyes widened and he moved away from Trevor, just a little bit, which made Trevor’s heart sink.
Then he turned and kissed Trevor square on the lips.
Trevor forgot all about the selfie, dropping his hand to his side as he returned the kiss. It was soft and sweet at first, then Basil put his arms around Trevor and held him close. Trevor broke off the kiss, because it was starting to be as inappropriate for being in a public place as his erection was. He shuffled and was grateful his jeans were tight enough they would hide it. Basil seemed to notice though because he laughed and leaned down to whisper in his ear.
“Do you want to take this back to my place?”
Trevor smacked him playfully on the arm. “We haven’t even finished our date yet.”
“I know,” Basil said. “I just couldn’t help but stare at your crotch and I can see you’re as excited as I am.”
“Pervert,” Trevor said, biting his lower lip.
“You don’t like?”
“No, I like it a lot,” Trevor replied. “There’s just something I wanted to show you. This is the reason I invited you out here.”
Basil smirked. “It wasn’t the cheap ice cream?”
“Well, I mean, that was part of it,” Trevor said. “I did want to treat you to the extremely cheap ice cream. I can afford it now.”
“Good,” Basil said, his arm slumped around Trevor still.
“C’mon,” Trevor said. “I want us to get to the fountains before too many people crowd around them.”
***
Trevor and Basil stood near the fountains. They managed to snag a good spot and Trevor was a little nervous. Maybe he had g
one over the top asking Basil to come here. This was a hidden treasure he found once after he stayed for drinks when an audition had finished and someone asked Trevor if he had seen the fountains. He hadn’t known what the person he was with was talking about but eventually they got drunk and climbed on a bench just to be able to see the dancing fountains, which lit up to music.
Trevor didn’t get the role he auditioned for. It didn’t matter, though. That was one of his fondest memories of the first year he had spent in college, climbing up on that bench and watching the fountains light up colorfully and rhythmically. He wasn’t sure why, but it was important he share that same memory with Basil. He knew he wouldn’t be able to spend that much time with Basil since he would be moving soon. This would only be a fling, but he was okay with having a fling. As long as he got some of Basil, he didn’t mind it wasn’t much. It was better than nothing.
“It’s getting cold,” Trevor said, more as a way of apology than anything else. He wasn’t sure when the show would start and he could tell Basil was getting colder, because of the adorable way his nose had gotten redder.
“It is,” Basil replied. Without hesitating, he took off his jacket and wrapped it around Trevor’s shoulders. The jacket smelled like Basil, like expensive cologne and coffee. He didn’t take his hand off when the fabric was wrapped around Trevor, and Trevor couldn’t help but lean into Basil’s body.
“Aren’t you cold?” Trevor asked.
“I’ll live,” Basil said and kissed the top of Trevor’s face.
Trevor’s heart jumped. He craned his neck up and caught Basil’s soft lips against his own. Basil kissed him back then broke off the kiss as he stroked his cheek with the back of his hand. “Thank you for inviting me to this,” Basil said. “I don’t know how many times I can say thank you.”
“You don’t have to,” Trevor said. “To say thank you, I mean.”
“I don’t know, it kind of feels like I should,” Basil said. “I get the feeling this is something that’s very special to you. I appreciate you making me part of it even though I don’t really deserve it.”
“It’s okay,” Trevor said, twisting his lips. “I think I’ve forgiven you.”
Basil pulled away from him and smiled. There was sadness in his eyes Trevor hadn’t been expecting. “That’s good,” he said. “I’m glad you’ve forgiven me, considering what I did to you. It was no small thing.”
Trevor shrugged. “It’s okay,” he said. He wondered if he meant it.
Basil shook his head again, this time a little more vigorously. “But it’s not okay, is it? I didn’t just hurt your feelings, I was…God, and every time I think about it I feel like such a dick. The thing is. I should. I know I should. I never asked you how you felt about what had happened, I just assumed you wanted more money,” he said, his voice a quiet whisper. “Because I couldn’t face the fact it might be something else.”
“Something else for me?”
“No,” Basil said, shaking his head. “No, something else for me. Something bigger than what I wanted to admit.”
Trevor wanted to ask. He wanted to beg Basil to keep talking, to tell him exactly what he felt, but he knew he shouldn’t prompt him. If Basil was going to tell him how he felt, he would have to do it of his own accord. If he felt any particular way, in any case. Trevor shouldn’t make assumptions about Basil, no matter how much he wanted to.
He heard Basil swallow; he leaned in, and continued whispering in Trevor’s ear, so close that Trevor could feel his breath tickling his skin. “I’ve been thinking about this a lot lately and I just wanted you to know I…”
Trevor held his breath but the rest of Basil’s words were drowned out by a cheering crowd as the fountains started to move and a booming baseline came from somewhere Trevor couldn’t see.
Basil moved away from him, flushed and red-faced, and Trevor held his hand. He hoped by his touch, Basil would be able to tell he felt it too.
Chapter Thirty
Basil was standing outside a no-name takeout store, eating a falafel dish with a flimsy plastic fork and watching Trevor laugh. The way Trevor looked under the open neon light, with his blond hair contrasting his dark skin, Basil couldn’t help but want to commit it to memory. He smirked. He wondered how often he thought about how beautiful Trevor looked, no matter what he was doing. However, there was something about that particular moment, when they were eating cheap food in the middle of the night on a shitty street full of graffiti, that Basil knew he would never forget. Whatever happened with Trevor wouldn’t matter. He would remember this moment until the day he died and he would remember it fondly.
“So, you never had a falafel before?” Trevor said. He was sitting down on the sidewalk and while normally Basil would have never joined him, his feet were tired from standing around the fountain and watching the lights. Plus, he wanted to be next to Trevor. He didn’t care how dirty he got. He slid down the wall and got so close to Trevor he could feel his warmth and Trevor smiled.
“Nope,” Basil said. “I mean, I went to Turkey once, but only stayed there for a couple of days.”
“Ah, right.” Trevor laughed. “The typical only stay in Turkey for a couple of days trip. I’ve been there.”
Basil smacked him playfully on the arm. “Don’t be a dick.”
“I’m the one being a dick,” Trevor said, a smile still on his face.
Basil took a deep breath as he finished the last of his food. He stuffed his flimsy cutlery into the takeout box and jumped up to stuff it in the trash can near the curb. “That was so good,” Basil said.
Trevor nodded, winking at him. “I’ll take you to eat cheap takeout more often.”
“I feel like I have a newly discovered affinity for cheap things,” Basil said thoughtfully.
Trevor chuckled. “I’ll try not to take that personally.”
Basil smiled. “It’s not meant to be taken personally,” he said. “Honestly, this was one of the best dates I’ve ever been on. I think I only spent money on parking.”
Trevor winked at him. “I could teach you my ways.”
Basil sighed and looked down at the floor. “That would be nice,” he said. “I would definitely take you up on it if you were sticking around.”
Trevor looked upset.
“I’m sorry,” Basil said, feeling a stab of guilt. “I didn’t mean to make you feel bad or anything. I just…I guess this is the first time I realized how much I’m going to miss you. I guess it’s the first time I realized how much I did miss you when you weren’t talking to me.”
Trevor raised his eyebrows and opened his mouth to reply, but Basil held up his hand to stop him from talking. “My apology doesn’t seem like enough,” he continued. “I don’t think my apology will ever feel like enough. I think I’m going to spend the rest of my life making it up to you and honestly, that’s okay. I just wish I got longer to do it with you around.”
“What do you mean?”
Basil sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose. “You know,” he said. “I want you to be more than just a fond memory. Well, I want you to be more than just a cringey memory that turned into a fond memory.”
Trevor laughed, throwing his head back. “I’m glad I became a fond memory at least.”
“You…you’re becoming my fondest memory,” Basil replied, quietly. “I can already tell.”
Trevor grabbed his hand and looked into his eyes. “This has been really fun.”
“It has.”
“It’s late,” Trevor said, still looking into Basil’s eyes. “Do you want to go?”
“Go where?” Basil said.
“How about back to your place?” Trevor winked at him.
“I thought the date wasn’t over,” Basil said, smiling back at him.
“It’s not,” Trevor replied, squeezing his hand. “It’s just started.”
***
Basil smiled as Trevor took off his coat and looked around his new apartment. Trevor left it in his car and when they were al
ready watching the fountains. They would have had to leave and lose their spot, so Basil had put his coat on Trevor and then wrapped his arms around him.
“I like your new digs,” Trevor said.
“You do?”
“Yeah,” Trevor said, smiling. “They suit you way more than the converted apartment above the garage.”
Basil cocked his head.
“There’s something about this place,” Trevor continued. “It’s really nice. Is that why you chose it?”
Basil licked his lips, looking around the apartment. It was nice, a little bigger than his apartment on top of the converted garage next to the mansion, but mostly he loved how isolated he actually felt when he was in it. Isolation was normally not a good feeling, but Basil couldn’t help but love it then. The feeling of independence was incredible and he could hardly get over it. Now that Trevor was in it, with him, the loft felt perfect.
“Yeah.” Basil smiled. “That, and I can walk to the university. I don’t mind paying for parking, but oh boy is it a pain in the fucking ass.”
Trevor cocked his head, watching him curiously. “You’re going back to school?”
“Yeah,” Basil said. “I am.”
Trevor didn’t say anything. All he did was raise his eyebrows a little more, which made Basil chuckle and shake his head.
“When I went to college,” he said as they stepped into the living room and Basil turned on the lights. “I studied business because that was what my parents wanted me to do. There was nothing about what I wanted to do. I’ve always loved books. I’ve always loved writing…”
Trevor grabbed his hand, squeezed it, and Basil melted a little.
“So, you let your parents’ expectations take over and didn’t do anything about it?”
Basil nodded. “It sounds kind of foolish when you put it like that.”
Trevor smirked. “You did hire a fake boyfriend,” he said. Then his expression softened. “You might want to see someone about that.”