Nothing to Lose

by Angela Winters

  “I just want to make sure you’re not mad at me about that whole thing with Terrell,” he said.

  She shook her head. “Your heart was in the right place. You’re a good guy, Alex. I worry about you being so close to Jonah.”

  “I may be a few years younger than you,” he said, “but I’m not a kid. I can handle myself.”

  “So can I,” she said. “So the next time Jonah asks you to do something for me, just say ‘no.’ ”

  “I promise.” He placed his hand to his chest. “So you’ll come to work tomorrow, yes?”

  Erica nodded.

  After he finally left, Erica was trying to examine her own feelings, but she couldn’t figure it out. It had been a long time since she’d kissed Terrell, since she’d felt enough attraction to a guy to want to kiss him. So, why had that kiss upset her so much?

  Was it just seeing Terrell the other day? Was it because Jonah disapproved of them together? Was it as simple as their working together made this a bad choice? Erica didn’t know, but she needed to figure it out. A guy like Alex didn’t come around often.

  Sherise was on her way back to work, with her lunch in hand, her mind focused solely on Elena and what she’d been able to find out from her trip to the health club. She had a big speech to edit for Northman, who was speaking at the largest media convention in the country, so she had to try and let it go for now. There were so many eggs in her basket right now that it was overwhelming.

  And then there was the most important egg of them all. As she saw a woman walking, with her hands guiding the stroller that held her new twin boys, Sherise’s hand automatically went to her own belly. She was just approaching three months, and it would soon be okay to tell everyone, even though it really wasn’t a secret to anyone.

  She felt like such a bad mother for not spending enough time thinking about this baby and preparing for it. She’d been taking her vitamins and had gone to the doctor. She would be getting her first ultrasound soon; she hoped Justin was looking forward to it as much as she was.

  She smiled at the thought of having a boy. She knew how much Justin treasured Cady. She was the jewel of his whole heart, but she felt like it would be just perfect to give him a son. She’d like a boy. After all, almost every mother who had both told her that boys were much easier to deal with than girls were at almost every age. Cady was such a little diva already; Sherise felt it was better to have just one diva to deal with.

  She was thinking about all the new clothes she would need to buy, when her phone rang. She reached into her pocket and looked at the ID. It was Beth Martin, her favorite private investigator and the one she used most often. Everyone who was anyone in D.C. had a favorite PI. You had to know who it was that you were really dealing with around here, and everyone was a liar.

  “Beth,” she said upon answering. “What do you have for me?”

  “I was there,” she said. “Bartholdi Park.”

  “Elena met with Dennis?”

  “I couldn’t hear their conversation—where they met was too remote. There weren’t any nearby benches or anyplace I could be without being suspicious.”

  Sherise was disappointed to hear that. What good was any of it without overhearing what they said? “Don’t you have one of those devices to hear from far away?”

  “Didn’t work. They picked a bad time. There were a lot of people walking, running, talking, dogs barking, birds, all that.”

  “So, what did you get?”

  “They kissed,” Beth said.

  Sherise stopped in the middle of the sidewalk; her mouth dropped open. “They kissed? Are you serious? A for-real kiss?”

  “Yes. Well, it was clearly more earnest on his part than hers. She seemed to be annoyed and didn’t want anyone seeing. He seemed a little desperate.”

  “So that’s how she got him on her side.” Sherise made a smacking sound with her lips as she shook her head. Men are easy. “Dennis’s wife left him over a year ago. He’s hard up for anything. A pretty young thing like her comes around, and, of course—”

  “I’ll have to look more into that,” Beth said.

  “First, we figure out Denton,” Sherise said.

  “Denton is in Texas, like you thought. If you’re right about her accent, then that’s definitely where she’s from. There are a lot of women around her age in that area named Elena Brown. Who would have thought it would be so popular?”

  “But how many of them have a sister named Rose?” Sherise asked.

  “Exactly,” Beth said. “I’ll have that information very soon. We’ll know what’s behind lying about Denton.”

  “I have a feeling that’s the key to everything,” Sherise said. “I don’t know why she would target Justin. He has nothing to do with Texas or anyone from there, but my gut instinct tells me that when we find out who she is, and why she lied about where she’s from, we’ll get our answers.”

  “I’ll get back to you as soon as I can, Sherise.”

  When Sherise hung up the phone, her hand was still on her belly and she started again for the office. By the time this baby gets here, everything is going to be back to the way it was before. No, it will be better than it was before.

  What more could a mother ask for?

  “You’re not gonna finish?” Tara asked Billie, pointing to her plate.

  Billie squinted her nose, shaking her head. She pushed away her plate, which contained a large waffle sandwich of tomato, mozzarella, and basil.

  “It’s just not calling my name,” she said.

  “Aw.” Tara frowned. “Now I feel bad for picking this place.”

  Tara’s choice for their second get-together that week was a waffle restaurant, which made both basic and elaborate sandwiches using waffles as the bread. Billie wasn’t crazy about the idea, but their first meeting was dinner at a fancy restaurant and Tara wasn’t very comfortable. She wanted her to pick where they’d meet from now on.

  “It doesn’t matter,” Billie said, smiling. “I’m just happy to be with you. I don’t care where we eat.”

  The almost sixteen-year old—with glowing, beautiful dark brown skin, her father’s piercing eyes, and tiny features—looked annoyed. “You’re not going to start crying and kiss me again, like you did Thursday night?”

  “Was I that embarrassing?” Billie asked.

  “Yes, you were,” Tara insisted.

  “But I missed my little girl,” Billie said.

  She’d been so happy to see Tara that she couldn’t contain herself. She kissed her and hugged her, holding her tightly. The tears came immediately; and although Tara was happy to see Billie, the teen expressed complete embarrassment at her onetime stepmother’s display of affection.

  They spent dinner catching up. Billie was relieved to find out that Tara’s life in Detroit hadn’t been that bad. She was getting along with her grandmother and had made some friends at the private school she attended. She was still sad not to be “home” anymore. She missed her friends. She even missed Porter, even though she was still very mad at him for shipping her off.

  It was all a great distraction for Billie, who was hurting over Michael. She’d expected him to call her; but after a couple of days, he hadn’t. She’d been trying to reach him, but got his voice mail. An e-mail was not returned and her texts were ignored. As every day passed, she believed she’d really lost him.

  But there was Tara, who made her heart warm and allowed her to smile and feel good for the short time they were able to spend together. This little girl was saving her life right now.

  Billie’s phone, resting on the table, vibrated. She quickly checked it, hoping it was Michael, but it was just work. She ignored it and tried to remove the disappointment from her mind.

  “Stop calling me your ‘little girl’!” Tara smiled as she said this, showing that she was actually touched despite what she was saying.

  “I have to stop, don’t I?” Billie responded. “You’re not a little girl anymore. You’ve grown so much just since you lef
t, and it hasn’t even been a year.”

  Tara’s smile faded as she looked away and a veil of sadness took over her face.

  “Am I ever coming back?” she asked.

  Billie was touched by the innocence in Tara’s face as she asked that question. Her eyes widened and she looked afraid to be hopeful. Poor child. This all has to be so confusing to her.

  “It’s been hard on you,” Billie said. “I’m sorry about that.”

  “No one will tell me what’s going on,” she said. “Daddy gets pissed at me and sends me away. He even won’t let me be friends with you on Facebook!”

  Billie was getting angry at the thought of this. It was all Porter’s fault. Doesn’t he love his own daughter?

  “I think things are going to get clearer soon,” she said.

  “I mean,” she continued, “it’s weird, because all of a sudden he says he wants me to come visit him, so I come out here and he’s just . . . He is just in a really bad mood and doesn’t really want to do anything.”

  “For now,” Billie said, “all that matters is that you’re here. We’ll work on making sense of all the stuff that’s confusing.”

  It bothered Billie that Porter’s mood was upsetting Tara, but was that her fault? He was reaping the seeds he’d sown. The fact that Tara was upset about it was his fault and only made Billie angrier with him.

  “I don’t know what I did,” Tara said. “I just feel like—”

  “No.” Billie sat forward in her chair, looking intently into Tara’s eyes. “You didn’t do anything. Tara, don’t let anyone tell you that you did.”

  “Obviously, I did,” Tara said. “He sent me away because you told him about Greg wanting to . . . you know, do it with me, and now—”

  “He sent you away because he was afraid of dealing with you as a father,” Billie said. “It wasn’t your fault. God, I was so afraid you’d think that. I can’t believe this has been festering inside of you all this time. This is why I begged him to let me see you, because I knew you worried about—”

  “Shhhh,” Tara quickly said as she sat up, looking behind Erica.

  “Are you ready?” was all Porter asked when he reached their table.

  He ignored Billie, but she wasn’t going to let him get away with this. He was doing irreversible damage to Tara and it was going to stop.

  “We’re not finished, are we?” Billie asked Tara.

  Tara shrugged. “I’m done, I guess. I gotta go to the bathroom, though.”

  “Fine,” Porter said shortly. “Hurry up, and we’ll leave. I’ll wait for you in the car.”

  Tara grabbed her purse out of the chair next to her and hopped up from the table. As Porter turned to leave, Billie called out to him.

  “I’m just here to pick up my daughter,” he said, turning back to her. “I don’t have to talk to you.”

  “Yes, you do,” she said, looking up at him. “You still have Tara believing it’s her fault you sent her away.”

  “No,” Porter argued. “I made it very clear to her that it was yours.”

  “This is all your fault, Porter, and you know it. You wanted to be with me again after dropping your mistress. I wouldn’t agree and you retaliated by sending Tara away. It was all you had left to hurt me.”

  “I don’t want my daughter around someone who wants to get her on the Pill so she can sleep around. As a father, I have that right.”

  “But you’re confusing her,” Billie urged. “You’re making her feel punished, and it has to stop. It’s doing damage that could be irreversible, even if you do come to your senses down the line.”

  “Look,” Porter said, “you got to see her, Billie. Twice. That’s enough. Otherwise, you need to stay out of it.”

  Billie shook her head. “That’s not enough.”

  “She’s leaving in two days,” Porter said. “I think I’m entitled to spend some actual time with her.”

  “Two meals is not enough for me,” Billie insisted. “She needs to stay longer.”

  “She’s leaving Tuesday,” he said.

  “She’s on summer break,” Billie countered. “It’s not hard for you to manage. I want more time with her. I need more time with her.”

  Porter looked amazed at what he was hearing. “I knew you’d go back on your promise, you bitch.”

  “That was before,” Billie said. “Someone has got to be here for her and let her know there was nothing wrong with her asking about birth control. She’s confused about why you won’t let her talk to me, and she’s—”

  “I don’t care,” Porter said. “Billie, we had a deal.”

  “We have a new one,” she insisted. “At least a month. Make it happen, Porter.”

  “No,” Porter said, standing his ground. “She’s my daughter. She’s the one thing in my life—”

  “I’m the one thing in your life,” Billie said as she hopped up from the chair to face him. She was still looking up at him, but she was feeling just as tall. “You need to think of it that way. I can ruin you, Porter. I can make it so that the closest you get to practicing law is critiquing it on television.”

  “Billie, please—”

  “Don’t say ‘please’ to me,” she demanded. “Just please me, Porter. You do what I want or I’ll destroy you. Or I’ll make you wish you never met me.”

  “I already do,” he said.

  “What is going on?”

  Neither Billie nor Porter had realized that Tara had returned from the bathroom. From the look on her face, she’d witnessed more of this scene than either of them wanted.

  “Let’s go!” Porter ordered.

  Tara wasn’t listening. With frustration, anger, and fear all mixed together on her face, she stormed straight to Billie.

  “Why are you doing this?” she asked.

  “What do you mean?” Billie asked, feeling awful that Tara saw that.

  “Why are you saying those awful thing to my dad?” she asked. “Why would you threaten to ruin his life? Why are you telling him . . . Wait, you’re the reason he’s so unhappy. You’re doing something to him.”

  “Sweetheart, you don’t understand.” Billie reached out to calm her.

  Tara smacked Billie’s hand away and Billie gasped.

  “What is it?” Tara asked, looking from one to the other. “Is it about me? I know you’re talking about me! What did I do to cause all of this?”

  “Tara,” Billie pleaded. “I’ve told you—”

  “It’s not you, baby girl,” Porter said.

  “Then why are you both doing this?” she asked, tears beginning to come down her cheeks. “Everything was getting better, and then I make one mistake and everything falls apart. Now this? Now you’re calling her a bitch and she’s threatening to ruin you! This is crazy!”

  “You happy?” Porter asked Billie. His face was racked with hatred for her.

  “Don’t you dare!” Billie spat at him. “This is all your fault.”

  “Not this time,” he said. “You’re the one with the threats and—”

  “Stop it!” Tara screamed so loud that everyone in the place stopped what they were doing and looked at them. At least everyone who hadn’t already been looking at them turned around now.

  “You’re awful!” she yelled. “You’re both just awful!”

  “Tara!” Billie called after Tara as the teen turned and ran out of the restaurant.

  She started to go after her, but Porter grabbed her by the arm and pulled her back.

  “Get your hands off me!” she yelled.

  “No!” He was fuming. “You stay away from her. Go ahead, Billie. Ruin my career if you want, but I’m not letting you hurt my daughter anymore!”

  He let her arm go and rushed out of the restaurant after Tara.

  Billie didn’t know what to do. She felt panic swelling in her throat, and she couldn’t get out of her mind the look on Tara’s face. This was the worst possible outcome. Billie wanted to blame Porter, but she knew she couldn’t. She was just as much— if
not more—to blame this time around. She’d gone too far. All she wanted was to see her daughter, but she couldn’t stop.

  Just like Michael had said she wouldn’t be able to do.

  She felt an aching of regret throughout her entire body. Her first thought was to call Michael. She needed to talk to him. But when she dialed his number, she got the same thing she’d been getting all week, his voice mail. He wasn’t talking to her.

  She felt like crying now, thinking of the mess she’d made of her life. It was supposed to get better. It was looking up. The new job and the new, guilt-free boyfriend were what she’d been wanting. But she let a desire to get revenge on Porter ruin everything.

  Michael was so right. Billie thought that God must have sent him to her at this point in her life to steer her in the right direction, but she ignored it. Now the man she was falling in love with wanted nothing to do with her, and she was ruining the life of the child she loved more than anything.

  15

  “You shouldn’t have done that,” Billie admonished as she stood over her kitchen counter, eating a frozen dinner.

  “Did you hear anything I just said?” Sherise asked.

  Standing in her dining room, with her baby cradled in her arm, Sherise had just told both Billie and Erica about what she’d found out from her PI.

  “Yes, I heard,” Billie responded. “And you shouldn’t have done it.”

  “She really did yield some great information,” Erica added, speaking loudly into the phone, which lay on her chest, as she sat back on her living-room sofa and ate ice cream out of the carton.

  “Better than great,” Sherise said. “This woman is a serious fraud! When I find out who she is, I’m going to shove it down her throat and choke her with it.”

  “That was pretty violent imagery,” Billie said.

  “She makes me feel violent,” Sherise said. “She’s threatening my family. She’s threatening everything.”

  “Don’t get into a confrontation with her,” Erica warned. “Even though you could probably take her, you have a baby.”

  “Trust me,” Sherise said. “I would never put this baby in danger, no matter how much I’d love to slap her across that little lying face of hers. I’m speaking all metaphorically.”