Becoming His Collection

by Haley Monroe

  “You scared me.” I clutch at my heart and look down at my ruined toast in the dirt. I didn’t actually want to eat anyway.

  “Sorry about that.” He doesn’t look sorry. “Where are you off to?”

  “I have to pick up a few things in town,” I try to sidestep him, to get past, but his feet make the same moves as mine, keeping me trapped. I force a smile and remind myself to be kind to my neighbors. “Excuse me,” I point my finger towards my car, indicating I want to get the fuck around him.

  “Hey listen, my truck is on the fritz and I was hoping you could give me a ride into town? I have a few things I need to do myself.”

  “Um, I don’t know,” I start, but he cuts me off.

  “Come on, you’re going that way anyhow, what’s the problem?” He finally backs up just not far enough. I slink around him as carefully as I can not to touch him. I fiddle with my keys wishing I could just go back into the house and wait for him to go away. “It would be the neighborly thing to do,” he tries to coax me and it works. I know I’ll feel guilty later for saying no, so I shrug. I look him over one more time. He’s wearing faded blue jeans that fit like they should, not baggy anywhere or too tight. His black tee has some band name written across it in a crazy font that makes my eyes hurt and a plaid button up shirt over it that’s undone and hanging by his sides. Yes, he creeps me the fuck out, but like he said, I’m going that way anyhow and he hasn’t really done anything wrong...so far.

  “Fine, yeah.” I roll my eyes after he fist pumps the air. “Get in, I have a lot of things to get done.” He spins on his heels and heads right for the passenger door. I unlock the car with my key fob and feel kind of sick as he hops right in. I follow suit, climbing behind the steering wheel and starting the car. “I need to go to the bakery, the grocery store and,” I pause and look over at Samuel. I don’t want to bring him to the local sex shop with me. That would be way freaking awkward. “Then hurry home to meet someone.” That’s kind of the truth.

  “I also need to go to the grocery store and the post office, if you don’t mind.”

  “That works out great, the bakery is across the street from the post office. You can just run over while I pick up a cake.” I steer the car down the road, going a little faster than I should, but I’d just like to get this trip over with.

  “Sure.” He leans back with his legs sprawled open, that posture guys have when they are completely relaxed and for some reason it really annoys me. He removes a pack of smokes from the chest pocket of his shirt and bangs it on his thigh. “Do you mind if I smoke in here?” I wrinkle my nose and open my mouth to say I do mind, but he’s already lighting one and pulling in a deep drag.

  I step a little harder on the gas pedal and roll down my window seeking the fresh air. The cool wind washes over my face, pulling his rancid smoke from the space surrounding me as I try to forget he’s even in the car. Daddy’s coming home today, all is right in my little world.

  “What’s the cake for?” Samuel asks from the passenger seat.

  “What?”

  “You said you had to grab a cake from the bakery, what’s the occasion?” He puffs out another bout of smoke and I imagine him as a dragon. Dark and scary, blowing smoke before he burns down his enemies. My nose wrinkles and I try not to breathe. My stomach gets queasy from the smell of the burning nicotine and attached chemicals.

  “Oh, today’s my boyfriend’s birthday.” My lips split into a smile. My boyfriend, the idea tickles me, forcing me to think of things other than the nasty smells assaulting me and how much I wish I could puke right now.

  “I shoulda known you had one of those.” He smirks. “That why you didn’t wanna come over Wednesday night?”

  “No, really, I had plans.” I glance over at him, his eyes are locked on me and I feel my tummy flip over in warning.

  “No you didn’t. You never came back outta the house.” He flicks his cigarette butt out the window and leans toward me. “Why’d you lie, Hannah?”

  “Were you watching me?” I feel queasy.

  “I watch everything.” He answers as his hand reaches for my thigh. I swat his hand and he laughs. “What? Come on, I’m a nice guy.”

  “I told you, I have a boyfriend and I don’t know you. I’d prefer for you not to be watching me or touching me, it’s creepy.”

  “Creepy?” He scoffs. “It’s called being neighborly. You watch my back, I watch yours and I’d really like to watch yours, Hannah.” Ugh, I need to get this fucking trip over with and get as far away from Samuel as possible. I don’t speak any more as I drive toward the bakery. I’ve heard enough from him to make me sick and I don’t want to hear anymore.

  When the bakery comes into view, I park the car in the first available parking spot and jump out. Samuel is lazy to get out, taking his time and making me wait. He stretches his legs once he’s out of the car and brings his arms up over his head.

  I stab the lock button on the key fob and point to the post office across the street. “There it is, I’ll only be a few minutes. Then we can go to the grocery store.” A part of me wants to tell him that if he isn’t back to the car when I finish inside, that I’ll leave without him, but that would be super rude. Even if he creeps me out, I can’t abandon him here with no way of getting home even though I really wish I could.

  “It won’t take but a minute.” Even his smile gives me the chills. I give a nod and head for the doors to the bakery. I look back and watch him cross the road without looking in either direction. A silver SUV has to slam on its brakes to avoid hitting him, the tires make a terrible squealing sound that has me covering my ears. Samuel doesn’t even flinch or acknowledge the car that could have just killed him.

  My mouth is still hanging open when he disappears into the post office. Crazy! I push through the doors to the bakery and search my purse for my purchase ticket. I find it and hand it over to the lady at the counter. I ordered and paid for Jacob’s cake a few days ago. My face lights up when the woman brings it from the back room and places it before me.

  “Happy Birthday, Sweet Daddy.” Is scrawled in pink icing across the white frosting surrounded by small pink flowers with pearls for centers. The sugary smells make my mouth water.

  “Oh, it came out beautifully!” I exclaim. “Thank you so much.”

  “No problem.” The woman returns my smile, obviously proud of her work. “I hope your father has a wonderful birthday.” I giggle as I pick the cake up.

  “Thank you,” I don’t have the heart to correct her and it doesn’t really matter anyway. “I’ll see you next time.”

  “Have a good day.” She waves to me as I push the door open with my ass and carefully carry the cake to the car. Samuel is sitting on my hood, smoking another cigarette. He holds up a small key between his fingers and waves it.

  “Now, I can get my mail.” He smiles. I juggle the cake between my hand and knees as I search my purse one handed for my keys. Finding them, I unlock the door and slip the cake onto the floor behind the driver’s seat.

  “Great. Let’s go.” I tap my wrist where a watch should be. “I want to get what I need at the grocery store and meet my friend, with time to spare.” So we can get ready for Daddy’s arrival and his big birthday surprise.

  “Alright, alright.” He drops his smoke and steps on it with the toe of his boots. “Damn, I like a lady with a bit of fire. You’re a bossy little thing, aren’tcha?” We both get settled into the car and I throw it into reverse. He knows nothing about me, he’s exactly the kind of guy I used to date. One who assumes everything and knows nothing. “How long have you been with this boyfriend of yours?”

  “A few months,” I answer vaguely. Thankful that the grocery store is right around the corner and we’ll soon be parting ways again.

  “Does he know how to handle a girl like you?” I look over as he’s speaking and Samuel licks his lower lip while giving me a wink. “I bet he doesn’t. You need a real man to please you, huh, baby?”

  “Please, don�
�t.” the unease in my belly has boiled into something else. Something bordering anger.

  “What?” He asks like it’s me who’s offending him. “I’m just asking.”

  “Well, you’re making me uncomfortable and I don’t like it so please, just don’t.” I search the rows of cars for a place to park. Why is the store so fucking busy today? I find a spot in the back and pull in. I climb out of the car without speaking another word to my new neighbor. I feel his eyes on my body as he follows me into the grocery store. I grab a cart and look over my shoulder, sure enough. His fucking blue eyes are eating up my ass. “Get what you need and meet me at the car in ten minutes.” I don’t wait for him to reply. I don’t want to hear another word come out of his mouth. I look down at my hands and realize I have a white knuckled grip on the shopping cart.

  He has me mad and scared. Not a good combination. I hurry through the aisles, throwing toilet paper and trash bags into my cart. I forget why I needed to come here. It’s not like I want for anything at Jacob’s house. Steph has the pantry and kitchen stocked to perfection and I don’t eat anything at my place. This whole trip seems dumb to me now and I just want to go home. Without Samuel.

  I wander over to the small party aisle and pick up some plastic pink forks and plates for us to enjoy the cake on later. There is a singing birthday candle holder that I just can’t resist and that gets tossed into my cart as well. I glance at my phone for the time, I want to meet with Steph before one pm. Since I don’t know what else I’m supposed to be getting, I send Miranda a quick message.

  So I have this new neighbor, he’s super sketchy. He asked me for a ride to town. You know I have a hard time telling people no. If anything happens to me, his name is Samuel and he lives in the brown house next to mine.

  My phone doesn’t take long to ping back at me.

  What the actual fuck, Han. You can’t text me shit like this. Do you want me to call the police?

  Her reply makes me giggle and I lean over the cart to text her back.

  No. That would be dramatic, he’s not that bad, well not yet anyway. It’s not that serious. We’re at the grocery store now and will be headed home soon. He just fucking creeps me out. Said he was watching my house the other day and he knew I didn’t leave to meet someone after I lied and said I couldn’t have dinner with him because I had plans.

  I stroll a few paces, still hunched over the cart when Miranda pings me again.

  Yeah, that’s not okay. I’ll be at your house when you get there.

  This is why I love you.

  As I’m texting Miranda back with a smile on my face over the love I feel for my best friend, I feel a hand sneak up under the back of my sweater to grab my ass cheek. I jump up and spin around, my hand flying out to smack whoever is assaulting me. My phone falls into the cart and my back pushes it forward as I whirl around. “What the hell?” I scream when I find Samuel behind me with a grin on his face. The cart bumps into the aisle, knocking over a display of birthday cards. He walks forward quickly, caging me in against the handle of the shopping cart. “What are you doing?”

  His hands are on either side of my waist and his chest meets mine as he looks down at me with hungry eyes. “I saw you this morning,” He leans his head down towards mine and whispers in my ear. My hands push at his chest, trying to make him back up. “I know what a filthy, fucking, cunt you are. I know you want me. I can see it in the way you look at me, in the way you’ve been teasing me all day.”

  “Stop.” I scream and push at his chest again, harder this time. “Stop. I don’t want you.” I hiss through my teeth. He shoves me harder into the cart, the metal railing is biting in my back and I squeak in pain.

  “Don’t play shy now, Hannah. I saw you open those perfect legs for me while you were in your bed, inviting me in for a taste. I don’t want to wait anymore. Seeing your ass bent over this cart, reminded me of how much I want you too.”

  “No!” I yell, hoping to draw attention from other shoppers. He grinds his erection against my thigh and kisses my neck. My body is physically sick over his words and how he’s touching me. My lungs heave, trying to puke up the disgusting feelings he’s causing. I make one last effort to shove at his chest with all of my strength again, but he isn’t moving. He’s too big and too demanding and I’m too weak. “Stop, I swear to God,” I warn. His left hand leaves the cart to grab for my chest and I let out a scream like I’ve never screamed before. I expect windows to shatter and glass vases to break.

  Samuel backs away from me covering his ears and suddenly, the aisle is filled with people. “Miss, are you hurt?” A man wearing a manager name tag asks me.

  “Not hurt, but that man,” I point to a red faced Samuel. He pins me with a look that makes my stomach fall to my feet then pushes through the crowd and runs off. “Don’t let him get away!” I yell. “I want to press charges.”

  “Which man?” The manager asks, looking through the swarm of faces. No one is stopping him and I can’t even see him anymore. “Do you know him?”

  “He was wearing a plaid shirt and dark jeans. Fuck, I can’t see him anymore.” I slump against the cart, my heart still racing a million miles a minute. “Please, stop him.” I feel weaker than ever, there is no adrenaline rushing through my system to carry me through this ordeal. I’m hungry and my head hurts. I lean on the cart to keep me on my feet.

  “Do you want me to call the police?” He asks and I feel guilty for thinking Miranda was silly when she asked the very same question only moments ago.

  “Please,” I nod my head and turn to grab my phone from inside of the cart. My hands are shaking and I can’t seem to catch a full breath. My chest hurts and I feel dirty in a way I don’t think I’ve ever felt before. He saw me. He was watching me while I spoke with Jacob this morning. While I touched myself for Jacob. I feel violated and tears pool in my eyes, leaking down my cheeks before I can reach up to stop them.

  “It’ll all be okay, miss. Come with me, we’ll get this sorted.” The manager doesn’t try to touch me and I’m thankful for that. He just holds out his hand to indicate which way his office is and together we walk away from my cart and the terrible scene that occurred. The shoppers didn’t stick around, once Samuel was gone, so were they, making it easy for him to escape. He was just swept away with the crowd, but that’s okay. I know where he lives.

  5

  I sit, still shaking, still angry, in the manager’s office for the police to arrive. The manager has been very kind to me, offering me orange juice and a few sugar cookies while I wait. The juice helps me feel more balanced and the cookies seem to take the anger out of my stomach.

  When the police do show up, I go over everything that happened. How I met Samuel on Wednesday and how he needed a ride this morning. I told them how I’m too stupid to tell a stranger no and how we ended up here. I feel my cheeks turn pink as I explain about the things he said, about watching me this morning. I realize I don’t have a last name for him or even if Samuel is his real name but I give them the address for the brown house he’s supposed to live in.

  They promise to look into the matter and tell me I’ll have to go down to the station to fill out a restraining order, without his last name though that could be difficult. The cop gives me a card with his number on it and instructs me that until we can figure out exactly who this guy is, I can call him if I feel I am in any danger, at any time and I thank him for that bit of peace.

  By the time we are finished and I make it back out of the store with my purchases, the cake in the back of my car looks a mess. The plastic container is sweating and the pretty icing words are running all over the place. My gaze turns upward to glare at the sun. I thought it was chilly enough this morning that the cake would have been fine but the sun seeping in the windows foiled my plans. With a huff, I turn back around and buy a cheap yellow cake from the bakery inside the grocery store.

  It’s not nearly as pretty and I know it won’t taste as good as the gourmet bakery cake I’d planned on servi
ng but it’s the best I can do on such short notice. I drive home with the windows up and the radio off. All the happiness and security I had recently found now feels like a silly dream. Like I was a lost little girl who believed in the magic of a theme park, but now I’ve grown up and can see the world for what it is. It’s a filthy, dirty place with people you can’t trust.

  I was never safe, Daddy could never protect me from the judging eyes of strangers. I’m a fool who’s now more anxious than I’d ever been before in my life. I want so badly to call Jacob, to tell him he was wrong and the world isn’t a place for kind people. I did the right thing by helping a neighbor and look where my kindness got me. I want to hear his voice tell me I’ll be okay, even if I won’t believe him right now.

  I want him here to put his arms around me and make me feel like maybe, just maybe, he’s right. That even through the blips that happen now and again, the world is bright and beautiful and safe.

  When I get home, Miranda’s car isn’t in the driveway. I feel let down yet again. Where is she? Why isn’t she here like she said she would be? I really need her right now. My eyes scan the neighborhood, afraid that Samuel is behind the trees, waiting to jump out and tackle me.

  I park as close to the door as possible and run inside. Locking my car and my house as fast as I can. I grab the bag I packed earlier and make the same hurried motions to get back into my car. Every branch that moves in the wind, every leaf that floats to the ground, makes me jump. I twitch like he’s here, like Samuel is hiding behind the mail boxes like he was that very first time we met. When I threw myself carelessly into the leaves and didn’t even notice I was being watched until he spoke. What if he had attacked me then? There would have been no crowded supermarket full of people to come to my rescue. It would have been just me.