Half Lost

by Sally Green

  We’re standing in front of Soul’s desk. I realize he’s taken my arm and I think he’s guided me here.

  “Give me the book, Nathan.”

  I look at the book in my hand. I was going to put that over the bowl to stop the fumes. I remember that.

  “Give me the book,” Soul says again.

  I shouldn’t do as he says. I look to the bowl and watch the liquid move slowly around.

  “Thank you,” Soul says, and I see that he’s holding the book.

  Soul puts the book on the table and reaches for a glass tumbler. He passes it to me, saying, “Fill this with the blue.”

  My hand reaches for the tumbler but I don’t think I should do it. I don’t want to do it. It’s confusing how it’s happening. I’m confused. But doing what Soul tells me feels good.

  The tumbler is in my hand now and dipping into the blue. The blue laps over my fingers. It’s not cold like I was expecting but warm.

  “Now drink it, Nathan.”

  I lift the glass and sip it. It tastes sweet: sweet, warm water. And I expect it to be hard to drink but it’s easy. I’m surprised I’ve swallowed it all down. And the warm feeling spreads down my chest into my stomach and then down my legs and arms and up to my neck and my head. I roll my head again. I’m so relaxed. So warm. Not dizzy, not ill, not out of control, just very relaxed, and yet now I look around the room everything seems very sharp. Colors are brighter and sounds clearer.

  “I must say, Nathan, you are cooperating so well.”

  I look at Soul. He’s evil and my enemy but . . . I know I can deal with him later, when I need to.

  “Nathan, shall we have a little test? I’d like you to give me the Fairborn.”

  I look at the knife. My knife. It’s still in my right hand. There’s no way that I’m giving it to Soul. And I have a strange feeling that I should kill Soul with the Fairborn, but that doesn’t seem right anymore. The Fairborn feels odd in my hand now. I don’t want it.

  “Thank you, Nathan.” And Soul is holding the Fairborn. He puts it on the desk. “Now, I’d like you to tell me why you’re here.”

  “To kill you.”

  “Are you alone?”

  And now I think of Gabriel and I know I mustn’t tell Soul about him. I must keep quiet. Not tell him anything. But it almost hurts not to answer his questions.

  Soul says, “Answer me, Nathan. Tell me what the Alliance is planning.”

  “An attack.” I know I shouldn’t tell him that but thoughts become words and I hear myself say, “They’re going to come when . . .” When Gabriel gives the signal but I will not tell him about Gabriel. But it hurts not to say.

  Soul asks, “When are they coming, Nathan?”

  I shake my head.

  “Nathan, I know it’s difficult for you. This is a big change for you to deal with. But it’s the right thing to do. Tell me what you know.”

  I look at the Fairborn and I know I should kill Soul with it. I say to Soul, “I’m here to kill you.”

  “I think you’re fighting the blue, Nathan. But I assure you that you’ll feel so much better when you surrender to it. We’re on the same side now, you and I. I’d like to show you that. Let’s go into the next room. Let me show you what’s in there.”

  He walks to the first dead guard and takes his gun, then with his other hand he takes my arm and guides me to the door behind his desk, which he unlocks.

  The door swings open and somehow I’m not surprised to see who’s in here.

  She stands, looking scared, which is good. She’s in a cage, which is better. She’s wearing a prisoner’s yellow overalls and she’s chained by her wrists and ankles to the bars on the far side of the cage.

  Annalise looks from me to Soul and to the gun in Soul’s hand, which sort of makes me want to laugh. The gun is the least of her worries. I send a bolt of lightning to her feet and she screams and jumps back to the far side of the cage, shouting, “Nathan! Please! I never meant—”

  I send another bolt of lightning to her feet and again she screams. I send another.

  “Nathan, enough,” Soul says, and I do as he says and that feels better. Doing what he tells me feels so good and I feel the warmth inside myself. But then I end up looking at Annalise again. She looks terrified.

  I tell her, “It’s good to see you, Annalise. Good to see you chained up in a cage. Not so good to see you alive but maybe I can do something about that.”

  And again Soul’s voice is in my head, saying, “No, Nathan, not yet. Do as I say.”

  Annalise tries again. “Nathan, I know I hurt you. I shouldn’t have done what I did. I’m sorry. I’m so sorry for what I did to you and to Marcus. I wasn’t thinking straight.”

  “Well, of course she would say that, wouldn’t she?” Soul mutters to me, “You can’t trust anything Annalise says. But I’ll let you decide her fate. She’s yours to deal with—when you prove your loyalty to me, Nathan.”

  “Nathan,” Annalise shouts. “Soul used the potion, the blue, on me. I know how it feels—”

  “I don’t care what he’s done to you.”

  “But he’ll use it against you, Nathan. You have to fight it.”

  I send lightning at her and she screams and jumps back again. “Don’t tell me what to do!”

  “But that’s what Soul is doing, Nathan. Don’t let him tell you what to do either.”

  Soul is telling me what to do but it feels good.

  Soul touches my arm and says, “Annalise is as full of lies and deception as ever, Nathan. And she is too distracting, I think. I know you’d love to catch up on old times and I promise you can do that later. I’ll keep her safe here for you.” He takes my arm and guides me to the door, saying, “Come with me, Nathan.”

  Annalise shouts, “He’s telling you what to do, Nathan. Don’t take orders from him!”

  And I stop. Soul is pulling at my arm. I don’t know what to do. Annalise is standing close to the bars, as close as her chains will allow. “Nathan. You don’t have to do as I say or as anyone says. Don’t do what the blue says is right. Do what you know is right. Deep down.”

  “Come with me, Nathan.” And Soul has me by the arm and is guiding me away. And resisting him hurts my head. I look back to Annalise and she’s shouting at me, “Nathan, please! Fight the blue! Hate it! Hate it as much as you hate me!”

  I hate her, but I remember I hate Soul too. It’s all too complicated.

  Annalise shouts. “If you betray the Alliance, you betray all your friends. They’ll all die. Gabriel will die too.”

  I turn back to her again.

  “Don’t even say his name!”

  Soul touches my arm but I brush him off and growl at him. “No!”

  Annalise shouts again. “If you do as Soul says, Gabriel will die. They’ll torture him and kill him. Soul wants that. He wants to kill Gabriel.”

  And I’m so confused. I don’t know what to do. But the blue is warm and comforting and I don’t know how to fight against it. I can’t trust my own body. And there’s only one thing I can do, what I should have done from the start. I ask my other self for help.

  And he comes.

  * * *

  the man, Soul, backs away. he shouts at us. he has a gun. there’s a cage and a girl in it: Annalise. we advance on the man, Soul. our legs feel strong and our neck and back too. we stretch our jaws, getting the feel of them, snapping our teeth together. there’s a warmth in our body that we don’t like. the man, Soul, is talking. we don’t understand his words. he moves to the side, edging away from us. he has a key and he opens the door to the cage. he wants us to go in.

  the girl, Annalise, has moved. she’s talking too. she’s talking quietly, gently. we don’t understand her words. she isn’t a threat. she doesn’t want us in the cage.

  the man, Soul, is holding the door open. we mov
e toward it. he’s pointing the gun at us.

  we are not going in the cage.

  Soul shouts again and we run at him and jump at his neck. the sound of gunfire and a scream hits us as we leap through the air, clamping tight on Soul’s throat, tasting blood, hearing bone crack. Soul shoots again and again. we stay holding his throat, tasting his blood, his sweat. then he’s limp and heavy in our jaws.

  * * *

  Soul’s body drops to the floor, blood running out slowly. I’m already transformed back to the human me, and I’m holding the gun. Soul’s eyes are fluttering open. He’s still alive, just. I heal myself, ridding my system of the residual elements of the blue. I feel clear-headed now and buzzing with healing.

  Soul’s eyes are on me, still full of silver shards. He’s healing too. I point the gun at his temple and as I say “Die” I squeeze the trigger.

  I know guards will be coming. They’ll have heard the shots.

  Annalise is talking to me.

  “I’m sorry for what I did, Nathan. Truly.”

  I need to ignore her, but I can’t. I raise the gun and point it at Annalise. She looks frightened, as she should, but she stands her ground. “Nathan, I’m sorry. I know I hurt you. I wish I could undo what I did. I’ve wished that a thousand times but I can’t.”

  I keep the gun on her. “I don’t forgive you, Annalise. My father is dead. Dead, Annalise. And many others from the Alliance are too. All because of you.”

  “And I have to live with that. But I never meant to hurt you, Nathan.”

  A Hunter bursts into the room. I’m not a great shot but I don’t miss from this distance. Her partner runs in and shoots at me and I get her too.

  I hear shouting. More are coming.

  I tell Annalise, “Stay there and keep low and you might not get killed.”

  I go into Soul’s office, shutting the door on Annalise. I haven’t got the time to think about her now. I drop the gun and consider going invisible but I think it’s time to fight openly. I want them to see they can’t hurt me. I want them to fear me. I want them to know it’s not me who’s going to die.

  * * *

  The first Hunters to reach Soul’s office run in and I let them shoot. The room is full of noise. It takes them a while to realize that bullets don’t work on me. I send lightning back. A couple of grenades roll to me and I pick one up and throw it back so it explodes by the Hunters; the other one explodes to my right and I’m rocked to the side by the force but remain on my feet. And when it begins to go quiet then I shoot out more lightning, filling the room with light and noise and burning electricity. I’m protected inside a cocoon of the amulet’s protection. The lightning I produce is bigger and stronger than anything I’ve ever done before. And then I snap it off and walk out of Soul’s office and down the corridor.

  One Hunter ahead shoots at me. I send a bolt of lightning at her and she falls to the ground. I feel more powerful than ever before. It’s not the Essence that Ledger was talking about, but I’ve accessed my Gifts at a stronger level. I’m not sure why, except I know I’m free of Annalise, free of Soul, and all I need to do is kill those in my way. And the more they try to hurt me the stronger I get. I’m not losing my energy but gaining more.

  I move to the Council Chamber. The Hunters I come across haven’t yet learned that I can’t be hurt. They shoot and throw grenades and I send lightning back and they learn to retreat and a path clears before me all the way to the Council Chamber. Here the Councilors have formed a defensive line behind the big table, which is on its side, and some have guns and others use their Gifts—one sends flames, another heavy objects. Soul’s throne and the other chairs fly toward me and ricochet away from me at the last second. And I stand there and let it all come, let them see what happens. Let them see they can’t stop me.

  “Surrender!” I shout. “Surrender now.”

  And Celia arrives with five of the trainees, guns pointing. “On your knees,” she shouts.

  “Soul’s dead,” I say to Celia and she repeats it as a shout for the whole room to hear. And then arms go up. The surrender begins and spreads quickly. I see Annalise’s father with his hands in the air and I know I could kill him in a second. I go to him and spit at his feet, then turn from him. Celia will deal with him and all the other Council members. I need to concentrate on Jessica and the Hunters.

  There’s shooting and explosions from other rooms. I must clear the ground floor of Hunters to make sure the Alliance members aren’t hurt. And I have to use my lightning carefully now, to ensure I don’t hit any of our own fighters. I move from room to room, down each corridor. It’s a huge building, lots of rooms, and lots of shooting and smoke and bodies. The Hunters still want to fight.

  I’ve not seen Gabriel and that’s bothering me. I know he’d come to me. He’s dressed as a Hunter and in all the confusion he could be taken for one of them.

  Greatorex and three trainees join me and we clear out the rooms, checking the interlinking passages. And we check as we go that the Hunters we kill really are dead. It takes time until we’re satisfied that the ground floor is clear. Two of the trainees have been hit, one killed and one wounded. I tell Greatorex that they should keep back and let me lead.

  The first floor is easier. It’s a smaller area and the layout is simple. I move through it room by room and by the end of it another ten Hunters are dead. Greatorex and the trainees check the bodies and all the hiding places. I still haven’t seen Gabriel but I try not to think about that. I’m in the furthest room when I hear more shooting and I head back along the corridor and catch a glimpse of three Hunters in a room and one of them sees me too.

  Jessica!

  She shouts at me and points her gun. “You!”

  Jessica shoots and I send lightning to her but she’s gone. These rooms are all linked and I run along the corridor to the next room expecting to see her but there’s no one there. Is there another exit we don’t know about?

  More shots, and I run back to the corridor. Another of our trainees lies on the floor, close to the stairs. Greatorex and the others have taken cover in the next room.

  From up the stairs I hear a Hunter shouting, “Keep back. Don’t come after us or more of you will die. We have hostages.”

  And again I wonder where Gabriel is but I know I shouldn’t think about that now.

  I tell Greatorex, “I have to go up there.”

  “They can’t hurt you but they can hurt the hostages.”

  “You have a better idea?”

  She shakes her head.

  “I think there’s some of them in these rooms too,” I tell her. “Jessica and two others. Check them out.”

  I go invisible and move up the stairs.

  There’s a group of Hunters just inside the first room. I can’t see how many but they have their hostage standing in the doorway. It’s not Gabriel. It’s Adele. There are two guns pointed at her head and there’s a thin rope round her neck. I see the skin on her neck is shiny and metallic where the rope is digging in.

  But even invisible I can’t rescue her without her being shot.

  I need to talk to them.

  I become visible and the shooting and shouting starts again but I stay standing at the top of the stairs and wait. Eventually the shooting stops and it’s quiet again.

  I shout at them, “You can’t hurt me. The building is full of Alliance soldiers. Your best option is to surrender. If you kill the hostage I’ll kill you all. The only person who will live through this will be me.”

  I feel a bullet tap my forehead and another my chest. “Soul’s dead, and Wallend. I’ve destroyed the witch’s bottles so you can’t go invisible, but I guess you’ve worked that out already. Now you need to accept that you’ve lost.”

  Another bullet taps my forehead.

  “That’s annoying but it’s never going to hurt me. Surrender. Now. Let the
hostage go.”

  “We’re not surrendering. We’re leaving. Let us go and we won’t kill this one or the other one. You attack us, any of us, and they die.”

  And they push the other hostage to the front with Adele. He’s dressed in Hunter black, but he looks like himself now, his hair hanging forward, part covering his face, blood from his ear running down his cheek. A gun is rammed up hard against the side of his head and a noose of thin rope is round his neck. The Hunter behind him is half holding him up. He looks at me and I know I’ll do anything to get him free. If it’s him.

  “Speak to me, Gabriel,” I say. “Prove it’s you.”

  He leans back against the Hunter behind him and looks at me and his voice is choked and I can hardly hear him as he says, “You’ve been away a long time. Were you lost?” He sounds lost himself, half strangled and fighting to stay conscious.

  “Wounded, not lost,” I tell him, but I do feel lost.

  One of the Hunters shouts, “We’re going through a cut. Try anything, hurt any one of us, and we’ll shoot the hostages. We’re all going through the cut and we’re taking the hostages. Follow and we’ll kill them.”

  The Hunters move into the corridor; there’s eight of them. They keep the hostages closest to me as they back away.

  And I’m helpless to do anything. The gun is hard against Gabriel’s skull. A jolt on the Hunter’s finger and he’ll be dead. I need to stop time. Then I can pick the Hunters off safely.

  I have to concentrate. Rub my hands in a circle, concentrate on stillness, but all I see is Gabriel and the gun against his head. And the Hunters are shouting, “He’s doing something! What’s he doing?” And now they’ve backed into the last room on the corridor and I can’t concentrate enough to stop time but I can go invisible and race along the corridor. They’re in the room, at the far wall covered in bookshelves. And already two of the Hunters are disappearing through the cut. I try again to concentrate, rub my hands and think of stillness, but my eyes are on the Hunters too. Another pair of Hunters at the rear go through the cut. There’s just two Hunters: one holding Gabriel and one holding Adele.