The Wanderer

by Jan Irving

  “All right?” Gabriel asked him, gaze carefully examining Judes face.

  “I dont look like myself,” Jude noted, staring. His hair was wild around his head, his lips were reddened, and blond whiskers studded his cheeks. He never left his bedroom in the morning without shaving or combing his hair or being fully dressed.

  Gabriel peeled away his shirt, and Judes trousers and underwear dropped. His body was pale as a piece of prairie driftwood, warmed by Gabriels touch as he smoothed the thin blade of Judes hip.

  “Youre made like one of those early Greek figures of a boy,” Gabriel noted.

  “I am nearly thirty years old,” Jude countered, annoyed.

  Gabriel smiled. “Sorry to say so, but you look about nineteen, Doc.”

  “Humph.”

  “I like it,” Gabriel confessed, breathing against the loose ringlets of Judes hair as if wanting to take in his scent. It was such a primitive thing that it made Judes belly twist. His cock was hard, hot, when Gabriels cooler finger traced it.

  “Uh!” Jude couldnt help thrusting against Gabriels hand, and Gabriel laughed softly, dimples appearing in his reflection. Jude grinned back when he saw the dimples. “Now who looks young?”

  Gabriel appeared startled as if he couldnt believe hed caught a flash of himself smiling. “Damnation.”

  Jude turned around in Gabriels arms, unable to let his gaze fall too far, to see himself nude and pale in his lovers arms. As if understanding, Gabriel crushed him close. “Little one.”

  Jude grunted, not sure he liked that name, though it was true he felt as delicate as fine porcelain compared to Gabriel.

  “I like your body being smaller than mine. I like that I can almost span your waist with one of my hands. If you wore a corset…”

  “Sir, you are teasing me!” Jude groped behind him for the ewer and its remaining water and splashed Gabriel with it.

  Gabriel laughed again, the sound rusty, like a door creaking open. The dimples flashed as he snatched the ewer easily away from Jude and splashed him back.

  Jude gasped, sputtering. Gabriels large palms grasped his waist and lifted him so he looked down at the bigger man. “Gabriel!”

  Gabriels smile faltered. “Jude, youre beautiful…” He nuzzled Judes belly, just above his embarrassing and prominent hardness.

  Judes fingers dug into Gabriels shoulders. His head fell back. He felt dizzy, like he was flying. The room tilted, and then he was on Gabriels bed again, his lover crawling up his body like a lean cougar, crushing him, kissing him.

  “I never thought…”

  Gabriel seemed to read his mind. “You never thought thered be laughter?”

  Jude swallowed.

  “Oh, Jude, you havent had much of that.”

  “Mouse and the townspeople sometimes made me feel as if I had earned a place. I was wrong.”

  A muscle tightened in Gabriels cheek. “You werent wrong. Youll have that again, I swear it.”

  “But…”

  Gabriel kissed him. Gentle, like a leaf falling from a tree, a brush of lips. Judes heartbeat instantly picked up. One leg moved of its own volition and twined around one of Gabriels.

  “Sweet Jude,” Gabriel groaned. He nuzzled Judes neck so that his head fell back. Jude was conscious of his erection and Gabriels pressed together. He thought he might come just from their proximity, from the painful heat tightening his balls.

  “I dont—” He felt a wash of panic, something he hadnt experienced before, when hed been focused on pleasing Gabriel. Now he felt more vulnerable, his clothing gone, his body open for the larger Gabriel.

  “Shhh, little one,” Gabriel soothed, licking his bottom lip.

  But Jude could feel how Gabriel was shaking finely, feel how hard he was against Jude.

  “Jude, I need you,”

  When Gabriels penis bumped lower, against the divide of Judes rear, Jude gasped in shock, hands clenching into Gabriels lean, wiry arms.

  With a grunt of discomfort, Gabriel yanked himself away from Jude, panting. He wrapped his arms around himself, rocking, his erection prodding the cool night air, sweat making his shaggy hair cling to his neck. He looked primitive, like a wild man.

  Jude crawled behind him and timidly put his arms around Gabriel. “Im sorry.”

  “Youre afraid, and I almost…” Gabriel raked a hand through his hair. “I want to fuck you. I want that, Jude. I cant help it! From the first moment I saw you, I wanted to lay you down on one of your beds and take you. I wanted your legs wrapped around my hips…”

  Judes heart gave a giant thud at what Gabriel was describing. He licked his lips and then brushed them gently against Gabriels neck, hoping to reassure him.

  But Gabriel got up, striding nude and unashamed for the steps down from the loft. He didnt look at Jude. “I need a moment,” he rasped.

  Pulse pounding and mouth dry, Jude fretted as he remained on the bed theyd shared. Jude could see Gabriel was afraid of hurting him, of doing something he didnt like, and Jude knew he was so innocent about being with another man, he had no idea what to expect… Except, given Gabriels size…he thought it might be uncomfortable.

  He chewed on his lip, wondering what to do, and then his gaze fell on the old chest that had been left with the property when hed purchased the cabin.

  * * *

  “You said…” Jude whispered, then cleared his throat and continued in a stronger voice, “that there could be laughter if we… But Gabriel, I find I dont want you to laugh.”

  Gabriel stared at Jude, his mouth dropping open as he knelt by the fire, stirring the coals restlessly. “God Almighty,” he swore, climbing to his feet in one lithe motion.

  Jude almost took a step back. His fingers twisted in the half-done black satin ties. “I found it in the hope chest. When you mentioned a womans corset… but I couldnt do it all the way up.”

  Gabriel circled him, and Jude was conscious of his naked body under the feminine black lace and dark blue material that framed his waist and ran up almost to his nipples. His round ass and his hanging cock were left exposed. He wanted to cover himself.

  “You are a fantasy creature,” Gabriel praised. He brushed calloused fingers against the fine cloth, down until he also brushed the curve of Judes bottom. Gabriel lifted him up, both hands kneading deep into his rear end so that Jude gasped at the sensation, so his cock began to stiffen like the bones that ran down the sides of the corset.

  Gabriels hands moved up, warm against Judes chilled skin as he took the loose lacings from the back and slowly tightened them. He leaned close, and when Jude turned his head, his lips touched Judes. “Wanton,” he growled. “You dont know what you invite.”

  “I dont care. My life is, to all intents and purposes, over now the clinic is gone,” Jude said. “At least let me have what I want.”

  “You take me only because your wholesome life is gone?” Gabriels jaw ticked. “Never mind. I dont care why…”

  “Gabriel…”

  Gabriels palm slapped the high curve of Judes ass, just below the black lace. Jude gasped, and his erection flexed in response.

  “You know I cant leave you virgin, Jude,” Gabriel warned, leaning until their foreheads touched. “Not when you come to me wearing that.”

  Chapter Eight

  The floor and ceiling abruptly changed places. Jude gasped as Gabriel slung him over one broad shoulder. Gabriels hot palm against the cool moons of his rear end, stroking him, made color heat his face.

  “Lets take this back upstairs, shall we?” Gabriels voice was honey, a tone Jude had never heard from him before: the tone of a man who knows he will sate himself upon the body of another.

  Heart pounding with anticipation and nerves, Jude felt the corset bite into him slightly as he clung to Gabriel with his arms and legs. Gabriel took the stairs up to the loft slowly as if savoring holding Judes near-naked body, the feel of Judes fingers digging into him, the sweaty shift of skin against skin.

  When the top stair creaked under
their combined weight, Gabriel carefully put Jude down on the floor. Jude knelt there, panting. “Oh, my goodness,” he said.

  Gabriel stood over him like a tarnished angel ready for an illicit night. His cock was erect, pointing out from his body to one side, framed by luxuriant pubic hair. “Oh,” Jude repeated himself, staring at it. Again he found himself considering…well, the mechanics of the joining with Gabriel. Oh, dear.

  Gabriel abruptly looked slightly abashed. He rubbed his unshaven jaw, and the rasp was very loud in the stillness of the loft. “Its on the large size.”

  “Yes. If I were to measure it, I believe it would be exactly twelve inches in length, and it also possesses a respectable girth.”

  “Respectable?” Gabriel covered his mouth as if hiding a smile. “Ah, yes.” His face sobered. “Jude, when you take it, youll be ready for it.”

  “I believe you have been blessed by the god Priapus.”

  Gabriels hand went to his penis, and he stroked himself…slowly.

  Watching him, Jude held his breath.

  “Havent you ever done this, Jude?” Again the dark honey in Gabriels voice, as if he sought to seduce Jude into spreading himself for his lover.

  “I have never been so bold.”

  “Never touched yourself and thought of a man you wished would touch you?”

  Jude licked his lips, gaze stuck on the stroking movements of Gabriels hand as if he were hypnotized. “I have…resisted.”

  “Oh, Jude.” Gabriels tone was genuinely sorrowful. “I am sorry for that.”

  “Sometimes my feeling escaped me,” Jude whispered. “A dream…”

  “A man, perhaps a man who lives with a woman, but you still—”

  “Yes, damn you,” Jude flashed. “Yes, I am full of lust. There is not a handsome man I do not evaluate, speculate how he would…would taste and smell, how he would feel over me, crushing me into the bed.”

  Gabriels movement ceased as he stared at Jude, who was sweating now, panting.

  Jude turned away.

  “No, Jude.” Gabriels hands on his shoulders.

  “I am ridiculous.”

  “No, you are familiar somehow, as if it was you I have thought about in the mountains, searching for gold, or while I stared into a campfire…or when an attractive man smiled at me.”

  Jude looked back at Gabriel. “You have had congress with men, even out west?” His voice was hushed.

  Gabriel nuzzled him. “Of course.”

  “But how?”

  “It is not such a difficult thing. If a man is like me, he makes it known.”

  “When…was the last time?”

  Now Jude didnt resist when Gabriel turned him around so they faced each other. He forgot about his inexperience and the corset. He was curious. Indeed he was avid.

  “A cowboy I rode the line with about seven months ago,” Gabriel admitted. “Its been a dry summer. Lucky for you I didnt tumble you days ago, I was so randy.”

  Jude blinked. At the clinic, a good part of him had wanted just that—for dangerous and unpredictable Gabriel to take away his choice and give him what he craved. It shamed him since it would be the abandonment of responsibility, and knowing Gabriels hidden gentle side as he did, like a vein of gold shining within the granite of the man, he knew his fantasy was not fair to Gabriel. “How did you come to be with him?”

  “He looked over his shoulder at me one night when I was unrolling my bedroll. We were alone, of course.” Gabriels eyelashes dropped, and his color was high as if he was slightly embarrassed to relate this story.

  “Of course.”

  “We exchanged a long glance.”

  “And?” Jude was as hungry for this story as he was to touch and taste.

  “He turned his back on me. I strode to him and removed his gun belt. I raised his hands above his head, resting them against a willow tree, and then I opened his trousers and dropped them. In the morning, I saw the imprints of my fingers on his hips smudged into his skin, I took him that hard.” Gabriel paused, a smile suddenly blooming. “Oh, Jude, your eyes are as big as that old moon outside.”

  “Heavens.” Judes hand dropped to his cock and then skittered away like a frightened rabbit when he realized what he was doing.

  “Stop,” Gabriel growled.

  “What did I do wrong?” Jude whispered.

  “Doc…” Gabriel lifted Jude to his feet and leaned their foreheads together. “Its that you continue to think of pleasure as wrong, as something you do not deserve.”

  “It is.”

  “It doesnt feel wrong between us.”

  Jude swallowed. “No.”

  “You have grown to hate and fear your own body.” Gabriel massaged Judes tense shoulders. “That is not what I want for you.” His expression eased into scolding, with tenderness lighting his dark eyes. “In fact, I offer my body, my cock to your service.”

  “You are a strange kind of knight.” Jude couldnt help smiling at the idea. Then he worried his lip and asked what he burned to know. “How did you know that man…that cowboy wanted…”

  “I knew because he offered me his ass.”

  “Do you always…?”

  “I havent let anyone…” Gabriel took a deep breath. “No one since Jacob.”

  “The boy you loved.”

  Gabriel cleared his throat. “Yes.”

  “What was he like?”

  For an answer, Gabriel went to the table by the bed. He lifted a tattered piece of paper from under his gold watch and handed it to Jude.

  Very carefully, Jude opened it. He saw the faint outline of a boy. “He was Black Irish.” Jude looked at Gabriel. “I can still see the faint blue of his eyes.” Gabriel sighed. “The truth is…without that drawing, I would barely remember what he looked like.”

  “Only him?”

  Gabriel nodded.

  “What was it like?”

  “It was…” Gabriel rubbed his stubbled jaw. “It was beautiful. It was innocence.”

  Holding Gabriels gaze, Jude felt perspiration break out on his forehead.

  “Id let you,” Gabriel whispered.

  “Gabriel!”

  “Dont faint, Jude.” The laughter was back in Gabriels voice, and there was a flash of his dimples as he put his arms around Jude, holding him close to warm, bare skin and his steady heartbeat.

  Jude rested his head against Gabriels chest, his body slowly relaxing so that he barely cared when Gabriel undid the ties to the corset and it fell away. Gabriel swept him off his feet and into the bed, and only then did Jude tense.

  “Shhh. Itll keep for a little while.”

  Feeling Gabriel hard against him, Jude opened his mouth.

  “Little one, I want to show you…how I see you. Sleep a spell.”

  Frowning, telling himself he was not disappointed though his body ached, Jude didnt resist when Gabriel brought their unclothed bodies together.

  “I am…randy,” Jude admitted.

  Gabriel smiled. “Yes, you sure are, Doc. Just feel that. Feel how it is to want me.” Gabriels fingertips grazed through the divide of Judes ass, and Jude gave a shocked little shiver, but his cock remained swollen, prodding Gabriels muscled belly. “Mmm.”

  * * *

  Jude surprised himself by falling easily asleep in Gabriels arms. But when he opened drowsy eyes hours later to see Gabriel lighting the lantern by the bed, he could almost feel his bones aching. As a doctor, his schedule in town had been busy, and then when the clinic burned… Perhaps like his patients, Jude needed to heal.

  Gabriel pulled the quilt off his body. “Cold.” Judes leg instinctively came up to hide his morning erection. It was dawn, he saw now, the light just gilding the wooden eaves outside the window.

  “I want you to see something,” Gabriel said. Dimples flashed. He looked mischievous and…happy. Jude wasnt used to seeing the other man without that hard mask he normally donned in town.

  Was this what he was like alone with a lover?

  “Come on.” G
abriel held out his hand.

  “I thought when I came out here, I wouldnt have any early mornings,” Jude said ruefully.

  “This is your morning, Doc.” Gabriel guided him back to the washbasin and silvered mirror sitting on top of the chest of drawers by the window.

  “What…?”

  “Look. What do you see?” Gabriel stood behind him so that Jude felt the prod of the other mans cock against his body, so he could watch Gabriels tanned hands run over the pale ivory of his skin.

  “Brown blond hair that looks like a rabbits tail, thin, pale body…”

  Gabriel shook Jude gently.

  Jude bit his lip, finding it hard to look at his own reflection. For years hed avoided it, only looking to shave and to complete his toilet.

  “Ill tell you what I see…” Gabriels voice was throaty, and color flagged his weathered cheeks. “I see a man with hair the color of ancient gold coins.”

  “Gabriel—”

  “Doc…”

  Judes shoulders slumped. “Old coins. Nonsense.”

  Gabriels answer was a smack to Judes posterior.

  “Ouch!”

  Gabriel soothed the heated bloom of Judes skin with his hand, stroking as if he liked it warmed.

  “Your skin is like driftwood lit when the sun comes up and touches it that warm color. You ever see that sitting alone at your campfire, drinking your coffee?”

  “No.” Jude looked at his skin. Hm. “It is healthy. My body is serviceable.”

  “Your body is delicious.” Gabriel nipped Judes neck to demonstrate, and Jude gasped out a laugh. “Mmm. I could eat you.” Gabriels voice was deep with meaning. Jude wasnt exactly sure what he meant, but he flushed, and Gabriel laughed again.

  “This is especially attractive to my eyes…” Gabriel was touching Judes pubic hair. He tried to pull out of Gabriels arms, but they were iron around him, forcing him to watch as Gabriels large hand caressed. “Like lace, like seaweed.”

  Judes cock flexed in reaction, but Gabriel didnt touch him, though he gave a slight smile as he watched it happen. “Your nipples are the color of mesa rock.” Gabriels fingers rose to touch. “I used to lie in my bed when you examined me and imagine suckling on them, imagine your bare ass against me, your body quivering as I held you captive.”