Trusting Tanner (The Collins Brothers)

by Lexi Lawton

  As soon as he left, Juliana closed and locked the door and then rested her head against it. She was officially alone now, and the silence of the apartment was deafening.

  …

  The ringing cell phone woke her. She yawned and blinked the sleep from her eyes. The apartment was dark, only a sliver of moonlight filtering in through the window. “Yeah?” she answered around another yawn.

  “Hey. What’re you doing?”

  “Xander?” She held the phone from her ear and checked the screen. Sure enough, it was him. It was also eleven thirty at night. “Why are you calling me?”

  “I was bored. Wanted to see what you were up to.”

  “Nothing really.” She stood and stretched, trying to rid her body of the groggy, half-asleep feeling.

  “Oh. I’m back home for the Christmas break.”

  Juliana froze midway to the kitchen, and her heart raced. She was suddenly very wide awake. Tanner had texted first thing that morning to let her know he was headed home. Then he gave her the option of asking him to stay, and he would. No questions asked. And while it had been tempting to take his offer, she wasn’t going to keep him away from his family. She took a deep breath. “Glad you made it home safely.”

  “Thanks. Now it’s your turn. Get your ass on a plane and come to New York.”

  She laughed incredulously. “Have you been drinking?”

  “Nope.”

  “Then what the fuck?” Juliana groaned. “Why would you even say that to me? You know what, never mind. I don’t want to know. I’m staying right here in my apartment, and I’ll be just fine doing it.”

  “I’m sure you will.”

  “Good.” Although the small voice in the back of her mind told her it couldn’t be so easy. Xander wasn’t an easy sort of guy. “So why don’t you cut the shit and tell me why you really called.”

  “Okay, you got me. I do have an ulterior motive.”

  Doesn’t everyone? She went to the kitchen and leaned against the island, drumming her fingernails on the countertop. “Well, what is it?”

  He took a deep breath. “I need you to come here for Christmas. It’s super important.”

  She pushed off the island and paced in front of it. “Yeah, right.” This was nothing more than a ploy to try to get her and Tanner back together. She wasn’t falling for it.

  “C’mon. Please?”

  “Does Tanner know you’re begging me to come there?” She stopped pacing and gripped the edge of the counter for support, hoping the pain in her chest would ease quickly.

  “No.”

  She went to her room and flopped down on her bed, draping her arm over her face. “Me showing up at his parents’ house to spend Christmas with his family is going to accomplish what, exactly?”

  “If things go as I hope—a lot.”

  The hairs on the back of her neck stood on edge. “Okay, what’s going on? What aren’t you telling me?”

  “Tanner’s a wreck. He locked himself in his room and hasn’t come out. Mom is freaking, wondering if he’s got some sort of terminal disease he’s too afraid to tell her about.” His laugh was strained.

  “You expect me to believe he hasn’t come out of his room at all? Not even to eat or use the bathroom?” She snorted. “Yeah, right.”

  “He’s depressed. Like full-on, sit in the corner and let the house burn down around him depressed. I can’t stand to see him like this. I’m worried.”

  Juliana chewed on her lip, her heart racing despite the tightness in her chest. It was easier when she’d thought Tanner was doing okay. But to know he was hurting as much as she was… She took a deep breath. “Why are you telling me this?” Her voice wavered.

  “Because you’re the only one who can fix this. He needs you, Jules.”

  She sat up, and the sudden movement had her stomach rolling. Was she really considering going to New York?

  “Will you please come here for Christmas?”

  “You really think me showing up there is going to help him? What if this is just his way of getting over me? Like a mourning period or something. What if he doesn’t want me there?”

  “I know my brother. He’s not getting over you. He’ll never get over you.”

  She fought against the tears that seemed to be a permanent feature lately.

  “I’ll pay for your plane ticket, and if things don’t work out with Tanner, then I’ll drive you back after New Year’s.”

  “You want me to spend two weeks there?” Her eyes widened, and her heart lodged in her throat. “I really don’t think that’s a good idea.” No matter how much she missed Tanner or how badly she wanted to see him, flying to the Hamptons to shack up in his parents’ house for two weeks was not the way to handle the situation. What was Xander thinking? “Besides, what happens if things don’t work out? I am not going to be trapped there with him for two weeks.” She shook her head.

  “Then I’ll buy you another plane ticket, and you can go home whenever you want. But I promise you, once you see for yourself how Tanner’s acting, you’ll be thanking me for harassing you right now.”

  She chewed on the inside of her cheek as she continued to contemplate his offer. Even though she’d insisted she wanted to be alone, she really didn’t. And she missed Tanner so much. She closed her eyes and took a deep breath. “I don’t know…”

  She’d taken a leap of faith with Tanner, and it hadn’t turned out as she’d hoped. Could she now make that same leap again? She had forgiven him, and wasn’t that the hardest part? With time, she could forget all about those pictures. Couldn’t she?

  “Well?” Impatience crept into his voice. “He needs you, Jules. You’re the only one who can get through to him. No matter what’s happened, I know you love Tanner. It’s time to prove it.”

  His words were like a punch to her gut. “I swear to God, Xander, if I get there and you’re lying to me…”

  “So that’s a yes?”

  “Yes.”

  “Good. Pack warm. It’s cold enough to freeze your nipples off.” Then he ended the call, not giving her a chance to say anything else.

  Chapter Thirty-Eight

  As much as Tanner wanted to stay locked up in his room, his growling stomach had other plans. Groaning, he rolled out of bed and trudged downstairs. He’d been calling and texting Juliana all morning, and she hadn’t responded once. Either she was intentionally avoiding him, or something was wrong. He hoped it was the former because he’d never be able to live with himself if something had happened to her. He was bordering on desperation and had even considered calling Devon to check in on her.

  “Hey, I was just coming to find you.” Ryder stood at the bottom of the stairs, blocking him from getting by. “I’m heading over to Chelsea’s to meet up with her and Charity. We’re going to go catch a movie. Want to go?”

  “Nope.” Tanner pushed past him and headed for the kitchen. Hanging out with his bubbly cousins, listening to them ramble on about how perfect their lives were, wasn’t anywhere on his to-do list. Eating was, though.

  Ryder followed. “You’re really gonna mope around in your room the entire time you’re home? Or are you going to take off back to Florida like you did for Thanksgiving?”

  “Nope. I’m staying here and moping around.”

  “Well, this is going to be a fan-fucking-tastic Christmas.” Ryder shook his head and walked out of the kitchen with a muttered curse and something about how they shouldn’t have to pay for Tanner’s fuckup.

  What the hell did Ryder know anyway? It’s not like he’d ever met the one who didn’t give a shit, the one who stole his heart and then crushed it when she wouldn’t give him a second chance. Ryder had no fucking idea what any of that felt like, and he had no right to judge him for not wanting to be Mr. Social.

  He grabbed a can of soda from the fridge and a bag of chips from the cabinet. Not exactly healthy, but it would quell the rumbling in his stomach. Shoving a handful of chips into his mouth, he left the kitchen and hesitated near
the den door. Mom hated when he ate in his bedroom, but he didn’t really want to sit at the kitchen table. To hell with it. He turned back toward the stairs, but then stopped when he heard Xander in the foyer.

  “Mom set you up in the guest room. It’s close to Tanner’s room, so that will work out well for you.”

  Tanner’s heart raced. Who the hell was he talking to?

  “I seriously can’t thank you enough, Xander.”

  His heart stopped, and his eyebrows shot up. What the fuck was Juliana doing here? Better yet, why was she here with his brother? Too stunned to move, he stood there, junk food in hand, when Xander and Juliana rounded the corner. She was dressed in jeans and a V-neck sweater. Her hair was windblown, and her face was rosy red, probably from the cold. She was, as always, breathtaking.

  “Tanner,” she said, almost like she was surprised to see him.

  Xander smirked. “Surprise!”

  Tanner narrowed his eyes. He set the soda and chips on the foyer table and crossed his arms. “What’s going on?”

  “I’m giving you an early Christmas present.” Xander nudged Juliana forward. “I got her here. Don’t fuck it up again.” He lifted her bags. “I’ll take these upstairs and put them in the guest room. Tanner can show you where it is when you’re done.” And then Xander disappeared upstairs, but not before giving her a wink. A knowing smile passed between them.

  “I’m sure you probably have a lot of questions, but if me being here bothers you, I can go.”

  “No.” He shook his head harder than necessary. “I want you to stay.”

  “You do?” Her eyes widened, and her voice went up an octave. Why did she sound so surprised?

  “Yes, I do.” He rocked on his heels.

  Juliana smiled, and he swore his knees were going to give out. “Okay then. I’ll stay.”

  “Thank you.”

  She nodded.

  “So, uh, I don’t mean this to sound rude, but what are you doing here?” He tucked his hands in his pockets, afraid if he didn’t, he’d pull her into his arms and kiss her. Last time he’d gotten close to her, it hadn’t ended well, and he didn’t want to put either of them through that again. Although, knowing she was here, maybe she was willing to give him a second chance. That’s all he wanted for Christmas. Her.

  She kept her head down, her gaze trained on the floor. “Are you sure it’s okay I’m here?”

  “Of course.” Hesitantly, he put his thumb under her chin and tilted her head so she’d look at him. Her eyes were wide and wet with unshed tears. His heart clenched, and he wanted nothing more than to take her in his arms.

  “I’ve been traveling for hours. I really want to get settled and wash up before I have to meet your parents. Then maybe we can talk?”

  Hope sparked in his chest. He had no idea what Xander had said to her, but she was here, and she wanted to talk. That’s all that mattered. “Right. Sure. C’mon, I’ll show you the guest room.”

  “Thanks.”

  Tanner led her upstairs to the room next to his. Her luggage was on the bed, and Xander was nowhere to be seen.

  “My parents are in the city doing some shopping. They should be back soon, though, so when you’re ready, come knock on my door.” He pointed to his room.

  “I will.”

  He hesitated in the doorway. “I don’t know what Xander said or did to get you here, but I’m glad you are.”

  She stepped up to him and placed her hands on his chest. “Me, too.”

  Chapter Thirty-Nine

  Juliana had met Tanner’s parents yesterday afternoon. She’d been nervous as hell, and she had to consciously talk herself out of throwing up all over everyone’s feet. But they’d welcomed her eagerly and warmly. His mom had even hugged her, which was a total surprise. As if all that wasn’t enough, she’d had to stand there and listen to Tanner introduce her as “a friend from college.” Talk about a knife to the heart. She hadn’t expected those words to hurt so much.

  Gathering all of the courage she didn’t have, she stepped out of the guest room and headed for the stairs, hesitating outside Tanner’s door. She’d tossed and turned all night, thinking, agonizing over how to act, what to say when she finally talked to him. Seeing Tanner yesterday was hard. The way he’d looked at her brought back every single emotion she’d ever felt toward him, and it had been almost impossible for her not to blurt out how much she missed him and wanted him. It wasn’t that easy, though. They both had a lot of hurt to get over, and she wasn’t sure they could.

  “Oh, hey, I was just coming to find you.” Xander climbed the stairs, his gaze darting toward Tanner’s bedroom. “He’s in the kitchen.”

  Nodding, she followed him downstairs. Sure enough, Tanner sat at the kitchen table with Ryder, smiling. Her heart thundered in her ears, and she was frozen in place, debating whether she should go to him or stay where she was. But then he looked up at her, and all the breath left her body. She swallowed hard.

  “Good morning,” Tanner said.

  “Morning.” She cleared her throat and forced her feet to move.

  “We’re planning to go out and play in the snow. Want to join us?” Tanner grinned in the innocent, fun way she’d missed so much.

  “You’re going to play in the snow?” She must’ve misheard him.

  “Yeah. You know, sledding, building a snowman, making snow angels…”

  She raised a brow. Juliana had seen snow only once before in her life, but she’d never played in it. “Sounds fun.”

  “Great!” He stood and approached her. “I assume you don’t have any snow pants.”

  “Um, no.”

  “It’s okay. I’m sure my mom has extra stuff around here somewhere. I’ll be right back.” He left the kitchen, and she became very aware of Xander and Ryder staring at her.

  “What?” she asked self-consciously.

  “Nothing.” Ryder stood. “I hope you two won’t spend the next couple of weeks pussyfooting around each other, because it’s really very awkward.”

  “Xander forced me to come here, so if it’s awkward, blame him.”

  “Got it,” Tanner announced as he reentered the kitchen. He handed her snow pants, a pair of boots, and a puffy jacket. “Be sure to layer up underneath. It gets cold out there.”

  She took the clothes from him. “Thanks.”

  “Help yourself to breakfast.” He motioned toward the counter where several boxes of cereal, bagels, and muffins sat. “I’ll meet you back down here in half an hour.” He winked and then left her with his brothers again.

  She blew out a breath. “Will you guys be playing in the snow, too?” She looked back and forth between Xander and Ryder.

  “I am,” Xander said, “but Ryder here is afraid of the cold.”

  “Dude, fuck you.” Ryder laughed.

  She’d forgotten how they harassed each other so much. Shaking her head, she went into the living room to put on the winter clothes. They weren’t the most comfortable things to wear, and she felt like a bloated marshmallow. How on earth was she supposed to walk around in this stuff?

  Tanner and Xander joined her, dressed in similar attire. She could only imagine how ridiculous they must all look. Tanner handed her gloves and a hat. “Let’s go!” He led the way out the back door.

  The snow was a lot deeper than she expected, and she sunk to her knees. Great. She forced her way forward, getting to a point where she could actually walk through it and not get stuck. “So, what’s first on the agenda?”

  “Snowball fight!” Xander scooped up a handful of snow and flung it at Tanner, who retaliated in kind.

  Juliana watched in amusement as they threw chunks of snow at each other—until they turned on her. She squealed and tried to run away but ended up falling flat on her face.

  “Oh shit.” Tanner rushed to her side, helping her up. “Are you okay?” He gently brushed the snow from her face.

  “I cannot believe you guys think this is fun.” She shivered.

  Xander chu
cked a snowball at Tanner, smacking him in the side of the face. Tanner laughed and swiped the snow from his face. His gaze settled on Juliana, a sparkle in his eyes. He looked happy and carefree, and she was struck with an intense pang of longing. This is what she wanted. A life with him filled with moments like this, moments of joy and fun and love.

  As she wiped at the snow on the front of her coat and pants, something hard and wet hit the back of her head. Without thinking, she grabbed a fistful of snow, turned, and aimed right for Xander. Then she did it again, this time hitting Tanner. And all hell broke loose. Juliana laughed so hard she couldn’t stand any longer and dropped to her knees. She fought to catch her breath, but she needed to stop laughing first.

  “Yo, Xander, you got a visitor,” Ryder shouted from the safety of the house.

  Xander headed inside, leaving her alone with Tanner. She was still having trouble breathing but for a completely different reason now.

  “Snow angel time.” Tanner walked over to her. “Come on.” He held out his hand.

  She took his hand, and he pulled her to her feet. “You’ll have to show me how to do it.”

  He grinned. “It’s easy.” He held his arms out to his sides and then fell backward, moving his hands from his sides to up over his head while he moved his legs open and closed.

  As she stood watching, she could see the form of an angel emerging. “Okay, that’s cool.”

  “You try.”

  Juliana lay down beside him and mimicked his movements, feeling silly but also carefree. “Wow, this is really pointless, isn’t it?” She turned her head to look at him.

  “Maybe, but not everything in life needs to have a purpose.” He rolled onto his side and propped his head in his hand.

  Memories of how he lay like that after sex flooded her mind. She drew a deep, shaky breath but refused to look away. “No, I guess not,” she finally said. “How am I supposed to get up without ruining this?”

  Tanner flopped over onto his back and folded his hands on his stomach. “Someone should help you get up, and then you have to jump away from it.”