Wide Awake: Part One (The Ward Family: Scott Ward Book 1)

by Miller, Jessie

  Scott’s loud and booming voice rang from the top of the stairs. “Do I have to bail you out again, brother?” He’s smiling so big, that I’ve never seen how perfect his teeth are. Blake smiles back at him and when Scott gets to the end of the stairs, they hug. I fake smile at them and as we walk into the back yard, my focus remains on Blake. There are now two people who know the truth, but I’m not going to let it ruin my weekend.

  Family weekends are not my thing. Not if I’m the stranger, but for some reason, one hour with the Wards and you feel sucked into their universe. Their “oh so good, filled with love” universe. His paired off siblings (Patrick and Rachel) have their spouses in toe. The other siblings don’t seem to mind and instead spend their time picking me apart. Every time I move to get some fresh air, I can’t escape Scott. When I’m next to him, I can tell how much more relaxed he is than before. I don’t know if it’s the sex or the fact that he’s around people that know who he really is, but I can’t help but feel anxious around his family.

  I finally manage to excuse myself to the restroom when I feel like I’m being watched. I turn and there stands Scott, following me. “Do you have to follow me everywhere?” I ask. He nods. “Scott, I really do have to pee.” His face doesn’t move. I audibly exhale. “At least stand outside the door if you’re going to wait. I’m not peeing in front of you.” I close the door and do my business.

  When I look at myself in the mirror, I’m not sure what I see. I know where I stand right now isn’t really where I should be. I should be helping people with their families and saving the lives of little children and their mothers. I’m not supposed to be the assistant to the billionaire, visiting the billionaire’s family – who are what? Billionaires. I should be at home – sleeping in late, making my coffee, and watching chefs compete against each other on TV while I stay in my leggings all day. Instead, I’m in a bathroom that probably costs more than I’m worth. It’s intimidating to even pee in the toilet.

  After I’ve done my business, I open the door and there he is. Scott stands straight and looks at me. “Are you okay?” he asks.

  “I’m good,” I say. I pause and say, awkwardly, “How are you doing?”

  “I could be better,” he says. He smirks and I’m not sure why. Normally I can read his emotions, but ever since last night, my Scott-dar is failing.

  I readjust myself and go to leave, when he pulls my arm. “Hold on a minute,” he says. One minute I’m standing, going for the door, the next? We’re kissing.

  I make an attempt to flail my arm out of his grasp, but I fail. I just don’t have the energy to stop him. Okay. Maybe I don’t want him to stop. My fucking feelings are always misleading.

  Scott turns around and pushes open the bathroom door, pulling me along. All the while, he’s still kissing me and I’m sure someone has seen us by now. But I don’t care. I just want to know what he has in mind next.

  “Close the door,” he says. I oblige.

  My heart rate is accelerating by the minute, waiting for his touch, for his kiss, for the pleasure of what is going to happen next. He begins to unbuckle his belt and instantly I know what’s going to happen. I put my hands on his jeans to help speed up the process, but he stops me. “All in good time,” he says. Scott’s the king of going really slow and then painfully fast. He unbuttons his jeans, but stops and moves on to the hem of my dress. He quickly takes my sundress off of me and stands back.

  “No panties?” he says. I smile. “You’re a bad girl, Grace Brandt.”

  “Am I?” I tease back. He kisses me and lifts me on to the sink counter. The tile is cold against my ass, but it’s a cool contrast to the heat our bodies are giving off. Instead of removing his jeans, he slowly bends down. His fingers trace along my torso as they meet on my thighs and he spreads my legs open, fast. I can feel my wetness and Scott grins. Without words, he goes in, eating me with only his tongue and the touch of his skin is electric. I bring my hands to his hair and lightly pull. The lapping of his tongue increases and I’m lost. I start to moan and he lifts his head up.

  “Don’t scream or someone will hear you.” He smiles again, this time standing up and removing his pants. I’m still sore from the night before, but the more I look at him wanting me, my body is ready. He rips open the foil packet and hands the condom to me. “Put it on me,” he says.

  I pinch the top and roll the condom over his cock. I then direct him to my opening, where I’m dying for his touch. “Fuck me,” I whisper.

  He gently pulls me closer to the edge of the counter and slams into me. The sensation is overwhelming, but I don’t want him to stop. That’s the last thing I want. The reality of situation disappears and it’s just Scott and I. In this moment, no one else exists. His pounding rhythm continues and I explode. My nails dig into his back and he bites my neck.

  He groans and repeats my name over and over. My inner self is ecstatic, knowing I’ve made him unravel this way. His final thrust brings us back down together again. We smile at each other. I don’t know if he’s as breathless as I am, but our breathing is fast, slow, deep, and shallow all at the same time. All I wish is for this moment to last forever.

  That’s until a knock sounds on the door. “Dude, come on, I have to piss!” Blake’s voice vibrates the door, along with his pounding fist. Scott stills immediately and his eyes go wide. We are not prepared for this.

  “I’ll be right out,” I say.

  Blake pounds the door again. “Whatever, I’ll go upstairs.”

  We wait until we hear him stomp away. Then Scott looks back and kisses me again. “Thank you, baby.”

  “Baby?” I reply.

  “You don’t like it when I call you that?” He asks as he throws away the condom and picks up my dress from the floor.

  “Not that I don’t like it,” I say. “I’m not used to hearing you say it.” I turn around and look at myself in the mirror. My hair is a little messed up, but nothing a good shake can fix. I yelp as Scott slaps me on the butt. “What was that for?”

  “For appreciation,” he smirks. “How do you want to do this? Do you want me to go out first? You go?”

  I laugh. “Let’s just go.” He opens the door and peeks out. We’re clear, he signals. We walk out of the bathroom hand in hand ready to go back to the party. His siblings, aunts, uncles, and cousins - both young and old - have arrived and Emily is corralling everyone for dinner. There are two long tables set in the back yard with the food all around at different stations. My family gatherings in California are laid back and tiny compared to this one.

  I get my food and sit down at the table across from Patrick and Allie. The only sibling that opted out of the reunion is Jack, Scott’s oldest brother, who lives back and forth in London. Jack is the only brother that is truly in the public eye. He’s not the CEO of the company, but he’s the one that does the interviews and goes to major events when Scott demands to be private.

  Allie smiles. “You’re in deep with this one, aren’t you?” I blush. Her voice has the southern twang that instantly comforts me. Before she says anything else, a little bright eyed boy runs up to her screaming, “Mommy!” She picks him up and bounces him on her lap.

  Scott’s hand is on my shoulder as he sits down with his plate. “Walt’s a bit hyper, isn’t he?”

  I giggle as I look at Allie bond with her son. “I think it’s cute.” I’m smiling so much my cheeks hurt. Soon everyone is seated and we’re all eating. I try to remain out of the spotlight by remaining quiet. Scott has his hand on my knee underneath the table, going back and forth on my thigh.

  “So, Grace, let’s us in on the mystery. Tell us more about yourself. Is your family as crazy as ours?” Emily speaks above the table and I freeze. Suddenly, every Ward eye is on me and I couldn’t be more afraid.

  CHAPTER NINE

  I freeze for a moment, not really sure of what to say. Scott squeezes my knee underneath the table.

  I swallow. “Well..” Then I pause. I lo
ok around the table and see the faces of a family that loves each other more than they could possibly love anything else in this world. Yes, I want to share my past with his family, but scared for it not being the same. Not being safe. For being unknown.

  “I was born to a single mother in Chicago,” I begin. “It’s been just her and I since I was little.”

  “No siblings?” Annie says. I nod my head. To a big family like theirs, they probably thought I was the rare case of the single mother syndrome. But my childhood worked out well and my mother is really the one person in my life I can truly depend on, no questions asked. Even if she nags a little too much sometimes.

  There’s a quiet moment and I look down at the table. I don’t like people feeling sorry for me. That’s happened way too much in my life - I don’t need it from strangers. Especially my employer and his family. I feel Scott’s fingers lace through mine underneath the table. He squeezes and for a moment, I am grateful and able to speak.

  “I grew up around a bunch of kids though,” I add to break the tension. “My mom worked for a free clinic in the city until I was in high school. I would always go with her when I didn’t have school and I would go there after school too.” What good can come from me telling him all of this? What am I supposed to do, make them feel sympathetic? I already had a job, I didn’t need another family.

  “Your mother’s Patricia Brandt?” Allie says out of the blue.

  I nod my head. “You know her?”

  “We donated to the Brandt Clinic,” Patrick says. “Of course we would support the only free clinic left in the city.”

  “I didn’t know about that,” I say. “Thank you.” Everyone is paying attention to our conversation and my nerves are heightened. Scott’s still holding my hand. For the first time, since I’ve been here, I feel like this family could welcome me as one of their own. Right after thinking that, the small voice in my whispers this is only temporary. This entire world full of love and happiness is going to be gone sooner than I realize. I remain quiet as the conversation slowly gets pulled away from me and onto other topics, like healthcare in the city, politics, baby clothes, whatever they normally talk about.

  Scott puts his arm around my shoulders and kisses my temple. We sit in silence as we watch his family get up from the table. The little kids are running around playing tag while the teenagers pay more attention to their phones than their own family. Some of the adults have gotten up and migrated to the bar. The only one to stay with us is Annie, who isn’t really talking to anyone. She stays in her seat and just observes.

  “I don’t get how people can do this,” she says. I look at her. “How people can be so happy after they’ve been through tragedy and heartbreak.” Scott warned me Annie is the dramatic one in the family, but something in her eyes is more truth telling than what she says.

  Before Scott and I have a chance to say anything, she gets up and goes inside the house. I exhale and rub my eyes.

  “Tired?” Scott asks.

  “No, trying to relax. I didn’t want to be singled out like I just was.”

  “They didn’t mean to single you out,” he replies.

  “I know, I know.” I say. “I’m just not the type of person that likes talking about the past, when I don’t even know my past. I don’t know who my father is, or what my mother’s life was like. The past, present, and future of your family is literally laid out before you. For me, all I’ve ever done is search.” Scott is silent. I know I haven’t made him mad, but hopefully he understands.

  “Do you want to take a walk?” He asks.

  “Sure.” We get up from the table. Scott tells his mom our plans and Scott tells me to take off my sandals.

  CHAPTER TEN

  The shore of Lake Michigan is colder than the late August air. The wet sand cakes my feet and there are two pairs of footprints as we walk. I don’t know why Scott felt the need to be private, but here we are.

  “I’m confused,” he says.

  “Why?”

  He takes my hand and his thumb caresses the top of my hand. “Because we came here with one objective in mind, and I don’t know how to feel about this other result.”

  “Speak english please,” I laugh a little.

  “I came here with the intention of letting my parents believe that I care about my future. In my head and in writing, you’re supposed to be a pawn to get me to that, but now everything is different.”

  “It’s because we had sex, Scott.” Most of my life I’ve been lead to believe that once men have sex, they’re more willing to think intelligently.

  “It’s not that, Grace.” He stands still. Which scares me. I don’t know what he’s going to say next. “The minute we got onto the airplane, something changed. You were not you and I was not me.”

  “We’re the same people. You’re still my boss. I don’t understand why you’re so angry.” He begins to walk again, towards the lighthouse, which is on the boardwalk.

  “Can someone change within a matter of a day?” He asks. “You’re my assistant and yes, I’m attracted to you, but my feelings towards you have changed.” This is the most he’s talked about his feelings and I only listen. “We have to go back on Monday and yes, we can stay the same while we’re here, but what happens when we go back?”

  “I asked you about this yesterday and you didn’t say anything,” I say.

  “That’s because I’m an idiot and decided to have feelings for you when you talked about your lack of family—“

  “You feel sorry for me,” I say. “That’s why I’m here. I’m a vulnerable woman and that, to you, screams ‘Let’s fuck this one!’” The words keep coming out. I go from supportive to angry in a matter of seconds.

  “I don’t think that,” he says.

  “Then finish your sentence, Scott.” I bite my lip. “Tell me why you have these feelings.”

  “Stop it, Grace.” Scott’s eyes are red and his voice is fragile. I’ve never seen him cry before.

  “Are you crying? Why are you crying?”

  He rubs his eyes back and forth. “I don’t know, Grace. I have no fucking clue.” We stand on the edge of the pier, next to the red lighthouse, looking over Lake Michigan. “All I know is that since you walked into my office on your first day two years ago, I can’t think of anyone else. I was hoping the other women would be a distraction, but when you walked in with my coffee and with a beautiful smile on your face. I… I don’t know what to do with my life next, if you’re not in it.”

  There are no words.

  What happens when the boss that you hated day after day becomes the one person who can make you angry and speechless and loved all at the same time?

  “Say something,” he says.

  I shake my head. “You’re my boss, Scott. If this were the real world, this could never work.”

  “It can,” he says.

  “What about my job?” My voice is much more gentle this time around. “You said with the contract everything would be regulated. The moment we come here, it’s like the contract was torn to shreds.”

  “Do you not have feelings for me?” He asks.

  “Scott, I—“

  “Answer the question,” he commands.

  I stand still. I’ve never said ‘I love you’ to a man before, let alone tell them explicitly that I have feelings for them. Scott is demanding to be love and while his feelings are intense and have been for so long, I’m not sure if I can love that hard. Not now anyways. I take a moment, close my eyes, and breathe.

  Can I see being with this man, realistically? Yes. Can I see having children with him and living in a lakeside town? Yes. Can I see him getting along with my mother? Yes. If all of the questions are so easily answered, why can’t I tell Scott my feelings?

  “Of course I do,” I say. “To be honest, I’ve hated the idea of you for a long time.”

  “The idea of me?” He smiles.

  “The billionaire playboy who doesn’t know the real world around them. I h
ated that you gave me this contract and that I was initially here under false pretenses. The Scott Ward in Chicago is not the man I have feelings for.” I pause and walk up to him. “The Scott Ward who cares fiercely for his family, the man who respects the life his parents have built for him. The Scott Ward I first met on the plane. That’s the man I have feelings for.”

  He closes the gap between us as we kiss. This time, his kiss is gentle and more innocent than before. My feelings are new, but I know instantly they’re more than lust. My heart rate goes up as the fear of what I just said to him fills the air. We continue to kiss and each kiss is filled with hope. I know the moment we go back to the city, everything will be different. All I want is to stay and relish this moment.

  A loud ring interrupts our moment and Scott reaches for his pocket. “I’m sorry,” he says. I shrug my shoulders.

  “Yeah,” he answers. “I’m taking a walk with Grace, Dad. … Okay I’m on my way now.” He shoves his phone back in his pocket. “We have to go back to the house.”

  CHAPTER ELEVEN

  When we return to the reunion, the chaos has calmed down. Peter spots us walking back to the house and waves us over.

  “We were at the lighthouse, Dad. What’s up?”

  “You need to go back to Chicago tomorrow morning.” My eyes widen. I thought I would finally have the rest of the time to relax and actually get to know Scott Ward, the real man, but everything is business. There’s no time for happiness.

  Scott and Peter walk back and leave me standing in the back yard. All of this is too much to be true. I panic in my head. Why did I even begin to make myself vulnerable to this family, to this man, when I should’ve known that everything would come crashing down around me? My skin gets tight and I struggle to breathe. The beginning of an anxiety attack. I walk towards the edge of the yard, where the beach begins. I walk slowly to the water to calm myself. The sun is setting fast and the colors splayed across the sky give me some distraction from the mess around me. For the first time, I wish my mom was here next to me. Telling me everything would be okay and lighting my life with positivity. The chill of the lake gives me goosebumps and I hug myself. Closing my eyes, I try to imagine my real life. The one without Scott Ward’s perfect words. Without his love. I try to take hold of the person I was before I came here. The more I wish, the more my feet sink into the sand, reminding me that this is where I am. This is the person I’ve chosen to be.