It Is What it Is

by Ivory B.

  Lucky walked into the master bedroom admiring the decor. Right about now the plush extra king sized bed was looking mighty inviting. She stopped dead in her tracks as she noticed a picture on the nightstand. Lucky walked over and picked up the picture frame she couldn’t even remember when the picture was taken but it was just a head shot of her smiling brightly. Placing the picture back on the nightstand she looked over at the dresser in the far end of the room and noticed there were a few more framed pictures. She walked over and picked up a picture from one of her favorite trips she ever took with Los, which was her first trip to Disney. He brought her to Disney as promised and it was one of her most memorable vacations to date. Her eyes scanned the many frames on the dresser that housed other pictures of the both of them on holidays and vacations. After putting the last picture back down on the dresser Lucky sat down on the bed deep in thought. The pictures threw her for a loop, there was no doubt in her mind that Los loved her but her insecurities and jealousy had lead her to think that in the past he played more single when he was out here or other places on business. She wanted to believe he was being faithful but just like Cathy said she was letting their past sabotage their future, she was determined to change that.

  Lucky turned her head when she heard Los walk into the bedroom dragging some of their luggage in. Their eyes met and there was sadness in both pairs. They had issues; and both of them were too afraid to touch them for fear of losing one another. “I’m tired. I guess I’ll take a shower and turn in,” Lucky said. “A’ight there’s towels in the bathroom vanity,” with that said Los walked out of the bedroom shutting the door behind him.

  Lucky showered and wrapped her body in a silk robe Los had packed for her. She lay in the darkened room restless for over an hour until she heard the bedroom door creak. Los didn’t even look over at her; he walked straight into the bathroom to shower thinking hard about the current state of their relationship. There was no doubt that he loved Lucky with every bone in his body but he had a hard time understanding how she could leave him like she had. He came out of the bathroom to find Lucky on the balcony staring off into the dark night. Lucky’s face was being kissed by a breeze that was comfortable with a slight chill to it. She wrapped her arms around herself tighter to try and preserve some body heat. Lucky was never the type for heights and being this high up made her a tad bit uncomfortable. Looking across the way at all the neighboring high rise buildings it seemed as if everyone in the neighborhood had their lights on. She couldn’t help but wonder if any one person in that city was feeling the same way as she was right now. Could anyone out there really relate to that knot in your belly and lump in your throat feeling you get when you were uncertain of a future with someone you loved enough to die for.

  Los startled Lucky when he wrapped his arms around her from behind. He felt her body tense up a bit before she fell back into his embrace. She inhaled deeply relishing in this moment with her eyes closed. Los swayed from side to side with his face buried in the crook of her neck. Damn, he couldn’t understand why they couldn’t seem to get it right and keep it right. “I can’t sleep baby. I’m feeling sick. It feels like my ears keep poppin too,” Lucky admitted. Los chuckled a little. “It’s the latitude ma. Colombia is really high up, you’ll get used to it.” Lucky stood in his embrace hugging his arms around her waist tying to build up the gumption to face their problems.

  “Carlos what’s wrong with us? I’m scared you’re pulling away, don’t deny it. You haven’t even told me you love me,” Silent tears ran down her cheeks as she nervously waited for his answer. Carlos could feel her body tense up and tremble as she spoke. He unwrapped one arm from around her and sighed hard as he ran his hand over his waves then down his face. “Louchanna I don’t know. I just feel like you lied to me when you said you forgave me and we could make it after I cheated. You never forgave me and you’ll always have suspicions. That shit is killin us, it’s eating us up from inside out. I’m stressin you stressin this ain’t fair for neither of us.” Lucky felt her throat closing up and her chest tightening. What was Carlos really trying to say, were they over?

  “You make it sound like you’ve been unhappy for a long time,” Lucky uttered. “I wasn’t unhappy; you know you made me happy but I can’t ignore the fact shit ain’t good. We got trust issues and without trust…we can’t make it ma. I mean…you say you love me but how deep is our love? How strong is our bond? When you can just up jump and leave a nigga at the drop of a dime. Lucky I’m tired of you always suspecting me of doing you dirty, I’m always guilty before the actual sin.” “Hold up now, maybe I’m guilty of assuming you were cheating and leaving without finding out the real but Carlos you standing here acting as if my suspicions were unfounded, like you haven’t betrayed my trust and love in the past. I can’t stress enough how sorry I am for not being there for you when you needed me most. On the other hand my suspicions weren’t that off. Ole girl was doin the most to come between us.” Lucky spun around staring him in his eyes. “You wanna know how I knew something was up? Because I could feel it,” Lucky said touching her chest. “That’s how much I love you, I knew it. I know now you didn’t sleep with her but what I can’t understand for the life of me though is if you love me like you say you do, why would you put ya’self in the position you did wit that chick? Why would you keep putting yourself in the position of temptation? Were you gonna sleep with her if I didn’t come up there? Were you attracted to her?” Lucky wiped tears from her face with the back of her hand staring intently at him waiting for an answer.

  “Luck if I told you something you probably wouldn’t even believe me.” “Try me,” Lucky challenged. “The day you came out there wildin, I told ole girl I wouldn’t sex her and I was about to tell her I wouldn’t deal with her personally no more. I was gon have Real or Jah deal with her from that point on. Shit was gettin way too uncomfortable. She was good money but ain’t no amount of money worth losing you. I betchu don’t believe that though do you?” “I do,” Lucky admitted. She had found out from Keema and Ty the whole run down on the thirsty ass hoe; therefore she had no reason to doubt what he was saying. Carlos leaned in lifting her chin with his thumb and forefinger to stare in her eyes.

  “Ma I fouled up in the past I’ma own that. I hurt you bad, I know I did. I saw it in your eyes when I got caught out in the club way back. I promised you that I wouldn’t hurt you again and I’m tryna live up to that promise.” Los reached for Lucky’s hands that were shaking. He couldn’t figure if they were shaking from the cold breeze in the night air or from emotion. “I’ma need you to trust in me Luck. Trust me with your heart like I trust you with mine. We need to have that type of trust and bond with each other that’s unbreakable that type of trust where no matter what no one says you know I wouldn’t hurt you like I did before. I don’t care if ya peoples hit you up and said they saw me with another chick you need to have enough trust in me to know it ain’t about nothin cause I love you too much to hurt you or risk losing you. Can you do that? Can you trust me with your heart?” Lucky looked deep into his eyes and shook her head yes. “I can, I can trust you,” Lucky said blinking and letting tears fall from her eyes. Carlos pulled her into him and hugged her close to his heart “Damn I missed you, don’t eva leave me again. You had a nigga so sick without you, I was fucked up. I love you so much ma…you just don’t know,” Los whispered in her ear while hugging her tight. His omission caused Lucky to breakdown. Since she’d been back he’d given her the cold shoulder and closed his emotions off from her till now. Lucky cried while she hugged him as if her life depended on it. He leaned down and kissed her passionately. When Lucky finally came up for air Carlos gazed into her eyes for a long few seconds. “C’mon Baby girl its getting cold out here.”

  Just as they were about to step back inside from the balcony Los stopped and grabbed Lucky by the back of the neck. “Oh yeah, where the fuck was you at?” Lucky’s eyes bucked as her body tensed and her shoulders hunched up for a second before she caught her co
mposure to answer. “I…I was in Delaware at a Holiday Inn trying to get over you. I have the receipt to prove it if you wanna see, I barely even left my room. ” Lucky rambled off a little nervous by his hand being on the back of her neck. “Word, get over me?” he chuckled with a self assured half grin. “You could never get over me. My love running through ya heart, ya veins, even ya soul,” Los whispered in her ear. A cold chill ran up Lucky’s spine when he made that comment. Both the comment and his tone were eerie but as crazy as the comment was Lucky felt the exact way he described. He definitely had some type of hold over her. “A’ight let’s go before I change my mind and throw ya lil ass over this banister for having me chase you around for months. Lil Kunta you know ya ass is on punishment too, you better not even look at the door,” He said while stepping inside the bedroom. Lucky burst out laughing at him calling her Kunta from the movie Roots. She pushed him playfully in his back.

  Los spun around and grabbed her up by the waist causing them both to tumble onto the bed with laugher. They tussled playfully on the bed Lucky ending up on top of him pinning his hands down over his head. He submitted liking her to take control that shit was sexy to him. “Daddy how long is my so called punishment for? Is it a possibility that I could work off some of my time?” she asked grinding her pussy on the growing hard-on in his polo sweat pants. “Not a chance in hell now get ya hot ass off my dick.” Lucky gasped at his comment then burst out laughing. Los flipped her over on her side grabbed a pillow and popped her lightly in the head with it. Lucky jumped up on her feet like a jack in the box with a pillow in hand giggling her head off. “Pillow fight!” She screamed bouncing on the bed. Lucky hit Carlos in the head with the expensive goose down pillow she had in her hand causing him to pop up on his elbow and look at Lucky’s giddy ass as if she lost her mind. She swung hitting him with the pillow again and again. Until Los clipped her with his foot sending her tumbling down on the bed then he pounced on her like a cheetah in the wild.

  Both of them played like two kids in a sand box making the bed their playground until they both went tumbling to the floor with a boom! Los seeing the fall coming before it happened pulled Lucky on top of him so that he took the brunt of the fall. “Awe shit!” he groaned then burst out laughing looking up at Lucky with her hair everywhere. “Oh my god, Daddy you okay?!” Lucky asked with concern before giggling. “I’m straight.” Lucky climbed to her feet then helped Los up from the floor.

  They both lay in bed trying to catch their breaths. If niggaz could see Los now play fighting under covers and pillow fighting with Lucky they would give him the side eye. That was the thing about Lucky though, she was able to bring a side out in Los that people had never seen before and even he wasn’t used to. Lucky gazed into his eyes and then raised an eyebrow as if she was enlightened by something. “Baby your hair, you let it grow out,” Lucky said astonished. She was so used to Los rocking a neat low cut Caesar with waves. There were times he would even get his hair cut and shaped up twice a week because it grew so fast. She ran her fingers through his thick, fine, black coils with a smile on her face. “Hell yeah, a nigga ain’t have time to get it cut. I was on my grizz, shit got crazy when you left” Los said, running his hand through his hair touching Lucky’s hand that was still in his head. He felt a tingle run through his fingers and down his spine from that one touch. She must’ve felt it too because they locked eyes and she smiled slightly.

  “On ya what? Your grizz?’ Lucky said with a raised eyebrow. Los chuckled “Oh shit my bad. I forgot who I was talking to. Miss college girl. You ejamacated and shit I gotta talk to you with some sense. What I meant was…” “Whateva Big Los I knew what you meant.” Carlos raised an eyebrow “Big Los? Fuck you mean Los. Oh so what you hood now? You run away from home come back talkin like you bout that life.” Carlos said grabbing Lucky up and tickling her. “What’s my name?” he asked over Lucky’s laughs. “Carlos!” Lucky screamed. “Nah what’s my name?” “It’s Daddy! Papi, Pa!” Lucky screamed while trying to squirm out of his grasp. Los finally let her go then winked at her sexily before kissing her pretty lips.

  “Oh yeah I forgot to tell you congratulations.” The look of confusion was evident on Lucky’s face. “For what?” “You got in,” Los said with a slight smile. Lucky sat straight up in bed looking down at Los. “What you talking about?” “I’m talking about you got in to law school undercover nerd.” “I got into Upenn?!” Lucky asked astonished. “But…I missed the deadline to send my app and the letter of intent off and I…” “I sent the app and personal statement,” Carlos said cutting her off. “I’m proud of you ma, I knew you could do it.” Tears started welling up in her eyes “Awe there you go wit that soft shit, I swear you softer than Charmin,” Los teased pulling her into his arms and kissing her forehead.

  In Lucky’s haste to run away from Los after their arrests she said fuck it to everything; even sending her application off. She had found out days prior to the big blow up that she’d done exceptionally well on the LSTAT test. She had her completed app and all requirements spread out on the dining room table with plans to mail them off when everything went down. She knew she’d missed the deadline for the application while she was gone but it never crossed her mind that Los would’ve sent it off for her. Lucky suddenly looked sad, “But what about my arrest?” then panic suddenly set in and took over her pretty features “Oh shit, I missed my court date.” Los decided to fuck with Lucky a little bit. “Oh yeah, I forgot to tell you they put a warrant out for your arrest for skipping court.” Lucky looked horrified and was on the brink of looking like she was going to shit herself. Carlos burst out into hard laughter. “What?” Lucky asked upset about his reaction to her situation. “I’m fuckin with you. I had my lawyers take care of that. They threw them bullshit charges out.” Lucky bit her bottom lip and punched him “Asshole. Why you scare me like that?” Lucky pouted. Carlos reached out pulling her into his arms as she played hard to get by fighting him off weakly. She stopped playing games and cupped his face in her hands kissing him long and hard. Foreheads to foreheads they laid there in that position staring each other in the eyes. “I don’t deserve you,” Lucky said in a low whisper. “Yeah you don’t,” Los said cockily letting her go, grabbing a pillow and fluffing it up to lie on his side. Before his cocky ass could get too comfortable Lucky plopped him in the head with a pillow for that last comment. Los laughed from underneath the pillow. When Lucky snatched the pillow off of his face he was sporting a mischievous grin. Lucky looked at him with a straight face but when he puckered up his lips dramatically she burst out into hard laughter leaned in and kissed his lips.

  By then the sun was up and the two love birds had not stolen a wink of sleep. Both were tired but had been without one another for so long it was as if they were scared to fall asleep and miss one more minute of each other. “C’mere,” Los said in a serious tone seeing how heavy Lucky’s eyelids were. Lucky went to lie on his chest when Carlos grabbed her up laying her on her side wrapping both his strong arms and legs around her putting her in a cocoon of love and warmth. Lucky knew she was going to be out in 5,4,3,2,1 this always put her right to sleep and it didn’t fail this time either. Within minutes they were finally out for the count bodies tangled into a bunch.

  Lucky woke in bed alone the next afternoon. She felt a tad bit of panic finding Carlos was gone. She had slept so long and hard her body felt weak. This had surely been some of the best sleep she had gotten in a long time. Her fears were put to rest when she heard Carlos’ voice downstairs as he spoke on the phone. She ran downstairs like an excited kid on Christmas morning. Lucky waited until he wrapped up his call. “Why didn’t you wake me Papi?” “Cause you was sleeping Mami,” Los sang slapping her on the ass as she stood on her tippy toes hugging him around his neck. Carlos pecked kissed her on the cheek then that little spot on her neck that always seemed to make her purr. Their little love fest was abruptly interrupted by the loud grumble of Los’ stomach. “Eww geesh baby,” Lucky said backing up l
ooking at him. “Yo I’m hungry as hell and its nothing to eat in here, get ready so we can go get somethin to eat, then I’ll show you some of the city.” Lucky smiled excited about seeing the city during the day. Once both of them were dressed Los told Lucky to meet him in front of the apartment while he went and grabbed his car in the parking garage. He had to let the car run for a while before he drove it because it hadn’t been driven in months. Lucky spotted him pulling up in a black Maserati from the apartment lobby. She came out smiling in appreciation the car was nice. Carlos hopped out of the car walked around and opened the car door like he always did. “Awe shit look at you, Big Los you internationally ballin, ha?” Lucky poked. Carlos raised an eyebrow “What I tell you about that Los shit.” Lucky bit back a smile she couldn’t understand why that got under his skin so much.