The Art of Mentoring
Page 13
The rest of the weekend went by too swiftly. Saturday afternoon, I introduced Paul to Lucien and Beth. That night the four of us experienced a superb Chinese dinner at North China Restaurant, an elegant but quiet place where we could enjoy each other’s company. Sunday came too soon, and around two o’clock, Paul left for Oakville.
I know there were times when we seemed to forget the sacrifices you made to come to Houston all alone, far away from your family and friends. And you must have thought we were oblivious to the good things you were trying to do for us.
How true that was of Monday. Everything started out fine. First thing in the morning, Alicia stopped by to tell me Tomás had agreed to let her make the trip to Oakville. The timing was strictly up to me, and if it could be arranged, she could go next week. I promised to make some phone calls and let the people who would be meeting with her know they could expect her call within the next few days. Arrangements would be up to them.
Shortly after ten Marie, Beth’s friend who owned and managed the Frame Shop, stopped by my office briefly and assured me that $850 would buy several pictures for each office. She had brought framed pictures, prints and catalogs so every person would have many pictures from which to choose. My office was to be the last on her rounds. At noon Judy knocked on my door and told me Marie was ready for me. Paul and I travel frequently to tropical islands, so I chose beach scenes to remind me of Caribbean vacations, hoping that the person who replaced me wasn’t a skier. No matter, I felt someone at TYH would be delighted to cover the empty spaces with blue horizons, golden beaches, and skies full of birds.
Everyone, said Marie, had been very pleased with the pictures and had stayed well within the budget, that is everyone except Stuart, who had managed to select $1,300 worth of pictures. There were a few dollars left over, and I realized that it would be possible to do this, but somehow it didn’t seem right. Besides, based on the way he had acted in the meeting Friday, I suspected this had less to do with overrunning the picture budget than it had to do with Mr. Kennedy making another statement. One thing was for sure, there would be no more procrastination for me. I was getting tired of playing games, and I knew it was time for us to talk.
Straight Talk with Stuart
Once again, I decided to do some planning first, even though I was keenly aware it hadn’t helped before. This time I decided more than anything, I would focus on the outcome. I had no illusions that Stuart would welcome what I had to say, but there were two things I was sure of: at the end of our conversation, (1) he would understand that whatever happened to him from this point on was strictly his decision, and (2) he would know I was ready to help him, but only if he asked for my help. With these two thoughts in mind, I headed for his office.
He was talking on the phone and pacing, his back toward the door. “I don’t know what happened, Robert, but be sure I’m going to find out,” he said and turning in my direction seemed startled to see me. “I’ll call you back,” he said hurriedly hanging up the phone.
“Would you prefer me to come back in ten or fifteen minutes?” I asked.
“No,” he responded, looking at me quizzically. “Let’s talk now.”
“About the pictures,” I began. “Marie tells me you went quite a bit beyond the budget. Obviously, that creates a problem.”
“I’ll handle it,” he said. “I just thought that maybe you’d have enough pull to spend a little extra and get people what they really wanted.”
He paused, waiting to see if I’d take the bait. I didn’t. After what seemed like a long silence, he continued, “It isn’t nearly enough money, but I’ll just have to settle for one picture.” He sighed. “I guess you tried, and it was the best you could do.”
“I didn’t get the impression anyone else was particularly concerned about it.”
“Of course, you didn’t. Why would you? And while we’re talking, could you tell me why you’re bringing in Justin Graves over Robert Darman, who just happens to be three times more qualified?”
“It was a close call,” I said.
“Excuse me! Close? I don’t see how! None of the marketing managers I’ve known would have picked someone with no marketing education or background when he had a good candidate who had both.”
I took a few deep breaths. “Just so you’ll know, I consulted with several people in whom I have great confidence. It’s not that Robert wasn’t a strong contender but that Justin was also one and for different reasons. In the end, it was my decision, and I guess that’s all I’m willing to say about the subject. So, thanks for asking, but case closed.”
“Case closed?” His jaw was tensed, his neck flecked with small red spots.
“I’m wondering Stuart, what have I done to make you so angry?”
“I don’t know what you’re talking about. I’m not angry—not at all.”
“Well, perhaps I’ve come to the wrong conclusion, but it’s based on your tone, your comments and the fact that your fists are clenched.”
“Okay, so I’m not particularly happy right now. Look, this is nothing against you personally so don’t take it that way. I’m sure you’re trying your best. But why didn’t they send someone who knows something about this business?”
I had made up my mind that nothing Stuart said was going to make me lose my composure, so I took another deep breath and responded, “That’s a good question. The truth is that Elroy Grant sent me here to assess the situation and see what I could do to help everyone, but I’m stuck when it comes to you, Stuart. I’ve been told you have leadership ability, but I have yet to see you using it. The focus of your energy appears to be on tearing things down rather than on being the achiever I’ve heard you are. That puzzles me because you’ve told me you’d like to move up.”
“I don’t know what you’re talking about, Rachel. Can you try to be more specific?” he said in a tone that confirmed all that I had already said.
“For one thing, Stuart, please stop using the word try when it comes to me. Honestly, I find it demeaning. I’ll be glad to be more specific. In every encounter we’ve had, including this one, there’s been a caustic undertone. I want to work with you and help in any way I can, but I’m really finding it difficult. Any suggestions?”
“No,” he said.
“Then, let me make one. You’re at a critical moment in your TYH career. The most important thing for you to think about is your future.”
“What do you mean?”
“I’ve heard you’re very talented, but you are damaging your reputation with your cynicism. You might want to step back and look at what’s happened. Your co-workers and supervisors have seen it. I’ve certainly been aware of it in our two previous discussions and in Friday’s meeting. Today’s handling of the pictures is just another example.” I paused to see if he wanted to say something. He didn’t. “Stuart, it’s not too late. Things probably haven’t worked out to be what you expected—but that happens to a lot of people, and they pick up and go on. You’ve got options to consider, but if your attitude doesn’t improve, they’ll be more and more limited. The decision of what happens to your career is in your hands. I’ve offered to help, but...”
“What can you do for me?”
“Not one thing until you decide you want help. It’s up to you, Stuart. Is there anything you want to talk about?”
“Yes, you said Elroy Grant was coming. Can you tell me when?”
“Not precisely but it’ll be in the next couple of weeks.”
“Have you spoken to him about me?”
“I’ve spoken to Elroy about everyone.” I paused to let that news sink in. It did. “Is there anything more?”
“I don’t think so. I guess I’ll think about my options. As you said, it’s my choice.”
“Right, and I’m available to talk. Anytime.”
He turned toward his desk. “I’ve got some things to do right now.” I nodded, said an unanswered goodbye and left.
To: egrant@pwe.net
From: Rachel@pwe.
net
I talked with Stuart today. Don’t ask me how it went, because I’m not sure. He had little to say except for questioning my competence. Suffice it to say, I’ve delivered the message of choice, responsibility and options. The next step is his.
Rachel
Several hours later:
To: Rachel@pwe.net
From: egrant@pwe.net
Good work. All injections hurt going in. The question is, will the medicine take effect or is the patient beyond help. Time will tell.
Elroy
P.S. You’re the most competent person I know.
Elroy had a genius for saying the right thing.
NOTES TO MENTORING FILE
_____________________________
The Mentor as Honest and Empathetic Listener
If you’re faced with mentoring someone past a powerful, emotional experience, it’s important to let the person tell you the “whole story” in his own words. Resist the urge to underplay or overplay the situation. And don’t try to make things better. Sometimes learning something is painful, but it’s a growth experience. This is one time when you should try VERY HARD to share a similar situation. Make your story short. The important message is, you didn’t die, and you weren’t fired. A very effective comment a mentor once made to me in such a situation was: “Let’s go to school on this one.” I immediately realized I was in a learning mode. That’s what you want to help the mentee see.
Before engaging in a conflict, ask these boundary questions:
1. Does this really matter to me?
2. Is it worthy of me?
3. If I engage, will it achieve the best outcome?
When problem solving with others, use this three-step approach:
1. First agree on the desired outcome. That’s critical. Unless both want the same result, there’s no way to settle differences on how to get there.
2. Before discussing disagreements, emphasize areas of agreement.
3. Negotiate to solve the differences.
Responding Rather Than Reacting
in Conflict Situations
Responding is a more powerful way of handling things because it engages your thinking process. Reacting focuses on emotions. A strong reaction is a red flag. You should immediately disengage in these ways:
1. Change perspective physically by moving away or looking somewhere else.
2. Change perspective emotionally by pausing and taking a few deep breaths.
3. If neither approach works, make whatever excuse is necessary to take a break from the action.
CHAPTER 10
Building Confidence
Everything happens to everyone sooner or later if there is time enough.
— George Bernard Shaw
Tuesday and Wednesday were uneventful. After Monday, they seemed almost like the intermission in a melodrama. There was still much to do, but thank goodness, no tragedies involved. Tuesday, I made calls to two PWE work processes superstars, and they were delighted that Alicia was coming to visit. She would be calling sometime today or early tomorrow I told them. My third call was to Elroy, who said he would have his secretary handle logistics, hotel arrangements, and morning pickups, organize a small dinner meeting on Alicia’s first night, and if he were available, he would personally handle her PWE tour. She was slated for the royal treatment. “If you send her here, that’s good enough for me,” he said. When I told Alicia how things were going, you would have thought I’d doubled her salary. I couldn’t think of anyone more deserving, and if everything went as I expected, that rock she was pushing uphill would soon be history. No mention was made of a discussion with Katy, and I decided not to ask.
When I learned Katy was out Wednesday, having called in with a stomach virus, I had a sharp attack of anxiety thinking back to my first meeting with the Marketers. Gayle had been out with a “stomach virus” too, and I couldn’t help remembering she had been interviewing for another job. No, I decided, I’m not going to be paranoid. People do actually get sick from time to time. I must admit, I felt better when Judy said Katy was on the phone and wanted to speak to me. Her voice sounded weak as she told me she had been up all night with stomach problems. “I’ll be in tomorrow, if I live,” she told me.
“Hurry up, and get well. We all miss you,” I responded. “But don’t come back until you really feel better.” I laughed later as I thought about my feeling healthy and celebrating Katy’s illness. “She is sick. Hooray!” Ah, Rachel, I thought, you’re the sick one here.
Shortly after that Justin arrived carrying cardboard boxes of his personal belongings from his other office. He parked them outside my door when I invited him in for a chat. I enjoyed the hour we spent getting better acquainted. In fact, the more I talked to Justin Graves, the more convinced I was that he was ready for the Marketing job. He was high on To Your Health products, liked working for the company, and looked forward to the challenge. I couldn’t help thinking he was just the opposite of Stuart, and wondering if Stuart had once been as bright-eyed and eager. It was this thought that kept me hoping we could salvage what had once been a promising young man with great career prospects. I tried to call Tom to let him know Justin had arrived but learned from Judy he was visiting customers in the Houston area. Justin had some leftover work from HR plus the chore of moving into his new office, so for now, the welcome peace continued within the TYH Marketing organization.
When Tom called to see what was going on, Judy asked if I wanted to talk with him. I did. I was wondering about the progress on the potential visits to out of town customers that we had discussed. Was that still on? Had Tom talked with Stuart yet? Or Katy? Tom told me they were getting together Friday. He had waited until Justin was officially in the group so he could be there. I asked him as a favor to include Alicia. While she was not technically a part of sales, she was a big contributor. He thanked me and said she would definitely be invited. So far as I knew, only Judy and I were not, but that was what I wanted.
Friday morning the pictures arrived. Marie had brought a two-person crew to hang them, so little work was accomplished as our small group walked from office to office watching the transformation and in the process discovering some interesting facts about each other. A less-exuberant Katy had returned this morning professing to be much better and was part of the entourage. Judy combined listening for the telephones with squeezing in a few scattered moments to walk into each office and admire the work in progress. Although Tom and Justin were engrossed in conversation, they moved along with the rest of us. Stuart was in his office but notably absent from the group.
What fascinated us was learning about each other from the pictures we had chosen. My beach scenes led Alicia to ask which islands Paul and I had visited. Tom preferred St. Thomas to Bermuda, but Katy disagreed, citing the preferences of a friend who had sailed to both islands. The sailing pictures in her office led to some good-natured laughter and nosy questions about her love life. Stuart had selected a collage of golf courses, actually grinning when Katy asked how many Mulligans he usually took and scoffed at his denial. I admired the picture but said little beyond that for Stuart avoided my glances. Alicia’s scenes of Mediterranean architecture on the edge of deep blue waters reflected the house she wanted to live in someday. Floral bouquets decorated Judy’s walls, and we discovered she grew African violets indoors and prize-winning roses outside. Justin’s mountains were a far cry from Houston’s flat terrain, but he assured us he saw plenty of them each year during the skiing season. Tom pointed out that with the new baby, it might be several years before he saw them again. Justin refused to rise to the bait and just smiled. Tom’s pictures of hunting dogs and birds reflected a favorite pastime. “Rachel, if you don’t see me around during duck season,” he said, “it’s because I’m showing our customers why they need TYH vitamins.”
Judy took me aside. “You and Katy were right,” she said, “it would have been a shame to pick a theme when all of us really had our own ideas about what we enjoy.”
It did. And then we found a surprise waiting for us. Marie had brought two pictures for the small conference room. “I’d like to throw these in,” she said, “compliments of me and two of your greatest admirers: Lucien and Beth.” They were warm-colored landscapes, small cottages, trees, and country lanes. “I can’t....”
“Of course you can,” she said. “If you don’t like them, I can go back and get some others.”
“I love them.” I turned toward the group and asked, “In or out?”
Tom’s thumbs up signal was followed by a host of similar gestures, so it was agreed.
Challenging the Status Quo
By noon, Marie and her crew had disappeared. When I returned from lunch, there was a pink slip bearing a telephone message on my desk from Lily Sheldon, HR Manager, who asked that I return the call ASAP. Was it about Justin, or perhaps a question from Robert? No, it wasn’t. She understood that I had someone here this morning putting pictures on the wall. Was that right? Yes, I said, that’s right. Would she like to come down this afternoon and see for herself? She would, and she did.
Within fifteen minutes I heard her in Judy’s reception area. She had brought reinforcements, an afternoon visit from the picture police. There were three people in all. Lily introduced me to the Assistant HR Manager, Sheldon Cosgrove, and the Building Manager, J. Paxton, heavy hitters all. I wondered silently if they didn’t have far more important matters to attend to, but I knew this was a key political moment, and I could not act as if I took it lightly. One piece of wisdom I have learned over the years— no matter how amused one might be at an organization’s bureaucratic behavior, one must behave as if it is a matter of the utmost importance, and so I did.