Shatter Me (The Jaded Series, #1)

by Alex Grayson

  “Steven found me, Chris.” My voice is low.

  “Son of a bitch!” Chris explodes. “How do you know?”

  “I received a phone call from him tonight and then I saw him in the bar. I passed out and by the time I came to he was gone. He says he’s coming for me.” I say and I start to feel the fear seeping back into my bones.

  “What are you going to do? Obviously you can’t stay there any longer.”

  “I can’t leave. I won’t leave. I met someone, Chris. Remember the guy that I told you about? The one I’m renting the apartment from and owns the bar? Well, we’re sort of seeing each other.” I feel a nervous flutter go through me when I tell Chris this. I know she’ll probably be upset that I haven’t told her. I normally tell her everything.

  “What? Since when?” She asks. I can tell by her voice that she’s hurt.

  “For the last several weeks. I’m sorry I didn’t tell you. I wanted to, but I wasn’t sure myself what was going on between me and him.” I stand from the bed and start pacing the room. It feels really good to be able to finally tell her.

  “Are you sure you’re ready for that, Bailey?” I expected this question and I’m immediately ready with an answer.

  “No, I’m probably not but it feels right. He’s nothing like Steven. He’s one of the most gentle and kindest person I know. And his patience with me is remarkable. He’s known for a while something was off with me but he’s never pushed me to tell him. He’s sweet and caring but has a protective side to him. He makes me feel safe. For the first time in my life, Chris, I feel safe when I’m with a man. He makes me feel like nothing bad will ever touch me again.”

  “Oh sweetie, I’m so happy for you. You deserve all that and so much more. Just please be careful, okay.” She tells me with a soft voice. I can tell she’s happy for me, even if still a little hesitant.

  “I will. Anyway, when I blacked out tonight I had no choice but to tell him what was going on. I didn’t want to leave him without an explanation. When I told him, he became very upset. I’m going to be staying with him until this is all over.”

  Chris is quiet for several seconds. I stop my pacing in front of the bathroom door and place my hand on the wood. I hear the shower running and I know Jaxon is on the other side. The thought gives me comfort.

  “I’ve got a break from school coming up in a couple of weeks and I’m going to put in some time off at work...”

  “Chris...” I start, but she talks over me.

  “...I’m coming up there to see you.” She finishes.

  “You don’t need to do that. I’m fine here.” I drop my hand from the door and go back to sitting on the bed.

  “Well, I’m coming anyway. I need to see you and meet this guy you’re talking about. I need to see for myself that you’re okay.” There’s worry in her voice and it’s that tone that makes me back down. Chris has been my best friend for years and has helped me so much throughout those years. If she needs to come up here to help lesson some of her stress then so be it. I have to admit that the thought of seeing her again brings a smile to my face.

  “Okay. Let me know when you’re coming. I can’t wait to see you again.”

  A few minutes later we hang up. I hear the shower shut off and I get up to rummage through my bag to gather my night clothes. Jaxon opens the door a couple minutes later. I’m back to sitting on his bed. His hair is a wet mess, like he doesn’t even take the time to comb it, just uses his fingers as a brush. The look is boyishly cute.

  He’s wearing a pair of dark gray sweat shorts that ride low on his trim hips and a white v-neck T-Shirt. I can see his tattoos peeking out of the top of his shirt. The ever present wristband that he usually wears is gone but, his eyebrow and gauges are still in place.

  He walks right up to me so I have to spread my knees to allow him room. He tips my head back and swipes his thumb across my bottom lip.

  “Are you okay?” He asks while looking deep into my eyes.

  I give him a tiny smile. “Yes.”

  He smiles at me in return. “Good.”

  “I spoke with Chris. She’s going to drive up her in a couple of weeks. She’s worried about me.”

  “Let her come. I want to meet and thank this person that’s helped you.”

  Jaxon takes both of his hands and pushes the hair back from my face. His touch is light, but it causes my heart rate to speed up. For years, I’ve feared a person’s touch. Since being here in Jaded Hollow that fear has lessened significantly. Especially Jaxon’s touch. I cherish the times he touches me.

  “I need to get in the shower,” I tell him breathlessly.

  Jaxon runs his hands down my arms until he meets my hands. He gives me a tug until I’m standing before him. He brings my body up against his and wraps his arms around me. I lay my head against his chest and I hear his steady heartbeat. It’s a calming rhythm that I could definitely get used to hearing on a daily basis.

  I feel Jaxon kiss the top of my head before he pulls back. “Go shower. I’ll be here when you get out.” He bends and places another kiss on my lips.

  I reluctantly step back and turn to pick up my clothes. Once inside the bathroom I turn the water to blistering hot. Seeing Steven tonight reminded me of all the times I’ve felt dirty. I need a hot shower to scrub away the memories.

  When I come out of the bathroom twenty minutes later, I find Jaxon already in bed. He has the covers pulled up to his waist and he’s no longer wearing his shirt. Just at the edge of the covers I can barely see the top of his sweat shorts.

  On our drive over Jaxon informed me that I was sleeping in his bed with him. He told me that he would feel better knowing I was tucked into his side.

  “Okay,” was my reply. I think I took him by surprise, yet again, with my immediate compliance.

  Since that first night, when I got the first phone call from Steven he’s slept in my bed a total of five times. Each and every time I slept like a baby, without any dreams. Of course, that’s not the main reason why I want to sleep with him. Yes, he keeps the dreams at bay but I also love the feel of his arms wrapped around me.

  As I stand there in the bathroom doorway, I take in the temptation that is Jaxon. His hair is almost dry and it’s sticking up all over the place. He has his hands thrown behind his head, which puts his tattooed muscles on display. His colorful chest and stomach are truly a thing of beauty, with its hard dips and ridges that make up his six pack. There is just enough hair that crosses his pecs and runs down his abdomen. I can see the twinkle of his nipples rings from the light of the lamp on the bedside table.

  Jaxon cocks an eyebrow and asks me, “Are you coming to bed or are you going to stare at me all night?”

  My eyes lift from their perusal of his magnificent chest and meet his. I blush ten shades of red before I start making my way over to his bed. My usual bedtime attire is a tank top and a pair of short shorts. Tonight’s clothes are no different. I can see the appreciation in Jaxon’s eyes as I walk to the bed.

  Jaxon’s already turned my way and has peeled the covers back for me so when I get to the bed I sit and slip my feet and legs underneath. I immediately slide over to Jaxon and rest my head on his bicep that he has stretched out and my arm goes around his waist. My face is planted on his chest. He smells clean and fresh.

  The arm that I’m lying on comes around my back and his hand rests on the outside of my chest. His fingers are only centimeters away from my breast. His other arm is draped around my waist and his hand is resting right above my butt. Our legs are intertwined with each other. His top leg is between mine, which puts my top leg over his hip. Not an inch separates us. I’ve learned that when Jaxon snuggles he likes to surround me completely, touch me as much as humanly possible. This is another thing I love about Jaxon.

  With my face buried in his chest the small scattering hairs there tickle my nose. I wiggle my face around a bit to try and relieve the itch.

  I hear Jaxon chuckle and I feel the vibration of it through his chest
. “Chest hairs tickling you?”

  “Yes,” I mumble.

  I feel him start to pull back and I latch my arms tighter around him. “No, don’t move. I like you right here.”

  His arms squeeze me tighter for a second before he loosens them slightly.

  I run my nose between his pecs, loving the fresh masculine scent there. His skin is warm and I feel completely protected. When I’m with Jaxon nothing can touch me.

  Jaxon rubs his thumb lightly across my skin below my breast. It causes goose bumps to pop up all over my skin. The fingers of his other hand send light trails over my lower back.

  I gingerly start placing small kisses right over his heart, which causes it to speed up. I feel it thumping against my lips. After a few pecks with just my lips I reach out hesitantly with my tongue and start using it as well to kiss him. The fingers that are running along my back stop.

  “Angel, what are you doing?” Jaxon asks me on a groan.

  “Kissing your beautiful chest,” I answer him while peppering more kisses along his right pec.

  Jaxon puts his hand in my hair and gently pulls my head back so I have to look at him. His eyes are flaring with desire.

  “A man can only take so much. I would never ever force you, but you’ve got to know how hard it is to hold back with you. I’ve wanted you since the first time I laid eyes on you. It seems all I think about is being inside of you. In wake of everything you’ve told me tonight I don’t think it’s a good idea for us to be doing this.”

  I pull my arm from around him and run my fingers down his cheek and across if lips. “You’re wrong, Jaxon. I think now is the perfect time. For the first time in my life, I feel free and safe. You make me feel this way. You once told me that I would be ready when I knew deep down that you would never hurt me. Well, I know. I know. Deep inside here.” I take his hand and place it over my heart. “That you would do anything to keep me from harm.”

  What I say is true. I know in my heart that Jaxon would give his life for mine, and although I would never let that happen, the thought brings me to the realization that I want Jaxon more than I fear my reaction of being with him. Telling him what I’ve been through is liberating and I feel with that out of the way I can let go and give my whole self to him.

  Jaxon lifts up on an elbow so he towers over me from above.

  “You’re right. I would do anything, say anything, give anything to keep you safe. The thought of him hurting you makes me want to drive my head through the wall.” The fierceness in his voice doesn’t scare me, it makes me feel loved. Yes, loved. I don’t know if what he feels for me is love, but either way I feel it. It’s a feeling I’ve never felt before, besides from Chris.

  “Show me, Jaxon. Show me what making love should be like. Make me forget all the bad, and replace it with good.”

  Jaxon stares at me for a few seconds, gauging my sincerity, I imagine, before swooping down and kissing the life out of me. I open my mouth immediately to tangle my tongue with his. This kiss is different than any other we’ve shared. It’s possessive, carnal, and passionate all wrapped up into one. It’s doesn’t scare me like it would have a few weeks ago.

  The hand that’s still in my hair twists to put my head at a better angle for his kiss. He nips at my bottom lip and then runs his tongue over it to sooth it. Making his way across my cheek, he pauses to take my ear lobe into his mouth.

  “Tell me if it’s too much. Promise me.” He whispers in my ear.

  “I will, I promise.” I angle my head to the side to give him better access, wanting more.

  He trails kisses down my neck, nipping and soothing along the way. His hand that was tangled in my hair travels down the back of my neck, then my back, and rests on my butt. He pulls me closer to him and I feel him hard against my core. I suck in a quick breath at the pleasure of feeling him against me. The knowledge that I do that to him excites me and gives me courage.

  Jaxon hears the hitch in my breath and relaxes his hand, letting me fall back a little. The arm that I placed back around him clutches him tighter bringing him back in.

  “No, don’t stop.”

  I hear Jaxon groan against my neck. He moves his hand down my backside to the back of my thigh. He grips it and pulls my leg further up his hip. My most sensitive area is now flush against his upper thigh and I grind down on it, needing to feel more of him. I feel myself getting wet and I know that through my thin piece of clothing I’m getting his shorts wet as well.

  “Oh Jaxon.” I moan and dig my nails into his back.

  “Fuck, Angel,” He hisses. “I can feel it. You’re already so wet for me.

  This spurs him on and he pushes me to my back and settles himself between my thighs. He’s sitting back on his legs. With my legs on either side of him resting on his, I’m somewhat open and exposed to him, even though I’m still wearing my clothes.

  Jaxon watches me with steel blues eyes as he runs his hands slowly up my calves and thighs. When he reaches my stomach, his fingers dip underneath my tank top. He moves them to my sides. With slow movements, his hands continue their upward motion, bringing my shirt along with him.

  I halt his movements by placing my hands on his.

  “Angel, we don’t...” He starts but I stop him before he can finish.

  I shake my head and say, “No, it’s not that. I don’t want you to stop. I just...” I stop because I don’t know what to say. How do you tell a man that your body is riddled with ugly marks?

  Taking a deep breath I haltingly try to explain. “Steven...h-he liked to...mark me. I’ve got...scars. A lot of them. They aren’t pretty. I want to warn you before you see them for yourself.”

  As I talk I see pure rage enter Jaxon’s face. After closing his eyes and breathing deeply a few times he opens them again and the rage is gone, replaced with a soft understanding look.

  “Baby, no matter how many scars you have you could never look anything but beautiful to me.”

  His words touch a place inside me that allows some of my insecurities to let go. His words are pure and I believe them.

  I move my hands from his and place them on his thighs. He doesn’t take his eyes off mine as he starts moving his hands again to pull my shirt up. It’s slow and torturous. I want him to hurry, but then I’m dreading when he sees them. When his fingers skim over the side of my breast, my breathing starts to pick up. The warmth his hands leave behind makes me throb for more. My shirt is now over my breast, but his eyes still remain on mine.

  “Arms up, baby and lift for me.” He says quietly.

  Lifting my upper body off the bed, I sit up and bring my arms above my head. Jaxon finishes removing my shirt. His chest is right in front of my face. I bring my hands back down to his sides and lean forward to kiss his chest, but Jaxon pulls back and grabs both sides of my face to bring it up to his.

  “Not yet. Lay back, I want to look at you.”

  I slowly lie back down and force my hands to my sides. I want to cover myself, but Jaxon needs to see.

  He finally moves his eyes away from mine and they move slowly down my neck, my chest, and then my stomach, where I know he sees the lines and circles of raised skin.

  “Absolutely beautiful,” Jaxon says and I close my eyes. I open them again when I feel his hands start at my neck and make their way down to my breasts. I feel the calluses on his hands, but they are also so gentle. He trails a finger over one of my nipples and my body shudders at the touch. No one has ever touched me with such reverence.

  Jaxon bends at the waist until his head is right above my chest. He looks up at me with hooded eyes and asks, “Okay?”

  With my nod, he continues.

  With light touches, he places gentle kisses across both my breasts. He stops at one and flicks his tongue across my nipple, bringing it to a hard point. I moan in response and raise my chest up desperately seeking more from him. Encouraged by my moan, he takes my nipple into his mouth and starts to suck and flick his tongue at the same time.

  I
place my hands in his hair to pull him closer to me. He releases my nipple only to move to the next. He takes his hand and starts kneading my breast that he just abandoned. His other hand is trailing down my side until it reaches the back of my thigh that is still resting on his leg. Once there, he brings it back up and slips it under my shorts through the leg hole to rest on my butt.

  Jaxon moves his hand from my breast that he’s been playing with and moves it down my body. When he reaches my waist, he takes his other hand and moves it to the other side. He lifts his head from my chest and lifts up. He looks back at me.

  “You okay?” He asks me again. The way he is so careful and patient with me amazes me.

  I nod my head and give him a verbal, “Yes.”

  He slowly starts to pull my shorts and panties down my legs. I lift them from his sides so he can get them all the way off. He flings them to the side. I glance down my body and I can see how aroused he is by the bulge that’s causing his shorts to stick out. The sight makes my mouth water and I desperately want to see all of him.

  I sit up and move my hands to the waistband of his shorts. Looking up at him I tell him, “Your turn. I want to see you.”

  He smirks at me and moves to the end of the bed. Standing there, I watch as he moves his hands to the top of his shorts and bends to start pushing them down. When he’s done and is standing up again, I take in the sight of him. My eyes zero in on his cock. Two things catch me by surprise. First is the size of him. He’s huge and I worry that he won’t fit. The second is the ring that rests at the tip. It looks painful and erotic at the same time. I can’t control the shiver that racks my body. I can’t wait to have him in me.

  Jaxon climbs back on the bed and repositions himself between my thighs. I put my hands on his chest and start moving them down his pecs. When they make it to his pierced nipples, I run my fingers over them. Jaxon tilts his back and groans.