Shatter Me (The Jaded Series, #1)

by Alex Grayson

  “Shit, Angel, you’re killing me here.” His voice is breathless and it spurs me on.

  I run my fingertips down his hard stomach, loving the feel of him beneath my fingers. I lick my suddenly dry lips when I reach his pelvic area. His dark hair there is trimmed. My eyes focus on his erection. It’s beautiful. The shaft matches his naturally darker skin, but the tip has a pink hue to it. The ring at the tip piques my curiosity.

  Hesitantly, I take my finger and trail it over the metal there and I watch as his dick jumps. I move to the tip and gather the drop of moisture and run it over the head. At my touch, I hear a growl in the back of Jaxon’s throat trying to get out. I quickly glance up at him. He has his head bent watching me. His hands are fisted at his sides and his jaw is clenched shut tightly. His breathing is ragged. His nostrils flare with each harsh breath he takes.

  “Enough! I can’t take any more, Angel. Lie back and let me have you.”

  I remove my hands from his rigged cock and lie back. As I lay there gazing up at Jaxon I watch him move his hands to my thighs. I don’t know if it’s the trick of the light, but it looks like his hands are shaking.

  His big hands are on top of my thighs, but his thumbs rest on the inside of them and he slowly moves them upwards. Once he reaches my heated and dripping center he gently takes his thumbs and rubs them along my outer lips. I’m startled by the touch and surprising myself and Jaxon I lift myself slightly off the bed. I want more. I want Jaxon to touch me deeper.

  I never thought it would be this easy to make love with someone. I thought Steven ruined me completely, but the more Jaxon touches me, the more I want. The way I feel is foreign but so far the fear has been kept at bay.

  Jaxon takes his thumbs and spreads me open. After a few seconds, I feel a finger at my entrance. He slips just the tip in before pulling it out and dragging it up until he meets my clit. There, he applies light pressure and moves his finger in a circular motion. I cry out with pleasure and grip the sheets in my hand.

  “Jaxon, oh God, please. I need...”

  “I know, Angel. I know what you need. Just a few more minutes. Can you hold on for just a few more minutes for me?”

  I release a lung full of air and tighten my legs around his hips. What Jaxon is doing feels so good. I’ve never felt anything like it. I nod my head at Jaxon’s question and hope he doesn’t kill me before he takes me.

  The finger that is at my clit moves back down and slips inside. It’s not much, just a little more than before. He takes it back out and moves it back to my clit for another torturous massage. I feel moisture running down my backside. Jaxon, once again, brings his finger back down and slips even more inside. He slowly moves it in and out, putting more and more in each time he enters. During one outward stroke, I feel him add another finger. His hands are big and I feel a slight pressure. It’s not uncomfortable. It feels incredible. After a few seconds, he adds another finger. I know that he’s trying to prepare my body for when he finally enters me. He repeats the motion; in, out, then massaging my clit a few more times until I’m a quivering mess set before him. I feel a tingling start in my stomach and spread out to all the parts of my body. I know what’s about to come. I’ve only ever had three orgasms in my life, but I remember the sensations. Any minute now I know it’ll take over my body and I’ll be left just a helpless puddle of Bailey.

  I throw back my head, bow my body up and cry out when the first wave hits me. I feel Jaxon plunge his fingers in deeper which causes the second waves to wash over me further. The three other times I’ve come were nowhere near as intense as this. I feel as though I’m floating, my body weightless. The sensations are almost too much.

  When I slowly come back to earth, Jaxon is hovering over me with both his arms resting on either side of my head. The extreme pleasure I see on his face brings tears to my eyes. Never has anyone taken the time and care with my body that Jaxon just did.

  “You are absolutely stunning, do you know that?” He asks me quietly. I’m so overcome with emotion that all I can do is shake my head. “I’ve never seen anything as beautiful as watching you let go.” He adds then dips his head and gives me a brief kiss.

  “You okay?” He asks while he wipes away the few tears that escaped.

  I give him a watery smile. “I’m perfect.”

  “Are you ready for more?”

  I chuckle at his question and respond, “Yes, please.”

  I feel Jaxon shift and then feel his erection at my entrance. Fear creeps in and I can’t help but stiffen a little. Having Jaxon use his fingers is different than him using his cock. An image of Steven brutally forcing himself inside me pops into my head. I know that it’s not Steven who is with me now but I can’t stop the memories from coming.

  I squeeze my eyes tightly shut trying to force them away, but it doesn’t work. I break out into a cold sweat and my deep breathing has moved from the breathy pants of passion to the deep inhalations of fear. Memory and memory forms in my head and I can’t stop it.

  Steven slamming into me from behind while his friend takes me from the front.

  His friend fucking me while Steven rams a sharp painful object into my butt.

  Steven standing from above choking me on his dick while two of his friends fuck me in my ass and vagina.

  Steven shoving an old splintered baseball bat into me as far as it will go.

  Me using the bathroom after numerous brutal rapes and watching the blood rush out of me.

  I’m pulled from the horrible memories when Jaxon grabs both sides of my face.

  “Look at me Bailey.” I open my eyes and shake my head, trying to rid my mind of the awful pictures. I focus on the steel blue that’s right in front of me. I can tell that my relapse has caused Jaxon pain. He’s suffering because I’m suffering. It’s clear as day in his beautiful eyes.

  “If you’re not ready we don’t have to go any farther. We can wait.”

  “No!” I shout at him. “No, Jaxon, I want this. I need this. I’m okay. It just scared me for a minute, but I’m okay now. Please.” I’m practically begging him now. I know that sounds pathetic, but I know that if I can only get past this hurdle I’ll be okay. Jaxon is the one person that can set me free.

  Jaxon watches me for a few more minutes before making his decision.

  “I want you to keep your eyes on me the entire time. Don’t look away from me. Don’t close your eyes. I need you to know that it’s me that’s taking you. Me and only me.” I nod my head. I can definitely do that. I love seeing Jaxon above me.

  Eyes locked to mine Jaxon shifts his hips and I feel him barely slip inside me. Just the tip is in so there isn’t much pressure yet. Slowly, he pushes forward, stretching me. I feel the metal of his piercing rubbing against my sensitive walls and the sensation is unlike anything I’ve ever felt before. The pressure builds, but it’s not unpleasant. From the intense look and the harsh breaths that are coming from Jaxon it’s plain to see that he’s holding back. When he’s seated fully inside me and his hips rest against mine I feel pleasantly filled, stretched to the max.

  Still watching me Jaxon pulls back a fraction of an inch and pushes back in. I moan at the friction and involuntary tighten my inner walls. Jaxon groans and pulls out further, only to push right back in.

  I bite my lip and breathe out, “More.”

  Jaxon unbends his arms so it’s only his palms that are still beside my head. He starts out slowly pushing in and out but then picks up his pace. Our eyes never once leave each other. My hands are on his biceps and my fingers grip the muscles there.

  I love the way he feels inside me. I love being full of Jaxon. There’s no better feeling.

  Jaxon’s movements become faster. I hear our bodies slapping together. I’m so wet that Jaxon slides in and out with ease. The tightness in my stomach expands to the rest of my body. Our breathing has become ragged. Both of us are close.

  Just before I’m ready to explode Jaxon pushes up and sits back on his legs. He grabs me under my ar
ms and pulls me up until I’m sitting on his legs with him still buried inside me.

  “Ride me, Angel.” He growls.

  The movement surprises me just as much as his demand. The look in his eyes tells me that he’s on the edge. He’s giving me the opportunity to take control because he’s worried if he loses his it may scare me. My heart softens at the realization.

  Placing my hands on his shoulders I use them as leverage as I lift myself up and then slide back down. Jaxon grips my hips to help me with my upward motions. With each downward stroke Jaxon lets out a grunt. I tunnel my hands in his hair and bring my lips to his in a feverish kiss. The pressure is building again. I grind my clit down on his pubic area. Jaxon moves his hands to my butt and pushes me down even harder. I’m no longer moving up and down but forward and backward. The friction is impossible to resist and I explode with another loud cry.

  “Jaxon!”

  I’m liquid in his arms as he lifts me and slams me back down. My muscles are still convulsing around him when he finds his own release a few seconds later.

  “Fuck!” Jaxon shouts out.

  With our breathing still labored and our sweaty bodies still connected Jaxon rests his forehead against mine. His hands that are at my hips slide around to my back and start stroking up and down slowly. He pulls his head back to look at me.

  “Are you okay?” He asks me again softly.

  I trace the line of his lips with my finger and answer him honestly. “I’m wonderful. You’re wonderful. Thank you.”

  “Don’t thank me, Angel. Never thank me for giving you something that you should always be given.”

  Jaxon leans our bodies forward and twists until we’re both lying down, him on his back with my head on his shoulder. Both of his arms surround me, holding me tight. He grabs my thigh and pulls it over both of his. Tucking my hair behind my ear, I feel Jaxon kiss the top of my head. I snuggle in closer, even though there’s already not much room separating us. Jaxon always makes sure we’re as close as we can be.

  I close my eyes basking in the glory of our lovemaking. I’ve never been happier or more content in my life. Jaxon may call me, Angel but it’s actually him that’s my Angel. He’s the one that brought me back to life. He’s the one that made me feel again. Jaxon is the one that makes me feel complete.

  Steven may be out there right now plotting how to finish shattering me, but he’s not here in this room. It’s just Jaxon and me and all the wonderful feelings that Jaxon has invoked in my life since I met him. Steven can’t have this moment. Steven can go fuck himself.

  Chapter Seventeen

  I wake to goose bumps forming all over my body. Jaxon is lying behind me feathering his fingers along my naked back. I don’t know how long I’ve slept, but the sun is just starting to rise bringing in a soft light through the curtains hanging over the window.

  I arch my body and let out a moan when Jaxon hits an especially sensitive spot. I turn my head and see Jaxon up on his elbow looking down at me with a laid back expression.

  “Hi,” I say with a shy smile. After our lovemaking last night neither one of us got up to get dressed, opting instead to lay there in each other’s arms. I have the sheet pulled up over my breasts and if by the feel of Jaxon’s hard length resting against my backside he never got up to get dressed after I fell asleep. He’s still gloriously naked and very happy to see me.

  “Hi,” Jaxon says back. He guides his fingers around my waist and makes a path towards my breasts. “How are you feeling this morning?”

  I turn over onto my back and slide my fingers into his hair, just like I imagined doing the first night I met him. So much has changed since then. Jaxon has taught me so much. I know now that not all people are bad. Not all people are out to take what they want from me. There are some people that are kindhearted. Through Jaxon and the people in this town, I’ve learned that I can trust again. I may not be all the way there yet, but I’m slowly learning to value myself. I’m not just a damaged girl not worth anything.

  “I feel remarkable.” I tug Jaxon’s head down until his soft lips meet mine. As soon as our lips touch we both open and our tongues clash together. He brings his hand up and pinches my nipple before rolling it around to form a hard peek.

  Jaxon releases my lips only to trail his along my neck. There he mutters, “We should wait, Bailey. Let your body...”

  I interrupt him before he can finish his thought. No way am I waiting. I’ve waited long enough for Jaxon. Life’s too short. There’s no telling what might happen next.

  I respond to his suggestion by bringing my leg up over his hip and tugging him until he’s fully on top of me. I wrap my legs around him tightly. I feel him at my entrance and remember what he did to my body last night. How my body reacted to his.

  I shake my head and look up at him. “No waiting, Jaxon. For the first time in my life it feels right. Yes, my body is sore, but it’s such a wonderful and beautiful sore. I’m not scared anymore. The memories may always linger in the back of my mind, but they don’t control me. I loved what we did last night. You made me feel cherished. I’ve never had that before. You gave that to me.”

  Jaxon watches my eyes the whole time I speak. I hope he can see the truth and sincerity in them because what I said is true. Jaxon makes me feel special and adored.

  Jaxon must believe what I said because one minute he’s watching me and the next his lips are slamming over mine. He nips and bites my lower lip then places gentle kisses to alleviate the sting. I grip his hair and meet his ferocity, our tongues dueling in the process.

  Jaxon grabs both my legs and lifts them higher over his hips. Once they’re in the position he likes he dips one hand and finds my clit, swirling the bundle of nerves there with a fingertip. I grip his hair tighter as my body responds with tingles of delight. He runs his fingers down until he gets to my opening and, once there, dips one inside.

  “Shit, Angel, you’re already so wet.” He groans against my lips

  “Mmm...only for you.” I let out a long moan when he adds another finger.

  “Damn straight. Only for me.” His possessive words should scare me, but they don’t. Jaxon’s possessive nature is totally different from Steven’s. Steven likes to control all aspects of life, including hurting anyone that gets in his way. Jaxon is a protector and keeps what he considers his safe.

  Pulling myself from my dark thoughts, I drag my nails down Jaxon’s back until I reach his tight butt.

  “Now Jaxon, please. I can’t wait.”

  Jaxon removes his hand from my center and replaces it with his hard and swollen length. Just the tip enters before he stops and looks down at me.

  “Are you sure, Angel?” He asks me through clenched teeth. Again, Jaxon is holding back on my account.

  To answer is question I grip his backside and pull down at the same time I lift my hips up. He only goes in about halfway, but he understands that I am completely sure.

  “Fuck, baby, you feel so good. So tight and wet and warm. I can’t....I won’t last long.” He grunts as he slides the rest of the way in. I’m a bit tender but the feel of him gliding inside is phenomenal.

  Jaxon grabs my hands and laces our fingers together and places them beside my head. With our fingers locked and our chests smashed together he starts to move his hips forward. My inner muscles spasm around him. He feels so right inside me, like his body was designed perfectly to fit mine. Nothing has ever felt so good.

  Jaxon stares down at me as his hips begin to move faster. My fingers tighten around his and we’re both panting heavily. The slip and slide of his dick is hitting places inside me that I never knew existed.

  Jaxon bends his head and thrusts his tongue inside my mouth to duel with mine. The motion of his hips is getting faster and faster. The quicker he moves, the stronger the build up is. With each downward stroke he hits my clit. It sends sparks throughout my body. I’m getting close and I know he is too by the way his eyes are flaring and his tightly clenched jaw. I also know that wh
en it comes it’ll be epic.

  Not once has Steven entered my mind. Jaxon doesn’t allow it. He keeps me captive by never releasing my gaze, even when he’s devouring my mouth with his. He forces my focus to stay solely on him.

  One minute I’m on the edge of something beautiful and the next I’m being pushed over. My body literally trembles from the effects of my release and I let out a loud cry. I swear I see stars floating above us.

  Seconds later Jaxon pushes all the way in and then stiffens, letting out his own groan of release. I feel the warmth of it hitting my inside walls. The feeling is erotic and carnal and I love it.

  Jaxon drops his head in the crook of my neck and I feel him licking and placing tiny kisses there. I shiver at the touch of his lips and tongue and my body responds by pulsing around him one last time, which causes him to growl in my ear.

  “I love making love to you, Angel, but I swear you’re not good for my heart. For a few minutes there, I thought it was going to pump right out of my chest.”

  I laugh at his dramatics and in retaliation he digs his fingers in my ribs and tickles me. He laughs with me when I start to squirm and squeal beneath him.

  “Think it’s funny, do you? You won’t be laughing when I keel over dead from the overabundance of physical and emotional stimulation you cause me and be left with a lifeless body on top of you.”

  His words only make me laugh harder.

  “You gotta stop Jaxon or I’m going to pee on you!” I yell as he tickles me more.

  His laughing dies down to a chuckle and he stops tickling me. He pecks me on the side of my neck and then lifts himself only to settle down beside me. When he pulls me into his arms, I put my head down on his chest and pull the sheet up over us.

  “We didn’t use protection either time.” He says quietly.

  I don’t know if he’s telling me this because he’s worried because of the multitude of partners I’ve had or because he’s worried about me. I understand his fears and have no hard feelings towards them. Whatever his reasoning is I try to reassure him on my part.