The Baby Decision

by Merle Bombardieri

  Buber, Martin. Hasidism and Modern Man. New York: Harper Torch Books, 1958. His quote on “mission” in “Which Way Happiness” appeared on pp. 139-40 of his book.

  Carstensen, Laurie L. A Long Bright Future: An Action Plan for a Lifetime of Happiness, Health and Financial Security. New York: Broadway Books, 2009. Planning for healthy aging.

  Erikson, Erik. Identity, Youth and Crisis. New York, W.W. Norton, 1968. Generativity quote pp.138–139.

  Fromm, Eric, Escape From Freedom, New York: Avon, 1965.

  Germer, Christopher. The Mindful Path to Self-Compassions: Freeing Yourself From Destructive Thoughts and Emotions. New York: Guilford Press, 2009.

  Gilbert, Daniel. Stumbling on Happiness. New York: Knopf, 2006.

  Hanson, Rick. Hardwiring Happiness: The New Brain Science of Contentment, Calm and Confidence. New York: Harmony, 2013.

  Lifton, Robert J. Boundaries: Psychological Man in Revolution. New York: Random House, 1969.

  Levoy, Gregg. Finding and Following an Authentic Life. New York: Harmony, 1998.

  McAdams, Dan P. The Redemptive Self: Stories Americans Live By. New York: Oxford Univerity Press, 2006. A scholarly but fairly readable book relevant to life decisions and how we view and talk about our lives.

  McKay, Matthew and David Harp. Neural Path Therapy: How to Change Your Brain’s Response to Anger, Fear, Pain and Desire. Oakland, CA: New Harbinger, 2005.

  Maslow, Abraham. The Farther Reaches of Human Nature. New York: Penguin, 1976. Jonah Complex quote, p. 34.

  ________. Toward a Psychology of Being. Princeton, NJ: Van Nostrand, 1968. Growth versus deficiency quote pp. 21–59.

  May, Gerald. Will and Spirit. A Contemplative Psychology. New York: Harper One, 1987.

  May, Rollo. The Courage to Create. New York: Bantam, 1976. The sayings of the oracle quote pp.125–127.

  ________. Love and Will. New York: Dell, 1974.

  ________. Man’s Search for Himself. New York: Signet, 1967.

  Neff, Kristin D. Self-Compassion: Stop Beating Yourself Up and Leave Insecurity Behind. New York: Morrow, 2011.

  Orsillo, S.M. and L. Roemer. The Mindful Way Through Anxiety: Break Free From Chronic Worry and Reclaim Your Life. New York: Guilford Press, 2011.

  Rico, Gabrielle, Pain and Possibility. Writing Your Way Through Personal Crisis. Los Angeles: J.P. Tarcher, 1991.

  Rogers, Carl. On Becoming a Person. Boston: Houghton Mifflin, 1961.

  Sheehy, Gail. Passages. New York: Bantam, 1977.

  Siegel, R.D. The Mindfulness Solution: Everyday Practices for Everyday Problems. New York: Guilford Press, 2016.

  Marriage/Relationships

  Buber, Martin. I and Thou. New York: Charles Scribner’s Sons, 1958.

  Campbell, Angus. The Quality of American Life: Perceptions, Evaluations, and Satisfactions. New York: Russell Sage Foundation, 1976.

  Cockrell, Stacie, Cathy O’Neill, and Julia Stone. Babyproofing Your Marriage: How to Laugh more, Argue Less, and Communicate Better as Your Family Grows. New York: Harper-Collins, 2007.

  Cowan, Carol Pape, and Philip A. Cowan. When Partners Become Parents: The Big Life Change for Couples. New York: Basic Books, 1992.

  Feldman, Harold. “The Effects of Children on the Family,” in Andree Michel, ed., Family Issues of Employed Women in Europe and America. Leiden, The Netherlands: E.J. Brill, 1971.

  Gottman, John, and Julie Scwartz Gottman. And Baby Makes Three: The Six Step Plan for Preserving Marital Intimacy and Rekindling Romance After the Baby Arrives. New York: Crown, 2007.

  Howard, Jane. Families. New York: Simon and Schuster, 1978.

  Jordan, Pamela L., Scott M. Stanley, and Howard J. Markman. Becoming Parents: How to Strengthen Your Marriage as Your Family Grows. San Francisco: Jossey-Bass, 1999.

  Moustakas, Clark. Creative Life. New York: D. Van Nostrand, 1977. The quote at the beginning of “Tug of War” is from p. 42 of his book.

  Parker, Kim. “Parenthood and Happiness: It’s More Complicated Than You Think,” www.pewresearch.org/fact-tank/2014/02/07/parenthood-and-happiness-its-more-complicated-than-you-think.

  Raley, Patricia E., and Mel Roman. The Indelible Family. New York: Rawson, Wade, 1980.

  Raskin, Valerie. D. Great Sex for Moms: Ten Steps to Nurturing Passion While Raising Kids. New York: Fireside/Simon and Schuster, 2002.

  Senior, Jennifer. All Joy and No Fun: The Paradox of Modern Parenthood. New York: Ecco, 2014.

  Smith, Manuel. When I Say No, I Feel Guilty. New York: Bantam, 1975. Includes assertiveness techniques useful for coping with pronatalist pressures.

  Shem, Samuel and Janet Surrey. We Have to Talk: Healing Dialogues Between Men and Women. New York: Basic Books, 1998.

  Squire, Susan. For Better, For Worse: A Candid Chronicle of Five Couples Adjusting to Parenthood. Garden City, New York: Doubleday, 1993.

  Surrey, Janet and Samuel Shem. The Buddha’s Wife: Her Story and Reader’s Companion/ The Path of Awakening Together. New York: Atria, 2015.

  Winks, Cathy, and Anne Seamans. Sexy Mamas: Keeping Your Sex Life While Raising Kids. Makawao, HI: Inner Ocean, 2004.

  Childfree Choice

  Books with an asterisk * are sensitive to and relevant for those choosing to be childfree after infertility and others who are childfree by chance, not by first choice. Listings with two asterisks ** were written specifically about choosing childfree after infertility.

  While you may find all the listing below of interest, I identified the most relevant ones for readers whose first choice was not to be childfree.

  Anton, Linda Hunt. Never to be a Mother. A Guide for All Women Who Didn’t—or Couldn’t Have Children. San Francisco, CA: Harper, 1992.*

  Bombardieri, Merle. “Childfree Decision Making” (after infertility) fact sheet available from resolve.org.**

  Burgwyn, Diana. Married Without Children. New York: Harper and Row, 1981.

  Cain, Madelyn. The Childless Revolution. Cambridge, MA: Perseus, 2001.*

  Carroll, Laura. Families of Two. Xlibris, 2000. (See also The Baby Matrix in the Social Commentary section.)

  Daum, Meghan. “The Difference Maker” in Daum, Meghan. Unspeakable and Other Subjects of Discussion. New York: Farrar, Stauss and Giroux, 2014.

  Daum, Meghan, ed. Selfish, Shallow, and Self-Absorbed: Sixteen Writers on the Decision Not to Have Kids. New York: Picador, 2015.

  Carter, Jean and Michael. Sweet Grapes: How to Stop Being Infertile and Start Living Again. Indianapolis, IN: Perspectives Press, 1998.**

  Casey, Terri. Pride and Joy: The Lives and Passions of Women Without Children. New York: Atria Books, 2007.

  Faux, Marian. Childless by Choice. Garden City, New York: Doubleday, 1984.

  Foster, Karen. No Way Baby! Exploring, Understanding and Defending the Decision Not to Have Children. Self-Published, no place given, 2012.

  Greene, Gael. “A Voice Against Motherhood.” Saturday Evening Post, 26 January 1963, p. 10.

  Hughes, Aralyn. Kid Me Not: An Anthology by Childfree Women of the 60’s now in their 60’s. Austin, TX: Violet Crown, 2014.

  Kamien, Marcia. “We’ll Never Have Kids!” Woman’s Day, 9 January 1978, p. 8.

  Kramer, Lilly. “The No-Child Family.” New York Times Magazine, 24 December 1972, p. 28.

  Lafayette, Leslie. Why Don’t You Have Kids? Living a Full Life Without Parenthood. New York: Kensington, 1995.

  Lang, Susan. Women Without Children: The Reasons, the Rewards, the Regrets. New York: Pharos, 1991.*

  Mantel, Henriette, ed. No Kidding: Women Writers on Bypassing Parenthood. Berkeley, CA: Seal: 2013.

  Manterfield, Lisa. I’m Taking My Eggs and Going Home: How One Woman Dared to Say No to Motherhood. New York: Steel Rose Press, 2011. **

  Notkin, Melanie. Otherhood: Modern Women Finding a New Kind of Happiness. Berkeley, CA: Seal Press, 2014.**

  Peck, Ellen, and Senderowitz, Judith, eds. Pronatalism: The Myth of Mom and Apple Pie. New York: Thomas Y. Crowell, 1974.

  Rollin,
Betty. “Motherhood: Who Needs It?” Look, 22 September 1970, pp. 15–17.

  Safer, Jeanne. Beyond Motherhood: Choosing a Life Without Children. New York: Pocket Books, 1996.

  Schwartz, Pepper. “Para Dads and Para Moms.” New York Times, 9 November, 1995.

  Scott, Laura. Two is Enough: A Couple’s Guide to Living Childless by Choice. New York: Seal Press, 2009.

  Veevers, Jean. Childless by Choice. Scarborough, Ontario: Butterworth’s, 1980.

  Walker, Ellen L. Complete Without Kids: An Insider’s Guide to Childfree Living by Choice or Chance. New York: Greenleaf Book Group. 2011.

  Pregnancy

  Armstrong, Penny and Sheryl Feldman. A Wise Birth: Bringing Together the Best of Natural Childbirth with Modern Medicine, 2nd ed. London: Pinter and Martin, 2006.

  Bardacke, Nancy. Mindful Birthing: Training the Mind, Body and Heart for Childbirth and Beyond. New York: HarperCollins, 2012.

  Bittmen, Sam, and Zalk, Sue Rosenberg. Expectant Fathers. New York: Hawthorn, 1978.

  Boston Women’s Health Book Collective. Our Bodies, Ourselves: Pregnancy and Birth. New York: Simon and Schuster, 2011.

  Brott, Armin, and Jennifer Ash. The Expectant Father: Facts, Tips and Advice for Dads to Be. New York: Abbeville Press, 2010.

  England, Pam and Rob Horowitz. Birthing from Within: An Extraordinary Guide to Childbirth Preparation. Albuquerque: Partera Press, 1998.

  Gaudet, Tracy and Paula Spencer. Body, Soul, and Baby: A Doctor’s Guide to the Complete Pregnancy Experience from Preconception to Postpartum. New York: Bantam, 2008.

  Groenou, Aneema van. The Active Woman’s Guide to Pregnancy: Practical Advice for Getting Outdoors While Expecting: Berkeley, CA: Ten Speed Press, 2004.

  Hall, Nancy W. Balancing Pregnancy and Work. How to Make the Most of the Next Nine Months on the Job. Emmaus, PA: Rodale, 2004.

  Jana, Laura A., and Jennifer Shu. Heading Home with Your Newborn. From Birth to Reality, Second Edition. Elk Grove Village, IL: American Academy of Pediatrics, 2005.

  Kitzinger, Sheila. The Complete Book of Pregnancy and Childbirth. 4th ed. New York: Knopf, 2004.

  Klaus, Marshall H., John J. Kennell, and Phyllis H. Klaus. The Doula Book: How a Trained Labor Companion Can Help You Have a Shorter, Easier Childbirth. Cambridge, MA: Perseus Publishing, 2002.

  Murkoff, Heidi. What to Expect Before You’re Expecting. The Complete Pre-Conception Plan. New York: Workman, 2009.

  Mykso, Claire and Magali Amadei. Does This Pregnancy Make Me Look Fat?: The Essential Guide to Loving Your Body Before and After Baby. Deerfield Beach, FL: Health Communications, 2009.

  Noble, Elizabeth. Essential Exercises for the Childbearing Year: A Guide to Health and Comfort Before and After Your Baby is Born. 4th ed. Harwich, MA: New Life Images, 2003.

  Ogle, Amy, and Liza Mazzullo. Before Your Pregnancy: A 90-day Guide for Couples on How to Prepare for a Healthy Conception. 2nd ed. New York: Ballantine, 2011.

  Paul, Ann Murphy. Origins: How the Nine Months Before Birth Shape the Rest of Our Lives. New York: Free Press, 2011.

  Piver, Susan, ed. The Mindful Way Through Pregnancy: Meditation, Yoga, and Journaling for Expectant Mothers. Boston, MA: Shambhala, 2012.

  Puryear, Lucy J. Understanding Your Moods When You’re Expecting: Emotions, Mental Health, and Happiness, Before, During and After Pregnacy. Boston: Houghton Mifflin, 2007.

  Rabb, Diana and Errol Norwitz. Your High Risk Pregnancy: A Practical Supportive Guide. Alameda, CA: Hunter House, 2009.

  Riley, Laura. You and Your Baby Pregnancy: The Ultimate Week-by-Week Pregnancy Guide. 2nd ed. New York: Wiley, 2012.

  Romm, Aviva Jill. The Natural Pregnancy Book. Herbs, Nutrition and Other Holistic Choices. Berkeley, CA: Celestial Arts, 2003.

  Simkin, Penny. The Birth Partner: Everything You Need to Know to Help a Woman Through Childbirth. 2nd ed. Boston: Harvard Common Press, 2001.

  Simkin, Penny, Janet Whalley, and Ann Kepler. Pregnancy, Childbirth, and the Newborn: The Complete Guide, revised and updated edition. Minnetonka, MN: Meadowbrook Press 2000.

  Sussman, John, and B. Blake Levitt. Before You Conceive: The Complete Prepregnancy Guide. New York: Bantam, 1989.

  Tracy, Amy E. The Pregnancy Bed Rest Book: A Survival Guide for Expectant Mothers and Their Families. New York: Berkley, 2001.

  Twenge, Jean. The Impatient Woman’s Guide to Getting Pregnant. New York: Free Press, 2012.

  Whelan, Elizabeth. The Pregnancy Experience. New York: W.W. Norton, 1973.

  Wolfe, Maxine G., and Margot Goldsmith. Practical Pregnancy. New York: Warner Books, 1980.

  Nursing

  Huggins, Kathleen. The Nursing Mother’s Companion. Boston, MA: Harvard Common Press, 2010.

  Mohrbacher, Nancy, and Kathleen Kendall-Tackett. Breastfeeding Made Simple: Seven Natural Laws for Nursing Mothers. Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications, 2010.

  Pryor, Gale. Nursing Mother, Working Mother: The Essential Guide to Breastfeeding Your Baby Before and After You Return to Work. Boston, MA: Harvard Common Press, 2007.

  Postpartum

  Bennett, Shoshanna. Beyond the Blues: A Guide to Understanding and Treating Prenatal and Postpartum Depression. 2nd ed. San Jose, CA: Moodswings Press, 2006.

  Brink, Susan. The Fourth Trimester: Understanding, Protecting, and Nurturing an Infant Through the First Three Months. Berkeley, CA: University of California Press, 2013.

  Karp, Richard. The Happiest Baby on the Block: The New Way to Calm Crying and Help Your Newborn Baby Sleep Longer. New York: Bantam: 2003.

  Kendell-Tacket, Kathleen. The Hidden Feelings of Motherhood: Coping with Stress, Depression and Burnout. Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications, 2001.

  Placksin, Sally. Mothering the New Mother: Women’s Feelings and Needs After Childbirth; A Support and Resource Guide. 2nd ed. New York: New Market Press, 2000.

  Klaus, Marshall, and Phyllis Klaus. Your Amazing Newborn. Reading, MA: Perseus Books, 1998.

  Leach, Penelope. The Essential First Year. London: DK Publishing, 2010.

  Wiegarz, Pamela S., and Kevin L. Gyoerkoe. The Pregnancy and Postpartum Anxiety Workbook: Practical Skills to Help You Overcome Anxiety, Worry, Panic Attacks, Obsessions, and Compulsions. Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications, 2009.

  Parenting

  Adair, Catherine Steiner. The Big Disconnect: Protecting Childhood and Family Relationships in the Digital Age. New York: Harper Collins, 2013.

  Berends, Polly Berrien. Whole Child, Whole Parent. New York: Harper and Row, 1987.

  Boston Women’s Health Book Collective. Ourselves and Our Children. New York: Random House, 1978.

  Chess, Stella, Thomas Alexander, and Herbert G. Birch. Your Child Is a Person: A Psychological Approach to Parenthood Without Guilt. New York: Penguin, 1977.

  Choudhri, Nihara K. Preparing for Baby: All the Legal, Financial, Tax, and Insurance Information New and Expectant Parents Need. Chicago: American Bar Association, 2015.

  Cohen, Lawrence J. Playful Parenting: An Exciting New Approach to Raising Children That Will Help You Nurture Close Connections, Solve Behavior Problems, Encourage Confidence. New York: Ballantine Books, 2002.

  Ehrensaft, Diane. Spoiling Childhood: How Well-Meaning Parents Are Giving Children Too Much, But Not What They Need. New York: Guilford Press, 1997.

  Eliot, Lise. What’s Going On in There? How the Brain and Mind Develop in the First Five Years of Life. New York: Bantam, 1999.

  Galinsky, Ellen. The Six Stages of Parenthood. Reading, MA: Addison Wesley, 1987.

  Golinkoff, Roberta Michnick. Einstein Never Used Flash Cards: How Our Children Really Learn-and Why They Need to Play More and Memorize Less. Emmaus, PA: Rodale Press, 2004.

  Gopnik, Alison. The Philosophical Baby: What Children’s Minds Tell Us About Truth, Love and the Meaning of Life. New York: Picador, 2010.

  Haelle, Tara and Emily Willingham. The Informed Parent: A Science-Based Resource for Your Child’s First Four Years. New York: Tarcher/Perigee, 2016.

/>   Hughes, Daniel and Jonathan Baylin. Brain-Based Parenting: The Neuroscience of Caregiving for Healthy Attachment. New York: W.W. Norton, 2012.

  Kabat-Zinn, Myla and John. Everyday Blessings: The Inner Work of Mindful Parenting. New York: Hyperion, 1997.

  Leach, Penelope. Your Baby and Child: From Birth to Age Five. New York: Knopf, 2010.

  Lipman, Susan Sachs. Fed Up with Frenzy: Slow Parenting in a Fast-moving World. Naperville, IL: Sourcebooks, 2012.

  Lythcott-Haims, Julie. How to Raise an Adult: Break Free of the Overparenting Trap and Prepare Your Kid for Success. New York: Henry Holt, 2015.

  Medina, John. Brain Rules for Baby: How to Raise a Smart and Happy Child from Zero to Five. Seattle, WA: Pear Press, 2014.

  Mogel, Wendy. The Blessing of a Skinned Knee: Using Jewish Techniques to Raise Self-Reliant Children. New York: Scribner, 2008. Reviewers emphasize that this book is useful for people of all faiths, and atheists.

  Napthali, Sarah. Buddhism for Mothers: A Calm Approach to Caring for Yourself and Your Young Children. Crow’s Nest, New South Wales, 2010.

  ________. Buddhism for Mothers of Young Children: Becoming A Mindful Parent. Crow’s Nest NSW Australia: Inspired Living, 2009.

  Siegel, Daniel. The Whole-Brain Child: 12 Revolutionary Strategies to Nurture Your Child’s Developing Mind. New York: Bantam, 2012.

  Stern, Daniel, and Tina Payne Bryson. Diary of a Baby. New York: Basic Books, 1990.

  Sunderland, Margot. The Science of Parenting: How Today’s Brain Research Can Help You Raise Happy, Emotionally Balanced Children. London: DK, 2006.

  Stoppard, Miriam. Complete Baby and Child Care. New York: DK Publishing, 1995.

  Taffel, Ron. Childhood Unbound: Saving Our Kids’ Best Selves: Confident Parenting in a World of Change. New York: Free Press, 2009.

  Motherhood

  Edelman, Hope. Motherless Daughters: The Legacy of Loss, 2nd ed. Cambridge, MA: Da Capo Press, 2006.

  ________. Motherless Mothers: How Mother Loss Shapes the Parents We Become. New York: HarperCollins, 2006.