The Baby Decision

by Merle Bombardieri

  Eheart, Brenda, and Susan Martan. The Fourth Trimester: On Becoming a Mother. E. Norwalk, CT: Appleton Lange, 1983.

  Genevie, Louis, and Margolis, Eva. The Motherhood Report: How Women Feel About Being Mothers. New York: Macmillan, 1987.

  Gore, Ariel. The Hip Mama Survival Guide: Advice From the Trenches on Pregnancy, Childbirth, Cool Names, Clueless Doctors and Potty Training Toddler Avengers. New York: Hyperion, 1998.

  Gottman, John, with Joan DeClaire. The Heart of Parenting: How to Raise an Emotionally Intelligent Child. New York: Simon and Schuster, 1997.

  Maushart, Susan. The Mask of Motherhood: How Becoming a Mother Changes Our Lives and Why We Never Talk About It. New York: Penguin, 2000.

  McBride, Angela Barron. The Growth and Development of Mothers. New York: Barnes and Noble, 1974.

  Nugent, Kevin. Your Baby Is Speaking to You: A Visual Guide to the Amazing Behaviors of Your Newborn and Growing Baby. Boston: Houghton Mifflin, 2011.

  Peri, Camille and Kate Mosews, eds. Mothers Who Think: Tales of Real Life Parenthood. New York: Villard, 1999.

  Rich, Adrienne. Of Woman Born. New York: Bantam, 1977.

  Stern, Daniel N., and Nadia Bruschweiler-Stern, with Alison Freeland. The Birth of a Mother: How the Motherhood Experience Change You Forever. New York: Basic Books, 1998.

  Balancing Careers and Children

  Alcorn, Katrina. Maxed Out: American Moms on the Brink. Berkeley CA: Seal, 2013.

  Bakst, Dina, Phoebe Taubman, and Elizabet Gedman. Babygate: How to Survive Pregnancy and Parenting in the Workplace. New York: Feminist Press, 2014. Focused on knowing your rights and negotiating.

  Colburn-Smith, Cate and Andrea Serrette. The Milk Memos: How Real Moms Learned to Mix Business with Babies—And How You Can, Too. Los Angeles: J.P. Tarcher, 2007.

  Elkind, David. Parenting on the Go: Birth to Six, A to Z. Boston: Da Capo, 2014.

  Eschliman, Amy and Leigh Oshirak. Balance Is a Crock, Sleep is for the Weak: An Indispensable Guide to Surviving Working Parenthood. Avery Trade, 2010.

  Evans, Carol and Christine Larson. This is How We Do It: The Working Mothers’ Manifesto. New York: Hudson St. Press, 1996.

  Friedman, Stewart D. Baby Bust: New Choices for Men and Women in Work and Family. Philadelphia: Wharton Digital Press, 2013

  Gillespie, Becky Beaupre and Hollee Schwartz Temple. Good Enough is the New Perfect: Finding Happiness and Success in Modern Motherhood. New York: Harlequin, 2011.

  Gerson, Kathleen. The Unfinished Revolution: How a New Generation is Reshaping Family, Work, and Gender in America. New York: Oxford Unversity Press, 2010.

  Goodman, Ellen. “Being a Grateful Wife Means Always Having to Ask,” Boston Globe, December 11, 1979.

  Greenberg, Cathy and Barrett S. Avigdor. What Happy Working Mothers Know: How New Findings in Positive Psychology Can Lead to a Healthy and Happy Worklife. New York: Wiley, 2009.

  Hawley, Nancy Press. “Sharing Parenthood.” in Boston Women’s Health Collective. Ourselves and Our Children: A Book By and For Parents. New York: Random House, 1978. Her quotes in Chapter 15 of this book appear on pp.138–139 in Ourselves and Our Children.

  Levs, Josh. All In: How Our Work-First Culture Fails Dads, Families, and Businesses—And How We Can Fix it Together. New York: HarperOne, 2015.

  Richards, Amy. Opting In: Having a Child Without Losing Yourself. New York: Farrar, Strauss and Giroux, 2008.

  Sachs, Wendy. How She Really Does It. New York: Da Capo, 2005.

  Slaughter, Anne-Marie. Unfinished Business: Women, Men, Work, Family. New York: Random House, 2015.

  Stone, Pamela. Opting Out? Why Women Really Quit Careers and Head Home. Berkeley, CA: University of California Press, 2007.

  Vanderkam, Laura. I Know How She Does It: How Successful Women Make the Most of Their Time. New York: Portfolio/Penguin 2015.

  Williams, Joan and Rachel Dempsey. What Works for Women at Work: Four Patterns Working Women Need to Know. New York: NYU Press, 2014.

  Fatherhood and Shared Parenthood

  Bird, Caroline. The Two-Paycheck Marriage. New York: Rawson, Wade, 1979.

  Fleck, Joseph, and Jack Sawyer. Men and Masculinity. Englewood Cliffs, NJ: Prentice-Hall, 1974.

  Greenberg, Martin and Norman Morris. “Engrossment: The Newborn’s Impact Upon the Father.” American Journal of Orthopsychiatry, 44. July 1974.

  Greenberg, Martin. The Birth of a Father. New York: Continuum, 1985.

  Hall, Francine S., and Douglas T. Hall. The Two-Career Couple. Reading, Mass: Addison-Wesley, 1979.

  Kotelchuck, Milton. “The Infant’s Relationship to the Father: Experimental Evidence.” The Role of the Father in Child Development. Michael Lamb, ed. New York: Wiley, 1978.

  Levine, James. Who Will Raise the Children? New Options for Fathers (and Mothers). Philadelphia: S.B. Lippincott, 1976.

  Meer, Sharon and Joanna Stroeber. Getting to Fifty-Fifty: How Working Parents Can Have It All. Berkeley, CA: Viva Editions, 2013

  Pruett, Kyle, and Marsha Kline Pruett. Partnership Parenting: How Men and Women Parent Differently—Why it Helps Your Kids and Can Strengthen Your Marriage. Philadelphia: Da Capo Lifelong, 2009.

  Raeburn, Paul. Do Fathers Matter? What Science is Telling Us About the Parent We’ve Overlooked. New York: Scientific American/Farrar, Straus and Giroux, 2014.

  Ruddick, Sara, and Pamela Daniels, eds. Working It Out: 23 Women Writers, Artists, Scientists and Scholars Talk About Their Lives and Work. New York: Pantheon, 1977.

  Steinberg, David, “Redefining Fatherhood: Notes after Six Months.” The Future of the Family, L.K. Howe, ed. New York: Simon and Schuster, 1972.

  Gresko, Brian, ed. When First I Held You: 22 Critically Acclaimed Writers Talk About the Triumphs, Challenges, and Transformative Experience of Fatherhood. New York: Berkley, 2014.

  Adoption

  Caughman, Susan and Isolde Motley, with Adoptive Families Magazine. You Can Adopt: An Adoptive Families Guide. NY: Ballantine, 2009.

  Davenport, Dawn. The Complete Book of International Adoption: A Step-by-Step Guide to Finding Your Child. New York: Broadway Books, 2006.

  Gilman, Lois. The Adoption Resource Book, revised edition. New York: Harper Perennial, 1998.

  Falker, Elizabeth Swire. The Ultimate Insider’s Guide to Adoption: Everything You Need to Know About Domestic and International Adoption. New York: Warner, 2006.

  Gray, Deborah D. Attaching in Adoption: Practical Tools for Today’s Parents. London and Philadelphia: Jessica Kingsley Publishers, 2012.

  Gogen, Patty. Parenting Your Internationally Adopted Child. Boston: Harvard Common Press, 2008.

  Hall, Beth and Gail Steinberg. Inside Transracial Adoption. Strength-Based, Culture-sensitizing Parenting Strategies for Inter-Country or Domestic Adoptive Families That Don’t “Match.” London: Jessica Kingsley, 2000.

  Hopkins-Best, Mary. Toddler Adoption: The Weaver’s Craft, revised edition. London: Jessica Kingsely, 2012.

  Jarratt, Claudia Jewett. Helping Children Cope with Separation and Loss, revised edition. Boston, MA: Harvard Common Press, 1994.

  Jarratt, Claudia Jewett. Adopting the Older Child. Harvard, MA: Harvard Common Press, 1978.

  Johnston, Patricia Irwin Adopting After Infertility. Indianapolis, IN: Perspectives Press, 1992.

  Johnston, Patricia Irwin. Adopting: Sound Choice, Strong Families. Indianapolis, IN: Perspectives Press, 2008.

  Melina, Lois Ruskai. Raising Adopted Children: Practical Reassuring Advice for Every Adoptive Parent. New York: Harper Perennial, 1998.

  Melina, Lois Ruskai and Sharon Kaplan Roszia. The Open Adoption Experience: A Complete Guide for Adoptive and Birth Families—From Making the Decision Through the Child’s Growing Years. New York: Harper Perennial, 1993.

  Newton, Ruth. The Attachment Connection: Parenting a Secure and Confident Child Using the Science of Attachment Theory. Oakland, CA: New Harbinger, 2008.

  Pertman, Adam. Adoption Nation: How the Adoption Revolution is Transforming Our Fam
ilies—and America. Boston, MA: Harvard Common Press, 2011.

  Register, Cheri. “Are Those Kids Yours?” American Families with Children Adopted from Other Countries. New York: The Free Press, 1991.

  Rothman, Barbara Katz. Weaving A Family: Untangling Race and Adoption. Boston: Beacon Press, 2005.

  Varon, Lee. Adopting on Your Own: The Complete Guide to Adopting as a Single Parent. New York: Farrar, Strauss and Giroux, 2000. This is a great book on preparing to adopt regardless of marital status.

  Gay, Lesbian, Bisexual, Transgender

  Aizley, Harlyn, ed. Confessions of the Other Mother: Nonbiological Lesbian Moms Tell All. Boston: Beacon Press, 2006.

  Ball, Carlos A. The Right to Be Parents: LGBT Families and the Transformation of Parenthood. New York: New York University Press, 2012. (Legal history).

  Benkov, Laura. Reinventing the Family: The Emerging Story of Lesbian and Gay Parenting. New York: Crown, 1994.

  Brill, Stephanie. The New Essential Guide to Lesbian Conception, Pregnancy and Birth. Los Angeles: Alyson Books, 2006.

  Brodzinsky, David and Adam Pertman, eds. Adoption by Lesbians and Gay Men: A New Dimension in Family Diversity. Oxford: The Oxford University Press, 2012. Geared toward professionals.

  Gamson, Joshua. Modern Families: Stories of Extraordinary Journeys and Kinships. New York: NYU Press, 2015.

  Kaeser, Gigi, and Peggy Gillespie, ed. Love Makes a Family: Portraits of Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual and Transgender Parents and Their Families. Amherst, MA: University of Massachusetts Press, 1999.

  Levi, Arlene Istar. The Complete Lesbian and Gay Parenting Guide. New York: Berkley Books, 2004.

  Martin, April. The Lesbian and Gay Parenting Handbook: Creating and Raising Our Families. New York: HarperCollins, 1993.

  McGarry, Kevin. Fatherhood for Gay Men: An Emotional and Practical Guide to Becoming a Gay Dad. New York: Harrington Park Press/Haworth, 2003.

  McIntyre, Casandra. “Two Ubermoms Are Better Than One.” The Other Mother (see Confessions of the Other Mother: Nonbiological Lesbian Moms Tell All. Harlyn Aizley, ed. Boston: Beacon Press, 2006.

  Pepper, Rachel. The Ultimate Guide to Pregnancy for Lesbians: How to Stay Sane and Care for Yourself from Preconception Through Birth. San Francisco: Cleis Press, 2005.

  Pies, Cherie. Considering Parenthood: A Workshop for Lesbians. San Francisco: Spinsters Ink, 1985.

  Priwer, Shan, and Cynthia Phillips. Gay Parenting: Complete Guide for Same-Sex Families. Far Hills, NJ: New Horizons Press, 2006.

  Schulenburg, Joy. Gay Parenting: A Complete Guide for Gay Men and Lesbians with Children. New York: Anchor Books, 1985.

  Sembler, Brette McWhorter. Gay and Lesbian Parenting Choices: From Adopting or Using a Surrogate to Choosing the Perfect Father. Franklin Lakes, N.J: Career Press, 2006. An outstanding guide that manages to be exhaustive and concise. Invaluable legal and medical information, and consumer advocacy. A gem.**

  Shelton, Michael. Family Pride: What LGBT Families Should Know about Navigating Home, School and Safety in Their Neighborhoods. Boston: Beacon Press, 2013.

  Infertility

  Includes listings on donor conception and surrogacy. For considering the childfree choice after infertility, please see the “Childfree Choice” section. Starred items are relevant.

  Barbieri, Robert, Alice Domar, and Kevin Laoughlin. Six Steps to Increased Fertility. New York: Simon and Schuster, 2000.

  Bombardieri, Merle. “Childfree Decision-Making” {if you’ve been through infertility} http://www.resolve.org/resources/fact-sheets.html.

  ________ “Coping with the Stress of Infertility,” part of a packet on the topic available from resolve.org (see above).

  ________ “The Twenty Minute Rule for Couple Communication About Infertility.” This article is bundled into the “Coping With Stress” article above.

  Cooper, Susan, and Ellen Glazer. Beyond Infertility: A New Path to Parenthood. New York: Lexington Books, 1994.

  Debano, Patty Doyle, Courtney Edgerton Menzel, and Shelly Nicken Sutphen. The Conception Chronicles: The Uncensored Truth About Sex, Love, and Marriage When You’re Trying to Get Pregnant. Deerfield Beach, FL: Health Communications, 2005.

  Domar, Alice. Conquering Infertility: Dr. Alice Domar’s Mind/Body Guide to Enhancing Fertility and Coping with Infertility. New York: Viking, 2002.

  Douglas, Ann. Trying Again: A Guide to Pregnancy After Miscarriage, Stillbirth, and Infant Loss. New York: Taylor, 2000.

  Ehrensaft, Diane. Mommies, Daddies, Donors and Surrogates. New York: Guilford Press, 2005.

  Fleming, Anne Taylor. Motherhood Deferred: A Woman’s Journey. New York: GP Putnam, 1994.

  Glazer, Ellen Sarasohn and Evelina Weidman Sterling. Having Your Baby Through Egg Donation. London: Jessica Kingsley Publishers, 2013.

  Griswald, Zara. Surrogacy Was the Way: Twenty Intended Mothers Tell Their Stories. Gurnee, IL: Nightingale Press, 2005.

  Jaffe, Janet, Martha Ourieff Diamond, and David J. Diamond. Unsung Lullabies: Understanding and Coping with Infertility. New York: St. Martin’s Griffin, 2005.

  Jansen, Jani R. and Elizabeth Stewart, eds. Mayo Clinic Guide to Fertility and Conception. Boston: Da Capo Lifelong, 2015.

  Magnacca, Kristin. Love and Infertility Survival Strategies For Balancing Infertility, Marriage, and Life. Washington, D.C: Lifeline Press, 2004.

  Menning, Barbara E. Infertility: A Guide for the Childless Couple. Englewood Cliffs, NJ: Prentice-Hall, 1977. Pioneering work on emotional factors of infertility by the founder of RESOLVE, the national infertility organization. Although the medical information is outdated, this is a classic with timeless insights.

  Orecchio, Christa and Willow Buckley. How to Conceive Naturally and Have a Healthy Pregnancy after 30. New York: Grand Central: 2015.

  Orenstein, Peggy. Waiting for Daisy: A Tale of Two Continents, Three Religions, Five Infertility Doctors, an Oscar, an Atomic Bomb, a Romantic Night, and One Woman’s Quest to Become a Mother. New York: Bloomsbury, 2008.

  Peoples, Debby and Harriette Rovner Ferguson. Experiencing Infertility: An Essential Resource. New York: W.W. Norton, 1998.

  Raupp, Aimee. Yes, You Can Get Pregnant: Natural Ways to Improve Your Fertility Now and into Your Forties. New York: Demos, 2014.

  Salzer, Linda. Surviving Infertility. A Compassionate Guide Through the Emotional Crisis of Infertility. New York: Harper Perennial, 1991.

  Seckin, Tamer. The Doctor Will See You Now: Recognizing and Treating Endometriosis. New York: Turner, 2016.

  Simons, Harriet. Wanting Another Child. Lexington, MA: Lexington Books, 1995.

  Teman, Elly. Birthing a Mother: The Surrogate Body and the Pregnant Self. Berkeley, CA. University of California, 2010.

  Twenge, Jean. The Impatient Woman’s Guide to Getting Pregnant. New York: The Free Press, 2012.

  Vercollone, Carol Frost. Helping the Stork: The Choices and Challenges of Donor Insemination. Hoboken, NJ: Wiley, 1997.

  Williams, Christopher. The Fastest Way to Get Pregnant Naturally: The Latest Information on Conceiving a Healthy Baby On Your Timetable. New York: Hyperion, 2006.

  Zoldbrod, Aline. Men, Women and Infertility: Interventions and Treatment Strategies. New York: Lexington Books, 1993.

  Pregnancy Loss

  Abbey, Amy L. Ed. Journeys: Stories of Pregnancy After Loss. Boulder, CO: Woven Word Press, 2006.

  Berman, Michael. Healing the Pain After Miscarriage, Stillbirth and Infant Death. Westport, CT: Bergin and Garvey, 200l.

  Friedman, Rochelle and Bonnie Gradstein. Surviving Pregnancy Loss., 2nd ed. Secaucus, NJ: Carol Publishing Group, 1996.

  Gray, Kathleen and Anne Lassance. Grieving Reproductive Loss: The Healing Process. Amityville, NY: Baywood Publishing, 2003. For Professionals.

  Gross, Jessica Berger, ed. About What Was Lost: Twenty Writers on Miscarriage, Healing and Hope. New York: Penguin, 2007.

  Kohn, Ingrid and Perry-Lynn Moffitt. A Silent Sorrow: Pregnancy Loss—Guidance and Support for You and Your Famil
y. 2nd ed. New York: Routledge, 2000.

  Lanham, Carol Cirulli Lanham. Pregnancy After a Loss. New York: Berkley Books, 1999.

  Layne, Linda L. Motherhood Lost: A Feminist Account of Pregnancy Loss in America. New York: Routledge, 2002.

  Lothrop, Hannah. Help, Comfort and Hope after Losing Your Baby in Pregnancy or the First Year. Tucson, AZ: Fisher Books, 1997. An excellent resource offering depth, compassion, excellent questions for self-care and communication.

  Panuthos, Claudia and Catherine Romeo. Ended Beginnings: Healing Childbearing Losses. South Hadley, MA: Bergin and Garvey, 1984.

  The One-Child Family

  Falbo, Toni, ed. The Single Child Family. New York: Guilford, 1984.

  Hawke, Sharryl, and Knox, David. One Child by Choice. Englewood Cliffs, NJ: Prentice-Hall, 1977.

  McGrath, Ellie. My One and Only: The Special Experience of the Only Child. New York: Morrow, 1989.

  McKibben, Bill. Maybe One: A Case for Smaller Families. New York: Simon and Schuster, 1998.

  Nachman, Patricia Ann and Andrea Thompson. You and Your Only Child: The Joys, Myths and Challenges of Raising an Only Child. New York: HarperCollins, 1997.

  Peck, Ellen. The Joy of the Only Child. New York: Delacorte, 1977.

  Siegel, Deborah and Daphne Vuiller, eds. Only Child: Writers on the Singular Joys and Solitary Sorrows of Growing Up Solo. New York: Harmony, 2006.

  Sandler, Lauren. One and Only: The Freedom of Having an Only Child and the Joy of Being One. New York: Simon and Schuster, 2013.

  White, Carolyn. The Seven Common Sins of Parenting an Only Child: A Guide for Parents, Kids and Families. New York: Jossey-Bass, 2004.

  Single Parents, Single Women

  Alexander, Shoshana. In Praise of Single Parents: Mothers and Fathers Accepting the Challenge. Boston: Houghton Mifflin, 1994.

  Anderson, Carol, Susan Stewart, and Sona Dimidjian. Flying Solo: Single Women at Midlife. New York: W.W. Norton, 1994.